The Butterfly Effect
by Anaphalis
Summary: Vengeful gods. Sarcastic, evil butterflies. Two men in her bed. Somehow this wasn't quite what Tohru had pictured for her life after highschool. Yukiru, Kyoru
1. Prologue: No Place Like Home

**Story Title:** The Butterfly Effect

**Author:** Anaphalis

**Story Summary: **Vengeful gods. Sarcastic, evil butterflies. Two men in her bed. Somehow this wasn't quite what Tohru had pictured for her life after highschool. Yukiru, Kyoru

**Foreword:** So here's my version of the popular something-bad-happens-and-Tohru-runs-away-with-a-couple-Sohmas. I wanted to use this starting point to look at some major questions. What makes a god a god? How does Tohru really contrast with Akito? What might it actually take to break the Sohma curse? Oh yeah, and what would happen if Tohru was suddenly given a really snarky, slightly evil inner voice?

**The reason for the title: **The Butterfly Effect is one of the most famous illustrations of Chaos Theory. It basically states that certain situations or systems are affected by their starting conditions. Therefore, a butterfly flapping its wings can cause air currents that ultimately become a hurricane. What better theory to explain the way the entire Sohma clan falls beneath the hurricane started by Tohru's wing beats?

**Chapter Summary**: Tohru's having a little trouble getting home.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. Take the rating seriously folks. Includes the big spoiler from manga chapters 97-98. I haven't really read the manga, so canon purists beware. Really though, the story is ultimately a lot more upbeat than the rating might suggest.

**Prologue: No Place Like Home**

_There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home._

-Dorothy, "The Wizard of Oz"

_Must get home._

Tohru can't breathe, the blood in her lungs is choking her as she crawls. She has been listening to the voice since she left the Honke. She must listen to something or she will think and remember. Remembering is bad.

There are lights on the road in the distance.

_Hidehidehide. Mustn't see you._

She rolls over the gravel bank just as the car passes, gasping at the pressure on her broken ribs. Her arms are shaking with the strain of supporting her as she painfully crawls out of the ditch. Her battered muscles are burning. Maybe she can take a short rest….

_Not far now. Must get home._

The voice is right. She can feel the road under her change to the lane before the house.

_Homehomehome._

There is a light ahead. Silly light never gets any closer. Oh, but here are stairs and there, that hard surface must be the door. There are voices behind the door. Maybe she will just listen for a minute while she tries to open this tricky door.

"What do you mean that she wasn't here when you got home?"

"I had to go see Mit-chan about some corrections. Tohru-kun wasn't here when I got back."

"She didn't have work tonight and she never would have come back this late regardless."

"Maybe she's at Hana-chan's or Uo-chan's?"

"She would have told us or left a note. Damn it Shigure, if you've given her to Akito…."

The voices are getting loud and making everything ache. Tohru pushes against the door with all of her energy and falls into the circle of light.

"Tohru! Oh god… Oh god… Tohru…."

She can't see, not really, but there is an orange glow and a grey glow, with a brown glow slightly in the background.

_Safe_, the voice tells her. _Home_.

Suddenly she is wrapped around the orange glow, trying to blend herself into its light. Something is making a high-pitched keening sound. She thinks that it might be her.

"Why am I not transforming Shigure?"

The voice is loud again. It hurts her head.

"Damn it Shigure, why am I not transforming?"

The orange glow is tinged red and black now. It is very pretty. She wants to apologize to the pretty light for making it sound so scared.

_Never again. _

The voice is right. She has no more apologies to give. Besides she needs to cough some of this blood out before she can talk again.

Something is rocking her as she coughs, pulling her into warmth and blending the grey and orange lights.

"We failed you. I'm so sorry Tohru. I'm so very, very sorry."

She has to make the lights stop. They shouldn't say things like that. It takes all of her remaining energy to force the words out.

"Don't say sorry…. Only say sorry for truly hurting someone…. Otherwise it's a lie."

'The voice will be happy,' she thinks as the world spins crazily and goes black.

_Updated 10-08-04_


	2. Chapter 1: Hello Darkness

**Chapter Summary**: Tohru thoroughly scares the men in her life. The new voice in her head doesn't help.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 1: Hello Darkness**

_Hello darkness, my old friend_

_I've come to talk with you again_

_- _Simon and Garfunkel, "The Sounds of Silence"

Tohru needs to make breakfast. And do laundry. And breathe. She suspects that the breathing may be the hardest thing to do. Her lungs just don't like being used right now. It also seems like it might be a lot of effort to open her eyes. And really, she doesn't want to wake up. She's having a very strange dream involving a lot of talking that she can just barely hear.

"We need to get a doctor."

"Hatori may have been in on it and we can't go to a hospital now that she might be like us."

"She needs medical attention, Yuki, more than we can give her."

"She's got a lot of deep cuts and that butterfly scar, but other than those and her broken ribs...."

"And the massive full body bruising and the coughed-up blood and her broken fingers and hands and toes and feet...."

"Yes and the special counseling she is going to need when she's no longer delirious with pain and the pill that she's going to need to take in the next few hours."

"What counseling?"

"What pill?"

"Damn it you two.... You saw her thighs...."

Tohru decides that this is a good time to wake up. They shouldn't insult Hatori, and they are starting to make her remember. She isn't supposed to remember. "Hatori-san... doesn't know."

Her eyes take a while to adjust to the light. It doesn't matter though, because there is no movement in the room. Before she is completely adjusted someone, '_Shigure_' the voice supplies, says something. He sounds broken and very, very tired. "I'll call Ha-san. You boys make sure that Tohru-kun is comfortable until he gets here."

Now Tohru can see them. They somehow don't match her vague memories of Before.

_You see things differently now._

Tohru knows that her eyes aren't damaged, but somehow everything looks different than what she remembers. Colors are slightly off and Yuki and Kyou are overlaid with grey and orange light with other colors flickering in and out.

Suddenly, she is hit with a vision that doubles her over with its intensity.

**Tohru is lying on the floor trying not to move, not to draw attention. "Stupid, mindless little girl. Your simple mind isn't capable of seeing the world like the rest of us. I'm just giving you an excuse. You should thank me."**

"Tohru.... Tohru!"

She is pulled back to reality thrashing and kicking, held down by strong hands.

She can see the boys hovering over her, their eyes wide with terror.

_Breathe. You're safe now._

She breathes slowly, forcing her heart to stop pounding its way out of her chest. "I'm okay now, Yuki-kun, Kyou-kun. Don't worry."

"You shouldn't move, Honda-san. You might hurt yourself even more if you shift your ribs."

"Yah, stupid girl. You don't want to get even more beat up."

Suddenly, she is very tired. Life is far too short for the silly dance she has been performing with the boys. "Please Yuki, Kyou, you called me Tohru earlier. Please just call me Tohru."

Almost instantly, she feels a little guilty. The boys are trying to make things seem normal again. But she won't take it back.

_No apologies. Not for this. There is no time for games._

The boys look lost and very, very young. Tohru almost reaches out to the two of them when she suddenly realizes that underneath her blankets she is completely naked. The realization of her nakedness is followed by the realization that the cuts that should be filled with gravel are completely clean. She can see the bloody towels beside the bed. After what has happened it is amazing that such a small thing can make her blush. The blush however seems to make the boys feel more certain.

_They need to know that you are still Tohru._

Really, Tohru is getting a little tired of the voice in her head.

There are noises coming from the stairs and Yuki and Kyou move to flank her on the bed. The tension is visible in the lines of their backs and shoulders. She wants to make them less edgy, but she too nearly jumps when the door to the room opens.

Someone is entering the room. 'Blue', she thinks, 'like midnight or sorrow.' '_Hatori_', the voice prompts her. '_Shigure is the brown shape behind him_.'

Hatori kneels beside the bed, setting down his medical kit. He doesn't waste any time. "What happened to you Tohru?"

Tohru feels the panic rising. "I can't.... I can't...."

"Oi, don't pressure her, dragon."

Tohru makes a small sigh of relief. Obviously they think that she can't talk because she is hurt. Though the narrowing of Hatori's eyes shows that he might suspect something. "I need to perform an examination. Do you want the others to leave?"

Both her mind and her new voice howl.

_Nononononono._

"Please Hatori-san, I would like them to stay."

He is very professional, clinical, as he runs his hands over her body, probing her cuts and setting her hands and feet. He does something to her ribs that causes a moment of utter pain but they feel much better afterwards. When he gets her to cough and listens to her breathe, she notices absently that there is much less blood than earlier. Even his exploration of her inner thighs doesn't make her cringe. She suspects that a part of this is still not real to her. It certainly seems like a dream as she calmly takes the pill he offers her and swallows it with some water.

He looks at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. "You had some very deep cuts Tohru. If I didn't know that they were made tonight I would assume that they were at least two weeks old. Your ribs and appendages look at least a few weeks healed. You show signs of a punctured lung, possibly from a piece of rib, but since you are able to breathe, it must have somehow sealed itself. This is all just as well, because frankly the blood loss or the collapsed lung should have killed you. As it is, all I can do is tell you to stay off your feet for a few weeks and stay in bed for at least another week so that your ribs can set properly."

She had suspected this. She is healing far, far faster than she should be.

_You would have died without me._

"Shigure told me that he and the boys can get close to you now without transforming. I can see the scar on your chest. Are you cursed Tohru?"

"I'm a butterfly." She doesn't tell them that she has just realized that the new voice in her head is her butterfly half. "Akito thought that it was amusing that both my mother and I would be red butterflies."

"The sick, twisted fuck! How dare he try to taint your mother's memory like that!"

Tohru decides that it is better that they think it is strictly because of her mother that Akito made her a butterfly.

Hatori isn't so easily put off. "Did she say if there was another reason that she chose the butterfly, Tohru?"

There is a stunned silence before the two boys explode. It is not Akito's reasoning that they are concerned with.

"Akito's a sick fuck, but he's a sick fuck of a man!"

"Akito's no woman!"

An intense look of pain crosses Yuki's face. Tohru would weep for him if she had any more tears to shed.

"Akito's a man. Believe me, I know."

Hatori looks vaguely ill. "Akito has toys and... equipment. You may not have been in any shape at the time to know the difference. I swear to you though, Akito is a woman."

Shigure speaks for the first time. "Ha-san is telling the truth."

The boys still look disbelieving. Tohru realizes that she needs to back up Hatori and Shigure. "They're right, Yuki. Akito is definitely a woman."

Suddenly her breath catches in her throat, as if a weight has been placed on her chest. She is getting too close to things that she must not talk about. As Hatori holds her up, tries to open her airway, she knows that he realizes something of the truth. There will be no more questions from him.

Hatori looks back at her before he leaves the room with Shigure. "As far as I am concerned, tonight never happened. Do what you need to do."

The boys are now alone with her, obviously trying to process some of what has just happened. Finally, Yuki asks a question, almost absently, as if he isn't really thinking about his words. "Why would Akito change Tohru into one of us if Akito has spent all these years trying to separate us from Tohru?"

This much isn't forbidden for her to tell. "I wasn't supposed to survive."

Yuki pales and Kyou leans against the wall as if he can't stand on his own.

"We need to leave now."

"We were nearly ready anyways. We will have to go with what we have."

Yuki starts systematically throwing clothes around the room, making it look like a hasty packing job and departure. Kyou carefully folds a few changes of clothes while packing Tohru's picture of her mother. "Is there anything else that you need, Tohru?"

She blushes. "Just my hair ribbons and the red cap."

Yuki stops throwing clothes to smile slightly, while Kyou glowers.

"Oh, and the butterfly that Kyou carved for my last birthday."

This time it is Yuki's turn to frown. "Baka neko. Why don't you and I go pack our own clothes?"

Yuki is saying the normal words, but there isn't the normal heat behind them. Kyou doesn't even seem to take offence. They both move quickly to their own rooms, leaving Tohru on the bed. Tohru doesn't understand the rising fear in her stomach.

_They haven't left you. Don't worry. They'll be back very soon._

Almost before she can acknowledge the butterfly, the boys are indeed back again. Kyou picks up her bags along with his and Yuki's while Yuki gently swings Tohru into a fireman's carry. She is almost more disturbed by their silent cooperation than she would have been by their fighting.

When they come down the stairs, Shigure is standing in the front entrance, his face expressionless. He turns from them and opens the front door.

"Where are you going?"

Shigure doesn't turn around. "Tohru never made it here. I spent the entire night getting drunk at Aya's and I never saw any of you. When I got back in the morning, the house was empty."

"Shigure...." Tohru breathes.

For one brief second, Shigure looks at her and the darkness in his eyes freezes her blood. By the time she recovers, the door is closed and Shigure is gone.


	3. Chapter 2: The Best Laid Plans

**Chapter Summary**: They had a good plan. Really, they did.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 2: The Best Laid Plans**

_The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry._

_-_ variation on Robert Burns

When Tohru turned eighteen, she discovered that she had inherited a trust fund. Apparently her mother's mother had set aside a good sum of money, not for her daughter but for any children her daughter might have had. Becoming the Red Butterfly gangster had apparently not made Kyoko's mother happy with her. The first time that Tohru heard of the money was when she received the letter from her Grandfather on her birthday, forwarding the letter from her Grandmother's trustees.

That had been the start of the Plan. Sohma accounts were rigorously monitored, especially those of the younger Jyuunishi. Although they had a generous allowance, Yuki and Kyou both had no financial freedom. Ever since Tohru had learned of what waited for them following graduation, she had been desperately trying to come up with a plan to get them away. The money suddenly opened a world of possibilities. When she first approached them about leaving, both boys had been reluctant to either take her money or spend time with the other boy. But after three years with the Sohmas, Tohru had started to come to understand some of her power over these men. When her gentle words wouldn't convince them, her heartfelt sobs made them promise her the sun and moon. Strangely, once they had accepted the idea, both boys dove into the planning with an unparalleled enthusiasm.

There had been so many things to do. To truly escape Akito, Tohru and the boys needed to vanish completely, as if they had never existed. Surprisingly, Shigure had started the ball rolling. They had never discussed their decision in front of the dog, but somehow pamphlets about identification changes and establishing joint bank accounts started showing up on the breakfast table shortly after Tohru got her letter.

They were able to start both a legal name change process and joint account signing power after talking to the attorneys for Tohru's trust. The lawyers' fee was more than enough to ensure their silence. As a thank you to the woman who had given them the freedom to leave, they decided to take on her maiden name. Thus, Himura Yuki, Himura Kyou and Himura Tohru were born.

But having a new identity was pointless if they didn't have somewhere to go. They hadn't mentioned Tohru's new wealth to anyone else, but somehow Hatori seemed to have found out. Although the boys were suspicious of the man who could erase Tohru's memories, Tohru trusted Hatori on an instinctive level. When he asked her to join him on the porch while he smoked one evening, Tohru willingly agreed.

Hatori went through three cigarettes before he got to the point. He didn't even look at Tohru when he started speaking. "If I were hypothetically looking for a property that was... somewhat distant from the existing Sohma properties, I'd probably try looking in Western interior or Northern Japan. The Internet often has listings that you can view without going into a real estate office. Hypothetically if I wanted to protect my privacy and I didn't want the transaction to be traced, I would go through a housing agent in a different town that I paid very, very well."

When Tohru went back into the house she was nearly attacked by Yuki and Kyou. The boys had been terrified that she would be memory-less when she returned. After they had calmed down, they reluctantly agreed that Hatori's suggestions were good. It was easy for Student Council President Sohma Yuki to gain access to the school computer labs on a regular basis. Soon he had sheets of carefully hidden printouts that he shared with Tohru and Kyou in the evenings. With three very different personalities it should have been impossible to find a compromise. Therefore they were all completely shocked when all three of them latched on to the same property.

"Yard space for fighting practice."

"Yard space for a garden."

"A long gated lane for privacy."

"Ten miles out of town on the only private lot in a forest reserve. Can't top that kind of privacy."

"Four bedrooms and a full kitchen and bathroom."

"The town's in the middle of nowhere, but it has a branch of a major university and a technical college."

"Transient residents because it's a bit of a tourist attraction in the summer and for the winter festivals. We can be practically anonymous."

They decided that there was no point in wasting time when it would take a miracle from the gods for Kyou and Yuki to ever agree again.

It was surprisingly easy to conduct business when you had a lot of money. And Tohru and the boys now had an awful lot of money. Even their age wasn't a factor if they could ensure that the funds were transferred. As Hatori had implied, a local agent had been more than happy to purchase the property for them- for a price.

Over the winter recess, Kyou had gone to the property. He had used the excuse that he wanted to use his last days of freedom to travel, and even Akito had seemed unable to deny him. During his time away he had managed to get the house furnished and stocked with Tohru's list of dry goods and some of their clothing and personal items. He had even managed to buy a second-hand four-seater for the ten mile drive to town. Even Yuki had offered a grudging "thank you" when he had returned. Tohru had beamed like a small sun and made his favorite foods for a month.

The paperwork for their new identities, credit cards and other identification had finally finished processing just before graduation. Akito, in an uncharacteristic burst of generosity, had allowed the boys to have the summer before she collected them. They should have been suspicious. But really, it had been so perfect. Tohru could keep going to her job and they could wait for a few weeks after graduation. No one would even notice when they finally left. If Shigure continued to cooperate they might even be able to delay the pursuit for a week or two. They had never planned on calling a taxi in the dead of night, carrying a broken Tohru to the car. The boys had certainly never planned on having to delay their departure to dress a naked Tohru because she couldn't use her hands.

As Tohru recalls their naïve optimism, she realizes that they allowed themselves to become overconfident. Tohru refuses to assign blame for this. Akito could not have been predicted and what is done is done.

_And maybe_, the butterfly whispers, as Tohru cuddles against Yuki's chest, _there might be some advantages to your new situation_.


	4. Chapter 3: The Road Less Traveled

**Special Author's Note:** A million points if you can find the "special" quote in this chapter. Hint: It's from a famous poem that was made into a song in a musical.

**Quick Vocabulary:**

**Tadaima: **I'm home.

**Chapter Summary**: Tohru discovers the true advantages of a road trip. The butterfly is evil.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 3: The Road Less Traveled**

_Two roads diverged in a woods and I,_

_I took the road less travelled by,_

_And that has made all the difference._

_-_ Robert Frost, "A Road Less Traveled"

Their first stop is the train station. From a fencing match she once saw, Tohru knows that this move is a feint. Kyou packs the bags from the taxi, leaving his hood down so that his bright orange hair glows in the station lights. Yuki carries Tohru, moving in that way he has that screams, "Notice me!" They announce their destination to the stationmaster, buying three tickets for a train that leaves in three and a half hours. Then Yuki mentions being hungry and they vocally decide to go find some all-night ramen shop.

Once they leave the station, Kyou raises his hood and exchanges Tohru for the bags. Nobody says anything as Kyou carries Tohru in the opposite direction that Yuki ultimately takes.

Kyou cradles Tohru in his lap, absently stroking her hair. The park bench is hard but Kyou is trying to cushion her as best he can. They are waiting for Yuki. Grey hair is much less distinctive than orange and Yuki is a smoother talker than Kyou. There is a good chance that the car rental agent won't even remember him if anybody asks. Of course, after what has happened, they won't be relying on a good chance. They will be changing cars a few towns over and renting from a different agency. The butterfly finds all of the intrigue amusing. To her shame, Tohru thinks that she might agree.

The sky has the hazy gray that comes just before sunrise. Just over from the bench, a street lamp gutters. "Soon," Kyou almost seems scared. "Soon it will be morning. Where is that kuso nezumi?"

"Right behind you, baka neko."

Tohru is sure that she has lost years of life when her heart finally beats again. Kyou doesn't seem much better. "Don't ever sneak up on me like that rat. I thought that Akito might have found us."

Yuki loses some of his smugness. "I'm sorry if I scared you Tohru."

Tohru can see that Kyou recognizes the implied apology.

"Come on, I left the car running. I want to be out of town before sunrise."

###

It is a beautiful sunrise. Tohru raises her head slightly from the warmth of Kyou's lap. She memorizes the scenery bathed in the early morning light. She knows that she is unlikely to ever see it again. The thought of all that she is leaving makes her whimper slightly.

"Are you hurting?" Tohru can't recall Kyou ever sounding this gentle.

"No, it's silly.... I was just thinking that I didn't get to say good-bye. I was wondering if Hatori-san will erase Hana-chan's and Uo-chan's memories of me. I know it's selfish to think of that right now, but I will really miss them and the rest of the Sohmas."

"Well, you knew that we couldn't tell them even if our plan had worked, so it is silly. But you are a silly girl, Tohru."

Tohru blinks. Kyou sounds almost... playful. She looks up at him and suddenly a soft giggle escapes her. It makes her lungs ache, but the happiness on Kyou's face is more than worth the pain.

Yuki glances back from the driver's seat. "It's good to hear you laugh, Tohru."

Tohru feels warmth spread through her at the thought of pleasing the people most important to her.

_It's more than that silly girl. You're not as naïve as you pretend to be._

Tohru had been wondering where the butterfly had gone. Now she was wondering why she had cared.

_Oh go to sleep._

Tohru feels something warm, fluttering, that brushes her mind and body. She doesn't even have time to question it before she falls into a soft darkness.

###

"Tohru... Tohru.... You need to wake up. We need to change cars."

Yuki is gently shaking her shoulders while Kyou... Kyou is not moving. Probably because her face is now inches from the most sensitive part of his body. Tohru carefully lifts her head, allowing Kyou to shift out from under her. She is far too fuzzy to be embarrassed.

_And a part of you really just wanted to move in that extra couple inches. It didn't look like a bad package._

Okay, it's official. Her butterfly is evil. Fortunately, the boys are going to think that her blush is from the awkward situation and not the graphic images that are currently alternating Kyou and Yuki as the stars. 'I haven't even seen Yuki that close.'

_Well here's your chance sweetheart. It looks like the kitty's driving the next leg._

Sure enough, Yuki is picking Tohru up from the seat while Kyou walks off towards the new rental station. Apparently the boys' cloak-and-dagger intrigue has extended to changing drivers to shake off pursuers.

_Really it's cute in a dorky, they-mustn't-get-out-much kind of way._

Tohru isn't thinking these thoughts. There isn't an evil voice in her mind that is saying bad things and sending her very, very bad pictures.

"Are you sure that you're alright Hon- I mean Tohru."

_I was wondering when he was going to slip up._

"I'm fine Yuki." 'An evil voice in my head is just trying to make me picture you in your underwear doing something from one of those silly American spy movies.'

_This isn't all me you know. I can't put anything into your mind that isn't already there in one form or another._

That thought is enough to terrify Tohru into complete mental silence until Kyou returns with the car. Once again, Yuki seems to think that she is just tired and adjusts her on his lap so that she is comfortably leaning against his shoulder. Leaning back against Yuki, waiting on a road curb for Kyou, Tohru is quietly happy.

'This is nice.'

_This is nice._

It seems that there is something that she and her voice can agree on.

_But you're going to have to face what happened sometime._

She refuses to let that thought pull her out of her contentment. Maybe later. But not now.

When Kyo finally pulls up in the rental, Tohru only gives a sleepy murmur of protest as Yuki shifts her and snuggles in tighter to his chest. Her ribs aren't hurting nearly as much now and she suspects that the healing process may be even faster than Hatori had thought.

_Maybe you can pretend to be hurt worse so that they'll carry you around longer._

The idea is manipulative, dishonest and more than a little bit evil. Tohru is disturbed to find some non-butterfly parts of her mind cheering the butterfly on. The butterfly must have worked its way into her very soul with its stupid colorful images of not-completely-dressed Kyou and Yuki.

_Okay, I had nothing to do with that._

Tohru decides that really, the only thing that she can do is to go back to sleep.

###

Yuki wakes her up for a supper of drive-through food. Apparently, she missed breakfast and lunch during her first nap. Tohru almost instantly realizes that supper is going to be a problem- her hands are still far too sore to grip anything. How she got the door open at Shigure's will forever remain a mystery. The soreness doesn't seem to phase Yuki at all. He merely offers to help her with her food. This turns out to be a monumental mistake. There is something oddly intimate about Yuki placing fries in her mouth. His eyes are darker than she recalls and his grey halo swirls with reds and golds. Suddenly, Tohru is having problems breathing that have nothing to do with her injured lung.

"Thank you Yuki, but I- I think I've had enough. I'm going back to sleep if you don't mind."

_Coward._

'Oh what do you know?'

He wakes her up again when they reach the gate. As Kyou leaves to open the padlock, Yuki whispers into her hair. "I thought you might want to see our home for the first time."

The words bring reality to Tohru. Their home. In the fading light she can see the trees that line their lane, suddenly opening to a large clearing with a house set beside a cluster of trees. And, oh it is so much more than she had hoped.

"Wow," Yuki seems almost stunned.

They are completely silent as Kyou pulls up to the porch, opening the door so that Yuki can lift Tohru out. They stand there in the half-light, staring at the building in front of them. Finally, Yuki breaks the silence.

"We can return the rental car in the morning."

"Yah, let's just go in and get to bed."

Tohru looks up at Yuki's beautiful, gentle face and then over to Kyo's honest, passionate eyes. She smiles softly, sure that her heart is in her throat.

"Tadaima."

_Tadaima._


	5. Chapter 4: Strange Bedfellows

**Special Author's Note:** As part of Anaphalis' "Where's Waldo?" quote hunt, see if you can find the bonus quote in this chapter. This time it's from a very fluffy movie.

**Quick Vocabulary:**

**Onigiri **Rice ball

**kuso nezumi** damn rat

**baka neko** stupid cat

**Jyuunishi **the twelve members of the Zodiac

**Chapter Summary**: Healing abilities. Inner voices. Two men in her bed. Yup, it's going to be one of _those_ days.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 4: Strange Bedfellows**

_Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows._

-William Shakespeare

As Tohru sleepily blinks her eyes, she tries to identify the rhythmic puffs of air in her ear. The realization of what is happening jerks her fully awake. Kyou has shifted in the night so that his hand is now wrapped in her hair and his head is now inches from hers. When Tohru tries to move forward to create space between them, her leg grazes Yuki, who is holding one of her bandaged hands in his own. 'How did this happen?'

_You mean you don't remember your night of three-way passion?_

Tohru momentarily panics before she realizes that both boys are fully clothed.

_Yes, they're a very creative pair._

Fuzzy memories are starting to come back to her: Yuki carrying her into the house, Kyou showing them the master bedroom, the butterfly making a nasty comment...

_Seriously, this bed could fit three or four Sumo wrestlers comfortably. What the hell was cat-boy thinking?_

...and everyone just collapsing on the mattress. Obviously they'd never gotten back up.

Lying there, with Kyou's warmth against her back and Yuki's gentle grip on her hand, Tohru feels oddly safe. 'They always make me feel safe. Even when they are fighting, I'm never scared of them- only for them.' Tohru is slightly disturbed by this thought. It frightens her a little how important the two boys are to her. It is especially frightening because she doesn't know when they will become bored with her friendship or realize how far below them she actually is.

_Stop it. What would your mother say if she knew you were thinking things like that?_

Tohru is shocked to realize that she hasn't spoken to her mother since before the 'accident'.

_Well, you have an actual voice in your head now. Maybe it's time to let Mom go. I am more than capable of filling all your inner conversation needs. _

'I love Mom. I will always need her.'

_She's dead, onigiri. She's dead and she's wondering why her little girl can't let go and live her own life. I'm a spirit. I know these things._

'So you've met Mother?'

_Redhead with great boobs? Yup. She says to move on with your life and listen to the nice butterfly._

'You shouldn't make jokes about things like that!'

_Who says I'm joking?_

'Then you are an evil spirit.'

_I don't think that word means what you think it means._

'I may not be smart, but I know when something is evil.'

_Sweetie, most people have an evil side to their personality. You have Good Tohru and Thinking-about-taking-the-last-rice-ball Tohru. Getting upset with me isn't going to solve your problem with your mother or with the boys. It's time to stand up. No more apologies, no more self-pity. You think you are below Yuki and Kyou? Then do what you need to do to be on their level, starting with letting go of the past._

For the second time in a little over a day, Tohru feels like she has been turned inside out. She is no longer sure exactly who Honda Tohru is and what Himura Tohru is supposed to be.

_I'm sorry onigiri, there will be time enough for this later. Go back to sleep. Enjoy your 'moment' with the boys._

Tohru wants to protest, to try and think a little more, but she feels a warm flutter against her mind and she knows no more.

###

Tohru is disoriented for a moment when she finally wakes up again. When she shifts, she remembers the two warm bodies on either side of her. There are twin moans from the boys. Then the screaming starts.

"I can't believe I slept with the kuso nezumi!'

"I can't believe I slept with the baka neko!"

_Oh boy. So much for the' moment'._

"Thank you so much for staying with me. I don't know if I could have slept without you two beside me." It's the truth, and it prevents the boys from destroying the bedroom and each other.

It is strange for Tohru to not be cooking or cleaning in the morning. She finds it especially strange to be treated like some over-sized doll, with the boys attending to her every need. Yuki is incapable of boiling water, but Kyou is able to fix a quick breakfast of instant soup. Yuki holds her, while Kyou airplanes the spoon to her mouth. She thinks that they are enjoying this far more than they should be. "Open your mouth for the nice spoon." They are definitely enjoying this far more than they should be.

Unfortunately, the amusement from breakfast soon turns to absolute humiliation. It is one thing for Yuki and Kyou to dress her when they are panicking and trying to escape Akito. It is another thing for the thoroughly embarrassed Kyou and Yuki to try to remove her clothing so that they can bathe her. After a stuttering Yuki fumbles her bra clasp for the fifth time, Tohru discovers that her fingers are actually able to bend and grip things comfortably. When she experimentally flexes her feet, she discovers that they don't seem to hurt anymore. She decides that this is enough of an improvement that she can bathe on her own and quickly sends the red-faced boys from the room. As she soaks in the tub, she is impressed that she is healing far faster than seemed possible even the day before.

_Anything for you sweetheart. Besides, if I didn't heal you quickly, those poor boys were going to spontaneously combust._

###

Despite the fact that she walked out of the bathroom without any difficulty, Kyou and Yuki decide that Tohru still needs to be carried, at least until the end of the day. Therefore, Tohru gets her first tour of her new home from the viewpoint of Kyou's collarbone.

_You're** complaining**?_

Unfortunately, Tohru is still very tired and more than a little bit disoriented. Much of Yuki and Kyou's excited babbling goes right over her head. What Tohru does get out of the house tour is that the house is very large, the kitchen is very well stocked and Kyou is scarily accurate about the kind of bathroom supplies that she needs. She also learns that Hatori gave Kyou a medical kit before Kyou left for winter recess. Among other things, this kit contains a four-year supply of birth control pills.

_Okay, this is a sign. If even Mr. Icicle-up-my-ass wants you to get some action...Actually...Never mind. Maybe he just doesn't want you to reproduce._

Tohru wonders if she is going to spend the rest of her life with a pounding headache.

_Nope. I'll heal you if you ask really nicely._

###

After the house tour, Tohru starts to feel frustrated. She is forced to see their new, unremarkable car in action... from the passenger seat. Kyou needed to return the rental and Yuki needed to drive to pick him up. Neither of them were willing to let Tohru out of their sight. Tohru's feeble protests that she could just stay in the house were firmly vetoed. This resulted in the return of Tohru's headache. As she watches the trees speed past, she wonders how long Yuki and Kyou are going to treat her like a broken doll. She wonders how long they are going to watch her as if she will vanish the instant that they turn their backs. She is not nearly as vulnerable as they think she is.

That night, Tohru discovers that she can't sleep by herself.

She falls asleep easily enough. Yuki and Kyou have insisted that Tohru sleep in the master bedroom, at least until she is fully healed, and the bed is very, very comfortable. Unfortunately the panicked cries of "Tohru!" and her own screams wake her up less than an hour later. The boys both sit beside her until she calms down. Kyou traces circles on her hand with his thumb while Yuki smoothes the hair back from her forehead. When her heart rate is back to normal, she reluctantly sends them back to their own rooms. Fifteen minutes later she is asleep. Fifty minutes later she is screaming again.

After the third time that they are forced to return, Kyou and Yuki decide to alternate sleeping beside Tohru on the master bed. Tohru is humbled by how little protest they offer, how willing they are to see to her needs. They are very good friends.

_Sure._

###

Tohru is floating through a starless sky, moving towards a distant light. There is a voice that she needs to hear there, a voice that becomes progressively louder the closer that she gets.

**...You stupid girl, I didn't make this curse, so of course I can't create new Jyuunishi. Even if I could, why would I give such a gift to someone as pathetic and unimportant as you? But I'm generous Tohru- in a little while I'll let you see what my gift feels like. But first, I realized that you and I do have something in common. Isn't it funny that both your mother and the Sohma god are represented by red butterflies? Why don't we mark you so that you never forget how we're connected?**

"Tohru... Tohru!"

It is like drowning. Tohru's lungs can't seem to get any air as she tries to break through to the surface of her mind. When her head clears, she is wrapped in Kyou's arms, sobbing into the hollow of his shoulder. He gently rocks her back and forth, his voice little more than a whisper.

"Gods, you scared me, Tohru. You started shaking and not breathing and I couldn't wake you up. But everything's all right now. Don't think about it- just go back to sleep. Whatever it is, I promise I will protect you."

Tohru sinks back onto the mattress and closes her eyes. There is an itch in the back of her mind though that slows her ability to sleep. Somehow, she feels that she is missing something very important.

_Mmmmm.... Spooning is good...._

'That definitely wasn't it.'

###

**Reviewer Responses**

**Amaya Hanyou**: I'm flattered that you enjoyed the story. This is one of the more complicated plots I've tried and I'm not sure how well I'm going to succeed.... I like the butterfly too. Tohru has to have a slightly mischievous side somewhere and I've always wondered how she would react to having naughty thoughts piped into her brain. As for the pairings, well, they will become obvious very soon.

**Cor-chan**: Please don't cry! I'm very anal retentive with this story and I like to spend a lot of time trying to make sure that all the chapters are going to fit into my overall outline for this fic. I will update regularly, but it's probably not going to be insanely fast.

**blackwidow13**: I'm really having fun writing this, although it refuses to conform completely to my outline (stupid independent characters grumble, grumble). I hope that the story will wind up being fun and plotty. Who knows if I'll succeed?


	6. Chapter 5: When Pursued

**Quick Vocabulary:**

**Onigiri **Rice ball

**nezumi** rat

**Chapter Summary**: It hurts. But it's a _good_ kind of hurt. Or maybe not.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 5: When Pursued**

_Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you._

-Nathaniel Hawthorne

Pain. Pain. More pain. And then.... Oh.... It all makes sense now. Tohru has never felt this free, this alive. Suddenly all the strange colors and shapes that she has been seeing make _sense._ She will never be able to thank the boys enough for this. And to think that it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't complained. Maybe the butterfly is right about standing up for herself....

_Damn straight I'm right. And it's all thanks to me that this is happening now._

'No it's not! I remember how this happened!'

###

The boys absolutely forbade Tohru to get out of the car if they went into town. "You turn into a butterfly. If some idiot bumps into you, you are going to be killed by your own clothing."

Tohru didn't want to spend the rest of her life hidden away from the rest of the world. When she said as much, the boys exchanged a series of looks.

"There is something that you can do to make yourself safer."

Kyou looked vaguely uncomfortable- purples were shifting in and out of his orange halo. He recovered himself and continued to speak. "You already know that we turn into animals when non-cursed members of the opposite sex hug us or bump into us. We can also change if we get really sick or extremely upset. What you probably don't know is that we can actually force ourselves to change into our animal forms. We start practicing when we are children so that we can learn to control some of the changes. Shigure used to get the rat and I to practice all the time so that we wouldn't accidentally change forms if we were having sex... Um... what I mean is...."

Yuki, in an uncharacteristic display of mercy, smoothly took over from Kyou. "What the cat is trying to say is that there are situations that would normally cause a change that can be avoided by practicing control of the change. Unfortunately this doesn't work for hugs or hard bumps, but it does work for extreme emotions or light knocks. Actually, I'm surprised that you didn't remain in your butterfly form when you were so badly injured."

The butterfly was unusually serious. '_You would have died and I am fundamentally selfish. I had no desire to disappear with you. My healing abilities kept you from changing.'_

Tohru smiled uncertainly at Yuki. "I think that my butterfly kept me from changing and healed me so that I wouldn't die."

Yuki gave her a hard, penetrating stare, black flaring at the edges of the grey. "Well that is quite the talented spirit that you have. I don't know that any of the other animals could have done it."

"Aw, leave her alone, nezumi.... Tohru looks like she's probably healed enough that she can practice changing."

Yuki almost immediately took on an expression of concern. "Are you sure? Hatori did say that she should rest for weeks-"

"-And now she's walking two weeks ahead of schedule. I think that she can do it. Besides, it will make everything a lot easier if she can go out in public without being afraid of transforming."

Tohru was very tempted to tell them that she was standing right there. She could practically see the butterfly smirk inside her head. '_Good girl. Just keep thinking like that.'_

Yuki seemed to have reached a decision. "I'm probably about her butterfly's size when I transform. Why don't I work with her on the transformations and you teach her some simple martial arts moves to avoid bumping into people?"

"I'm not going to let you see her naked, you pervert!"

"You've both already seen me naked- why don't you both watch the show?" Oops. Tohru actually said that thought out loud. '_Yes! I **am** a good influence!'_

Fortunately, or unfortunately, the boys seemed to chalk the statement up to Tohru's incredible naivety rather than the result of an evil voice in her head. They also seemed to agree that the only way Tohru would be doing any transformation was if they were both watching and that Tohru would need to try the initial transformations without any clothes.

So, once again, Tohru found herself stripped naked in front of the boys.

The butterfly, as usual, had something to say about it. '_They must be gay. There can be no other explanation for why they haven't jumped you yet. Although... wait... I think that Yuki might be enjoying the show. Either that, or he's packing an awfully large wallet.'_

Tohru discovered that she was getting a lot better at ignoring the butterfly. Apparently the boys were also getting a lot better at dealing with naked Tohru because they were both calm and professional when they started to instruct her.

"Okay, in order to do this, you're going to need to focus inside your head and find the part of you that feels different from the rest of you. That part will be your animal spirit."

'_No shit.'_

Tohru suspected that the boys' spirits weren't nearly as different from their minds as the butterfly was from hers.

"Feel the connection between that part and the rest of you. It should feel like a thread or a piece of string."

As Yuki spoke, Tohru could see the red string in her head that attached the Tohru-spirit to the butterfly-spirit.

"Very gently, pull on that string. Let the butterfly merge with the rest of your mind."

She must have done this before, after all, she had known that she was a butterfly, but the change felt completely unfamiliar. It also hurt more than she could ever remember hurting. The butterfly seemed truly apologetic. '_I'm sorry, onigiri. Because of the way that I became a part of you, it will always hurt to transform.'_

Now, fluttering above the porch, hovering over the boys' outstretched hands, Tohru can safely say that this freedom is worth any amount of pain.

###

"Are you okay Tohru?" Kyou sounds surprisingly business-like.

"I feel great, thank-you." Her voice is very high and wispy and it hurts a little to talk. Tohru decides that the boys don't need to know about the agony of the transformation.

"Here. Fly around for a little while, but don't fly too high and don't try to hold your form for more than five minutes."

Yuki is almost wistful when he speaks. "You really are a red butterfly.... You are very beautiful, Hon- Tohru." Tohru knows that he is only talking about the butterfly form, but something inside of her burns at his words.

Tohru doesn't think that she is supposed to hear Kyou's whispered reply. "Yes, you are very beautiful." She also doesn't think that she is supposed to burn even more when she hears Kyou.

Really, this butterfly business is a lot trickier than she would have thought.

She lands briefly on Yuki's outstretched hand, running her feelers over the pads of his fingers. As a butterfly, the fine shiver that runs through Yuki's body feels like an earthquake. She rises quickly and flutters past Kyou's face. His eyes close as her wings brush him. "That tickles." His laugh is joyful, innocent. It is one of the most beautiful sounds that Tohru has ever heard, only matched by Yuki's soft chuckle seconds later.

She feels the threads in her head start to separate and she lands on the porch beside her discarded clothing. The return transformation is just as painful as the original- her human body seems to be exploding out of the much smaller butterfly. Her nerves are on fire and her hands are shaking as she pulls her dress back over her head.

"That was amazing Tohru. It took me two months to manage to transform at will. You're going to need to practice, but we'll work at showing you how to not get smothered by your clothing when you get your transformation completely down."

Apparently, it takes three more perfect transformations for the boys to agree that she can wear a light shift when she transforms. They are both tense, their auras flaring as one.

_You don't need to read their auras to know that they're tense. If you couldn't cut diamonds on their shoulders, they would probably notice that baby-doll that Aya got you._

Tohru decides that it's probably best that they don't notice the sheer gown. She is doing more than enough noticing for all of them.

_So being naked doesn't bother you.... You are a strange, strange girl onigiri._

"Okay Tohru, we'll be right here if something goes wrong. Now what you need to do is let yourself lie flat as you transform. You're small enough as a butterfly that you should be protected by the air pockets in the clothing, rather than flattened, if you can lie on your side."

Tohru takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the pain. She feels herself sinking to the ground and forces herself onto her side. The clothing lands on top of her and she is... unhurt. She transforms back almost immediately and Yuki lets out a very un-Yuki-like whoop, picking her up and spinning her around in the air. Kyou catches her in mid-air and pulls her in for a rib-cracking hug.

'Love you. Love you both so much.'

_And someday you may even tell **them**._

###

Tohru had almost forgotten that there is a world of people that she has left behind when she is brutally reminded of all that has happened.

She is lying on her back on the master bed, listening to Yuki's even breathing- she woke up when Yuki flung his arm across her stomach in his sleep. She is starting to wonder if she should feel guilty for enjoying the warm weight when she feels a twinge inside her mind. Suddenly, she is falling into a black vortex filled with threads like those that bind her to the butterfly. These threads don't remain inside her mind though. They stretch into a vast distance and she speeds down them until she comes to the end of the bonds. There is a face there that turns towards her and spirit-Tohru screams in terror.

**I can't feel my little rat, but I can feel you. How pathetic. I don't know how we are bound or where you are now, but it doesn't matter. No matter what you do, where you go, you will never escape who you are. You are worthless, Honda Tohru. Nothing that you can do will ever change that.**

The pain is tearing her apart. She can see the threads in her mind that bind her to Akito, all throbbing with black agony. Suddenly, the pain stops as if it never was.

_Oh fuck the bitch. She can't keep that kind of shit up for long unless she knows where you are. We're safe for at least the night. So what say you and I... er 'you' check out Yuki drooling on the pillow._

Tohru is shaken and aching, but when she looks at Yuki, her heart breaks. So much that she knows, so much that she doesn't want to remember has been returned to her. She very carefully brushes a piece of hair out of his eyes. "I promise that I will keep you safe, both of you. No matter what."

###

**Reviewer Responses**

**Cor-chan**: Well, I think that I can safely promise to update faster than once every two or three years :) And yes, we will get to find out how the boys interact with their animals. Small spoiler though: Tohru's spirit is a little different than the rest of the cursed. Thank you for the onigiri- I always liked rice balls....

**blackwidow13**: I'm glad that you're finding the story entertaining. It's going to have its serious moments, but overall the story is meant to be fun. Ah yes, everyone likes the butterfly. All bow before the all-powerful.... er... pretend I didn't say that. We'll see if I can make all the plottiness work without the butterfly becoming too annoying.

**Amaya Hanyou**: I'm glad that you like the humor in the story- I have a really hard time writing sheer, unadulterated angst. I guess you'll get to see if your theory about the Butterfly is correct- good job on picking up on the clues! Unfortunately I, unlike the butterfly, actually _am_ evil and there might still be a few surprises there.


	7. Chapter 6: Know Thyself

**Happy** (early)** Halloween**!

**Author's Note**: My apologies to everyone who got the alert for this chapter multiple times- unfortunately there seemed to be something strange with the site that kept eating it and my corrections. **SpiritSealedSlumber**- I really did realize that I had spelt your name wrong- so sorry :(

**Chapter Summary**: Sometimes a little knowledge is a lot worse than no knowledge at all.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 6: Know Thyself**

_Know thyself? A maxim as pernicious as it is ugly. Whoever observes himself arrests his own development. A caterpillar who wanted to know itself well would never become a butterfly._

-Andre Gide

"We have enough money for three, maybe four years, if we work part-time jobs."

"I thought that Tohru's inheritance was really large."

"It _was _really large, nezumi, but we bought and furnished a huge house, with huge property taxes and utility bills. We have just enough money left over to start one or two businesses while supporting us in the meantime."

"Well, I wanted to go to school anyways and our grades should transfer under our new names, so I don't really see the problem. Besides, I wouldn't have wanted to spend the rest of my life living off of Tohru's generosity anyway."

Tohru backs away from the living room entrance as if she has been stung. She knows that she wasn't supposed to hear that conversation and she's not sure what hurts her more: the fact that they didn't include her or the fact that they resent being dependent on her.

She walks to the back of the house and opens the door. There is a strong breeze today and she stands for a while, letting the wind tousle her hair and skirt. She needs the cool air because there is an unfamiliar burn building inside of her that is threatening to erupt.

_It's called anger, sweetie. _

She would do anything for the boys and they can't even have a discussion with her about their joint futures and their true feelings about her plan. After the return of her memories last night, it is too much.

_Let's go for a walk._

Tohru grabs a coat from the hook and slips on a pair of sneakers. She needs to get outside. She needs to think. Most of all, she needs to get rid of the dull ache in her heart.

###

By the time that Tohru's thoughts catch up with her feet, she is at the edge of the forest. There is a small circle of trees that are obviously part of her property and then the distinct line that indicates the reserve. She sits down under one of the planted trees and leans back against the trunk.

She is changing. She would like to blame it all on the butterfly, but the truth is that she is just starting to let what was underneath come up to the surface. Tohru will not lie to herself. Now that she no longer apologizes all the time, she is starting to have emotions other than guilt develop in response to people: anger, amusement... lust. She has always known that she loves the boys, but now there are other feelings too. Feelings that are apparently not returned.

_What the hell? The boys may be stupid and chauvinistic but they think that the sun shines out of your ass._

'They treat me like a child, like a little sister. They can't love me as a woman if they can't even trust me to make decisions like an adult.'

_Well, aside from the pity-fest, you make a good point. The boys aren't showing a lot of trust or respect for your abilities. So what are you going to do about it?_

'I don't know.' And then Tohru decides to be brutally honest, with both herself and the butterfly. 'I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I'm not beautiful. How can I earn their respect?'

_We're not back to this again. I told you to ignore that bitch. If you don't have confidence in yourself, then how can you expect the boys to have confidence in you?_

Suddenly Tohru starts laughing. All of the accumulated stress from the past few days finally snaps her control. The laughter isn't her normal inane giggling either. It sounds vaguely like her memories of her mother- full-throated and beautiful. 'This is so silly. I have a beautiful house and two dear friends who are willing to do anything to make me more comfortable. Not to mention an annoying voice in my head. Why am I complaining?'

_Tohru... this isn't healthy._

'Later butterfly. Right now I am going to make a daisy chain.'

She is actually on her fourth chain, the first three wound around her arms and head, when she is swept up from behind and pulled hard against someone's chest.

"What were you thinking, going outside like that without telling anyone?"

And Tohru snaps.

"I heard you in the living room. If you treat me like a child, I'm going to act like a child."

It is immature, petty and poorly thought out. But it is a start.

When Yuki and Kyou look through the local college calendars and sort the bank statements, Tohru is included in the planning.

###

It is nearly three weeks before Kyou and Yuki decide that Tohru has mastered enough ducking moves and clothing transformations for it to be safe for her to go out in public. By this time, Tohru is completely house-crazy. She has cleaned the house from top to bottom and made enough food to feed several hundred hungry boys. Even the application for the cooking apprenticeship at the local trade school fails to keep her interest.

It is not only being cooped up in the house, it is not only having at least one boy always watching her every move- Akito has been using her links to drive Tohru nearly insane with pain. Tohru has figured out a few things about the bonds though. The longer she is away from Akito, the harder it seems that it is for Akito to use her bond. Never, after the first night, is Akito able to actually speak through the connection. Instead, every few nights, Tohru will be torn apart from the inside out. One of the bonds is not used to cause pain though. When Tohru asks the butterfly, it gives an unusually hesitant answer.

_It's a life bond. Your lives are joined._

So apparently, on top of everything else, Tohru's life is now connected to a madwoman. Not only that, but it seems that while the boys' bonds to Akito are completely cut with distance, distance makes no difference to Tohru's connections. Or at least, Tohru is assuming that the boys can't feel Akito in their minds- she has never told them about her own bonds.

_You don't really have a choice, sweetheart. Akito may not know about me, but if you break that promise about anything else...._

'I really don't want to think about this. And we are safe.'

_For now._

'That isn't helping to keep me from going crazy.' Really, all that has kept her sane has been helping Yuki with his garden and Kyou with his practice space.

###

It was Kyou who grabbed her first, since he needed to 'teach her how to avoid strange men'. He took her to a corner of the yard that he had marked out as a practice area. When Tohru stood rather stupidly in the center of his space, he came up behind her and put his arms around her. "This is what we need to be able to prevent." '_Actually it's just an excuse to cop a feel.' _Tohru was disturbed that she hoped that the butterfly was right.

Unfortunately, Kyou seemed to be all business. "How do you think that Yuki and I have avoided public transformations in crowds of raving fangirls?"

"Good luck?"

Kyou allowed himself a small laugh and he visibly relaxed when he continued.

"Yah, that's a big part of it, but more importantly we both learned to sense and dodge people approaching us. You hopefully won't have the same kinds of problems-"

"You mean that I don't have hordes of raving fangirls?"

This time, Kyou laughed loudly. He sounded almost mischievous when he whispered in Tohru's ear, "I don't know. Was there something that you didn't tell us in high school?"

Tohru was surprised at her own humor, but decided that she liked playful Kyou far too much to stop. Maybe this was a chance to show him that she wasn't quite as naive as he and Yuki seemed to think. After all, she had spent three years living with Shigure and his novels.

"Well I did spend a lot of time with Hana-chan and Uo-chan...."

That actually ended the lesson for the day, as Kyou was unable to breathe for a good couple minutes and unable to speak to Tohru for the rest of the afternoon.

The lessons continued though, and Tohru found herself settling into an easy pattern of gentle teasing with Kyou. After the first disaster, he was far harder to faze and seemed to enjoy her little comments. Some of them did come from the butterfly, but Tohru was shocked to find that many of them were from her own mind.

There was actual practice as well. Kyou showed her series of simple feints and blocks that he made her repeat endlessly. There were moments that she hated him when she went through her hundredth kata repetition, but then he would 'attack' her and she would forget everything in the warmth of his body against hers. Really, her inability to defend herself against Kyou was probably why it took three weeks for him to decide that she was ready. It didn't help that he would always end their sessions by pulling her down onto his lap and giving her a massage 'to ease her muscles'. But the best part was after he finished the massage and simply held her in his lap while he told her stories about his training with Kazuma. Tohru wasn't sure if the stories were supposed to inspire her, but she had never felt closer to Kyou than when he shared his past.

###

Yuki didn't get Tohru involved with the garden until the end of the first week. Tohru had been spending so much time practicing with Kyou and organizing the house that she hadn't even had a chance to see what Yuki had accomplished. It wasn't all that odd really, since Yuki and Kyou had quickly established where their personal spaces were and, not surprisingly, the two had chosen opposite sides of the property.

It wasn't until the morning of the seventh day that Tohru got to see Yuki's work. Since Yuki was really not a morning person, she was shocked when Yuki came down as she was making breakfast. Even more shocking was that he seemed to be somewhat awake.

"May I have your help today, Tohru?"

Even though Tohru enjoyed her time with Kyou, she had really missed Yuki for the last few days. "I'd love to help you, Yuki."

It was strange but Yuki seemed almost shy when he grabbed Tohru's hand and led her into the yard. "It's not much, but I think that in a few years we can have a good-sized plot and the soil is already pretty fertile here so we won't need to do much adjusting." Yuki was babbling. It seemed that the cool, collected Prince was nervous about her reaction to his garden. He needn't have worried.

"Oh Yuki.... You did all this yourself?"

Somehow Yuki had managed to turn a corner of the lawn into a series of rows and furrows marked with tape and sticks. There were even some flats of plants sitting beside the shovels and rakes.

Yuki shuffled and muttered something about having time on his hands because she was always busy.

_'Aw... How cute. The rat's jealous. And he dug dirt for you. Catch him before he gets away!'_

Tohru ignored the butterfly and asked Yuki what he hoped to plant at this time of the year.

"I know it's late in the season, but it is much cooler here than... back there. We are a lot higher in the mountains and I think that the growing season starts a lot later. We may still be able to get strawberries."

He looked so hopeful, so very child-like and eager, that Tohru couldn't have disagreed even if she had known more than he did about gardening.

She pumped her arm in the air. "Yes! We can do it! We are determined!"

Tohru looked at Yuki. Yuki looked at Tohru. They both burst into laughter.

"Stop...stop... My sides are hurting."

Tohru would always blame what happened next on the butterfly.

It wasn't her fault that she had a sudden image of pristine, hygiene-obsessed Yuki rolling in the dirt while she tickled him. Really.

It took Yuki approximately three seconds to recover before Tohru was flipped underneath him. Tohru retaliated with a handful of dirt to the face. By dinnertime, zero strawberries had been planted and Yuki's silk shirt was completely ruined.

They actually did get some of the flats planted over the next few weeks, but a lot of the sessions seemed to start or end with them rolling around in the dirt. Tohru learned very quickly to ignore the butterfly's very graphic comments about something called 'mud-wrestling'. She was just happy that Yuki would relax and play around a little when she 'helped' him.

_'Actually you just like taking any opportunity you can to feel him up.'_

The sad part was that the butterfly was surprisingly accurate. Tohru did like touching Yuki and listening to him talk about gardening and watching him shovel dirt and hearing him laugh when she tickled him. She even liked the smell of him covered in damp earth and sweat. In fact the more time that she spent with Yuki, the more little stories he told her about himself, the more she wanted to be around him.

###

There is no doubt about it- Tohru is learning more about herself and about the boys.

She is in big trouble.

But she doesn't have to think about that right now because she is finally going to get out of the stupid house and away from the stupid feelings that are threatening to make her want two people at once.

###

**Reviewer Responses**

A big thank-you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review! You have all really made me happy- I'm learning as I go along and any comments are always welcome. So please, feel free to ask questions or make suggestions- I look forward to hearing from you :) A special note about the pairings- nothing is going to be resolved for a little while yet, so please just trust me a little longer. I promise that there will be an actual decision!

**A Panda From CTY**: Thank you! I'm always happy when someone enjoys reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it. I'm very fond of the Red Butterfly- I just hope that it doesn't take over everything. I hadn't originally planned on it having such a large role, but it seems to have taken on a life of its own...

**Amaya Hanyou**: Yes, I like surprises too. I just hope that I can make all my surprises tie together in the end. I'm glad that you like the story more as you keep reading it- I was hoping that it wasn't getting worse :)

**blackwidow13**: Well, I hope that this is a fast enough update! I actually was able to finish a couple of chapters in a batch, which is allowing me to update a little faster than I might normally.

**Cor-chan**: I'm so happy! It's great to see that you are picking up on the major clues for the later chapters (does little happy dance). Although the Akito/Tohru interaction isn't the most fun to write, it's very important to my particular versions of Tohru and the boys. Oh well, I do love writing Butterfly and there will be lots more Butterfly goodness in the coming chapters. Yay! More riceballs....

**shikiburei**: I'm really glad that you are enjoying the story so far! This has been a bit of an experiment for me and I'm still not sure if it's going to work or not. It always makes me happy if someone else can enjoy it as well! And yes, I am a closet mush lover. -spits fluff out of mouth-

**Moonlight-blossom2**: I'm sorry that you found the first chapter confusing- I'm afraid that I deliberately don't say everything that's happening to Tohru so that it can slowly come out over the entire story. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the rest of the story though and hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapters.

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: Wow. I was completely overwhelmed when I read your review. You really made my day! I'm glad that you think that I am following the series well- I have been trying hard to follow a logical progression from canon to Butterfly goodness. I'm a little concerned about being true to the characters, but we'll see what happens. One way or another I am having a lot of fun writing this and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.


	8. Chapter 7: I Get By

**Author's Note**: For those not familiar with the manga: Kureno is the rooster Zodiac member who seldom leaves the compound and is Akito's constant companion.

**Chapter Summary**: The past has a nasty habit of biting Tohru's ass. Bet it doesn't even brush.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter: flashback to rape scene. Not graphic, but if you are disturbed by non-consensual sex, you may wish to avoid the flashback (I will mark it within the chapter). Be warned- if you skip the flashback, you will miss a few major plot points.

**Chapter 7: I Get By**

_Climbing up the wall_

_I get by on automatic_

_No surprise at all._

-Talking Heads, "I Get Wild"

Their new town is definitely a student/tourist haven. Although there are stores that sell staples, they are grossly outnumbered by souvenir shops and cheap ramen stands. Every second store is filled with bizarre knickknacks and 'ancient artifacts'. Normally, Tohru would ignore these shops in favor of getting ingredients and household supplies. Of course, normal Tohru wouldn't have been stuck with nothing but ingredients and household supplies for three weeks. Housebound Tohru has suddenly reverted to about five-years-old. "Come on Yuki, come on Kyou. Look! Look!"

_Easy there tiger, if you pull their arms off they won't be able to drive you and your shopping home again._

And then Tohru sees It.

It is a porch swing. A porch swing that would look perfect on their porch.

Yuki and Kyou don't stand a chance. They are still standing there, slightly dazed, when whirlwind Tohru goes into action. By the time they realize that they are packing a large porch swing, Tohru is already skipping ahead of them, laughing happily. "Come on, you silly slow boys! We need to put the swing in the trunk so that we can get the groceries."

Tohru is almost giddy with happiness. She is showing off for the boys, ducking and dodging people like a professional.

_Are you trying to show off your flexibility? The boys are already drooling, so can you please stop now? I'm getting seasick._

The swing doesn't fit in the trunk. Kyou and Yuki have to tie the trunk open and wrap the entire thing in ropes to hold the swing in place. Tohru doesn't even notice.

"Food! That I haven't cooked!"

Not being familiar with student food, Tohru picks a ramen stand that advertises that it serves students.

_This stuff is complete and utter shit. Even Yuki could cook better than this._

'But I didn't cook it!'

_Well if nothing else, the boys have a whole new appreciation for you after tasting what real students have to eat. _

The butterfly seems to be right, because almost as soon as Tohru has finished eating, the boys insist on going to pick up the groceries for their 'real supper'.

They are within a few feet of the grocery entrance when Tohru freezes. A slender, pale woman with lanky dark hair is standing between them and the door. As Tohru stops, the woman turns around, bumping hard into Tohru before she walks away. Suddenly, Tohru is shaking uncontrollably, little whimpers escaping her mouth. Kyou has her pulled against him almost immediately, gently stroking her hair and making soothing noises. But it is when she meets Yuki's eyes over Kyou's shoulders that Tohru sees true understanding.

A damper has suddenly been placed on their day out. Kyou takes Tohru back to the car, while Yuki quickly gets the groceries on her list. They drive back to the house in complete silence.

That night, Tohru tries to fall asleep before Yuki joins her, before he turns out the lights and she is trapped in the dark. It isn't enough to stop the memories.

### (start flashback)

**Kureno is staring at Tohru, his eyes wide with horror. "Akito, please, you can't be serious." **

**"Don't you love me, my little rooster? You are the only one of my Jyuunishi who has always been loyal, who has never betrayed me. Will you turn away from me too?" **

**"But this is not loyalty to you-" **

**"Enough! Would you rather I controlled you?" **

**Kureno seems to collapse in on himself. "Please no. I will do as my god desires." **

**"And you love me?" **

**"I love you."**

**Suddenly, Kureno is in front of Tohru, pushing what is left of her clothing off of her shoulders. Tohru stiffens and freezes, backing towards the wall.**

**"Please Tohru, this will hurt less if you relax a little."**

**Tohru notices that Kureno is also stiff and his eyes are panicked. **

**"I will try to relax."**

**As it turns out, no amount of relaxation can make the experience less painful, less humiliating. Akito watches the scene from a distance, occasionally laughing at Tohru's whimpers or Kureno's inability to become aroused. **

**In the aftermath, Kureno leans into her shoulder, his body shaking as he quietly sobs. From Akito's angle, it must look like a caress. "I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry." Tohru lets him dry his eyes on her shoulder. **

**"It's not your fault. Shhhh." When he pulls back and off of her, his eyes are completely blank. Tohru numbly notes that somehow her ribbons have been torn during the encounter. **

**Akito leans towards Tohru, towards Kureno curled in a fetal ball. Her eyes glimmer with malice. "I'm very sorry Tohru-kun... about your ribbons." And with that, Tohru understands that unless you have truly hurt someone, an apology is a mockery.**

###(end flashback)

Tohru is sobbing again. "I thought I was over this. When does this stop? When do the memories go away?"

Yuki wraps himself around her so tightly that Tohru feels their hearts beat in time. "The memories don't ever go away. Sometimes I wake up and I feel Akito next to me."

He places his hand under Tohru's chin, turning her so that she meets his eyes. "But we can still live. You taught me that. And even if you have been hurt, I am so very happy to have you with me. Maybe together we can make things better."

'You already do, Yuki.'

_Damn it girl, you need to actually tell** him** this stuff. Notice that I'm not the one hugging you right now._

They are both crying now, but this time the tears aren't poisoned. Tohru feels a long-missing sense of peace as she drifts to sleep in Yuki's arms.

###

**Reviewer Responses**

Um... I think I may have been a little misleading in my review note last chapter. Just to clear things up, the pairings chapter and its aftermath have already been written, and the pairings choice is actually really necessary for the rest of the story. What I've figured out from your reviews is that pretty much everyone is going to hate me after that chapter. -Quietly whimpers and wanders off to find body armor-

**blackwidow13**: Well, I've been trying to drop hints about the direction that the pairing's going, but it seems that it's going to be more of a surprise than I thought.... Surprises are good right :)? I actually like both Kyou and Yuki for very different reasons and I hope that I get to look at more of their similarities and differences in the future. I'm really happy that you're continuing to enjoy the story!

**marasolo**: Actually when I wrote that line I had this vision of chibi-angelic Tohru getting into a fight with chibi-even-more-angelic Tohru over who was holier-than-thou. Yes- I have a very, very strange imagination. Glad you're enjoying the story!

**Fallen Pure Angel**: Chapter Seven actually was there, but there was something very strange going on with the web site. Since I seem to have a bad relationship with machines anyways, I just decided that I'd sacrifice a few old floppy disks to the gods and try again the next day. I'm very happy that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you continue to like it.

**ohimesama**: I'm glad that you think that this is original- I wasn't sure if the story would seem too much like some of the common Fruits Basket clichés based on the first few chapters. I hope that the rest of the story will hold your interest.

**Amaya Hanyou**: Poor, poor Tohru. Suddenly dealing with hormones and two very attractive men is Not Fun (or maybe Too Much Fun if you're a butterfly). Glad you like the humor- I'm trying not to make it too repetitive, but there's just so much material for butterfly snarkiness. I happen to like both Kyou and Yuki, so we'll see what happens. I really appreciate you taking the time to review each chapter- it makes me that much happier when I write :)

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: I just have to say that I really love reading your reviews! They make me think (ow.... poor under-used brain). Oh dear. About that self-confidence- I guess that I always figured that Tohru had a little bit more going on in her head than was shown in the series. I mean the girl has survived the tragic deaths of both of her parents and was tough enough to attempt to survive on her own. She may have some guilt issues, but I figure that she has to have **some **faith in herself to keep up that good attitude and keep trying to live up to her mother's expectations. Or maybe I'm just hoping that I'm not making her too grossly out of character, 'cuz I kinda like sort-of-confident Tohru and am hoping that the story will explain some of her changes:) Although I do have to say that I think that Tohru's a little bit more complicated in the manga. Do let me know if I'm getting too OOC though! You know, you've actually been the closest to guessing my written pairings out of anybody who's reviewed :) It's nice to see that someone else likes both Yuki and Kyou. I hope that you enjoy the direction that the story's taking!


	9. Chapter 8: Animal Instinct

**Author's Note**: I'm borrowing the Jade God and the symbolism of the red butterfly from Japanese mythology, so if I've really messed up please tell me. The Jade God is the god that called the banquet for the animals in the legend, as far as I have been able to find. If someone knows otherwise, please let me know. I'm really sorry to inconvenience anybody but I have to take a health-related trip next week and I don't know how long I'll be gone for. I promise that I'll update again as soon as I can- I'm just not sure when that will be. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my story!

**Chapter Summary**: So what do you do when your animal instincts really are... animal instincts?

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 8: Animal Instinct**

_And the thing that gets to me_

_Is you'll never really see_

_And the thing that freaks me out_

_Is I'll always be in doubt_

_It is a lovely thing,_

_The animal instinct._

-Cranberries, "Animal Instinct"

It is like waking up after a long sleep. Tohru has been able to pull herself out of her own misery and now she can focus on the boys again. She can start noticing the little things that make them more comfortable- like preparing salmon onigiri for when Kyou reads over the college calendars or drawing a hot bath for him on the days when the late summer rains start. For Yuki, it is things like putting an extra blanket on the bed on the nights he shares it with her or picking the strawberries before he wakes up so that he can have them for breakfast.

_You do realize that there is more to life than focusing on the needs of two intelligent, gorgeous... er... never mind. Let's hope that their 'needs' involve lots of naked back rubs and chocolate...Hmmm....Chocolate..._

Strangely, whatever the butterfly is thinking about seems to prevent it from making any more comments. This is just as well, because Tohru doesn't need any more confusing thoughts in her head.

Something has changed between Yuki and Tohru after Tohru's flashback. Yuki had always kept Tohru slightly at arms-length. Even though he no longer called her "Honda-san", he had never initiated any of their games or physical contact. Now, it is like a dam has been let loose. He tickles her as he passes her in the hallway and places light kisses on the palm of her hand when he greets her in the morning. Tohru is grateful that he doesn't seem to do anything in front of Kyou, but even then Yuki seems to be watching her every time she looks towards him. And then there was the morning in the garden.

-###-

Yuki is still little better than a zombie when he wakes up in the morning, but that morning he managed to come down relatively awake. Tohru was about to go get some strawberries for breakfast when he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"May I come with you?"

_'Any time, sweetheart.'_

'Knowing you, that was somehow dirty.... You know what? I really don't want to know.'

Tohru could feel the smile spreading over her face. "I'd be very happy if you helped."

They sat outside in companionable silence for a while, picking strawberries and pulling weeds. Then Yuki started to talk. "When you first came to stay with us, I was very jealous of you. Even though your mother was dead, it was obvious that you had a close, loving relationship with her."

'I haven't thought about Mom in weeks except to say 'good morning' to her picture!'

'_And believe me, that makes her very happy- besides I don't like sharing the status of 'inner voice' with a picture.'_

Tohru was so stunned by this realization that she nearly missed Yuki's next words.

"I have never had a close relationship with my parents or brother and after Akito.... When I first started to get to know you, it was like having a real family. I used to imagine what it would have been like to have someone like you as my mother or sister."

Tohru felt sick to her stomach. She knew that she should be honored but-

_'But this is even worse than the 'let's just be friends' speech.'_

Before she could make an excuse to leave and find somewhere to cry, Yuki put his hand on her arm and continued speaking. "I couldn't imagine wanting anyone after what happened with Akito. I was so sure that what I felt for you was what normal family members should feel for one another, that I got scared when it started to change. By the time you told Kyou and I about your plan, I was already trying to fight what I felt. But after your nightmare- I can't pretend anymore. Tohru, I-"

He was so close; Tohru could feel his breath on her cheek. Her eyes were starting to close as he leaned in and-

"Oi! Kuso nezumi- I need your help setting up this stupid swing!"

Tohru was left sitting, pale and shaken, while Yuki left to help Kyou.

'What was he going to say to me?'

_'If you can't figure that one out then you don't deserve my expert help and we certainly don't need you to spread your clueless genes through the population.'_

Now Yuki seems to be avoiding being alone with her and Tohru is more than a little confused.

_And that doesn't even begin to cover what happened with Kyou._

Ah yes, Kyou....

-###-

Tohru has continued her martial arts lessons with Kyou, even after she learned enough to go out in public. They are helping her overcome her life-long clumsiness while at the same time allowing her to spend time with Kyou.

The morning that things changed, she had decided to ask Kyou some questions about his cat spirit. Somehow, after having seen his second form, Tohru felt that he might be more understanding of her own fears than the privileged Yuki. She had woken from another Akito nightmare and decided that she needed to know more about the curse. Her memory of Akito kept playing in front of her eyes, and she kept trying to understand what Akito was saying.

**I have no animal. I am the only Jyuunishi that has no other form because I hold the Jade God within my body. But when they made the curse, they represented the god with a red butterfly. Do you know why, Tohru? They chose a red butterfly because it represents the spirits of the dead. I am a dead woman walking. No human body can hold a god and not be destroyed. And I will show you, Tohru, what it feels like to pay the price of the gods.**

'I need to find out more about how this animal spirit thing works. I need to find out if you are anything like the other Jyuunishi.'

_'At least if Kyou thinks you're crazy, he's such a pushover for you he'll probably hesitate long enough for us to make a break for it.'_

She approached Kyou on his practice field and waited until he stopped performing his kata.

"Um...Kyou?"

"Yes?" Kyou looked a little bit concerned. Tohru decided that the only way that she was going to get through this was if she talked very, very quickly. "Does-your-animal-ever-talk-to-you?"

Kyou almost immediately smiled and relaxed. "Oh, poor Tohru. I remember how confused I was the first time I heard a voice in my head. It's always a little unnerving to hear from your spirit once or twice a year."

'Once or twice a YEAR!?!'

_'Hey- it's not my fault that butterflies have short attention spans!'_

Tohru decided that this discussion could wait until later. She still had some questions and Kyou seemed like he was willing to help her. "What do you call your spirit?"

Kyou blushed and muttered something.

"Pardon me?"

His next reply was hardly any louder, but this time Tohru was focusing a lot harder. "I said that I just call him 'Cat'."

'Then I'd call you... Butterfly?'

_'Works for me. Hell of a lot better than 'the evil voice in my head'.'_

'Um... Sorry?'

_'What did I tell you about apologies, onigiri?'_

"Tohru, are you all right?"

"I'm fine Kyou- I just had one more question for you. Does your animal influence your er... emotions or how you think?"

Kyou was suddenly the color of a particularly ripe strawberry.

_'Oh... this is **way** too funny. See honey, you've got it **easy**.'_

"Um...er...Sometimes the animal has you know... demands... that... oh hell."

_'And he's articulate! God, where's a camera when you need one?'_

'I'm confused.'

_'Don't worry your pretty little head about it. I'll explain it to you when you're older.'_

And then Tohru understood. Apparently Butterfly had infected her mind so that she thought like Shigure automatically. 'Oh... OH!'

"So you sometimes have the same responses that a real cat would?"

Kyou's smile was full of relief and gratitude. "Yes, that's about right. Come to think of it- what kind of drives would a butterfly have?"

'You really don't want to know.'

"Well I think that they have very short attention spans and I noticed that I get cold more easily."

Kyou shuddered. "Yah, I know something about that. I hate that I get so sick when the weather's bad. You know Tohru... I had been meaning to thank you... about the baths I mean."

He turned towards her and his expression was far more serious than Tohru was used to seeing on Kyou's face. "You've always looked out for me, no matter what anyone else has said. When I first met you, I thought you were just another dumb girl and that I was reacting to you the way I'd react to any pretty female. After my Mom and then Kagura... Well I wasn't really looking for another woman in my life."

Tohru was stunned once again. She sank to her knees on the grass and wondered if she should just make a break for it before she started bawling.

_'Well, this one is a little reversed. Boy, you really know how to pick them.'_

Kyou was suddenly kneeling in front of her, his hands on her knees. As he spoke, his face got closer and closer to hers. "But you, you're so much more than that. You're actually pretty smart and funny and fun to be around and I love every minute I spend with you. I hate what's happened to you and if I could go back in time and tear Akito into little pieces I would. But I'm so happy that I can be with you now. And for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid that someone is going to leave just because I-"

"There you are baka neko! We need to get those forms filled out for the fall college semester."

Kyou practically growled at Yuki as he rose and stalked off towards the house. Once again, Tohru was left on the ground, trying to figure out what was going on.

-###-

Tohru has decided that there is nothing like college applications to take your mind off romance.

"How the hell do you fill out this form if you want to declare a minor in a non-related field?"

The boys have been spending the past week trying to sort out majors and minors and various other course issues. It appears to be doubly complicated by the fact that the normal academic year starts in April and the boys are trying to enroll in the fall semester. Tohru's glad that if she is accepted to cooking school, most of her courses will be chosen for her for at least the first year. The coursework has the added bonus that the boys can't avoid her while they are weighed down by college calendars and registration forms.

_Ah yes, attack them while they are weak. You learn quickly._

So far she has proven her usefulness by neatly taking notes on their possible schedules and providing comfort food and blankets. Now she is about to see if there is anything that she can do to help Kyou, since somehow she seems to be a lot better at paperwork than he is. But it seems that this time Yuki is actually going to try to answer Kyou's question. Yuki has already picked his double major with the goal of opening a landscape and garden design firm when he graduates. As he puts it, 'There are thousands of rich visitors and residents who want their yards looking beautiful for the twenty days a year that they actually live there. Not to mention all the parks and business green spaces to attract tourists.' Having made his decision, he is now in a good position to 'help' Kyou.

"What exactly are you trying to do neko?"

"Well, I'm going to take an accounting major which should complement your business management/ landscape architecture double major. And then I'm going to take-" The rest of the sentence is an indistinct mumble.

"Could you speak a little louder?"

Kyou speaks just enough louder that Tohru can figure out what is going on. Apparently Kyou has decided to take some human anatomy/pharmacy courses along with his accounting major. He also plans on taking some extracurricular emergency response courses to get what amounts to a minor in nursing.

Yuki bursts into laughter. "You're going to look great in one of those little nurse uniforms neko."

Butterfly smirks in Tohru's head.

_He's just pissed off about that 'dress incident' in high school._

Kyou almost immediately shuts Yuki up. "We don't have Hatori here, nezumi. What were you planning on doing if one of us gets sick or injured? This way, at least I can help with minor illnesses."

There is no more arguing and instead the boys seem to be working co-operatively to co-ordinate their schedules. Tohru is amazed and a little scared by how well they seem to have thought everything through, how seriously they are taking their joint futures. What she isn't sure of is what place she will have in this future plan.

'What if they decide to leave?'

_I'm not going to begin to comment on how stupid that question is, but even if they did we would survive._

'It's not just making a living- I love them, Butterfly. I really don't know what I would do without them.'

_Breathe. Eat. Sleep. Live. One way or another, life goes on._

Despite Butterfly's 'reassurances', Tohru alternates between a terror that the boys will never really love her and a frustration that they can't even see her feelings. Not to mention the fact that she burns up inside every time she gets with arms-length of either of them. The worst part is she's no longer sure how many of the images in her mind are her own and how many are planted by Butterfly.

'How much of this is me? How much of this is you?'

_Does it really matter? We're stuck with each other now- might as well get used to admitting all of your repressed fantasies. _

'I don't think I like the sound of that.'

_This is going to be **fun**._

-###-

**Reviewer Responses**

**Quick Note**: The 'dress incident' referred to in the chapter is the time where Yuki was forced to dress as a girl by his fan club for a special event and Tohru referred to him as 'cute'. And yes, next chapter's the one that everyone's been waiting for. I've found my body armor and am currently hiding under my bed.

**Cor-chan**: Please take all the compliments you want! :) I'm really trying to show that Tohru's growing up over the course of this story and I'm glad that it's coming across. Personally, I love Kyoko as a character and I don't think that Butterfly will ever completely replace her in Tohru's heart. And yes, Butterfly is a lot like Kyoko in some ways ;) Though #slight spoiler# what is in Butterfly's best interests may not always be what is in Tohru's best interests. #end spoiler# Keep looking for clues! I'm not very good at planting them, but eventually they will be important to answer the questions that I asked in the story's foreword. Thank you for taking the time to review- I present you with Anaphalis-shaped onigiri :)

**A Panda From CTY**: I'm very happy you enjoyed the chapter! I know that the chapter was short, but it was a very tough scene for me to write and I couldn't make myself extend it any longer. I think that this chapter makes up for it lengthwise! Yes, next chapter's decision time for the pairings. I think that I wouldn't survive if I drew it out any longer :) I find it interesting that there is such an even split in the reviews between wanting it to be Yuki/Tohru and wanting it to be Kyou/Tohru. But I guess everyone will see next update....

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: I know all about going out of my mind- I hope that you're doing better now :) Yes, Yuki's a real sweetie. I was trying hard not to make the interaction between him and Tohru too melodramatic or sappy and I'm not sure how well I succeeded.... I'm glad that you think that Tohru's developing well- I like having the chance to sort of expand her character a little as she grows up. I really like Butterfly as a character, but I'm not entirely sure that I would always want to follow its advice. To quote my answer to Cor-chan: "#slight spoiler# what is in Butterfly's best interests may not always be what is in Tohru's best interests. #end spoiler#". Yup, the flashbacks are becoming more important- if you piece them together you will soon be able to figure out most of what happened to Tohru. In regards to throwing Tohru off Yuki and Kyou- I probably shouldn't say this, but I think that Tohru is going to have more problems with **women** than with men. From the way I see her character, I think that she regards both Kyou and Yuki as safe and familiar and I hope that this is coming across in the story. As for lemons, not to give anything away, but this story is rated R for adult situations ;) Although I have to say that I am very, very paranoid about FFnet sex scene restrictions and any sex scene would have to be more suggestive than descriptive. Wow- I think I've written enough of a book for you :) Thanks for writing such an involved review!

**Kitsuyei**: Sometimes I think that all machines hate me and I have to keep reminding myself that that's impossible -looks nervously at computer- :) I'm very flattered that you think that this is a real story- I'm trying very hard to make something plotty and fun and it makes me feel good if someone else thinks that I'm succeeding. Oh dear- it looks like Butterfly's mind control experiments are far more successful than I'd planned. Um... just forget I said that :) I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story!

**Amaya Hanyou**: I'm sorry you had such a bad day- I hope that things are doing better now :( I have two younger brothers who both like obnoxious music- trust me; it gets better when you no longer have to live with them (although they are both really cool guys otherwise). I'm really glad the chapter cheered you up! I actually was on exchange in Japan for a little while and I got food poisoning from a cheap ramen stand. I'm still bitter.... Well I guess everyone will find out next chapter what the pairings are- I think it may be a bit more of a surprise than I intended. I'm really flattered that you would continue reading the story even if it wasn't your pairing of choice although #spoiler# I don't think you're going to have to worry about that #end spoiler# But we'll see won't we? I hope that you do continue reading and enjoying the new chapters!

_Updated 11-06-04_


	10. Chapter 9: Delighting in Your Company

**Author's Note**: I'm back! Sorry it took so long :( A huge thank you to those of you who offered support- I'm doing a lot better now. I still have to go see one more specialist, but it shouldn't interfere with my updates.

**Chapter Summary**: Poor Tohru. How does she choose between two gorgeous, loving men? Just remember how good she is at making decisions....

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 9: Delighting in Your Company**

_Alas my love, you do me wrong_

_To treat me so discourteously_

_When I have loved you for so long_

_Delighting in your company._

-Traditional, "Greensleeves"

Tohru knows that she has to make a decision about Yuki and Kyou. Butterfly's constant comments aren't really necessary- the boys have stopped avoiding her in a pretty serious way. Even someone as previously oblivious as her can hardly fail to recognize the dramatically increased touching or the increased red in their auras.

_Or maybe the fact that neither of them have been able to raise their eyes above your chest for the last two weeks?_

Since she made the daisy chains, Tohru has occasionally gone back to the same tree for some quiet time. Right now, Tohru needs to spend some serious boy-free thinking time. Unfortunately, luck is not on her side. When Tohru reaches the small circle of trees she is stopped dead in her tracks.

Kyou is standing in front of her tree, moving his body through a complicated series of kicks and punches. Tohru is not amused. 'How dare he come to _my_ tree first thing in the morning? How dare he interrupt my only boy-free thinking time? How dare he look so very, very good doing it?' Tohru's mind officially raises a white flag of surrender.

Kyou suddenly stops his training to look directly at Tohru. Somehow, Tohru is unable to pull her eyes away from him. They stand there frozen; staring at one another, until Kyou finally speaks. He is so quiet that Tohru can hardly hear him over the pounding of her heart.

"When you look at me like that, what does it mean? Does it mean that you want to be with me?"

_This is your chance onigiri. Don't blow it or I'll send you graphic images of your naked grandfather every night for the rest of your life._

"Yes... I want to be with you." 'When did my voice get so hoarse?'

There is something very much like triumph in Kyou's eyes as he stalks towards her and wraps her in his arms. Tohru doesn't think that she'll survive if her heart beats any faster.

"So you aren't in love with that kuso nezumi."

Tohru very badly wants to agree, wants to do anything to keep him running his hands over her back and sides, but she can't lie. "I care about both of you."

Kyou suddenly pulls out of the embrace, moving a few steps out of her reach. Tohru's heart wrenches at the loss of contact.

"Tohru, it's not fair to tease me."

_Naked grandfather! Naked grandfather!_

Tohru walks slowly, carefully towards Kyou, as if he might run if she moves too quickly. He stands there, fists clenched at his sides, as she approaches him and gently cups his cheek with her hand. "I'm not trying to tease you."

She reaches for him with her other hand, but he is much, much faster. She is spun around, back against the tree as his mouth attacks her face. He is sloppy, demanding and their noses and teeth keep knocking together. It seems like he is going to eat her and not in a good sense. She pulls back slightly.

"Kyou, let's slow down. I've never really kissed anyone before and I want to try this slower."

_That was very diplomatic. Poor kid. Seems like he's been waiting for this for a long time._

Oh this is much better. He's almost hesitant now, lightly brushing her forehead, her eyelids, 'When did I close my eyes?' the tips of her ears, the pulse point on her neck. Every hair on her neck is standing on end as his lips move back up her throat to the corner of her mouth. She is panting slightly as he moves his mouth over hers. He takes advantage of her open lips to gently caress each of them before moving his tongue forward. Tohru shyly copies him. Somehow, the butterfly brushes the cat as she brushes against Kyou. Oh gods, this is what it is supposed to feel like. She can feel all of Kyou, his rapidly beating heart, the joy of his cat spirit and the lo-

Kyou isn't there anymore. He has moved back and is staring at Tohru with wide, panicked eyes. "What happened?"

She notices that his breathing is heavy and his entire body is vibrating slightly.

"I think... I think that our animals touched. Did you not like it?"

Kyou closes his eyes. "It was incredible."

"Then why stop?"

_Wow, I didn't even have to prompt you! You ARE a little vixen._

This time, there is no hesitation at all.

_You do know that you are going to spend the rest of the day picking bark out of your clothes?_

Tohru mentally makes a very rude gesture before her brain stops functioning altogether.

-###-

Tohru is fairly sure that she looks like she has survived a hurricane or at least a small tropical storm. Her clothing refuses to lay flat anymore and her hair is full of bark and tree sap. _Told you so. _She can feel the stubble burn on her cheeks and her lips seem to have been stung by a very angry hornet. At least she can take comfort in the fact that Kyou is in even worse shape. Pulling out of their kiss, he managed to trip on a tree root and cover himself in leaves and dirt. He had still been a little shaky when he told Tohru that he was just going to rest under the tree for a while.

Tohru floats to the bathroom, floats through a second shower and floats through a hurried breakfast. Kyou still hasn't returned by the time she moves to the porch to stare blindly down the driveway.

She is so very tired and dizzy and confused. When Yuki walks behind her and scoops her up, she makes no protest. He lowers her onto the step and she lets him position her between his legs, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. They sit for a while in content silence, feet dangling from the porch. Yuki is the one who finally speaks.

"I'm scared that I am selfish, Tohru. Even knowing what you must have gone through, I keep thinking how happy I am that I can hug you. Please forgive me."

Tohru half turns in his arms and gently places a finger on his lips. "I'm happy that I can hug you too. You shouldn't say sorry unless you have really hurt someone, otherwise it means nothing."

Yuki looks at her, and somehow his violet eyes seem almost black. "I am glad that you don't think that you need to apologize anymore."

Tohru's smile is more than a little guilty. "Well, I still do think that I need to apologize, but I keep my mouth from actually saying it. It is very hard most of the time."

"Why don't I help keep you from talking?" And suddenly his mouth is on hers.

_Okay, that is the cheesiest pick-up line since 'Are you tired baby 'cause you've been running through my mind?' Though you have to give him points for having the balls to use it._

The kissing is soft but it seems directionless and kind of... boring.

_Obviously rat-boy has seen a few too many American romances with that stupid closemouthed pecking. This calls for drastic measures._

Tohru decides to take control of the situation.

_Well you couldn't exactly play the "I've never been kissed" card this time._

The next time Yuki's mouth passes her own, she threads her fingers through his hair and forces his mouth open by biting his lower lip. When Yuki freezes she pushes her tongue in and once again the butterfly brushes a Jyuunishi spirit.

Tohru feels fire, both hers and Yuki's, burning through her. The connection isn't the same as Kyou's, but it is equally powerful. She is swept away on the sensation of feeling Yuki in her mind, his heart beating with her own. Yuki seems to have enthusiastically given himself over to the new kissing and isn't slowing down in the slightest. The piece of Tohru's brain that hasn't melted notes that now she is really in trouble. Then that piece too is gone and Tohru loses all ability to think whatsoever.

"**_What are you doing kissing the kuso nezumi?_**"

_Well sweetie looks like it's showtime._

-###-

Before Yuki can make some smug response, before Kyou can start talking again, Tohru moves out of Yuki's arms and holds up her hand. "Please, I need to talk to both of you and I need you two to not talk until I am finished. Can we go into the living room?"

The boys trail after her like two well-trained pets, obviously a little stunned by her forcefulness. When they reach the living room, Tohru takes a deep breath and turns to face them.

"I kissed both of you today."

Surprisingly, her raised hand actually stalls both of their responses.

"I love both of you. I can't choose one over the other. I know that it is unfair, but I will either be with both of you or neither of you."

Tohru decides to leave while she is still able to walk. By the time she reaches the porch, she can no longer stand because she is shaking so badly.

_Well that was very gutsy sweetie, but what are you going to do if they don't agree?_

Tohru really, really doesn't want to think about that. Of course, it is now that her brain starts working again.

"What have I done?"

-###-

So here's the decision. Please don't hate me. I honestly didn't think this was going to be as much of a surprise as it seems to be. And remember that the boys still have to respond to her....

**Anaphalis' Guide to the Colors that Tohru Sees**: I thought that I should put up my own interpretation of the colors that Tohru's seeing. Everyone's welcome to their own point of view though:) The colors are kind of important since they are one of the major things that are helping Tohru be less emotionally dense in this story. Of course since a color can still have multiple meanings, she still gets to be a wee bit confused :) As a side note, the "base" color for a person wouldn't necessarily have the same meaning as the color on the list. Confused yet? It gets better... So here goes:

**Red**- passion (either anger or lust), consuming need or desire (not necessarily lust)

**Black-** hatred, blind rage, suspicion, extreme fear, extreme jealousy, extreme shame/self-loathing/guilt, extreme sorrow, extreme lust (basically any dark emotional extreme)

**White**- calmness, reflection, emotional null

**Gold**- love, hope, some types of happiness

**Green**- jealousy, cynicism

**Purple**- shame, guilt, self-doubt, embarrassment, discomfort

**Blue- **sorrow, regret

**Grey**- exhaustion, hopelessness

**Canary Yellow**- joy, innocent happiness

**Pink**- nervousness

I'll add more as I think of them. If I've forgotten any please let me know!

-###-

**Reviewer Responses**

**Amaya Hanyou**: Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Poor Kyou- it seems like he got a bit of a rough deal when they handed out the animal spirits :) Thank you for taking the time to review- it really makes my day:) Just to let you know- I have no intention of stopping the story- it's mainly written up to about Chapter 20 and I've got most of the last two chapters done as well, so it is going to get finished.

**A Panda from CTY**: Thank you for your well wishes- it was a little bit rough, but I'm doing a lot better now. Well, guess you got Tohru's take on the relationships this chapter. You'll have to wait until next time to see what the boys say though, but I will be updating a lot faster now.

**Rinagurl13**: Yah- Tohru's had a bit of a tough time with Akito, but I think that things are getting better now. I love Butterfly too and I'm really happy when other people say that they like Butterfly.

**th8r-goddess**: I really appreciated you taking the time to give me constructive criticism in your review. A big part of why I am posting here is to learn how to be a better writer and criticism is one of the best ways to learn to improve. #Sigh# The rape flashback. I actually only marked the one flashback in the story and it was more because of a problem of mine than any real stylistic reason. I often find myself completely turned off stories that include non-consensual sex and I wanted to be able to give people who might feel the same way the option of avoiding the scene. Therefore I mentioned in the warnings that I would mark the rape flashback within the chapter. Obviously I didn't make this clear enough and I'm really sorry that the flashback markings pulled you out of the story- I'll try to find a better solution next time. As for the intelligence of my audience- I tend to assume that everyone is pretty smart and that if they are confused it's my fault as a writer and not theirs as a reader. Thank you for giving me such an involved review!

**blackwidow13**: Thank you for your kind review! You helped inspire me to post as soon as I got back (so I get to blame you if my editing is really bad :) I'm glad that you and your friends enjoyed the story. I have really enjoyed writing this and it makes me very happy if other people enjoy it as well.

_Updated 11-28-04_


	11. Chapter 10: Sound of Disappointment

**Chapter Summary**: 'Compromise' just means that nobody gets what they want.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 10: Sound of Disappointment**

_Have you ever felt the sound of disappointment?_

_It pounds in your head like hammer blows._

_Comes on gentle and smiling._

_And it likes to leave a scar before it goes._

-Eurythmics, "Here Comes That Sinking Feeling"

Tohru can't stop shaking. She buries her head in her hands, hoping that somehow this will stop the pounding in her temples. She hears the door open and raises her head to see Yuki and Kyou sit down on either side of her on the steps.

"I'm not having sex with the rat."

Tohru isn't sure what to say to that.

Kyou runs a shaky hand through his hair. When he speaks again he sounds broken, resigned. "I have no pride when it comes to you, Tohru. I will take whatever you can give me- even if it means sharing you with the nezumi."

Yuki sounds equally defeated. "I have never wanted anyone else. I don't even know how to stop wanting you. I will do whatever it takes to be with you." His shoulders slump forward as if the words have drained him of all energy.

'If I've won, then why do I feel like I lost?'

_You've got what you wanted sweetie. You didn't really expect them to be happy about it, did you? This is definitely a best-case scenario._

'I don't want them to be unhappy with me!'

_Any way that you went someone was going to be hurt. Why don't you show them that this doesn't have to be bad?_

Ignoring the graphic, three-way images that Butterfly is sending her, Tohru realizes that Butterfly has made a good suggestion. She wraps an arm around Kyou, pulling his head in to rest on her shoulder. She uses her other hand to push an unresisting Yuki on to her lap. The words that come are a mixture of her thoughts and the butterfly's maturity. "I don't expect you to do anything with each other or with me with the other around. I know how unhappy you both must be, but I promise that I will spend a lot of time with each of you. I have put you both in a very bad situation, but I will let you decide how you want that situation to work. If I can be with both the people I love, I don't care how it works. If there is anything I can do to make this better for you, let me know. Tell me if you aren't happy. I love you both so much and I just want us all to be happy."

Yuki's face is now pressed against her stomach and Kyou's lips are brushing the hollow of her neck. It should cause an ache of arousal, but instead Tohru only feels a desperate need to comfort them, to show them that this really can work.

_Let me touch their minds. I can give them some of the peace that I give you when you are upset._

Tohru feels Kyou's body loosen, sees Yuki's face go slack. She can see how easy it would be to tweak their minds, to push them into doing what she wants. The thought sickens her. 'Stop! Not like this- not ever like this.' It is too late. The horrifying memory of Kureno flashes in her mind.

**He is mine, as they all are, little girl. Why are you so upset? I'm not hurting him- only making him move, making him talk. I may have no animal to call, but I am God. So what do gods control Tohru? Very good. Gods control people. The cursed will always have me in their minds, as long as they don't go too far away. And why would they? I am their god and they all love me. Don't you rooster? That's right- nod for me. I may not always touch other people's minds, but I can make a simple, short-term bond in them. Would you like me to touch your mind, Tohru? Would you like me to show you what the power of a god feels like?**

'No. No. I am not Akito! I'm not!'

She has pushed away from the suddenly tense boys and is curled in a little ball on the porch rocking back and forth.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.... I didn't mean to control you...."

_You couldn't touch their minds unless they wanted you to. Snap out of it! You're scaring them!_

'Don't you dare to talk to me! Monster!'

It is like half her mind has suddenly shut off. Tohru can no longer feel Butterfly. She raises swollen, tear-filled eyes and, sure enough, the boys are hovering over her looking completely terrified.

Yuki's voice is hardly more than a whisper. "Tohru... what's going on?"

Tohru starts to rock again- the boys seem unsure whether or not they should touch her, their hands darting back and forth above her shoulders. "I can't tell you. I _can't._ Please, please don't ask me. I'm so, so sorry. I swear I will never hurt you. I didn't mean to- I'm not her. I'm not." She's verging on hysteria now, her breath coming in great choking sobs.

"Oh gods, Tohru."

Kyou has wrapped his arms around her waist and is pressing light kisses to her temple. Yuki has one arm under her shoulder blades and is using his other hand to stroke her cheek.

"No more questions, Tohru, I promise. I don't know why you think you were hurting us just now, but I know that I- I wanted you in my mind then. I wanted to feel that connection that I felt when we kissed, just to know that it wasn't an accident, that you actually felt something for me."

Kyou stops kissing her to raise his head and meet her eyes. "I don't know what you mean by controlling, but I also wanted to feel our animals touching again. I hate having to share you, Tohru but I would much rather share you than not have you at all. Stupid girl- you've never hurt me. I don't think you even know how to. Please stop crying. I can't handle crying."

Kyou looks so comically pathetic that Tohru chokes out a hiccupping half-laugh half-sob. She's not hyperventilating anymore, and she leans into the boys, letting their steady heartbeats calm her back down.

They all sit in silence- Kyou feathering light kisses over her head while Yuki brushes his hand over her face and neck. Somehow, Tohru can dimly feel their auras in the back of her head and she realizes what Butterfly said was true- she couldn't have touched the boys' minds unless they were willing to let her in. She would like to stay longer here in the comfort of their embrace, but it is starting to get cold and the last thing that she wants to do is to get anyone sick. It is time to go back inside and move on with life.

She's still shaky, there are drying tear tracks on her cheeks and she really needs to blow her nose, but there is something that she has to do first. "I'll come into the house with you two in a minute, but first I need a little time to myself. I'm so very sorry about all of this."

Kyou and Yuki both get up and stand beside her. Kyou speaks first. "You were right you know- there wasn't any way you could have picked one of us without hurting all of us. It's just going to take some time to get used to it, that's all."

Yuki places a hand on her shoulder before he goes in. "I've had Akito in my head before Tohru. I won't ask you what happened, but I want you to know that what you did was nothing like that."

Then they are both gone and Tohru is left alone with her ominously silent mind.

'Butterfly?'

Silence.

'I know what I said was wrong- you're not a monster. I've just been so confused and scared.... I don't know what's happening to me anymore.'

Silence.

'I never meant to hurt you, but the boys mean everything to me. If I ever did anything to them like what Akito did to Kureno....'

Silence.

'I'm sorry.'

_Well, at least you've learned when to apologize. _

'I really am sorry.'

_Then give me my three-way action, damn it!_

'Well I'm glad you're feeling better- but it's not going to happen.'

_I think I liked you better when you thought I was evil. _

**Reviewer Responses**

**Rinagurl13**: There's just something funny about butterflies. Or maybe I'm just strange :) Glad you're enjoying the humor in the story!

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: Well, everyone seems to be taking this a lot better than I expected. I'm really happy because I really couldn't see Tohru going any other way, since I think that she loves both of them. Or maybe it's just that Tohru can't give up either of her two gorgeous bishis -whistles and pretends Anaphalis didn't say that- Either way, it ends up being really important to the plot, so it's not something I could change anyways. Good to hear from you again and I'm delighted that you still like the story!

**Kitsuyei**: I'm back and on track! Your review made me feel warm and fuzzy- thank you :)

**AmuberuMukku**: Not to give too much away, but I'm afraid that the "little romance" is going to take over for the next little bit. What can I say? I love romance too :) I hope that you still enjoy the next couple of chapters anyways.

**madeleine**: That's always one of the things that struck me in the manga (completely ignoring the most recent story arc) was that if Tohru ever became aware of both of the boys' feelings for her, she would never be able to choose one over the other. Aside from not being willing to hurt them, I really do think that she loves both of them in slightly different ways. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**phantomoftheflame**: All this story love! I'm so happy! I really enjoy writing this and it makes me so happy that other people enjoy it as well.

**Sachi-Kohana**: Eep! How did you get ahold of my plot outline :)? Seriously though, Akito is definitely not out of the picture yet, but that's all I'm going to say for now. And never be afraid to suggest ideas- it sounds like you have a lot of good ones :) I'm glad that you weren't surprised by what Tohru said- I really didn't think that she would be able to choose between the two people that she obviously loves. I'm really happy that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you like the upcoming chapters!

**Amaya Hanyou**: Yup- Tohru has guts. I think that she wasn't quite thinking clearly when she made her ultimatum, but she definitely is... gutsy. Seriously though, I really couldn't see my particular version of Tohru choosing one of the boys over the other (actually I sort of think the same thing about the manga but that's a whole 'nother story). Good to hear from you again!


	12. Chapter 11: Starting in Passion

**Author's Note**: From this chapter on, there will be adult situations in the story. They won't be graphic, but if you are underage or don't wish to read about sexual situations you may not want to read any farther. As for the really long quote this chapter- I think this is one of the best descriptions of sexual desire ever. Best of all, it's over two hundred years old :)

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**kuso nezumi**- damn rat

**kaisou**- seaweed salad

**chibi-onigiri**- little riceball

**Romaji**- Roman alphabet (normal English alphabet)

**Chapter Summary**: Two guys, one horny butterfly and a confused Tohru. Plot? What plot?

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. And because I probably should have said this a long time ago- Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- mild adult situations, non-graphic.

**Chapter 11: Starting in Passion**

_Tell me what love is, what can it be_

_What is this yearning burning in me?_

_Can I survive it, will I endure?_

_This is my sickness, is there a cure?_

_First this obsession seizing my brain,_

_Starting in passion, ending in pain._

_I start to shiver, then I'm on fire,_

_Then I'm aquiver with seething desire._

_Who knows the secret, who holds the key?_

_I long for something - what can it be?_

- Lorenzo da Ponte, trans. "Voi Che Sapete" from 'The Marriage of Figaro'

Kyou could probably have a future as a fortune-teller. It is taking 'some time to get used to it'. The boys seem to be avoiding each other even more than they would normally and when they do meet, they glare at one another. Fortunately, the start of school has allowed little time for any of them to mope around.

Tohru was accepted into the cooking program with an emphasis on traditional Japanese preparations and both Kyou's and Yuki's programs were accepted by the university. With only one car between the three of them, they have to perform a complicated dance to make sure that everyone gets where they need to go at the right time.

Typically, Tohru prepares all three meals in bento boxes before they leave for classes. Both of the boys run classes from mid-morning to early evening and home suppers are now impossible during the week. In the morning the boys drop Tohru off at the trade college and park the car at the university campus. Because of his double major, Yuki has the longest overall day, so Kyou picks Tohru up in the afternoon after her classes. Then Tohru either has to sit quietly in his emergency response class or help him 'study' in the university library until Yuki finishes class.

_Got to love that studying in the library. _

Ah yes... Tohru is very, very grateful that, so far, Yuki's classes haven't gotten out early.

-###-

Kyou and Tohru are currently in the farthest corner of the library, well out of sight of the other students or librarians. Tohru tries not to feel nervous, but every time they have sat in this corner they have ended up kissing at some point and she really needs to prepare for tomorrow's classes.

They are good for about half an hour. Tohru carefully reads through the preparations for the next day and Kyou does his practice math problems. When he reaches down to grab his biology textbook, Tohru makes the mistake of meeting his eyes.

Kyou reaches over to her chair and smoothly pulls her onto his lap, pressing his lips to the base of her neck. "So- want to help me study human anatomy?"

_Gods, that's even **worse** than Yuki's line. _

Tohru would answer Butterfly but she's far too busy fumbling with the zipper on Kyou's hoodie.

Kyou seems to be ignoring her shirt buttons altogether. His hands are pushing her top up while he gently nips at her ear lobe. Tohru gives up on the zipper and pushes Kyou back while he shrugs out of his sweatshirt. He isn't wearing anything underneath.

Tohru can't resist- she runs her hands over the toned muscles on his stomach as they jerk under her fingers. Suddenly Kyou has turned her in his lap so that she is straddling his legs and her now half-bare chest is pressed tightly against his. She wraps her arms around his neck as he gives her a kiss that threatens to turn her entire body to jelly. She vaguely realizes that they are rocking on the chair, but a particularly hard movement pulls her out of her lust-induced haze.

"We... we can't do this in the library and Yuki-"

Kyou pulls back instantly.

_You sure know how to kill the mood. _

"Is that kuso nezumi always going to be there when I touch you?"

"I can't go any farther with either of you until we've all decided how this going to work. It wouldn't be fair to any of us."

Kyou sighs and cradles her against his chest. "You're right, but I still don't have to like it."

Tohru kisses his shoulder. "I love you."

They quietly straighten out their clothes and by the time Yuki shows up they are completely back to normal. If only Tohru didn't wish that she _hadn't_ stopped Kyou.

-###-

Tohru tries to put the library sessions out of her mind during the day. There is a lot of work involved in becoming a professional chef and Tohru needs to use all of her focusing abilities to try and keep up with the rest of the class. On top of the many techniques that she needs to learn, Tohru has to avoid any accidents in the kitchens. She thanks Kyou daily for her martial arts lessons because most of her class is male and the last thing she needs to do is to transform in the middle of a boiling pot or a chopping board. And it is a lot more difficult to avoid transformations than she would have thought. Tohru has never thought of herself as pretty, but she assumes that the men in her class are looking for potential wives as well as becoming chefs.

_Sweetie- I don't think 'wives' is the word that you're looking for._

As she avoids her third attempted grope of the day, she feels a whole new sympathy for Yuki and his ever-present Fan Club.

_Hey, he was **never **surrounded by lots of sharp, pointy objects when they chased after him! They hug us here and we end up as Butterfly-kabobs!_

Tohru has also developed a whole new appreciation for Butterfly, who seems to have a sixth sense for when someone is trying to grab her.

_I can't believe I'm turning down potential action, but when my life's on the line.... Just promise me that I'll get something sooner or later?_

Tohru avoids a fourth grope while she tries to create the proper presentation for her kaisou. It is going to be a long day.

While eating her pre-packed bento box, Tohru starts to feel depressed. She doesn't dare eat with any of the men in her class and she is far too shy to approach any of the girls. Now, sitting by herself on the front lawn, she really, really misses Hana-chan and Uo-chan. A lump forms in her throat as she realizes that they probably don't even remember her. What makes her feel even more guilty is that she is quite willing to have her two former best friends forget her if it means that she can stay here with Yuki and Kyou. It has been two weeks since classes started and she is ashamed to admit that she misses the boys more every day. She had gotten used to having their full attention. Now, she only sees Kyou for a few hours in the evenings during the week and Yuki hardly at all. She is so intent on trying to snap out of her misery that she misses the person coming up behind her until masculine arms appear around her waist.

_Oh shit._

Tohru closes her eyes, waiting for the pain of the transformation, but it doesn't come.

"You know, you need to pay more attention, silly. Anyone could sneak up on you."

Tohru half-turns in his arms, a bright smile on her face. "Kyou... It's so good to see you!"

"It's not the same having lunch without my favorite silly girl. I looked at your schedule and I noticed that our lunches were at the same time-"

He is cut off as Tohru presses a hard kiss to his lips. Kyou seems to be more than happy to return the favor and they are soon enthusiastically wrapped around one another. Kyou pulls back with a slight smirk. "I'm glad to see you too."

Tohru smiles happily, her earlier depression forgotten. "I'm so happy! I get to eat lunch with you and maybe now the men in my class will leave me alone."

Kyou almost instantly stiffens underneath her. "Are people bothering you? Just point them out to me...."

Tohru gulps. "N-n-no, no. It's all fine. I'm sure that everything will go smoothly now that they know that I have a boyfriend."

But it is too late; Kyou is already glaring suspiciously at the various men spread out over the front lawn of the college. Tohru gulps a second time. One of her more persistent would-be-gropers has apparently decided to take Kyou up on his challenge and is walking over to them.

"Hey Tohru-kun, is that punk bothering you?"

Kyou bristles instantly. "How dare you speak so familiarly to her!"

Tohru decides that something needs to be done before they all get kicked off the grounds. Butterfly is no help whatsoever.

_He's fighting for your honor! And he's so hot when he's sweaty and dirty!_

Tohru can't really disagree, but she would rather not be expelled just to see hot and sweaty Kyou.

"Kyou...." She places a restraining hand on his arm and turns to her classmate. "This is Himura Kyou."

The man's eyes widen. "But you're Himura Tohru...." Without another word, he turns and walks away.

Tohru is nervous about facing Kyou- she's not sure how he is going to react to her little lie. She needn't have worried. Kyou pulls her against his chest and whispers into her ear. "That was brilliant... but if I'm going to be your husband doesn't that mean that I get special privileges?"

Tohru gives him a playful smack on the side of his head and burrows back into his arms. She could get used to this.

-###-

Later that evening, Tohru wonders if she's allowed to claim Kyou as her husband when he's not about to get into a fight. If Tohru's class has too many guys, Kyou's class has way too many girls. It hadn't been so bad in the previous classes, but tonight the women seem to be trying to make her as upset as possible.

'That tall one just ran her hands up and down his arm!'

_Easy does it, sweetie. We can kill her on the way out. _

Tohru tries to be generous. 'That's okay Butterfly- I'm sure that they are actually very nice people and- **What is she doing to his leg?**'

_Don't worry- we'll make it a painful death._

Tohru fumes in the corner for the rest of the class, trying unsuccessfully to concentrate on her work for the next day. The announcement of the next part of the course almost makes her act out.

'If one of those... ask him for help with the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation....'

_Good girl. Don't worry- you're the only one Kyou's been watching. If you undid a few buttons on your blouse, I bet he wouldn't be able to concentrate at all. _

Tohru actually has to tell herself that undoing her blouse is a bad, bad idea. Fortunately, Kyou comes over before she loses the struggle.

"Hey Tohru, mind if I borrow you for the next part?"

The instructor frowns when Kyou brings Tohru back to the group. "Normally we just use the inflatable dummies to practice resuscitation."

Kyou gives her a charming smile. "But since my wife is here anyways, wouldn't it be much more beneficial to practice on a real person?"

_Oh, I like how he thinks._

Tohru has to agree.

Kyou whispers in her ear as he counts breaths. "Thank god you're here- I thought I'd never get rid of those harpies." His smile is almost devilish as he leans over top of her. "Plus I get to cover your mouth with mine for course credit."

_You know, the boy has a way with words._

-###-

While things are progressing very quickly with Kyou, Tohru hasn't seen all that much of Yuki. His double course load consumes all of his time during the week and, even on weekends, he seems overwhelmed with homework. Really the only time that Tohru gets to see Yuki and talk to him is when it is his night to sleep beside her. She knows that he basically just needs comfort and a sympathetic ear on those nights, but it is frustrating to not be able to touch him like she touches Kyou. About all that she is able to do is give him a massage to relax some of his tense muscles. Strangely, he sometimes seems tenser after she finishes than before she started.

Somehow, what had been meant as a temporary solution to Tohru's nightmares has become a permanent sleeping arrangement. The boys still alternate sleeping nights beside her on the bed, but now they are much more comfortable with slinging an arm over her waist or snuggling up against her as they sleep. After Tohru told them that she wasn't ready to move farther until they both worked out what they wanted, they both keep the touching in the bed fairly innocent. What is puzzling her is that both of the boys now get up long before she does on the nights that they share her bed. Tohru has always been an early riser, but even Yuki seems to be up and dressed before she is when he sleeps with her.

Tohru feels a little neglected when she wakes in the morning to an empty bed, especially since she is starting to feel insecure about Yuki's feelings. She is shifting around, trying to go back to sleep, when she hears a soft moan coming from down the hallway. Tohru panics.

'What if one of the boys is hurt? I hope that I get there in time!'

She quickly gets out of bed and paces down the hallway, only to stop, frozen, in front of the partially open bathroom door.

Yuki is standing in the bathroom, his eyes closed, with one hand bracing himself against the wall. The other hand leaves little doubt as to what he is doing. In front of Tohru's horrified, fascinated eyes, Yuki's hips suddenly jerk. "Tohru...."

Tohru pulls out of her shock and runs down the hallway back to the bedroom.

_On the bright side, you don't need to worry about his feelings anymore._

'What am I going to do?'

_Well, his birthday is coming up...._

'Oh my goodness! I almost forgot Yuki's birthday!'

And with that, Tohru tries to put what she saw out of her mind and gets down to some serious panicking.

'He mentioned needing some new pruning shears for his green house course work. Maybe I can get Kyou to give me a ride to town tonight instead of studying? And I can pick up some ingredients and make that 'Devils' Food cake' that we tried in our dessert elective-'

_Breathe. Everything will work out. I still like my gift idea better though._

'Not thinking about it... Um... are they all so...'

_Big? Nope- you're one lucky chibi-onigiri._

'Not thinking about this, not thinking about this-'

"Kyou! Could you take me to town after class today?"

-###-

Tohru is excited. Yuki's birthday falls on the weekend, which means that she may actually be able to spend some time with him. In the effort to surprise Yuki, she didn't mention his birthday at all. She even asked Kyou to wake her when he got up on the morning of the birthday so she could bake the cake.

Now she is trying to prepare the cake using her very weak English skills to understand some of the Romaji words. "Well, happy birthday to me. And here I'd thought you'd forgotten." Yuki is leaning against the entrance to the kitchen, his aura glowing red.

"Y-y-yuki! You're not supposed to be up yet!"

Yuki has a very predatory smile on his face. "I smelled the chocolate from upstairs. Woke me out of a very pleasant dream. Do you know what it was?"

Yuki is beside her now and Tohru couldn't move if she tried. Her voice comes out as a breathy whisper. "What was it?"

Yuki leans in behind her, his mouth above her ear. "Actually it was more of a memory. A memory of someone standing and watching me."

'Oh no!'

_Oh **yes**!_

Tohru is fairly sure that she is the color of Kyou's hair. She tries to speak, but suddenly her throat is as dry as sandpaper.

Yuki's arms wrap around her waist. "You've got chocolate on your face." And he licks her cheek.

Tohru can't breathe. She really hopes Butterfly can keep her lungs working.

_Oh don't worry about me, sweetie. I'd be much more concerned about those noises you're making while he's kissing your earlobe. _

"What the hell?"

Yuki stops whatever he is doing to her ear and neck and turns a very black look on Kyou.

Kyou and Yuki seem to be communicating strictly by glares. Kyou looks away first. "Happy birthday, nezumi. I think that I need to go into town to check out the local dojo and see if I can't practice there. Have fun." Kyou doesn't even look at Tohru as he walks out of the kitchen and exits the house.

Yuki resumes nibbling Tohru's ear. "Best birthday present the neko could give me."

Tohru swallows hard. She didn't think that baking a cake was going to be this difficult.

-###-

Eventually the cake does get done and Tohru sticks it aside to cool until they can all have a piece. Kyou still isn't back when Tohru brings Yuki his present to open.

Tohru hands him the wrapped shears. "Happy birthday, Yuki. I still have to finish writing your card though."

'Because you distracted me so badly this morning that I wasn't able to get anything other than the cake done.'

Yuki opens the shears with a smile of genuine pleasure. "Thank you Tohru, these are perfect."

He walks towards her and suddenly Tohru feels like a very small animal faced with a very large predator.

"I'll just go get that card now."

Yuki says nothing, but flashes her the same smile he gave her that morning. Tohru is breathing hard enough to have run a marathon by the time she finally reaches her room.

_What are you so afraid of?_

'I'm not afraid exactly, it's just I've never seen Yuki like this and it's confusing and a little much somehow.'

_You've just described every relationship since the beginning of time. Just let things go their own way- neither of the boys would ever intentionally hurt you. _

Strangely, this calms Tohru down enough that she is almost anticipating the next move in the day's game of cat and mouse.

She is sitting on the bed trying to write Yuki's card, when Yuki himself comes into the bedroom. She doesn't even notice him until she is wrapped in his arms and pulled back against his chest. His mouth is right above her ear as he whispers and Tohru shivers.

"Happy birthday to me."

Almost instantly, Yuki has gently pushed her onto her back, hovering over her as he kisses his way down her face. He straddles her legs, looking down on Tohru for a few minutes before he moves. Tohru shivers again- Yuki's eyes are so dilated that they seem completely black. Then he places his hands on her thighs, slowly moving them up and under her blouse. Tohru stifles a moan as he brushes over her bra, kissing her breast through the blouse even as he touches her underneath. He moves his mouth back up to hers and she tangles her hands in his hair, pulling him in for a better angle. Yuki has gotten much, much better at kissing. Tohru feels like she is moving in a fog- she doesn't remember putting her hands up under Yuki's shirt or Yuki removing her blouse entirely. It is only when he thrusts his hips against hers that Tohru comes back to her senses.

"Yuki... we need to stop."

Yuki is panting, his eyes squeezed tight. "Just... Just give me a minute."

He moves off her, turning to lie on his side facing away from her. "I'm sorry Tohru- I didn't mean to let things get so out of control."

Tohru lies down behind Yuki and puts her arm around his waist. Yuki tenses for a minute before relaxing back into her embrace. "I'm sorry to be so confusing, but I need to talk to both of you before I go any farther."

There is only silence from Yuki.

Tohru feels a sudden surge of panic. She moves her hand so that it rests over Yuki's heart.

"I love you."

Yuki covers her hand with his own. "Happy birthday to me."

-###-

Tohru must have fallen asleep, because when she wakes up she is wrapped in Yuki's arms, her blouse still lying on the floor. Kyou is standing in the doorway, his face expressionless.

"This can't go on like this."

Yuki stirs behind Tohru. "I completely agree, neko. You and I need to talk. We need to figure out how this going to work- with your permission of course, Tohru."

Tohru half-turns in his arms so that she can face both of them. "I told you that I would let you two decide how this was going to work as long as I could be with both of you. As long as you both agree on who starts to take things farther-" Here she can't help but blush, but she manages to rally again. "On who starts to take things farther, then I will go along with whatever you decide."

Kyou and Yuki look at each other. "Come on nezumi, let's get this settled before we all go up in flames."

**Reviewer Responses**

**blackwidow13**: Oh! I forgot to say it last time, but I hope that your moving went well- I've always hated moving and I hope that your move went a lot smoother than mine ever went. I'm sorry about blaming you, but I don't think that there was too much there to get you in trouble:) I'm glad that you liked Tohru picking both of the boys- I had a really hard time imagining her choosing between them, especially since she knew that they both had some feelings for her as well. Incidentally, I've always figured that this is going to be a problem in the manga at some point, but who knows? As always, it's a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Kitsuyei**: Thanks for reviewing again! The boys' reactions... Well, I couldn't see Yuki and Kyou jumping up and down with joy when Tohru dropped that little bombshell. Not sure if what I had is any better, but I think that it's going to take a little while to sort out the relationships now. Three-way action? You must be another one of those pervy Butterfly Minions :) I keep telling Butterfly to keep you guys on a tighter leash....

**Rinagurl13**: I'm really glad that you liked the chapter- it was kind of an emotionally up and down chapter and I wasn't sure how well it was going to work out. _Another_ Butterfly fancier? I don't know what Butterfly's doing, but I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on it.

**A Panda from CTY**: You know, when I first started writing this a really long time ago, before I ever posted it on FFnet, I spent a long time agonizing over how I would resolve the relationship between the three of them. And then I found a major plot point that needed all three of them together and I haven't looked back since :) I know that it's a bit of an odd solution, but for some reason, plot point aside, I think that it's the best fit for this particular story. Of course, that's just my Tohru-could-never-choose-between-them opinion :) And yes, there's still a lot of stuff that's going to need to be worked out. Great to hear from you again!

**Nekko-Chan**: I'm really happy that you enjoyed the story so much,- it makes me happy that other people can have fun reading something that I enjoyed writing. I'm actually a terrible speller, but because I know that I'm also really paranoid about checking my spelling so it all works out in the end :)

**Taran-Wanderer**: I'm delighted that there are so many other people out there who like Tohru picking up both Yuki and Kyou. And here I was scared that I'd be the only one.... Thank you for taking the time to comment and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**GirlWaterShaman**: Eep! Auras! Thanks for asking such a very good question! Actually, when I was writing out my idea for what Tohru was seeing I was kind of combining the thought that butterflies see really different colors than we do and that a lot of animals (although probably not butterflies) are able to pick up on emotional states, probably through smelling chemical changes in the body. I sort of combined the two together to get Tohru able to see colors that sort of represented emotions. I'm not sure if that's an aura or not.... There's actually another reason for how and why Tohru can see these colors, but that's not showing up until a lot later in the story. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story!

**hatori still isn't mine**: I have to say this- I love your user name :) What can I say- I have a lot of dragon-love. I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story, although I'm not entirely sure where all you Evil Butterfly Minions came from. I really have to have a word with Butterfly.

**kayla**: Yup. The big revelation in the manga this past summer was that Akito was actually female. I think that everyone was shocked :) If you're curious about pictures, sites like randomfandomcom and some of the other Fruits Basket fansites have scans of the er... conclusive image. Because I'm a complete and total freak, as soon as I found out that Akito was a woman I went, 'Cool- that explains so much about her relationship with Tohru.' and immediately started writing this story :) I guess I'll add you to the Evil Butterfly Minion list then? Thanks for reviewing- I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**MissTeya**: Wow. I'm thrilled that you are enjoying the story. "The Conqueror's Wife" was one of the stories that got me interested in fanfiction in the first place. Looking at your profile, I was shocked to realize that you had written so many other stories and I'm now making it a personal goal to sit down and try to catch up a bit :) I hope that you continue to enjoy the story and I appreciate you taking the time to review.

**bookworm0492**: Not the puppy dog pout! I hope that this is a fast enough update and that you continue to enjoy the story.

_Updated 12-06-04_


	13. Chapter 12: I'm Yours

**Author's Note**: After reading the review responses from both sites, I've decided that I want to get my beta a t-shirt for Christmas. On the front would be a picture of Butterfly and underneath would be "Give me my three-way action, damn it!" and on the back would be "Pervy Butterfly Minion". Of course there are two major problems with this 1) he would probably kill me and 2) my artistic ability is limited to ducks. And mushrooms. Just don't ask.

I also want to quickly note that the song quote is _not _meant to be a sign of a healthy relationship.

**Chapter Summary**: Sex, violence, and angst. Not necessarily in that order.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- sexual situations and non-graphic violence. Sexual situations are suggestive rather than graphic, but if for some reason you feel that they **are **too graphic for FFNet- please e-mail me and let me know and I will edit the scene.

**Chapter 12: I'm Yours**

_So taunt me and hurt me,_

_Deceive me, desert me;_

_I'm yours 'til I die!_

_So in love with you,_

_My love, am I._

- Cole Porter, "So in Love" from 'Kiss Me, Kate'

Tohru stares into the bathroom mirror as she quickly swallows one of the birth control pills. It's been five weeks since she started taking them and she still feels embarrassed every time she opens the packet.

_Why? Safe sex is good sex, boys and girls._

'But I'm not having sex.'

_But you want to be. And it's about time, I might add. How are we going to have a threesome if you can't even have sex with one of them?_

'No threesome, Butterfly. And I don't know... Somehow I always thought that I'd be married before I had sex.'

_Well you can hardly marry both of them._

'Besides, I don't even know if they love me like that.'

_They gave up their lives to come with you and plan their future around you. Admittedly it was probably in their best interests, but still...._

'They've never actually said that they love me.'

_Let me explain this to you sweetheart- they're teenage boys. Teenage boys are allergic to words like 'love', 'commitment' or 'children'. If you wanted a mature man you should have gone for Shigure or Hatori. Well, maybe not Shigure...._

'I don't even know what they decided. Neither of them have said anything since then. Maybe they don't want me anymore.'

_Sweetie, if there was a wall in your mind, I'd be bashing my head against it. Let's rehash this one more time- a) the boys think that the sun shines out of your ass and b) they might tell you how much they wanted you if they could avoid that magnet attraction that their lips have for you every time you're in the same room. _

'But neither of them have touched me since yesterday- they both slept in their own rooms last night. The weekend's nearly over and I have no idea what's going on!'

_Are you really that eager to hop into bed with them?_

'It's not that- it's just that I want to know how they feel and what they decided and neither of them are talking to me.'

_Well, why don't you ask one of them? You've been avoiding them as much as they've been avoiding you._

'You're right. I saw Yuki in the garden. Maybe he'll tell me what's going on.'

-###-

Yuki is planting bulbs in the garden. It is raining very lightly and Tohru pauses for a minute to admire the way the fine lines of water run down his bare back as he digs. Maybe this distraction is why she is so blunt when he turns towards her.

"Yuki- what did you and Kyou decide last night?"

Yuki pauses, resting on the shovel. He sighs and wipes his hands on his pants. "We really couldn't come up with a good way to determine who would take the next step first. We ended up flipping a hundred-yen piece."

_Dear lord. Nice to know they put some thought into it...._

Tohru's breath catches in her throat. "So who won?"

"I did."

Then Yuki covers her mouth with his.

They are kissing like they are trying to bury themselves inside the other person, frantically moving their hands over each other, trying to get the best possible angle. Swallowing her whimpers with his mouth, Yuki grabs her hips to pull her hard against him. Tohru feels something throb against her and the rush of pleasure is almost agony. Suddenly Yuki stops moving, resting his head on her shoulder while the rain washes over both of them.

"We can't do this here. You deserve somewhere comfortable...."

He backs up, holding his hand out to her and she closes her fingers over his. Together they walk out of the rain and into the house.

-###-

There is a moment of awkwardness when they enter the master bedroom, as if they have both realized what is about to happen.

_No backing out now. Let's get this show on the road!_

Almost against her will, Tohru finds herself moving towards Yuki, coming up behind his bare back. He freezes as Tohru wraps her arms around him from behind, his shoulders and back muscles completely tensed. Suddenly, she realizes what his problem must be. She moves around his body to face him, her arms still holding him tightly. When she is fully in front of him she looks up to meet the panic in his eyes.

"I love you, Yuki. No Akito here. Only us."

"Only us," he echoes. There is no more fear in his eyes. He backs up from her and pulls down his pants and boxers to stand before her completely naked.

_Wow._

Tohru is sure that her eyes are the size of soup bowls. Naked Yuki is the most beautiful thing that she has ever seen. Something insecure and more than a little frightened grows inside of her. She finds herself hesitating as she fumbles with the buttons on her blouse. Yuki comes up to her and tilts her head up towards him. "Is something wrong? Do you want to stop? I won't force you to do anything that you don't want to do."

Tohru's blush goes all the way to her bra. "It's not that.... It's just I'm a little nervous and...I'm not as pretty as some of the girls you've had chase you, Yuki. And..." Here her voice becomes little more than a faint mumble. "I'm afraid that you're not going to like what you see."

Yuki runs a gentle hand over her cheek. "Tohru...look at me."

Tohru looks up at his eyes. He shakes his head. "No- _look_ at me."

Tohru inhales sharply.

_Nope. No problems with how you look. Hell- you could cut diamonds with that thing!_

Yuki starts to undo her blouse, punctuating each word with another undone button. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. There has never been anyone else." Her blouse and bra are completely off now and a sharp tug sends her skirt and underwear to join them. Then they are wrapped around each other again, Yuki almost carrying Tohru as they stumble towards the bed. They land on the mattress and Yuki leans over her. Tohru's heart is fluttering as fast as her butterfly wings in flight. She can feel their animals touching each other, Yuki's Rat eagerly reaching into her mind, filling her with his desire and-

Yuki runs his hands over her chest and down behind her back. "There never will be anyone else." And then, before the blood pounding in her head overwhelms her mind, there is one more whisper. "I love you."

-###-

Tohru is a little sore, but in spite of the fumbling and the moments of awkwardness, most of it was actually... fun. And a lot of it felt really, really good.

_Thank god for Shigure's novels. Obviously they were intended as a "how-to" guide for teenage boys._

Yuki is slowly teasing a nipple between his teeth as Tohru gently massages his head. She smiles down at him. "You know, you really seem to like breasts." Oops. Somehow the connection between her mouth and brain seems to have short-circuited.

Yuki smiles sheepishly and removes his mouth. "They're fun and it's not like I have any of my own."

"I didn't say you should stop."

_Wow. Sex really eliminates that whole think-before-you-speak thing._

Yuki is just starting to move his mouth to her other breast when the bedroom door opens.

Kyou is standing in the doorway, taking in the rumpled sheets, the scattered clothing and Yuki's position on Tohru. He doesn't look happy.

-###-

Kyou sounds deceptively calm. "I thought that we were going to wait until everyone agreed before any of us went any farther."

A spike of cold fear goes down Tohru's spine. Had Yuki lied to her? She had been so eager to move forward that she hadn't even thought to ask Kyou if he had agreed.

Yuki is sitting up now, glaring at Kyou. "We did agree- or did you forget, neko? I said that I would wait a day before I went farther, but we settled this out last night."

"It was a fucking coin toss! There's no way that something like this should have been decided by a coin toss."

Yuki has detached himself from Tohru and is sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes are narrowed and he practically hisses his response. "We agreed that we would go with whoever won the coin toss, baka neko. I could hardly help it that I won!"

"You _always _win. Even when it's fucking random chance you win!" Kyou's eyes harden. "But not anymore kuso nezumi. Outside. Now. We're going to settle this once and for all."

To Tohru's complete and utter horror, Yuki is already pulling on his pants and following Kyou out the door.

'No. Oh gods no.'

_You don't have time for this, sweetie. It's pouring rain outside. If they fight in this weather they could get seriously sick or worse. Not to mention that I don't think that either of them will be holding anything back._

Tohru has never gotten dressed this fast. She is practically flying down the stairs and out the front door towards the boys. She reaches Kyou first and she grabs his arm as if it is a lifeline.

"You promised me, Kyou. After we made the plan in Senior year, you said that you wouldn't need to fight Yuki anymore because we were leaving anyways. You promised!"

Tear s are running down her face now, mixing with the rain.

Kyou's aura is frighteningly black, but Tohru thinks that she sees a flash of pain in his eyes. Then his face contorts into a sneer and he shrugs off her hand. "What is it Tohru? You don't want me to hurt your little rat-boy lover?"

Yuki's aura is equally black as he faces Kyou. "You're just jealous that you didn't get there first." He licks his lips, an almost cruel glint in his eyes. "She was fantastic."

'This must be a nightmare. This can't possibly be happening.'

Tohru tries to ignore her breaking heart; tries to ignore everything except the knowledge that she _can not_ let them hurt each other. Whatever happens to her, she can't let them be hurt again.

They are completely ignoring her, settling into the familiar fighting stances from so long ago. Already their arms and legs are starting to move and she knows that they are far beyond where she can reach them with words. Really, there is only one option left.

She steps in between them.

Tohru sees the horror on Yuki's face as she feels something connect with her ribs and her left shoulder. Then everything gets a little fuzzy.

-###-

When the world clears up again, Tohru finds herself washed and dressed in her pajamas lying on clean sheets in a clean master bedroom.

_I don't know what's more disturbing- the fact that the boys actually know how to do housework or the fact that you stayed passed out the entire time._

Tohru blinks and as her eyes refocus she sees Yuki and Kyou both kneeling beside the bed. Kyou is holding her wrist and Yuki is bent over watching him. "Her heart rate is going back to normal and she didn't hit her head. She probably just passed out from the pain." Both of them flinch in unison. "It looks like the only damage will be the bruises from our punches."

Tohru decides that this might be a good time to speak up. "I'm okay- just a little sore."

Kyou looks up at her and his eyes are filled with pain. "What were you thinking, stepping in between us like that? If we hadn't managed to slow the blows and divert them at the last second..." He shudders.

Tohru speaks softly, calmly. "I couldn't let you hurt each other. I promised myself that I would keep you safe- even if it is from yourselves."

_Wow you really know how to lay on a guilt trip sweetie. They both look like they want to go jump off a high building somewhere._

"We're supposed to be the ones protecting you. I guess we really screwed up, huh?"

Tohru doesn't answer- instead she experimentally pokes the large bruises on her shoulder and ribs.

Yuki winces. "Can you get your butterfly to heal your wounds again, please? I know we were very wrong, but I would really rather not see those bruises."

_Um... I may have exaggerated my abilities a little bit._

'What do you mean?'

_Actually, I can only heal damage that Akito does to you. It's because of that whole god thing...._

'Oh.'

Tohru sighs and turns to the boys. "Apparently Butterfly can't heal me for some reason, so I'm going to have to wait for the bruises to heal on their own." At the looks of shame on their faces she hastily adds, "They really don't hurt- they just look bad."

This doesn't seem to make them feel any better.

"Oh come here, both of you."

They both come closer to her and she pulls them into a hug. "I love you two and I know that you would never deliberately hurt me. But I can't let you hurt each other either."

They both lean against her for a moment before Yuki sighs and sits up. "As much as I would like to stay, I think that the neko needs to talk to you." He quietly gets up and closes the door, leaving Tohru alone with Kyou.

-###-

Kyou sits on the edge of the bed, his head buried in his hands. "My mother committed suicide because of me and I insulted and punched my girlfriend. My father was right- I am nothing more than a monster."

Tohru has had enough. The self-pity, the self-doubt ends now.

"Take off your bracelet."

Kyou looks completely shocked. "What did you say?"

"Take off your bracelet, Kyou."

"You can't be serious." He backs to the edge of the bed by the wall, one hand hovering protectively over the bracelet.

"I am completely serious. You are not a monster or a mistake or responsible for what happened to your mother. You are Kyou and I love you. Now take off that bracelet."

Kyou looks shell-shocked. He seems almost as surprised as her when he carefully removes the bracelet and places it on the nightstand.

Tohru is prepared for the fear she felt the last time, for the smell and the horror that accompany Kyou's second form. It is a complete surprise when she feels none of these things. There is still a smell, but his aura hasn't changed. Kyou is still Kyou no matter what he looks like. This knowledge gives her the courage to start kissing the tips of his misshapen paws. Kyou shudders as she moves her way up his arm, over his collarbone. She lingers at the base of his neck before moving downwards, darting her tongue out to lick where his nipples would be. He doesn't taste bad at all. Kyou's head leans back against the wall and he starts to make strange guttural noises. Tohru moves still further down pressing a long kiss to his blackened belly button before pausing at the edge of his pants. Kyou freezes when she starts to undo his belt. Tohru decides to forestall any protest. "All of you, Kyou. I love all of you."

His pants and boxers come off easily, leaving Tohru to decide what to do next. The bottom seems a good place to start. She kisses his feet and starts at one ankle, working her way up to his knee. Once there she pushes his unresisting legs apart and slowly kisses the insides of his thighs. Suddenly the flesh under Tohru's lips turns from black to pink and human arms pull her up from his legs. Tohru isn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed, but then she sees Kyou and everything else is forgotten. He is sobbing.

"My mother said that I was perfect, that she loved me, but she couldn't stand to look at me and she killed herself because she couldn't handle what I was. My own mother couldn't accept me and you, you were willing to..."

He can't even continue because he is shaking so badly. Tohru wraps her arms around him, pulls him into her shoulder. "I was willing to love you. Nothing more or less. Understand that there is no part of you that I can't love."

It is like someone has pulled a switch. Kyou is no longer shaking, no longer crying. He pulls back from Tohru, looking her in the eyes. "I'm yours."

As he pulls off her pajama top, red eyes nearly black with passion, Tohru realizes that there is nothing else to say.

-###-

Tohru is still a little sore from Yuki, but Kyou needs this- she needs this. He has pulled on his bracelet and is pressing hard, almost desperate, kisses to her neck, her shoulders, her stomach. He pauses for a minute. Tohru is wondering what stopped him, when his mouth hesitantly closes over her breast. Tohru almost arches off the bed and Kyou gives a weak chuckle. "Well, it's nice to know that I got something right." Then he is moving again, working his mouth back down, until his tongue licks a line along the edge of her pajamas. Tohru can vaguely hear little whimpering noises coinciding with each flick of his tongue. She suspects that they may be coming from her.

Kyou slips his hands under the waistband of her pajamas, carefully peeling them off her legs. He moves down her legs to her feet and Tohru feels a sudden flare of arousal. 'Oh god, I didn't know my feet could feel like that!' Kyou lifts his head to smile, before resuming his kisses, slowly, painstakingly moving his way up her legs. Tohru is shaking uncontrollably long before he reaches her knees. When he reaches her thighs, he stops above her, taking deep, ragged breaths before he is able to speak.

"Are you ready? Are you sure about this?"

"Yes- please."

Tohru is overwhelmed by sensation as their animals touch and she feels the depth of emotion both Kyou and Cat seem to have for her. She wraps her hands in his hair, the depth of her own feelings threatening to tear her apart. "I love you, Kyou."

_Oh....My....**Good** kitty._

-###-

Tohru lies on her side, running her fingers through Kyou's hair as she watches him sleep. It had taken a little while to make things work, since Kyou had no idea what he was doing and she'd known very little more. Fortunately, Kazuma had provided Kyou with reading material that showed him how to get rid of her soreness before he got started. Although she could feel Kyou through the animal bond, she obviously hadn't been able to understand the depth of what he felt. Even after they had finished, he had flat-out refused to separate and had fallen asleep still wrapped around her.

Tohru is suddenly hit with a memory of Kyou's eyes unfocussed with passion as he moaned her name. She stifles her own moan and involuntarily flexes. Kyou's hips jerk against hers and he sleepily blinks his eyes. "Ready to go again?"

As he moves over top of her and she pulls him against her, Tohru finally hears the words that she has been waiting for. "I love you, Tohru."

-###-

**Quick Author's Note**: I seem to be getting the same two questions a lot, so I'm going to try and answer them as best as I can without giving away too much of the plot. 1) No- the other Sohmas have not been sucked into a large black hole. 2) I really, really don't want to post spoilers for the development of the relationship between Tohru and the boys. I've actually written most of the ending of this story and a large chunk of the major scenes, so most of their interactions have **already** been decided. And the direction that the relationship goes is necessary. Really. Basically, please trust me and don't send death threats about the lack of threesome action. And if you want a more definite response about where the relationship is going and just won't take no for an answer- think carefully about Kyou's and Yuki's personalities, at least as they are shown in this story.

Glad I could clear this up!

-###-

**Reviewer Responses**

**A Panda from CTY**: Exclamation points are our friends! Embrace the exclamation point! Love the exclamation point! Um... I'll just stop now. I love how you put "in-characterness" just before "soft-core" in your review. Or maybe that's just my, admittedly strange, sense of humor. On a side note- I'm pleased that you think that I'm in-character. I've kind of been waiting for someone to say, "Wait a minute! Kyou/Yuki/Tohru would **never** behave like that! And what's up with that damn Butterfly?" Anyways, I'm really happy that you're enjoying the story despite the fact it's not just Kyou-lovin' and I hope that the new chapters continue to hold your interest. And if it makes you feel better- although I can log in, FFNet has suddenly decided to develop a compatibility issue with my beloved Mac and I can no longer edit anything or change my profile. If anyone knows how to fix this, they'll earn my everlasting love and gratitude :)

**Taran-Wanderer**: Thank you for reviewing again this chapter! I've really enjoyed tracking down the quotes and lyrics, and yes, a lot of them have more than one meaning for the chapter. Some of them even contain spoilers :) It's nice to meet someone else who likes quotes- I've decided that it's one of my stranger personality quirks. Anyways, I hope that you continue to enjoy the story :)

**Trai Maxwell**: Yay for plottiness! I'm having a lot of fun outlining the plot for this story and I'm glad that someone else also likes overly complicated plots. I'm also glad that you're enjoying Buttefly- I agree that its reactions to things can be quite "interesting" :) I think it would be interesting to find out how many people agree with Butterfly about the three-way action thing- I have this theory that most people have something like Butterfly buried very, very deeply in the back of their brains. I really appreciated the candy and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Cor-chan**: For some reason, that line's gone over really well :) I have the horrible sneaking suspicion that it's going to come back to haunt me though. I'm really happy that you think that I'm a good sensual writer - I always feel a little awkward writing those kinds of scenes because I'm never sure if what I find erotic is going to appeal to other people :) Yup. I figure that Tohru's entitled to a little jealousy now and then. Good to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story! I always appreciated the rice balls :)

**Rinagurl13**: You asked such a good question that I thought that I should answer it in my author's notes :) I don't want to give away the plot, but the other Sohmas haven't disappeared. I'm really glad that you are enjoying Butterfly and the story. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**Clover**: It's kind of scary when you get that involved in a fictional world isn't it ;) I'm visiting my family for Christmas and my Mom thinks that I'm insane because I keep mumbling to myself and will run off to write down ideas in the middle of a conversation. I'm glad that you think that the story is continuing to intensify- that was the effect that I was aiming for, but I wasn't sure how well it was working. Thanks for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the upcoming chapters!

**shadownekko**: Eep! I hope that I won't get pulled from FFNet for anything hotter than Chapter 11! They didn't even take their clothes off (well, except for Yuki)! I'm delighted that you thought that it was hot though and that you are enjoying the story.

**Kayla**: I'm happy that you still love Butterfly and yes- it is pretty obvious what the boys want :) I never thought of Butterfly being a Shigure replacement.... Hmmm.... That's an interesting idea :) #slight spoiler# I wouldn't count Shigure out yet though. #end spoiler# Good to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**Kupo**: Well, I guess this chapter answers your question ;) I hope that you enjoyed the chapter anyways and I appreciate you taking the time to review.

**gadez**: I'm inspired! Well, we'll see how I do with the trio's relationship. I think that there are going to be some ups and downs in Tohru's relationships with the boys, but I'm ever optimistic that everything will work itself out:) I'm really happy that you like the story and I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapters.

**MissTeya**: I'm very happy that you are continuing to enjoy the story and I really appreciated you taking the time to review again. I hope that you don't mind, but I'd like to rec your RK/IY crossovers in my other story. I've been getting a lot of requests for information about other RK/IY crossovers and I admit that I was little blown away by your very well thought out, comprehensive crossover stories. I thought the entire Sano-Sango connection in particular was really interesting and put a very different spin on both canon universes :) -Dragging myself kicking and screaming back on topic- Anyways, I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**hyperkitty16**: I thought it was pretty funny that I'd actually written this chapter before I read your review. I hope that Butterfly isn't getting too predictable :) I'll add you to the Pervy Butterfly Minion list and Butterfly personally thanks you for reviewing. I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!

**AmuberuMukku**: Well, I guess you got to see part of my resolution of their relationship this chapter. Personally, I find the dynamics between the three of them fascinating and it's going to be a major focus of a few more chapters at least. I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story and I appreciate you taking the time to review again.

**Kitsuyei**: Sorry- no threesome action :( -Raises arms to ward off rotten tomatoes- Hopefully the fate of the world didn't require all three of them getting it on. But I agree with you- I really like seme Yuki. I hope that you enjoyed the chapter anyways and it's a pleasure to hear from you again :)

**starley**: I'm very, very impressed that you took the time to read my earlier review responses and you made a beautiful and well thought-out argument in favor of a threesome relationship. I've actually already written out most of the progress of the relationship between Tohru and the boys, but I really enjoyed reading your ideas. I'm glad that you don't think that the story is "unadulterated angst" because, in spite of the subject matter, I really want this to be a fundamentally hopeful story. Thank you for reviewing and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**blackwidow13**: A big part of the fun in writing this story is working out the interactions between Tohru and the boys- I know that I've certainly found it rewarding and I'm glad that you are enjoying it. I agree that this was a really different side of Yuki but my impression of Yuki in the manga was that, even though he was reserved, he was actually a really intense person who was used to taking control of situations and having people listen to him (otherwise how on earth would that Student Council ever get anything done?). The more I thought about it, the more I thought that once he decided that he wanted a relationship with Tohru, the more likely it would be that that side of his personality would start to come out. Oh dear, I think that I got philosophical again- someone really needs to stop me once I get started on these tangents :) I'm glad that you're doing well and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**makala seri**: Shhh... We don't talk about "the voice" because it might come out again... -Looks around nervously- Nope. Never had anything close to an evil voice in my head :) Actually, although I also like the slow build, it isn't entirely my choice- I barely have control over the plot as it is and if I move any faster I'm liable to lose control of it completely. Those darn characters just won't do what I want them to do :) Hope you continue to enjoy the story!

**rain and leaves AKA Anne**: Oo! Oo! I get to tell a story! Whether anyone wants me to or not :) You see, when I first started posting "Butterfly" pretty much every one of my reviews wanted me to pair Tohru with either Kyou **or** Yuki. Somehow I didn't think that my ultimate pairing was going to make them happy. As it turns out, some of them stuck around even though it wasn't their particular OTP. I completely agree though- despite the latest manga chapters, I'm firmly convinced that Tohru loves both of the boys ;) We'll see about getting you the "Pervy Butterfly Minion" t-shirt. Completely off-topic, I'm delighted to meet someone else who likes Harry Potter **and **Fruits Basket, not to mention ambiguously reformed and darkly humorous Draco. Maybe we're secretly long lost twins! Because of that, I'm going to take a pass on the babies, but I'll take you up on that virtual drink ;)

**bookworm0492**: No... Must... Resist...Puppy-dog...Pout... How did you find my only weakness? Good to hear from you and your evil pleading eyes again ;)

**fruitbasketrocks**: Yah- Tohru's one lucky little riceball, isn't she? I'm delighted by the story love and I hope that you enjoy the new chapters.

_Updated 12-11-04_


	14. Chapter 13: Furtive Pleasures

**Happy Holidays!**

**Author's Note**: Yup, another bonus song reference in here... And here you thought that I'd forgotten all about them :) Hint: Marilyn Manson did a cover of the far-superior original version of this song. If I've gotten any of the word translations wrong this chapter- please let me know:) For those who are curious- the moon stations that are mentioned in this chapter are real. Go figure.

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**Yuki-** snow  
-Sigh- I just found out that the kanji for the name "Yuki" and snow "Yuki" are actually different, but I'm keeping my definition anyways

**Kagimimochi**- special rice cakes left out at New Years to feed the god of the passing year

**Chapter Summary**: The boys are afraid of things. Tohru is afraid of the boys' fear. Butterfly is afraid that it's never going to get its threesome.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- sexual situations. Sexual situations are suggestive rather than graphic, but if for some reason you feel that they **are **too graphic for FFNet- please e-mail me and let me know and I will edit the scene.

**Chapter 13: Furtive Pleasures**

_But the green Paradise of childhood loves  
The outings, the singing, the kisses, the bouquets,  
The violins vibrating behind the hills,  
And the evenings in the woods with jugs of wine  
- But the green Paradise of childhood loves,_

_That sinless Paradise, full of furtive pleasures,  
Is it farther off now than India and China?  
Can one call it back with plaintive cries,  
And animate it still with a silvery voice,  
That sinless Paradise full of furtive pleasures?_

- Charles Baudelaire, trans. "Grieving and Wandering" from 'Fleurs du Mal'

Strangely enough, sex seems to be the magic key to eliminating most of the tension between the boys.

_What do you think that I've been trying to tell you?_

Tohru's not convinced that they're both completely happy with the situation, but they aren't fighting anymore and really, that's all she can ask of them. On the plus side, it's made them both a lot more physically comfortable with her. Even Yuki has relaxed enough to wander around the bedroom in his boxers with his hair uncombed.

And it's not all sex. Some nights Tohru just talks with whichever boy is sharing her bed, Or cuddles. Or has a pillow fight. Or a tickle war. It's never a fair fight though, because the boys are both a lot stronger than her, insanely competitive and surprisingly devious. Fortunately Butterfly seems to know every ticklish point on the male body. Tohru sometimes wonders where a bodiless spirit gets this kind of practical information but she figures that she probably doesn't really want to know. Of course there are also the nights where Akito tears her body apart, piece by piece, but Tohru tries not to think of those. It is easy enough to pass them off as nightmares and forget them. After all, she is not the only one who sometimes screams in their sleep.

The joint sleeping situation has now truly become permanent and the boys have decided to move at least a few of their things into the master bedroom with Tohru. Tohru figures that this is a good time for her to clean their rooms and go through some of the unopened boxes stacked in their closets. She only gets part way through the cleanup before she is forced to stop and let her shock settle. Standing in the hallway, she stares at the boxes in front of her as if they are going to take on lives of their own and run away.

Apparently Yuki is a violinist and Kyou plays the guitar.

Tohru isn't sure why she felt betrayed when she found the instruments in their closets, but it makes her realize with an entirely new force how much of the boys' pasts she still doesn't know. When she breaks out of her thoughts, she finds herself sitting on the couch in the living room with the two instruments lying on the floor in front of her. She is staring hard at the instrument cases when she feels the warm body settle in beside her.

"Have you decided to form a one-person band?"

Tohru turns towards Yuki, her voice quiet and slightly hurt. "I didn't know that you played violin."

Yuki gets up and carefully removes the violin and bow from the case. "I haven't touched it in years." He holds the violin away from his body as if he isn't quite sure what to do with it. "I don't know why I packed it."

Tohru looks up at him from the couch. "If it makes you unhappy, please don't but... I love music and could you- please?"

Yuki slowly smiles and moves the violin under his chin.

_You're really lucky the guy loves you enough to translate Tohru into human speak._

Yuki is so relaxed as he plays, as if all of his stress has melted away. The music is beautiful and Tohru has to blink back tears. Maybe if she were smarter she could sense what exactly the music means to Yuki, but all she knows is that it makes her feel sad and hopeful and loving all at once. She closes her eyes and lets the music wash over her until she is almost dizzy with emotion. She doesn't even realize that she has started crying until the music stops and she feels Yuki's finger gently trace the tear track down her cheek.

Tohru opens her eyes and meets the concern and shame on Yuki's face with the most open face she has ever shown. She hears the hitch in Yuki's breath as he realizes how deeply the music moved her.

"That wailing was nezumi playing the _violin_?"

Tohru is feeling unusually clever as she gives Kyou a wide-eyed innocent look. "But Kyou, I was hoping to hear you play your guitar as well!" She pauses before blinking. "It is yours, right?"

Kyou turns an interesting shade of red as he stares at his feet. "Kazuma taught me to play the guitar a while back. I'm not even sure why I brought it."

Suddenly Yuki laughs. "For the same reason I did- to show off to Tohru. Come on neko, let's give her a good show."

There is a brief silence and then Kyou breaks into a grin. "You got me, nezumi. What do you want to play?"

They both look at each other and then burst out at the same time, "High School Girls!"

Tohru blinks. "That's actually a song?"

Tohru is a little scared by the evil expression on Kyou's face. "Well, it was definitely a song after Shigure got finished with it. I think we need to do the version of his lyrics that he didn't borrow from his novels."

Tohru decides that maybe it's a good thing that she doesn't know everything that the boys did in the past.

They both have good voices- Kyou's slightly lower than Yuki's. Tohru wonders if the Sohmas are just somehow bred to be good at everything. She feels an unfamiliar twinge of resentment as they harmonize on the chorus.

_You could just join in with them you know._

'You live in my head. You have to know that I sound like a dying cat when I sing.'

_Is that your own opinion or did someone else tell you that?_

'My entire class in middle school.'

_Ouch._

Butterfly doesn't press anymore and Tohru remains happily quiet for the rest of the song. She blushes a little when they get to the part about what positions the flexibility of high school girls allows-

_And just think! This is the **censored** version!_

-But it is good to see the boys getting along after all of the tension and anger of the last few months. They're getting along **so** well that they want to talk while Tohru goes to make supper.

_Um sweetie, when has a conversation between the boys ever had good results?_

'Plenty of times!… Sometimes?… Well there was that one time…There's always a first time!'

The boys spend a good hour or so in conversation while Tohru makes supper. They're still talking when Tohru arranges the last of the daisies into little bundles for the kitchen and the bedrooms. She actually has to cover the food to keep it from getting cold before they come to the table. Tohru secretly glances at them several times during supper but she can't see any visible bruises and none of their limbs seem to be disconnected. Something must have happened though because Yuki keeps looking at her as if it hurts to see her and Kyou is avoiding her altogether.

Yuki is unusually quiet as they get into bed together. Tohru's fear increases when he makes no move to touch her, instead lying stiffly on his back on his side of the bed.

"Tohru?"

"Yes?"

"Can we practice transforming together tomorrow morning? We haven't done it for a while and I… I miss it."

"I'd love to! I've missed transforming with you too."

Silence.

"Yuki- did something happen when you talked to Kyou?"

"I don't want to talk about that right now. I promise that I'll tell you tomorrow, but tonight I just… I just need to hold you."

Tohru reaches out to him and he pulls her so tightly against him that it almost hurts. Eventually he falls asleep and his grip loosens, but Tohru lies awake, locked in the steel grip of the fear in her heart.

-###-

Tohru and Yuki stand in the garden patch, neither one of them moving to get undressed.

Tohru realizes that they're still a little shy about being naked in front of each other. She mentally sighs and goes to work on her buttons. Yuki politely averts his eyes as Tohru pulls off her jumper and Tohru stares into space while listening to Yuki unzip his pants.

_Hard to believe that only this morning he was telling you to 'fu- _

'Okay, let's just not think about that.'

Tohru feels the pain of the transformation mingle with the crisp bite of the late fall air. It is a lot colder here than it was at Shigure's and some of her classmates have mentioned that there would normally be at least a little snow by now. Tohru is grateful that it has stayed unusually warm. It has allowed her to practice transformations well into the late fall and she knows that she will miss flying when it becomes too cold to change.

Oh…There is nothing like this. Tohru feels almost giddy as she brushes over Yuki's back, flattening his whiskers as she passes.

"Nobody teases the rat and gets away with it!"

'He sounds happy- maybe he's not upset anymore?'

_I wouldn't count on it._

'I'm going to ignore you.'

Tohru wheels in the air, darting just out of Yuki's reach and then speeds off over the dying strawberries. Yuki chases after her and Tohru circles up into the air coming to hover in front of his nose. Yuki reaches up with his head, pressing a light nip to one of her antennae.

"Well it looks like I've caught you- how do you want to be punished for daring to tease the Sohma prince?"

Tohru laughs and moves just out of reach again.

"You'll never catch me! Silly rat- you're stuck on the ground."

Tohru can see the colors on Yuki shift from gold and yellow to a deep navy blue. He doesn't even respond to her as he takes off and Tohru has to hurry to catch up with him. She flutters above his head as they move through the remains of the garden, willing him to speak. Yuki doesn't say anything until they reach the edge of his plot.

"Tohru can we change back now? I really need to talk to you."

Tohru transforms back, letting her body recover from the pain before she tries to stand up. When she finally gets to her feet, Yuki is partially faced away from her, staring out towards the reserve.

"Neko said that you asked him about our animals a while ago."

Tohru nods, puzzled. Yuki turns towards her and he looks surprisingly hurt. "Why didn't you ask me?"

"I didn't think that Butterfly was really like the normal cursed animals and I thought that well maybe Kyou might-"

"Understand you better than the Sohma Prince?"

"Oh Yuki...."

"No- it's true. It's just... I hate being jealous. I hate feeling so insecure all the time. You have to understand Tohru- rats are hoarders. They build nests and store things." Here he turns to her and places his hand over hers. "They're very, very possessive. And Rat wants to put you in a nest and fight anything that tries to touch you." Before Tohru can respond, he rushes on very quickly. "It's not just Rat- a part of me wants to do that too." He withdraws his hand and places it at his side, fists clenched. Tohru has never seen him look more vulnerable.

Tohru walks up to him and stands so that they are separated by the space of a hand. She slowly moves her arm up and brushes her fingers down the side of his cheek. "You are so beautiful- you _glow_, Yuki. You're so bright sometimes that I can hardly stand to look at you." She brings her other hand up and runs her fingers over the pulse point on Yuki's neck while he arches into her touch. "You may be snow, but you are always so warm with me. Everyone loves you. Nearly everyone at school wanted you and the people here want you too. I don't understand why you want someone like me, but I thank the gods every day for it."

Yuki reaches up and encloses both of her hands in his, bringing the joined hands up over his heart. His voice has an edge of desperation. "I'm no different from you, Tohru. As long as you think that I am, you'll push me away and turn to the neko. What do I have to do to show you that we-" He stops and gently releases her hands, turning away from her. "I've already lost, haven't I?"

Tohru feels a cold sickness start to grow in her stomach. "What do you mean?"

Yuki's shoulders slump further and further as he continues talking. "You've always loved the cat who was late, from the first time that we met. I stayed too isolated, too cold for too long. Akito told me that I could never be truly loved outside the family and she was right. You could never love me like you love the neko."

"You stupid idiot!"

Tohru has never, ever been this mad. Yuki turns to face her, his eyes wide with shock.

"Of course I can't love you like Kyou! You're Yuki. I love your gardening, I love your conversations, I love how you smile when you're happy, I love how you can't even open your eyes when you wake up in the morning. I love you so much it _aches._ And not just like family, like you were kind enough to tell me. I get all achy and fuzzy when I'm around you and I can hardly think straight because I want so badly to hold you, to kiss you, to take away anything that could ever hurt you. Because when you hurt I feel like I hurt twice as much! And you- you stupid, stupid... you **dare** to tell me that I don't love-"

Yuki's tongue very effectively prevents her from finishing her rant. Oh, this is so much better than arguing. Tohru's remaining anger is rapidly turned into passion of a very different kind. Yuki's mouth and hands easily draw heat everywhere that they touch, and she eagerly tries to return the favor. His clever, clever fingers are doing wonderful things to her collarbone, to her breasts, to her stomach, to her- Oh. Tohru had completely forgotten that they were both naked. Yuki is moaning, talking as he touches her, as she runs her own hands over him, but she can't hear him over the pounding in her head, in her blood. Oh god, oh god she is going to fall apart from the burn in her blood that is almost pain. Each touch is winding her body tighter until she is wound so tightly that she- OH GOD! Oh god... Oh god... Where did Yuki learn to do that!?!

Tohru is shaking and she can no longer stand on her own. Yuki supports her completely, holding her as he lowers them both to the ground. He looks almost wild over top of her- face flushed, hair disheveled, mouth parted as he pants. "Need you."

_Who am I to disagree?... Oh ... Oh… OH!...Clever, clever little rat! We'll forgive you the Black Plague for that one!_

They lie there for a while, holding each other, taking in the smell of dying grass and damp earth. Tohru is overwhelmed, out of her depth and very, very happy. Yuki moves down and out of her arms and looks up at her.

"So I can keep you in a nest?"

Tohru is completely unable to respond while he is doing that thing with his tongue.

Yuki's smirk is very, very evil. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

-###-

Tohru has turned back the bed and dressed in her pajamas before she realizes that her bedmate is nowhere in sight. In fact, her bedmate has been avoiding her since that little chat yesterday. Tohru goes downstairs and takes a few minutes to admire the boy typing and studying in the half-light of the living room lamp. She reluctantly interrupts the silence to ask her question.

"Where's Kyou?"

Yuki looks up from his textbook. "Neko's probably on the roof- as usual."

"As usual?"

"That's where I always see him when he's not with you or doing homework, so I assume that he's up there now."

Tohru bites her lower lip. "It's not good weather for him to be outside for so long. I should probably call him in."

Yuki shrugs absently and goes back to taking notes.

It is only after Tohru has returned to the bedroom that she realizes that she has no idea how she is going to get up on the roof.

_Hey, you're a **butterfly** sweetie._

'Oh. Right.'

Tohru opens the bedroom window and strips out of her pajamas. She holds the sill as she braces herself for the transformation. It hurts, but it is over quickly enough and she smoothly flies up and out of the window.

_You're lucky that it's clear and calm right now- it's supposed to get cold and windy and personally I don't feel like explaining to some farmer in Chiba how we managed to get blown halfway across Japan._

There is a slight breeze, but Tohru is able to work her way to the roof without too many problems. Kyou is lying on his back staring up at the sky. He nearly falls off the roof when she lands beside him and transforms.

"Tohru? Roof? Naked?"

_I think that he's covered the important points._

Tohru takes pity on him and starts to talk, giving Kyou time to recover himself. "I was just worried about you. It's getting pretty cold out and-" Kyou interrupts her by taking off his sweatshirt and forcefully pushing it over her head.

"Here- put on my sweatshirt. I don't want you to get sick, silly girl."

_Naked woman and he tells you to get dressed. Obviously you're doing something wrong._

The sweatshirt ends mid-thigh on her and she has to roll the sleeves back to see her hands, but Tohru feels unusually comfortable and safe. She lies down beside Kyou and stares up at the sky. "What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking."

There is a short silence while they both stare up at the sky.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing important. I'm just finding the stars that I know."

"I don't know the stars at all. Could you show me?"

Kyou pulls her back so that she is nearly cradled against his chest and directs her hand with his own to point out the constellations.

"See- the White Tiger there? He marks the fall in the sky, but now he's passing over to the Black Tortoise of winter. The moon stations pass from rain and getting together to woman and roof top."

Tohru blushes. "Kyou, it's not very nice to tease me because I don't know the stars."

Kyou's breath on the back of her neck sends shivers down her spine. "I'm not teasing." He puts a hand up under her sweatshirt, tracing lazy circles on her stomach. "It seems that even the stars knew that you'd come here tonight."

_Where does he come up with these lines? What the hell did Kazuma teach him in that dojo?_

Tohru doesn't care. As long as Kyou keeps his hands right there, he can say whatever he wants. She shifts backwards to get closer to him and Kyou's hands still while the puffs of breath against her neck become faster.

_Well that's definitely not a wallet._

"Tohru?"

"Yes?"

"You asked me what I was thinking about.... Well, I've been scared by how much Cat likes you."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"You don't understand- Cat doesn't like anybody. I don't think that he even likes me very much. He hardly spoke to me more than once or twice a year. But ever since Akito and since we... well he's been talking to me a lot more. And it's mainly about you. That really scares me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, he really hates sharing you with the nezumi. Maybe even more than I do. But I think that he's starting to get over that, because... Fuck it. He's obsessed with you. As far as he's concerned, since you slept with us, anything that you do is perfect. And he's getting more and more demanding. I'm standing in public with you and he keeps telling me to grab you and well..."

'Why does this sound familiar?'

_We're animals sweetie. We like sex._

There is silence behind her and Tohru turns in Kyou's arms so that she is facing him. He brings his hand out from under the shirt and runs it along the side of her face. His voice is the faintest of whispers. "I don't want to hurt you, Tohru. "

Tohru brings her hand up to Kyou's face so that they are mirroring one another. "Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone."

"Then trust me when I tell you that you're not going to hurt me. I like Cat too. And if he likes me then we can all get along since Butterfly really, really likes you."

_What kind of teenagers are you? Enough with the angst- let's get some action here!_

'I don't know-'

Tohru is forever cut off because Kyou has closed the gap between them to plant a very hard kiss on her open mouth. Tohru returns the kiss with enthusiasm, digging her fingers into Kyou's back, trying to move closer. Kyou responds almost immediately- he quickly pushes down his pants and presses himself against her. Somehow the tiles digging into Tohru's side, the lack of foreplay and the cold only enhance the desperation as they wrap themselves around each other. Tohru can hardly think through the haze of fire in her mind but she is sure that Kyou's grip on her is going to leave bruises. Of course, a few of her frantic scratches may have drawn blood. Kyou's moans send flashes of pleasure through her entire body. She loves seeing him like this- out of control, caution and cynicism buried by an overwhelming need. She can feel the tension build inside her as they move and Kyou swallows her final cry in a deep, needy kiss. He stiffens shortly afterwards and pulls Tohru so that she is half-lying on his chest and shoulder. Tohru cuddles in against him, letting the warm feeling leave her lazy and happy.

"I'm not good at saying it- but I do... care about you."

"I know."

"We need to get back- it's getting cold."

"I know."

"And you're not transforming again- I'm going to pack you back down."

"Mmmkay."

Somehow Kyou gets his pants back on and works his way to the roof edge while carrying an unmoving Tohru-lump. He drops into the bedroom and Tohru snuggles tighter as he gently tries to detach her. Kyou chuckles. "Come on leech, let's go to bed."

"Don't wanna move. You're warm."

"Fine lump- if you want to wear my sweatshirt all night that's your problem." He gently lays them both down on the bed and pulls the covers over top of them.

"Tohru?"

"Mmmm?"

"I really do love you."

"Love later. Sleep now."

-###-

Tohru's "talks" with the boys seem to have calmed some of their fears. The three of them settle back into routine, broken only by Tohru's celebrations of their various "firsts" in their new home. The boys claim to be entirely sick of the little camera that she bought and Kyou even threatened to take it apart after Tohru snapped a picture of "Kyou's first stomach flu". Tohru secretly admits to herself that sometimes she just starts taking pictures because an angry boy leads to really, really passionate make-up- Well anyways, Tohru has decided that Butterfly has had far too much of an influence on the way that she thinks.

But there are real firsts that Tohru captures as well. Their first snowfall where both boys teamed up on Tohru to drop her in the snow bank after she stuck snow down the back of their jackets. Yuki's first "no" to joining a student society. Strangely, Yuki was really proud of the picture of him refusing the president of the Debate Club and even had it framed. Tohru's first perfect test score- on the various traditional dishes that used rice as a base, ironically enough. Kyou's first birthday- which he insisted on spending in bed with Tohru. Tohru managed to get one shot of him with clothes on, and that was only because he'd passed out from exhaustion and she pulled on his boxer shorts while he snored. And now, now they are coming to their first New Years in their own home.

Tohru throws herself whole-heartedly into preparing the house for New Years. Maybe she shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it. After all, any celebration is only going to remind them of everything that they left behind. But Tohru really wants to clear out the memories of the old year and do everything in her power to make the new year good for them.

_So covering the house in pine needles and straw to hang branches and bundles is going to appease the gods... how? _

'Shhh.... I'm trying to remember how to make kagimimochi.'

Tohru manages to make just about everything necessary for a traditional New Years, but it isn't until the actual New Years Eve that she realizes that she forgot one tiny little detail.

Tohru and the boys are sitting on the living room couch when Yuki suddenly ruffles her hair. "So, great organizer of New Years- what are we actually going to do to celebrate?"

Tohru worries her lower lip. "What _can_ we do to celebrate the New Years? I mean, we're probably too old for kites or tops."

The boys look at each other. "Sake!"

Tohru blinks. "But none of us are of age. How are we supposed to get it?"

Kyou turns to Yuki. "We need sake. It's just not New Years without sake."

Yuki sighs. "Fine, I'll go try to buy some. But it's on your head baka neko if I get arrested."

"As much as I hate to inflate your little ratty ego, there is no way that any clerk is going to card you."

As it turns out, Kyou is absolutely right. Yuki returns quickly with a large bottle of expensive sake.

Tohru has never had much to drink, aside from a few sips on special occasions or holidays. The boys both seem to have had a lot more experience than she has, judging from the way they are knocking back cups of sake. She suspects that even the little that she is having is far too much as she finds herself giggling uncontrollably at everything the boys are saying. Trying to focus herself, she remembers something important that she **had** planned to do for the New Years.

"If we sit outside we can probably hear the bells from here."

Yuki and Kyou look up from their sake, faces flushed, slightly lopsided grins on their faces.

"Sounds like a good idea, darling."

"Who ya calling 'darling' kuso nezumi?"

"I'm calling my darling, 'darling', baka neko."

"Then I'm calling her 'love'."

"Like hell you are!"

_Oh god. They're belligerent drunks. Sweetie, you may want to get the Wonder Twins outside and sober their cute little asses up before they start mortal combat over your preferred pet names._

Tohru still has enough coordination to grab a blanket, kiss both boys on the cheek and gently lead them out the door to the front lawn.

They all lie down on the blanket and stare out over the reserve. Tohru breathes in deeply- the cool night air is going a long way towards clearing her fuzzy head. She even remembers something that has been bothering her for the last couple of days and she's just drunk enough to bring it up.

"Even if I wouldn't be able to see it, I'm disappointed that I'm going to miss Hatori-san and Ayame-san dance."

The boys look at each other and grin.

"Ha-san and Aya... Damn, now I'm disappointed."

Yuki gets a strange gleam in his eye. "That **would **be something to see."

Then Tohru gets a brilliant sake-and-butterfly inspired idea. "Why don't we do our own New Year's Dance? You two can grab the guitar and the violin. We can be our own Jyuunishi, make this our own year."

And because the boys have had just the right amount of sake, they disappear into the house to get their instruments. They are back almost instantly, carrying not only their instruments but the cups and the bottle of sake.

_You know sweetie it might not be a good idea for you lightweights to be drinking any more of that stuff- Please tell me that you aren't taking another cup!?!_

'I like sake!'

_Dear lord. I'm going to have the headache from hell tomorrow, aren't I?_

After an undetermined number of glasses, the boys are ready to start. They position their instruments and solemnly agree on a song with the grace and confidence of the very, very drunk. Just as they start to play, the New Years bells start sounding in the village and they all burst into laughter. Kyou and Yuki keep playing though, even through the ringing. Somehow their instruments blend with the distant bells and the drunken music becomes strangely beautiful.

Through the haze of alcohol in her mind, Tohru realizes that something is missing.

_Wasn't the whole point of this little performance to have a New Years **dance**?_

'Oh. Right.'

Tohru shakily makes her way to the lawn in front of the boys and starts to move. She is hesitant at first, making small stiff steps, but soon she is moving faster and faster. In no time at all she is spinning with her head back thrown back, reaching to the sky as if she is trying to grab the air.

"What the hell kind of New Years dance is _that_? Let me show you how it's done."

Kyou has her in his arms, holding her tightly against his body, sake-flavored breath fanning over her cheek. He's graceful and gentle and Tohru feels like she is floating as he moves her around the yard. Really Tohru has no complaints, but she feels that she has to make some kind of protest.

"But you didn't perform New Years dances, did you?"

"Know these things instinc-hic-tively."

"But I know them from experience."

And Yuki has grabbed one of her hands and all three of them are spinning around in circles, going faster and faster until Tohru trips and pulls the boys with her. They fall down in a laughing heap, instruments and dancing long forgotten. Tohru wobbly pours them each a glass of sake.

Yuki raises his glass. "To the year of the Butterfly."

Kyou echoes him. "The year of the Butterfly."

Tohru's not sure whether it's the sake or the toast, but she suddenly wants to cry. "Thank-you."

_Hell ya! We're going to get some action tonight!_

'What are you talking about?'

_Hey it's my year- don't I get to choose how I want to start it?_

'Ignoring you.'

Despite Butterfly's protests, Tohru proceeds to ignore the increasingly graphic images in her head as she picks up the instruments and sake and brings them inside. She continues to ignore the butterfly as she helps both boys up and walks them into the house.

Tohru is in between the boys supporting them as they stagger up the stairs. When she moves them both towards the master bedroom Kyou gives a sleepy murmur of protest.

"Don't wanna have sex with the kuso nezumi."

Yuki looks as horrified as he can while half-asleep. "Not ever having sex with the baka neko."

The sake has made Tohru stubborn. "No sex. It's my year and I wanna sleep with you. Jus' sleep."

That seems to have eliminated the boys' remaining protests. They lurch like a three-headed animal into the bedroom and collapse onto the bed in a heap of arms and legs. With some unenthusiastic movement, they manage to separate out with Tohru in the middle, Kyou at her back and Yuki at her front.

_So this is where we ravish them right?_

Tohru curls into Kyou's chest, her head on Yuki's shoulder.

_You were kidding about the sleeping... Right? Right?_

Tohru feels the world fade away in the warmth of the bodies beside her.

-###-

Tohru's head doesn't hurt when she wakes up.

_Apparently you are one of those insanely lucky people who don't get hangovers. Don't ever tell anyone else._

But she really, really has to go to the bathroom.

_At least you're somewhat normal._

This seems to be a lot harder than she had planned since Yuki has a death grip on her waist and Kyou is… fondling her-

_Ass. Figures- Yuki's a breast man and Kyou's an ass man. It actually works!_

It's a little tricky, but she does manage to untangle Yuki without waking him up. Unfortunately, when she tries to turn over, Kyou's eyes are opened and staring straight at her. He doesn't look like he has a headache.

_Oh gods. There are two of you._

Kyou gets right to the point.

"Even if it means sleeping beside the rat, I want to be able to spend my nights with you. I-I don't sleep well when you're not there. But I don't want sex with the rat involved in any way."

Tohru runs the pad of her thumb over his lips. She tries not to get distracted as he starts to open his mouth and nibble her finger. "I'm happy with that. I don't know if I would want both of you together anyways. I think that it would be a little strange for all of us."

_Take it back! Take it back!_

"But since Yuki isn't up- how do you feel about a shower to start the New Year?"

_Fine- at least we're getting **some** sex. But you're not distracting me next time!_

Kyou's eyes widen. "Oh...OH!" His smile is almost feral as he swings her out of bed and packs her towards the bathroom. "I think I'm going to like the year of the Butterfly."

-###-

**Quick Note**: This chapter marks the official half-way point of "Butterfly"! Well, at least according to my outline. Of course, the last time I checked my outline it also said that "Butterfly" was going to be sixteen chapters and I think you can see where that all got shot to hell. So for those of you keeping track- currently "Butterfly" is looking at about 27 chapters. I refuse to let it expand even more- even though some of those later chapters are starting to look a little bit monstrous….

**Reviewer Responses**

**Rinagurl13**: I think that poor Butterfly is pretty much stymied at every turn here- it's going to have to be extra creative to get what it wants :) I'm really happy that you liked the chapter and I hope that you enjoy this monstrosity- I swear sometimes it felt like this chapter would never end when I was writing it. Let's hope it doesn't come across like that when you're reading it!

**GirlWaterShaman**: It was pretty cute, ne? I was trying not to go overboard, but strangely enough , that chapter actually was supposed to be more about love than sex. Any chapter that involves licking Kyou's true form _has_ to more about love than sex :) Thanks for taking the time to review again!

**luvHaru7**: I've fixed up most of my computer problems, but it was really nice of you to sympathize:) I'm one of those strange people who actually like Kyou and Yuki equally, but I'm delighted that you're giving the story a chance despite your Yukiru preference. Thanks for reviewing!

**big book worm**: I swear, by the time I get this story finished, I'm going to have to buy a new computer because Butterfly's ego isn't going to fit on my current one:) I'm really glad that you think that I've been building the sexual tension well- frankly I've always thought that I tend to rush it/ go to slowly, so I'm glad that you think that it came at a good pace. Shigure is actually one of my two favorite characters in FB, but I won't say any more than that :) Glad you enjoyed the story!

**hyperkitty16**: I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter and it's nice to see that Butterfly has a cheering section! I hope that you like the new chapter as well- thanks for reviewing again!

**Taran-Wanderer**: Well he did win the coin toss :) Seriously though, Kyou just doesn't have any luck. Ever. I'm really happy that you think that my story is a decent quality- sometimes I stare at my computer screen and blink and think "Where do I come up with this stuff?" I hope that you enjoy the chapter and I appreciate you taking the time to review again :)

**A Panda from CTY**: As I said to Taran-Wanderer, Kyou just doesn't have any luck. Ever. Though I do love the grumpy little neko :) Strangely enough, I actually snuck in a couple of major plot points in between the soft core in both this chapter and the last one. I'm tricky like that :) But don't worry- the hard core plottiness will return full force in a couple of chapters, but I do want to pop a few surprises so I won't say anything else:)

**gadez**: Unfortunately (or fortunately), the way things worked out is absolutely necessary for the rest of the story (or at least that's what I keep telling everyone :) There's nothing wrong with perviness! You can join the cult of Pervy Butterfly Minions! We'll see about the ending- but there are a few more twists yet to come:) I'm really honored that you would rec the story on a forum- I really enjoy writing this and I always feel that it's a major bonus if other people enjoy it as well. Thanks for reviewing again!

**Clover**: You know, you're the only person, other than me, who seems to be even slightly squicked out at the thought of licking Kyou's true form. -scratches head- Well to each their own. But I agree- Tohru is one lucky little onigiri :) Hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**bookworm0492**: Um... There is no way that I will finish the story before New Years. This is the halfway chapter. -runs and hides to avoid **bookworm**'s puppy dog faces and baby talk-

**Anne**: Kyohruki! It's perfect! I've been _trying_ to think of a name for this mess and you've hit the nail on the head. I'm actually surprised that there are as few stories involving this pairing as there are- but of course, we all know what I think the logical pairing is;) A red butterfly tattoo? Hmmm.... That has definite possibilities.... And I'm glad that you liked the coin toss- I thought that it was just the right amount of ridiculousness in an otherwise really emotionally trying situation :) I always thought that if Tohru ever did get involved with Kyou, she was going to have to directly show him that she accepted his true form. The poor boy seems to be carrying so much baggage about being a "monster" that if she didn't do something direct and drastic, it would probably haunt the rest of their relationship. Like you, I thought that she did accept the form, even though she didn't say it and this was my way of putting it right :) Actually, I'm secretly stealing your brain waves at night- I suggest you wear those tinfoil caps in future. As always, it's a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the-chapter-that-just-wouldn't-end! Thanks for the virtual drink!

**Kupo**: I pride myself on the unexpected:) But I'm really happy that you enjoyed the chapter anyways- thanks for reviewing again!

**Kitsuyei**: Kick ass! -Preens- Why thank-you:) Seriously though, I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chapter and I always enjoy reading your reviews :)

**blackwidow13**: I'm so happy that you still want to read the story- you've hung in very faithfully from the beginning even though it's not a Yukiru and I really, really appreciate your support :) I'm glad that you like the relationship between Tohru and the boys- don't worry, there are a few twists still to come:) As always, a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**geminillama**: Unfortunately, I don't know any stores that sell horny, sarcastic butterfly spirits. I'm considering opening a mail-order catalogue :) Evil fiend! Must...resist...chocolate :)

**Trai Maxwell**: I thought that it was a pretty big step for Tohru to overcome her fears with Kyou- and it was a huge step for both of them to trust one another that much. I'm happy that you thought that the chapter was romantic- I really meant the chapter to be more about love than sex and I'm glad that you enjoyed it :) Thanks for taking the time to review again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**makala seri**: Strangely enough, I'm all about the Hatori-lovin', with everyone's favorite perverted writer a close second ;) I'm amazed that I've managed to hide that fact for as far into the story as I have. As for the boys, I actually like Kyou and Yuki equally for very different reasons, which is part of the reason that it's not that hard for me to write this story's pairing;) If you promise not to tell anyone- I'm actually a graduate student as well and _this_ is my way of unwinding while I'm finishing up the last of my medical leave. I'm happy that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapters!

**kitsune-chan90**: You can come join my weird club for people who like both Kyou and Yuki;) I'm glad that you are enjoying the story and I appreciate you taking the time to review!

**AmuberuMukku**: I'm really happy that you liked the twistiness in the last chapter- I spent a lot of time trying to think how the situation would work out and that was what I came up with. I guess this is about as close to a professional hobby as I get, so you're in luck ;) Voice in the head- no problem! You mean you've only got one of them :)? I'm very happy that you enjoyed the chapter and it's always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**fruitbasketrocks**: As far as I know, there are no evil Butterfly spirits in your neighborhood sex shop. There **is **a toy called the "Butterfly", but I know very little about it, other than that one of my female friends highly recommends it ;) I won't post any spoilers about Tohru's future relationship with the boys, because it's really important to the plot. I'm afraid that you're going to have to wait and see ;) Glad that you're continuing to enjoy the story and thanks for reviewing again!

**Arin Ross**: I really couldn't see any other pairing for this story, with the way that the characters developed and the plot unfolded. I'm really happy that you think so too :) I try to avoid spoilers but... you made some very good guesses in your review. There are definitely changes on the horizon.... I'm very, very honored that you enjoyed the story and I hope that you continue to enjoy the direction that it takes. Thank you for taking the time to write such an involved review.

_Updated 12-17-04_


	15. Chapter 14: I Need More Hellos

**Author's Note**: I'd like to take this opportunity to give a huge thank-you to my long-time and long-suffering beta 'Rath. Unfortunately, due to a variety of nasty real-life commitments, he won't be able to edit for me anymore, so I apologize in advance for the state of this chapter. Oh and future chappies might be a little slower if I'm doing my own editing because I'm massively paranoid- Sorry :( Wishing all the best to everyone for the New Year!

**Quick Vocabulary: **NB- There's an excellent chance that I've gotten some of these wrong, so please let me know!

**Ukiyo-e**: "pictures of the floating world", traditional Japanese wood block prints

**Akachou**- red butterfly

**Yamashita**- base of the mountain (a bit of a wordplay on where Tohru and company are now living, as well as Maki's role as the "foundation" of the restaurant)

**Tokunabe**- virtuous pot (this was actually meant, when combined with her first name Akane, to be a back-handed Ranma 1/2 reference- Did I mention that I'm a bit of a word geek?)

**Umeboshi**- pickled plum, Tohru refers to a small piece that can be inserted into the bottom of a rice ball to add extra flavor

**Chapter Summary**: It's always great to have a conversation with your Mom. Especially when she's dead. And a photograph.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- suggestive discussion, non-graphic sexual situations.

**Chapter 14: I Need More Hellos**

_Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos._

- Charles Schultz, "Snoopy" from 'Peanuts'

Tohru sits on the edge of the bed, holding the picture frame in her hands. She stares at it for a few minutes before taking a deep breath.

"Hi Mom. I know it's been a long time since I last talked to you. It's not that I don't love you and miss you it's just… well you probably know anyways. You always did know Mom. That's why I miss you so much, I think. You always knew what to tell me, what to say when I was being silly and stupid."

Tohru smiles and runs her thumb over the picture. "I miss our talks. I wish that there was someway you could tell me if I'm doing the right thing or not. I get so confused sometimes and you always made things so clear."

"I wish you could tell me what to do about Akito. She hasn't hurt me in nearly a month now, but I know that I'm still connected to her. I don't know what's going on Mom, and I'm scared of what she might be doing…."

She shakes her head quickly and lays the frame on her lap. "There's so much to tell you! It's hard to believe that we've been here for nearly four years now…. But I need to figure out where to start. Do you remember the time Kyou saved me? For some reason that's been on my mind a lot lately…."

-###-

"Slow down, Tohru!"

Tohru laughed and flew a little faster. She was nearly dizzy with the excitement of transforming outside for the first time since the fall.

Kyou was moving as fast as he could in his cat form, but the piles of rotting plants and stakes were slowing him down. It was so much fun to tease Kyou- he would grumble and complain but he would always play along and be just as childish as Tohru.

Tohru was so busy looking back at Kyou that she missed the swish of wings above her head. Suddenly there was a burning pain in her back followed by a low snarl and darkness.

When Tohru's vision cleared she was lying on the ground and she could vaguely hear Kyou calling her name in increasing tones of panic.

'What's happening? What's going on?'

'_You had a little encounter with Mr. Bluebird over there.'_

By painfully shifting her wings, Tohru was able to see the songbird lying a few feet from her body, blood pooling around the teeth marks in its neck. Tohru felt the nausea start deep inside her- she couldn't seem to turn her head away from the blank eyes of the dead bird.

'_I think you better transform sweetie before Kitty goes crazy. You're not actually hurt although you may have a few bruises and scratches. I swear you've got the toughest body I've ever encountered. If you ever decide to get into the really kinky stuff, you've already got the built-in resistance….'_

Tohru took Butterfly's advice, shaking a little as she rose to her feet, both from the close call and the truly disturbing images Butterfly was flashing in her mind.

Kyou was in front of her almost immediately, but the expression on his face was one that Tohru had never seen before- at least not directed at her. He turned away from her and took a few deep breaths. Tohru had never, not even in his fight with Yuki, seen Kyou this angry. His aura was a pulsing black and he was shaking, fists clenched as if he was trying to control himself. His voice was tight, controlled, cold. "What were you thinking? Taking risks like that- attracting the attention of predators-"

Then he completely lost it. He spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders, "Damn it Tohru, if I hadn't been here you would have **died**!"

Tohru had never been truly frightened of Kyou, not even in his true form, but she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her mouth.

Kyou almost immediately turned white, releasing her shoulders and collapsing to his knees in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek against her stomach. "I'm so sorry, so sorry…." He let out a strangled noise that might have been a sob. "You're _everything_…. I swore I would never do what my mother did…. But if you died, Tohru…."

Tohru had never allowed herself to think about what would happen if something happened to one of them. Her body was comforting Kyou, stroking his hair, making soothing noises. Her mind was cold and clear and direct.

She almost hated Kyou for giving her his life.

But she hated herself more for knowing that her life was no longer hers to give.

-###-

"Remember when I was little and we used to go get ice cream? We'd go to the park and eat our cones and you'd push me on the swing and tell me stories. Sometimes people would recognize you and call for the "Red Butterfly". You'd always ignore them or tell them they made a mistake. I'd ask you what was so bad about being the "Red Butterfly" that you didn't want to remember it. You told me that the worst part of being a gang member was knowing that you didn't control your own life anymore. Even the toughest members were afraid of punishment by someone else. Every choice you made was controlled by someone else's decision until there was nothing of you left."

"I didn't understand then- a life controlled by fear. You were never afraid, Mom. But maybe you didn't mean that you were afraid for yourself, but for your future, your heart and maybe even for the people you cared about."

"I wish I didn't understand how you felt."

-###-

Tohru was still shaken by her experience when she crawled into bed that night. Yuki fell asleep almost immediately after he put his arms around her waist and even Kyou fell asleep shortly after embracing her chest. Tohru was nowhere near sleepy.

She lay there, listening to the even breathing on either side of her body. It felt right to have both boys in bed with her- it wasn't just Kyou who slept better. There wasn't any sex when they all slept together, but somehow that didn't seem to matter. After all, the boys still had one night a week each to sleep with her alone. And it had just shifted the timing of sex during the rest of the week. Since Kyou got up first, he and Tohru would move activities to his old room and then to the shower. Then Tohru would try to wake up Yuki and they'd spend some time before breakfast and have a second shower together. Then there were the occasional "lunch breaks" and the evening meet-ups…. Come to think of it, wasn't that **more** sex than before?

_'I hate to say it sweetie, but as much as I enjoy hearing you think about sex, you're really just avoiding the issue.'_

'I'm lying to them.'

'_You've never actually said anything that was untrue.'_

'I've never actually told them the truth either. Kyou said that he'd die if anything happened to me!'

'_He's a guy whose cock does a lot of his thinking for him. Cocks are prone to exaggeration.'_

'He wasn't exaggerating- I could see how scared he was. And all I could think was that I couldn't promise him what he wanted, because it wasn't my decision to control anymore.'

'_And what exactly are you going to do? You **know** what will happen if you tell them. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of fond of my working mind.'_

'I can't do anything, Butterfly. And I'm scared.'

'_Well I can't make any of this weird shit go away, but I can calm you down and put you to sleep.'_

'How do you do that, anyways?'

'_Just consider me your own personal knock-out drug.'_

Tohru would have responded, but wings surrounded her mind and she surrendered to sleep.

-###-

"Maybe I've never really been afraid before because I never really had anything to lose."

"But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to spend my time with you worrying about things that I can't change. Actually, I have to make a little complaint."

"I really wish that we had been able to talk more about... well… sex. I know you taught me how everything worked and warned me about getting taken advantage of, but you didn't really explain the different _kinds_ of sex. It's been kind of strange having Butterfly teaching me this sort of stuff. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is really trying to help me or not…."

-###-

'_Okay, sweetheart. Remember- underside and top are really sensitive, vary the pressure and suction, use your hands as well and above all else NO BITING!_'

'Are you sure that Yuki will like this? I mean, it seems kind of gross.'

'_Trust me, sweetie- Yuki will **definitely** appreciate your efforts._'

'And you're sure that this will wake him up in the mornings?'

'_I guarantee it._'

-###-

"Well, it does wake him up in the mornings."

Tohru blinks a few times before rapidly shaking her head.

"You must have been so sad to not be able to talk to your Mom. Was that why you were always so nice to me? I wonder what she was like- I mean it would be really hard for us to be here, to be free if she hadn't left us that money. The money should have been yours Mom, but I like to think that something meant it to be left to me so that we could escape when we needed to."

"So much of what has happened now…. I am so lucky Mom. So very, very lucky."

-###-

Tohru finished her cooking program without skewering herself, without being able to completely master European desserts and without failing anything badly enough to not get her designation as a chef. Standing in the college foyer, certificate in hand, she felt a little lost. For as long as she could remember she had had some kind of purpose to drive her- to graduate high school, to run away with the boys, to get her chef certification. Now, she was standing at the edge of having realized all of her goals.

She was terrified.

The boys hadn't been around much for most of the summer. Although she had been busy finishing the last of her coursework, their unexplained business increased her fear.

'_Nobody said fear had to be logical.'_

Tohru felt the line of heat at her back that signaled that one of the boys was standing directly behind her. She wasn't entirely sure when her body had become so aware of them-

_'Hmmm…. Maybe about the same time you started fucking them into the ground two or three times a day?'_

'There's no need to be rude- you can't still be annoyed about the threesome thing.'

_'With the amount of sex you three are having I don't see why you can't all combine efforts!'_

Tohru gave Butterfly a mental slap, but it was half-hearted at best. Although Butterfly still brought up the threesome thing, the tone had become more obviously teasing. Tohru had discovered that Butterfly just loved to fluster her and the best way to deal with it was to ignore it- or give a little back. Unfortunately, right then Tohru was far too nervous and uncomfortable to play with Butterfly and she suspected that some of Butterfly's obnoxiousness may have been an attempt to distract her from her feelings.

"Are you feeling alright, darling?"

Tohru leaned back into Yuki's arms letting the comfort of his presence take away some of the edge. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, but I'll be fine."

"Well neko and I have something we need to tell you so I'm afraid that we're going to have to blow off your incredibly boring graduation party."

Tohru couldn't manage more than a weak giggle at his comment- was this finally going to be the time that the boys realized that they didn't want her around?

_'Good lord woman! Did you completely miss the fact that the boy's grinding my favorite body part against your ass? Hey! Maybe we're going to get some three-way action after all!'_

Unfortunately for Butterfly, although Yuki did seat Tohru on his lap when they got into the car the non-descript building they pulled up in front of didn't look like the place to start on sex of **any** kind.

When Kyou got out and Yuki lifted her out on to the ground, Tohru tried to figure out what was going on. Through the half-shaded windows she could see tables and a distant bar, so although the name sign was covered with a large tarp this was probably some kind of restaurant-

Restaurant.

Tohru stepped out of Yuki's arms to face both of the boys.

"Is this…?"

Kyou seemed to be finding his feet completely fascinating.

"We knew that you might want to name it, but we kinda thought that it would be a good fit and well-"

Yuki interrupted Kyou to pull the cover off the name.

Akachou.

Tohru blinked back the tears in her eyes.

"For Mom… and me?"

They nodded, both looking anxious for her approval.

"You… you two are amazing. I love you… I love you…." She couldn't get anything else out and it didn't seem to be necessary as they both pulled her into a hug.

Somehow they managed to work their way close enough to the door for Yuki to open it and pull her inside. He was just like a particularly bouncy five year-old as he turned off the alarm and started pointing out the various features on the interior. Suddenly some seemingly random questions that the boys had been asking her for the past year started to make sense. Apparently her preference for live plants in restaurants along with a combination of traditional and western seating seemed to have been taken into account, along with carefully designed private traditional rooms that seemed to be based on some sketches she had made for a course project. They had even set the Western style seating in the center and the traditional seating along the side as she had laid out in her mock plans. Tohru gulped back the lump in her throat- the sushi bar at the back had her favorite ukiyo-e enlarged on the back wall.

Tohru probably couldn't have talked if she tried, but it didn't seem to matter because Yuki didn't even seem to be pausing for breath as he took her on a whirlwind tour of the kitchen, the back offices and the cold storage facility.

When he finally paused for breath long enough to rush to the washroom, Tohru turned to Kyou, trying to figure out when the boys had found the time to put this together and how she fit into their plans.

It seemed that Kyou was able to read her mind. "The restaurant deed's in your name love so change things as much you want. We spent most of the summer getting this set up though so have a little mercy on us. Well actually if I'm going to be completely honest I helped a bit but this is really the rat's baby. He took the idea you threw out about a traditional dinner restaurant and sort of ran with some of those sketches that you made. I hate to admit it, but he's really worked hard on this. Nezumi's hired a general manager and a few of the key support staff, but he's still trying to figure out a legal way to make sure that all the kitchen staff at least are women."

Tohru blinked. "Why would they need to be all women?"

Kyou gave her a warm smile. "Well it is _your _restaurant, love and after what I saw at your school…. Well, we don't want you to have to worry about that in your own business."

He pulled her into a hug, but even as Tohru snuggled against him, she couldn't help feel a little concerned about how the boys were well, working _around_ her. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate everything they'd done, but they seemed to be trying to protect her from **everything**.

'_Kind of ironic when you think about it, eh?'_

Tohru knew that Butterfly was just joking, but for the first time the heat of Kyou's arms wasn't enough to warm the cold chill in her heart.

-###-

"I was really surprised Mom when I found out that both Yuki and Kyou had helped manage some of the Sohma businesses while they were in high school. I guess it kind of explained how they knew what to do, but it still made me feel a little weird to realize how much more they knew than me, how much they had set up and how… unimportant I really was."

"It hurt a little Mom when I found out that Yuki had been sorting resumes for head chef- I knew that I didn't have any real experience, but I was kind of sad to realize that all I was going to do was plan the meals and not actually get a chance to make them."

"I wish I had known that that was going to be the least of my problems with the head chef position."

-###-

Kyou looked completely uncomfortable in his suit and tie- he was fidgeting and pulling at the collar on his dress shirt as if it was some kind of poisonous snake.

"Why do I have to be manager again?"

"Because I still have eight months of school and will be starting my own business when I am done. You're finished school and will be doing the accounting and financial plan for this place anyways. You've got some management training too so why not use it? It's not like you have to do anything other than these interviews- I've already hired a very competent general manager for the day to day operations."

"Now I'm going to go- remember what I said about hiring. I've worked the resumés down to two candidates for the head chef position- even you can't possibly screw this up, baka neko."

Kyou actually looked like he was going to pass out when Yuki walked out the door of the office.

_'Why don't you help him take his mind off his problems?'_

'What do you think I should do?'

The graphic image almost blinded Tohru.

'NO! Absolutely not!'

Unfortunately Tohru's hand seemed to be working separately from her mind. As it brushed over Kyou's lap, Kyou arched up in his chair and bit back a moan.

"Tohru…. Th-that's not f-f-fair."

Tohru felt herself leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Is it fair that you look so good in that suit?"

'WHAT are you doing, Butterfly!?!'

'_Just lending you a helping hand- you know you were thinking it anyways.'_

'You can't just control me!'

'_Fine. But my way was a lot more fun. Just look at him!'_

Sure enough, Kyou was leaning back in his chair, panting, as the bulge in his pants became noticeably larger. It was then that Tohru finally registered the sound of a throat clearing behind them.

"The man at the door told me to come back to this office to see the owners. Is this a good time for my interview or would you prefer me to come back later?"

_'Oh. Fuck.'_

Kyou almost fell off the chair in his haste to straighten up, "No! This is a good time! Please come in er… Hidako-san."

There was a brief twinkle in the woman's eyes as she responded, "I'm afraid that I'm actually Yamashita Maki. I know that I'm a bit early but the woman who came in with me seemed to have decided against having her interview for some reason. My most humble apologies."

'_Oh double fuck. Though she's being pretty slick about having us by the balls.'_

Kyou seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Butterfly. He put down the pile of papers he'd been flipping through and looked directly at the interviewee. "I'm going to be direct with you, Yamashita-san. You've got the qualifications and abilities that we're looking for in the head chef of a newly opened restaurant. You come highly recommended and you have enough experience to smooth over our own inexperience starting out. Despite what it may look like, we are taking this venture very seriously and if you are interested in the position we would be very happy to have you under the terms you stated in your resumé."

Yamashita-san held Kyou's eye contact with no noticeable hesitation. "I like your directness and I like the restaurant concept that has been presented. I would be honored to work here under the terms presented in my application. I look forward to working with you."

Although Yamashita-san smiled at Kyou before she left, Tohru noticed that her colors darkened considerably when she glanced at Tohru, although her face remained neutral.

'_Um… I don't think that she liked the little show.'_

-###-

"Not only did she not like the show, but she politely made excuses not to have any meetings with me to discuss the menu design and the ingredient selection. I ended up doing everything myself and didn't even have the chance to meet any of my future staff other than the chef. And she wasn't the only new employee I had problems with…."

-###-

Tohru was starting to wonder if there wasn't some other reason than her safety that the restaurant had an entirely female staff. It certainly didn't seem like Yuki was most concerned about her accidentally transforming when he hired the general manager. Yuki raved on and on about "Tokunabe-san" who seemed to have an uncanny ability to determine good employees, generate advance publicity and design operating procedures. She was "mature and responsible" and Tohru couldn't help but feel a little bit resentful.

_'Well it **is** your restaurant. Technically. Although you haven't actually been back to the restaurant since the scary chick's interview and you missed the grand opening and the first week because you had that nasty flu.'_

'Well, I did get to design the menu and I do get to go tomorrow.'

_'You're a good little girl.'_

'Please don't be mean.'

For once Butterfly didn't tease her and Tohru wondered if her unhappiness really was running deep enough that **Butterfly** would be concerned about her.

When Tohru and Kyou arrived at the restaurant the next afternoon there was a woman leaning against the door, taking heavy draws from her cigarette while running her fingers through the gelled spikes on her head.

"Hey- you must be Tohru- Himura said that I could get the new alarm code off of you. "

"Um… Tokunabe-san?"

The woman dropped her cigarette stub to the ground.

"You're real cute when you're confused. Call me Akane, kid – I think we're going to get along just fine."

'Akane' reminded Tohru of some loud exotic bird that had somehow landed in the middle of the Akachou. Everything around her was noise and color, but somehow she seemed to thrive on the confusion and she was certainly very able to get things done. She seemed to be able to hold three or four conversations at once to make up for her frequent smoke breaks and her long and loud rants about the worthlessness of men. In her more cynical moments, Tohru wondered how on earth Akane had made it through her time with Yuki and convinced him that she was "mature and responsible" without breaking into her true character.

Then when the restaurant opened to customers, it was like a completely new person emerged. The gelled spikes were washed out and, as Tohru watched from the back, Akane modestly charmed every person who walked through the door. Tohru felt a lump rise in her throat. This had been her dream, but her head chef hated her, her manager left her nothing to do and her lover thought that her manager was "mature and responsible"- two words he'd never used to describe Tohru.

'_Don't you think you're being a **little** bit dramatic?'_

"Tohru?"

Kyou hadn't come back to the restaurant since the disastrous interview either, preferring to stay home and coddle sick-Tohru. As selfish as it had been, his presence had been the only thing that had made Tohru not feel completely neglected for the last week.

Tohru turned and wrapped her arms around Kyou, leaning her head against his chest, and trying to hold back the tears that her treacherous eyes were threatening.

"Tohru?"

Kyou sounded a lot more concerned now, and he gently maneuvered the two of them into their office and shut the door- particularly tricky while Tohru remained wrapped around his waist.

"Love- what's wrong?"

Kyou had picked her up and placed her on his lap as he sat at his chair and Tohru felt a little like a naughty child confessing to doing something bad.

"I'm just being silly and selfish… I just feel so _useless._"

Kyou laughed. Tohru felt like he'd punched her. Was she really that ridiculous?

Obviously catching the expression on her face, Kyou's eyes softened and he pulled her tightly against him.

"I'm not laughing at you, love. It's just- I feel useless all the time and you're probably the least useless person I know. But obviously I'm doing something very wrong if you don't know that."

Tohru wasn't sure when Kyou had grown up, but the intensity of her feelings for him seemed to have grown as well. The kiss she pulled him into had something deeper than lust and Kyou seemed to realize the difference too as he tightened his grip on her waist.

"Perhaps I should discuss tomorrow's menus at a later time?"

'_Okay. Kitty **definitely** closed that door. Once might be bad timing, but twice- she's definitely a voyeur…. Hey! How do you feel about two chicks and a guy?'_

This time, Tohru was more annoyed than embarrassed. Kyou **had** closed the door and she had provided the month's menus and ingredient lists over two weeks before the opening. She pulled back from Kyou, hoping that her eyes weren't as red and swollen as she was afraid they were.

"Is there a problem Yamashita-san?"

There were brief flares of pink and green in the chef's halo, as her face took on a far more appraising expression than Tohru had seen before.

"Actually, I'd like to speak with the person who designed the menus and ingredient lists."

_'Ouch.'_

"That would be me, Yamashita-san. Is there a problem?"

Yamashita Maki seemed unable to hide the brief expression of shock that crossed her face.

"The menus are… very innovative. You made a very impressive blend of traditional and Western ingredients in creating traditional dishes. The only problem I have is that some of the Western ingredients are only available seasonally-"

Tohru was tired of being underestimated and treated poorly for what had been a Butterfly-inspired accident.

"Forgive me Yamashita-san, but I thought that I had taken that into account when I designed the menus. If you are concerned about the Western root vegetables, I have already purchased them and they are currently in cold storage at the back of the restaurant." Tohru put on what she hoped was a somewhat friendly smile. "Forgive me for so rudely interrupting you but I hoped to clear up the misunderstanding before it became a problem. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

_'Game. Set. Match. Damn sweetie- if you said 'screw you' any more clearly, you'd have to find chickie a shag.'_

Apparently Yamashita agreed because she almost immediately left the office, looking slightly dazed.

"Wow."

Tohru had completely forgotten that Kyou was still there. She hoped he didn't think too badly of her for being rude.

"Do you want to help me organize the account statements? That way we have plenty of time to start making out before she comes back **again**."

Tohru half-turned on Kyou's lap to catch the humor and open affection on his face. Suddenly, his eyes took on a very evil expression, He was practically purring as he leaned into her ear.

"Plus if we get all our work done, you can take me home and talk in that 'boss voice' again. I think that I need **lots **of managing."

As Tohru started frantically flipping through the papers, she began to wonder if Butterfly was contagious.

-###-

"Kyou was so good to me- he seemed to understand a little of how I felt, even if he was trying too hard to keep me from getting hurt. But I was jealous and confused about Yuki and it wasn't until after the restaurant closed that I finally got a chance to see him."

-###-

When Yuki showed up at the end of the evening, Kyou hadn't quite finished the accounting papers and he stayed back when Tohru met Yuki in front of the restaurant. Tohru hesitated when she saw him- nervousness and uncertainty coming back full force. Yuki had no such hesitations. As soon as he saw her he pulled her against his chest, burying his head in her hair. "I've missed you so much these past weeks."

Tohru was almost convinced that Butterfly took over her mouth. "I thought that 'Tokunabe-san' would have made up for me."

Yuki lifted his head, And burst into laughter. When Tohru squirmed out of his arms his face took on an expression of disbelief. "You're _serious_?"

Suddenly he flashed one of his rare, beautiful smiles. "I know I shouldn't be happy about it, but you have no idea how much it relieves me that you are capable of being jealous. I've been so busy trying to balance school and help with the Akachou and I've been eaten up with jealousy that neko gets to spend all day with you while I hardly ever see you. And believe me- you have nothing to worry about with Tokunabe-san."

He let out a long rough sigh. "I wanted to prove to you that I could make things work, help make your restaurant a reality. But that, that **woman**- you have no idea how close I came to throwing something at her. I swear if she made one more comment about how all men were pigs, I was going to give her Kagura's address and tell her to dye her hair orange."

"Yuki!" Tohru laughed in pleased shock as she hit his shoulder.

Yuki grinned, obviously unrepentant. "She _is _a good manager though, and because of her bias, we have an entirely female kitchen staff, without me having to make any comments."

"But gods, I've missed you!"

He tilted her chin up as he backed her against the side of the restaurant. Yuki was so much taller than her that the kiss was a little awkward, but it didn't matter. That same strange feeling that she'd had with Kyou of the growth and shift in her feelings overwhelmed her, making her dizzy with its depth and power.

As Tohru reluctantly pulled away, she caught the head chef watching them from the corner of the building. Strangely, she didn't look disgusted but instead had a contemplative look on her face. By the time Tohru could react, she had disappeared around the corner.

'_I'm all for voyeurism, but this is getting downright creepy. Does that chick have a make-out radar?'_

'Butterfly- she's seen me kiss both Yuki and Kyou. Nobody knows about our relationship so she probably thinks I'm cheating on Kyou! She already hates me!'

'_Who knows? Maybe she'll suddenly develop a new respect for you. Wasn't it Akane who was saying that guys get bored after three months? You've been stringing the two of them along for three years!'_

-###-

"Strangely enough, something did change in my relationship with Yamashita Maki. It reminded me a little of something you told me once."

"Remember when I came home and told you how the kids had teased me, had made me a riceball when they were picking names for the fruits in the fruit basket? How I sat there, waiting to be called and finally realized that there were no riceballs in the fruit basket?" Tohru's eyes unfocus briefly as she stares at the wall. "You told me that a fruit basket was such a small place to belong. A rice ball may not fit in a fruit basket-"

-###-

Tohru was standing in the kitchen of the Akachou, quietly singing while she looked over the ingredients in the upright freezer. She was starting to get into the song and didn't notice when the chef entered the kitchen.

-###-

"And it may seem as if it doesn't have a specific basket of its own-"

-###-

Tohru spun around, singing rather enthusiastically, and froze when she saw the other woman.

"I'm sorry- I didn't think that anyone else was here! Please just let me know if you're there when I'm singing- I know I sound terrible."

-###-

"But a rice ball can be surprising in ways a fruit can never be."

-###-

The chef stared at her for a moment before arching an eyebrow. "I don't know what your definition of 'terrible' is but I think that you have a pretty voice. I should know- I sound like a dying cat when I sing."

-##-

"A rice ball can come in many shapes and flavors, adding something different to every meal it is a part of."

-###-

Yamashita smiled as Tohru made a little "eh?" noise. "I know that we may not have gotten off on the right foot, but I am very much enjoying working here and I hope… I hope that you will sing often."

-###-

"In the end, a rice ball doesn't need a basket because a rice ball can make its own place, wherever it wants to belong."

-###-

Yamashita paused at the entrance to the kitchen. "I haven't been entirely fair to you since I started here. I would… I would like to get to know you better. Would you come with me on Sunday and spend a girls' day? I know you must sometimes get bored of spending all your time with those two men, no matter how good they are in the sack."

Tohru stood with her mouth hanging open while the chef winked at her. "I'll take that as yes- see you Sunday!"

-###-

"So never feel badly that you don't fit in a fruit basket, because a rice ball will have opportunities a fruit can only dream of."

"I remember that, Mom. Sometimes it's been hard to _believe _it though."

Tohru sighs and stares at the picture.

"You told me to believe, to not doubt, to be open with my trust. So what do you do Mom when you _know _that the ones you trust most- don't trust you?"

-###-

Tohru had a fun morning with Maki. Maki had been right- Tohru _had _missed "girl-time" and for a few hours she had almost felt eighteen again, spending a girl-day with Arisa or Saki. Unfortunately, a family emergency had called Maki away in the middle of their date. She'd been able to drive Tohru as far as the gate and Tohru looked forward to surprising the boys with her early return. They'd been more than grumpy when she'd decided to spend the day outside the house without them and she'd brought back some extra treats from the restaurant to make up for it. Tohru made it as far as the front porch before she was stopped by the voices coming through the open window.

"I don't like keeping secrets from Tohru."

"And what do you think would happen if we told her, neko?"

Silence.

"She would insist on going back…."

Silence.

"Damn it nezumi! Are you sure that Shigure was telling the truth? Why the hell didn't you realize this before?"

"I have no idea if Shigure was lying or not- he had no idea that I was there and I think that he really wanted Hatori's help, if that means anything. And I didn't realize it because it didn't make sense before now."

"Fucking hell…. Do you think he's right? Do you think the curse really started with all that shit with the samurai and the priest?"

"I don't know. Shigure was always good at finding stuff like that out. More importantly, I have no idea if his solution is right or not. If it was, he'd have to have been a hell of lot more self-sacrificing than I think he is to let us go."

"Maybe he didn't know. You just figured out what what he said meant."

"Gods he must be _pissed _if he figured out the answer."

"Well it's not our problem anymore, nezumi."

"But if it's true-"

"We could end the curse. But what would happen to Tohru?"

"Akito tried to kill her last time. Gods know what she'd do if Tohru came back again…. And the solution itself might hurt her- Shigure didn't mention anything about what would happen to the common bond."

"It might not be Tohru. It would be an awfully literal solution if it was her. Aren't these things supposed to be all vague and complicated?"

"Who knows? But considering our luck, neko, we better assume it's Tohru and that Shigure is probably still looking for us in _addition_ to Akito."

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And if Tohru finds out about it-"

"She won't care if it hurts her. She'll do whatever it takes to help the rest of us."

"Because she's the stupidest, most thoughtless, kindest person in the fucking universe."

Silence.

"I'm fucking _happy_ here, nezumi!"

"And I'm not?"

"You don't understand- I've **never** been happy. I've always been the outsider looking in on the rest of the family. I'm not thrilled about sharing Tohru with you but I've never felt more like… like… like I belong, damn it! I won't let some fucking Shigure mess take that away from me!

"Tohru's everything to me, baka neko! I won't let her sacrifice herself on some farfetched chance that she can change things. As far as I'm concerned, the family can go screw themselves. They've never done anything near what Tohru's done for me. I say we forget I ever heard Shigure."

"I don't owe the family anything. Let them rot for another generation."

"So it's agreed?"

"It's agreed."

Tohru slid down the wall beside the window, her legs feeling completely boneless. She didn't know how long she sat there, but it was dark before she got up and announced to the boys that she had arrived home.

-###-

"I don't know what to think, Mom? Could they really leave Kisa-chan, Momiji-kun and Haru-kun with the curse if they knew a way to break it? I'm ashamed even more Mom because I'm not as good as they think. I _couldn't _go back even if they wanted me to. And they'll never know how selfish I am, because they'll never tell me now."

"I want to be angry because they don't trust me to put them first, as they put me first. But I've hidden so much from them, Mom. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside with these secrets and I _can't _tell them and I'm scared we'll all keep hiding the bad things, to keep this happiness going. I know that real happiness means that we need to clean the dark corners too, but I don't know what to do anymore."

"I miss everyone now, so much. Just hearing the boys mention them- it made my heart ache. I want to see Momiji-kun- he always understood what I was feeling and he could make me laugh even when I was sad and scared. I never told him how important he was. We left without saying good-bye and I will never be able to tell any of them how important they were to me and now… now I am preventing them from having happiness. No matter what the boys may say or think, it is not them that are keeping me from going back."

"It's me."

"Is this what love is supposed to be like, Mom? I mean, it scares me sometimes how much I need them, how everything else disappears when I see them. How I know that they're hiding something from me and all I can think about is how much it must be hurting _them_."

Tohru stops for a second, staring hard at the picture frame before she continues.

"I told Kyou about how I thought that he and Yuki had been like riceballs with umeboshi in the back and they had been so busy envying each other's umeboshi that they hadn't even noticed their own. I told him that it didn't seem as much like that anymore, that they both seemed less envious of each other. He told me that that was because I was a much better umeboshi than anything either of them had ever had. They both got to have me, so they only envy each other over having to share me. "

"But what I am supposed to do Mom if one of them doesn't want to share anymore?"

-###-

Yuki graduated with his usual high honors and had no problems opening a small consultant business with a few of his classmates. Although Tohru wondered where Yuki had had the _time _to make friends, she couldn't really grudge him the ease with which he found partners, started a business and lined up clients. It made her realize how much harder starting her restaurant would have been without his strange charm and skill.

Tohru was completely under the spell of his charm as he showed her his new workplace, pointing out where the designing would take place and cracking jokes about his absent partners. He kept his arms around her the entire time and Tohru could practically feel his happiness moving from his body to hers. They eventually laughed and stumbled in to the office, holding onto each other as they lurched their way to Yuki's desk.

"Mmmm… It's so good to finally spend some time with you- will you let me have the rest of the day with you?"

Tohru smiled up at him and laughed as he pulled her eagerly out to the car and drove her back to the house. They spent the rest of the afternoon planting the garden, talking about the Akachou and Yuki's new business and throwing dirt at one another. When the light started to fade, Yuki stood up and held her against him.

"Let's watch the sunset."

They stood in the garden for nearly half an hour as they watched the sun vanish behind the mountains. Just before it completely disappeared, Yuki turned towards her.

"Tohru?"

"Yes?"

Yuki knelt down before her, reaching out to hold her hands. Tohru was suddenly afraid.

"Tohru… Will you marry me?"

Tohru felt like her lungs were being crushed. She broke out of Yuki's grasp and ran to the house, to the bedroom… to her mother.

-###-

"I don't know what to do Mom. I thought that the boys understood that I couldn't choose between them, that I couldn't do anything that would put one of them over the other. I need to talk to both of them and… and… I don't know what to say. I need you Mom. I need to be able to talk to you. I need to be able to hold a conversation with something other than a photograph!"

Tohru takes a few deep breaths as the tears make their way down her cheeks.

"Or maybe I don't need you. And that's the problem."

"I didn't say, 'Please go and come back safely,' that morning and maybe since then, when I talk to you, I am trying to make up for that. Every morning that I wish you happiness takes a little piece of my pain for not saying good-bye. And maybe there are no more pieces left now…."

"This is really hard Mom, but I've decided that I have to stop doing this.

"You told me once that I needed to do things in my own time, in my own way." Tohru stops and takes a deep breath. "I think that this is my time now. I love you but it's time to move on. I-I won't be talking to you again. I don't need to. I know that you're happy and that you're looking after me and that I need to stand on my own now."

Tohru gets up off of the bed and gently places the picture back on the dresser. She pauses in the doorway, turning her head to face the photo.

"Good-bye Mom."

-###-

**Reviewer Responses**

The quotes from Tohru's Mom are generally paraphrases or direct quotations of things that Kyoko says in the manga/anime. I did make up some of them though- have fun seeing if you can recognize which ones ;) Sorry for the wait and I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!

**Kyolover91**: I'm glad that you enjoyed the story! I appreciate you taking the time to review, even when you were under time constraints ;)

**A Panda from CTY**: Well, I don't know if this chapter qualifies as hard-core plottiness, but it definitely ups the angst factor ;) I hadn't put in nearly enough juicy angst for awhile. Mmmm…. Angst….. Your brother wanted to watch Dodgeball? Sounds like he would get along with my brothers- they made me sit through "Team America World Police" over the holidays (as in they literally held me down and forced me to watch it). Great to hear from you again!

**Clover**: I suspect that Butterfly may be out of luck- but we'll see ;) It's just so much more fun this way- for me that is ;) Glad to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**blackwidow13**: I'm really happy that the chapter made you laugh- I'm never sure if people are going to share my strange sense of humor or not ;) And I'm very, very glad that you keep reading the story as it gets longer and longer and longer….

**Fire Phoenix**: I hate to admit it, but I've actually started to design a chart to try and keep track of the plot points- I think that it's seriously getting a little bit out of control ;) That being said, I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and that you think that I'm keeping everyone in character. A big part of what I've been agonizing over in the story is whether or not I'm managing to keep people true to type, whether or not it is a situation that they would have ended up in in the manga. –Sigh- Yet _another_ Pervy Butterfly Minion. I'm going to really have to keep an eye on that insect….

**Fornax**: I admit that Butterfly is based on a real person, but I'm not going to say anymore and I find it interesting that there are actually two of you ;) Really glad that you are enjoying the story and yes- Kyou is a **very **good kitty!

**Kupo**: I'm so glad that you liked the instruments! They were actually a result of me brainstorming some background for Kyou and Yuki, which got me thinking about what instruments the various Sohmas would play if they were musical. Cheers to the Year of the Butterfly and it was great to hear from you again!

**Taran-Wanderer**: Yah- who wouldn't want to have the characteristics of a crazy, sarcastic pervert? It would certainly make the Zodiac celebrations a lot more interesting…. We should lobby! As always, a delight to hear from you;)

**luvHaru7**: You know, I think you're the first person to pick up on Tohru starting to be a bit more assertive with Butterfly ;) I read your review. I blinked. Then I read your review again. You're right- a Butterfly X Haru pairing would be all kinds of interesting- and probably the strangest plot request I've gotten ;) Ironically enough, it's not that far off from something that's going to happen later on in the story. And I'm _really_ not going to say anymore…. It was lots of fun to read your review- thanks for taking the time to review again!

**fruitbasketrocks**: Thank you for both of your reviews! I can't give out spoilers about the relationships, but I will say that there are a few more twists and turns. I'm really happy that my story was able to give you any kind of ideas for your own story, especially the threesome idea. Now I'm intrigued and I'll have to go check it out ;) It was great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**bookworm0492**: Well, we'll have to see how long it takes. It was very generous of you to give me an extension though ;) You Pervy Butterfly Minions are awfully persistent ;)

**otaku girl**: I'm glad that you think the story idea is interesting and I can see your point about Tohru causing problems by not choosing one. Ironically, it's one of the issues that comes up at the end of this chapter;)

**mizunagi**: Don't worry- you seemed lovely and thoughtful anyways ;) In all seriousness, I know that I have a lot of problems with parts of the story, but I'm very glad that you took the time to tell me what you liked- I'm very fond of Butterfly too, evilness and sarcasm especially. Or maybe that's just a result of spending too much time with people where you _wish_ that you had a snarky Butterfly commenting on them ;) Anyways, a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**big book worm**: And because you asked for it…. Lots of yummy angst! Just kidding- but you did have a very prescient review ;) I love the thought of Yuki as a pack rat too and as for Akito's wrath- well we'll see ;)

**hatori still isn't mine**: I'm not entirely sure that I would want a butterfly in my head all the time, but I know that I sure would want it at some of the parties I've been forced to attend ;) I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and I'm glad to hear from you again!

**GirlWaterShaman**: I love Momiji too and don't worry- the other Sohmas haven't disappeared! I think I would be really hard for Tohru if Hana and Uo had forgotten her, but we will find out at some point what happened to them. Great to hear from you again!

**NekoInuyasha13**: I'm really glad that you thought this story helped you understand Tohru a bit better- a big part of why I'm writing it is to help **me** understand Tohru a bit better so I'm delighted that someone else feels the same way ;) Thank you for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**shy X sakura**: Eep! First I get threatened with puppy dog faces! Now you threaten to eat me! I guess I better get a move on!

**Arin Ross**: I know that I'm going to sound horribly pretentious when I say this (because I'm actually really bad at expressing myself in writing), but a big part of the reason for this story is me trying to work out what the various aspects of love are. I'm a firm believer in the "different love for each different person" theory, but I also believe in different types of love and a big part of the story is going to deal with addressing that. And yes, it is something that I touch on in "A Choice of Roads" and in fact shows up in a lot of my writing. What can I say- I'm obsessed ;) Butterfly may be stymied, but there are still some twists to come in the relationships ;) Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful, insightful review!

**AmuberuMukku**: What a beautiful dream! Strangely enough, I actually got the idea for the thread connections and the Butterfly from a dream of my own, which sounds like it bore an eerie resemblance to yours. Weird…. I'm seriously tempted to make the t-shirt, but, like I said, I'm also seriously lacking in artistic talent ;) As always, a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Kitsuyei**: Um… I hope that you didn't develop heart trouble form having to wait so long! -Glomps back- Great to hear from you again! Drunken fun rocks! And no, it wasn't based on real experiences. Really.

**PanPan**: I've actually never read Lemony Snicket, so I'll have to take your word on that ;) I'm glad that you enjoyed the story and I agree that there aren't a lot of writers yet who are dealing with Akito as a woman, but I'm sure that that will change….

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: Don't worry about the reviewing! I'm just glad that you're still reading and enjoying the story- that more than anything else makes me happy ;) I agree that for this story, I don't think that I could have gone any other way- not to mention that it plays a major role in the plot… Great to hear from you again!

**manga girl**: Yuki didn't say "I love you" to Tohru last chapter, but he did say it the chapter before. And there are a few reasons that he's acting strangely that will come up next chapter…. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**geminillama**: Yeah- you **know** you're losing your touch when you can't even get drunk horny teenagers to have sex when they're all in the same bed! But there are still twists to come, so we'll see ;) Thanks for taking the time to review again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**kitsune-chan90**: Funny thing is I'm generally never called 'special' in a **good **sense ;) But I'm sure that there are more of us out there who love both of them- maybe we should form a support group? Great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**cAnDyLaNdReJeCt**: I'm going to be updating forever- don't worry! Glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for taking the time to review ;)

**wolfchild**: I think that this pairing is key to the story for a variety of reasons and I'm really glad that you enjoy it. Thank you for reviewing and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**nfhlsd**: Updated!

_Updated 01-02-05_


	16. Chapter 15: Taking Care of Business

**Author's Note**: Everyone give a big round of applause to **big book worm** from FFNet and **Neonlite17 **from MediaMiner who very kindly volunteered to beta this mess! Be especially thankful because it is unlikely that my stuff would be readable without heavy betaing :)

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**Ika-yaki**: Grilled squid. Shigure's favorite dish :)

**Fukubashi**: wealthy bridge

**Tennyo**: "celestial maiden", similar to angels in that they reside in the heavens except that they lack wings and fly with the aid of special wispy robes or shawls called "hagoromo"

**Kuronabe**: black pot (as in "The pot calling the kettle black.")

**Chapter Summary**: The boys _really _need to stop talking to each other without Tohru there. Maybe duct tape would work?

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 15: Taking Care of Business**

_Taking care of business every day  
Taking care of business every way  
I've been taking care of business, it's all mine  
Taking care of business and working overtime_

- Bachman-Turner Overdrive, "Taking Care of Business"

Tohru sees Yuki in the hallway almost as soon as she leaves the bedroom. Before he can say anything and before she loses her courage she blurts out her answer.

"I can't, Yuki! I won't put either of you over the other one! I love you both so much- please don't make me do this…."

All of the accumulated stress and anxiety of the last year finally catches up to Tohru. She slides to the floor, burying her head in her knees.

Yuki almost immediately sits down behind her, cradling her against his chest as he kisses the top of her head. "Tohru… Darling…. Oh gods, I've made a complete mess of this…. You don't have to choose anyone, darling…"

Tohru's head snaps up in shock. She is even more shocked to see Kyou standing in front of them and **not **looking murderous.

"Told you she wouldn't go for it, nezumi."

_The **hell**!?!_

"That's because I fucked up! I didn't explain anything to her before I asked!"

"You mean you proposed to her before you explained…. What the FUCK were you thinking!?!"

_Um…. I'm confused…. Oh...Wait a minute.... Tohru- remember that little conversation we had about not letting the boys talk to one another? Well, I think that we may need to tape their mouths shut when they leave our sight._

"I panicked! I was running out of time and I just spoke without thinking!"

Kyou groans and runs his fingers through his hair. He sounds more resigned than angry. "So it's up to me to clean up your mess eh, nezumi? Never mind."

Kyou kneels in front of Tohru and tilts her chin up so that she is looking him directly in the eyes. "I never thought that I would say this, but the kuso nezumi isn't nearly as big of an asshole as you probably think he is right now. He **is **an idiot but that's only to be expected."

Yuki is obviously upset because he doesn't even try to correct Kyou's jibe and instead keeps pressing light kisses to Tohru's hair. Kyou continues speaking while Tohru tries to figure out what's going on.

_Don't even bother, sweetie. I'm sure that there is some bizarre, yet completely logical to them, reason that they thought that Yuki needed to propose to you. If you try to guess we're both going to have a splitting headache._

'I'm starting to think you might be right about taping their mouths shut.'

Kyou bluntly snaps Tohru out of her thoughts. "Tohru- have you ever thought about having children?"

_Well, **that **was unexpected._

Tohru takes a minute to get herself under control. She **has **thought about children.

Tohru wouldn't let herself think about family while Akito was hurting her. Now that it seems to have stopped, she has allowed herself to have small hopes for one day having a baby. She had never expected the boys to be the ones to bring it up.

"I… Yes, I… I want to have children."

Yuki's entire body seems to relax against hers, as if he had been holding his breath until she answered. Kyou on the other hand tenses even more.

"Have you considered what having children would mean?"

Tohru blinks in confusion. "We have money… and we seem to be doing okay with our businesses…. Is there something else?"

Kyou sighs and speaks very slowly. "What about our living conditions?"

"I don't understand…."

"Damn it, Tohru! How are people going to react to a kid with a family composed of Mom and the two guys she's fucking!?!"

Tohru shrinks back and Yuki pulls her farther into his arms, as if to shield her from Kyou's anger. She won't let herself hide though. This is too important to back down.

"Why would anyone need to know?"

Kyou paces and Tohru is disturbed by the anger and frustration radiating off of him.

_Sweetie- it's not you._

'Oh.'

"Are you really that naïve, love? We've both made out with you in the restaurant- many times. Everyone there knows that you're with both of us- we even had to get rid of a few of the staff who had a problem with it. Now that Yamashita's supervising you in the kitchen… well let's just say our affection is a lot more public than it was when it stayed in the back office."

Tohru wonders how she could possibly have missed all of this. After her experience with Maki, she hadn't thought anything of being affectionate with the boys in the restaurant. Maki had even offered to have her involved in the kitchen and Tohru had developed a much friendlier relationship with her and Akane. Tohru had allowed herself to hope that because there were no obvious problems with the staff, there wouldn't be any problems with anyone else. This willful optimism that everything would work out seems to have blinded her to how her relationship would appear to outsiders. Tohru had never let herself think about how other people might be upset that she had a relationship with both of the boys. It had certainly never occurred to her how that might affect a child.

_On the other hand, he'd be the kid with the "cool mom" when he hit high school._

'**Really **not helping.'

"But how could we not cause problems for a child? I'm not going to choose one of you over the other!"

Kyou looks almost defeated as he turns towards her.

"You don't have to. We've all been living together for four years now- one more year and you will be considered common law marriage with either of us. It's legally recognized and it would mean that you wouldn't be lying if you said you were married. For some reason, people would probably be more understanding if you were cheating on your husband with his cousin than if you were just in a relationship with both of us."

Yuki speaks up for the first time. "That's what I was trying to ask you today. I wanted to know if you would allow me to be your public husband."

"Why you and not Kyou?"

_Um… That may not have been the best thing to say…._

Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, Tohru wished that she could take them back. She can practically feel Yuki freezing up behind her.

Strangely, Kyou only looks more tired and defeated. "I spend all day with you Tohru because I do all my bookwork from the restaurant- nobody except the staff sees us together. I don't have any clients other than you and the nezumi. Nezumi does. When you visit him at work his partners see you and so do his clients. If he has to go to an event, people will see you together. It makes more sense that he becomes your common law husband…."

Kyou takes a deep breath. "I can't do this right now." He turns from Tohru and heads to his old room, closing the door behind him.

Yuki moves away from Tohru and they both stand up. When Tohru turns to face him, she swallows hard. Kyou is obviously in pain that it is Yuki who will get to be her husband. That pain is nothing compared to the blue-black halo blocking Yuki from her sight.

_He didn't just propose to you without an explanation because he messed up._

'What do you mean?'

Tohru tries to ignore the suspicions that have been going through her mind since the ill-fated proposal.

_Look at him! The boy's terrified you don't love him! And what would be the best way to test that?_

'Oh please no.'

Tohru prays that Butterfly is wrong, but Yuki is obviously devastated. Tohru hates being tested, but Yuki's pain is tearing her inside. She tentatively places her hand on his shoulder, only to see him flinch away from her touch and leave the hallway. Apparently the test is over.

_Looks like you failed._

-###-

Yuki is down the stairs and out of sight by the time Tohru realizes what has happened.

_Don't let him walk off right now, sweetie. Believe me, this is **not **something that will be solved by waiting._

'You're right.'

Tohru runs down the stairs to grab Yuki's arm just before he is about to walk out the front door.

"Please don't go."

Yuki shrugs off her hand.

"Why should I stay?"

_Wow. He's really messed up about this._

"I love you! Why can't you believe me?"

"Because you always pick the neko over me! Because you're only with **me** out of pity!"

They stare at each other, breathing heavily. Raw emotions fill the space between them, auras swirling with blues, blacks and reds. Tohru realizes that if she doesn't do something there will be no convincing Yuki and there will be no second chances. Tohru is filled with a new desperation and purpose.

'Butterfly- please join our minds together.'

_What makes you think that I can do that?_

'Please don't play with me. I've felt Yuki's animal before. I know that our minds can touch.'

_There are consequences-_

'I. Don't. Care.'

_As you wish._

As soon as Tohru feels the brush of Yuki's mind she releases the floodgate of her emotions- all the love, affection, lust she feels for Yuki pushed into his mind. He staggers backwards, eyes wide as she sinks to her knees under the weight of the effort.

Tohru closes her eyes, trying to clear the vertigo. When she opens them Yuki is kneeling in front of her his expression open and defenseless.

"You love me?"

"I love you."

Tohru sways forward and to her horror and embarrassment, she starts throwing up in the entrance way, nearly on top of Yuki. Yuki doesn't seem to be disgusted though. He holds her hair back from her face and places one of his cool hands against her burning forehead. When she's finished, he silently cleans up the mess before helping her up and taking her to the bathroom.

As Tohru washes her face she watches Yuki in the bathroom mirror.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I love you?"

Yuki comes up behind her and rests his head on her shoulder as he puts his arms around her waist.

"I'm not around very much, Tohru and I know that I'm… not the easiest person to love. When I asked you to marry me, I thought… I thought that if you loved me you would have found some way to agree. I know it's stupid but I was so scared that the only reason you were with me was because you felt sorry for me and you thought neko and I were a package deal."

"You don't think that anymore, do you?"

"No."

Tohru turns in his arms to lay her head against his chest, trying to absorb his steady heart-beat into her body.

"I love you."

"I know, darling."

"No more tests, Yuki."

"No more tests."

They shuffle out of the bathroom, arms still around one another and head back down the hallway. Tohru is the one who opens the door to Kyou's old room, Yuki's arms still around her waist. Kyou is sitting on his bed, staring blankly at the wall.

"Why are you so scared about having a child?"

That certainly wasn't how Tohru had planned on opening the conversation and she senses a little bit of Butterfly interference.

Kyou snaps out of his trance and turns towards Tohru. "How do you know that I'm not just upset that I don't get to be your husband?"

"You might be. But I think that you also know that it doesn't make a difference to how I'll treat you and how much I care about you. You only really got upset after I said that I wanted children."

Kyou slumps forward, his head in his hands.

"I'm not good enough to be a father."

"Why?"

Kyou jerks up again, staring at her in surprise.

"Because… because…"

Tohru leans back against Yuki's chest and closes her eyes. She's far too exhausted to be anything but direct. "If you don't want to have children, I won't force either of you into it. I do want children. I want children with you two as the fathers. I want little babies with your hair and Yuki's eyes that I can watch grow up into beautiful adults. Whether or not you want children, my birth control runs out at the end of this month so if you **don't **want children we're going to have to find a way to get me a new prescription. But if you do want children… Well we could turn the guest bedroom into a nursery-"

"You had me at 'I do want children.'"

Tohru opens her eyes- Kyou has moved so that he is standing right in front of her.

"Are you sure?"

"If you think that I'm good enough to be a father…. I trust you."

Tohru leans forward to pull him into a hug.

Yuki's voice is curiously flat. "I think that because I'm going to act as husband, you should be the one who signs the birth certificate for the first child."

Kyou looks up in obvious surprise and gratitude. "Thank-you. Both of you. I need a little time to think- I'm a bit overwhelmed."

Tohru waits until Kyou's footsteps have faded in the hallway before she turns to face Yuki.

"Are you upset that Kyou will sign as our first child's father?"

"No."

_Well break out the ice-skating demons- he's being honest._

"If I have you, I don't care about anything else." Tohru can see the vulnerability in his eyes.

"You have me."

-###-

Tohru shifts uncomfortably as Akane expertly adjusts her dress and hair. Maki raises an eyebrow as Akane does something to the back of Tohru's dress and Tohru becomes even more concerned. This is Yuki's first big client dinner and she doesn't want to do anything that might embarrass him or his partners. Yuki has been particularly excited about this client because he would be able to use some plants and designs that are far too expensive for his normal customers. Both he and Tohru had decided that they needed new clothes for the party to try and give the best possible impression. The boys had initially been horrified when Akane and Maki had offered to dress her for the event. It was only after Akane had promised to return her 'without spikes or additional body piercings' that they grudgingly let her go shopping with the two women.

_They were just jealous that they won't get to see the hot fem-sex._

'Hot fem-sex?'

_Oh come on- do you really think that Akane bitches that much about men because she's secretly dying for a good cock to prove her wrong? She's sending **signals** sweetie!_

'You know, I used to think that you were evil. Now I know that you're just crazy. And desperate.'

_Hey! You try having a sex drive and no body and see how **you **like it!_

"All done."

_Well- let's see the damage._

"It's beautiful."

Akane beams as Tohru stares into the mirror in stunned surprise. She's not pretty but whatever Akane has done to her hair and make up has made her look mature and elegant- exactly what she needs for tonight's meeting. Tohru turns to smile at both Akane and Maki. She realizes how lucky she is that both of these women have been so accepting of her unusual relationship with the boys, and so willing to be friendly anyways.

Akane has been very direct about her opinions. She thinks that Tohru is "sticking it to the male establishment pigs" by showing that "women can run multiple men just as well as… men". Akane is very 'vocal' in her support and Tohru has discovered that she has somehow made a loyal, although strange friend. Maki is more of a puzzle. She seems to have accepted Tohru after the singing incident, but she has never really explained why she changed her mind and Tohru just accepts that she has. After all, she has offered peace and even invited Tohru into the kitchen so Tohru has no real reason to be suspicious.

_Any chick who gets her kicks by watching you go at it, has to have **something** in mind._

'Well, even if she does, she's been very nice to me so be nice to her.'

_**Really **nice?_

'No.'

_Damn. You're learning._

The buzz of the intercom in Akane's apartment startles Tohru out of her conversation. Maki moves to the door and tosses Tohru her purse.

"Well, let's go knock out the Ice Prince."

Akane snorts. "If he lifts his eyes above her breasts, I'll kiss him myself."

Ignoring her sudden flare of jealousy, Tohru suddenly realizes that whatever Akane did to her dress gave her a **lot **more chest than she would normally have.

To Tohru's combined amusement and frustration, Akane wins her bet. Yuki doesn't even seem to notice when the other women leave as he stares at her chest all the way to the car. Finally Tohru's amusement wins out.

"Yuki- my eyes are up here."

Tohru has never seen anyone turn that red.

"I-I-I'm **so **sorry…."

Tohru reaches out to pull him towards her.

"Don't be."

As Yuki leans in to kiss her, she playfully backs up and shakes her head.

"Ah, ah. Don't smudge the makeup."

Yuki glares at her and almost whines in reply. "Do we **have **to go to the party?"

Tohru reaches up to pat him on the head. "There, there- if you're a good boy we can have **lots **of fun afterwards."

-###-

Most of Tohru's happiness is gone by the time they leave the car with the valet and walk up to the entrance of the huge mansion. Yuki gives her shoulder a squeeze and drops a reassuring kiss on the top of her head. "Everything's going to be fine. We just need to stay for a few hours and quietly leave."

'Then why do I have such a funny feeling in my stomach?'

_That might be me. I really didn't like that Ika-yaki that we had for supper. I don't know how Shigure could stomach the stuff._

'You know, this isn't helpful.'

_Alright, alright. I'll be good._

Yuki's arm is around her waist now, and Tohru tries to settle her feelings of uneasiness as he rings the doorbell.

Tohru blinks at the person who opens the door. She is very afraid to open her mouth because she is honestly not sure if she is dealing with a man or a woman.

Yuki nods his head, his arm still around Tohru's waist. "Fukubashi-san. Thank you for inviting us to your party. I would like to present my wife, Himura Tohru. Tohru, this is Fukubashi Akira."

The slender figure in the doorway stretches and slinks forward. "I'm delighted to finally meet the mysterious Tohru-san. I've heard about you from every man in Himura-san's firm. I was starting to think that you were merely a legend or a mythical tennyo." Here he pauses, reaching out to hold Tohru's hand before pressing a kiss to her palm. He looks up at her from his bowed position. "I can see that I wasn't far wrong."

Tohru is more than a little uncomfortable with the dark, almost mocking look in the strange man's eyes. She instinctively leans a little further into Yuki's embrace. "I am very glad to meet you Fukubashi-san. Yuki has been very enthusiastic about your project."

"Such formality from one so beautiful- my heart is sore. But please, come in and meet my friends."

_How can someone who looks so much like a woman pull off being such a sleaze of a man?_

'I'm sure he's just being friendly.'

Very shortly, Tohru has to agree with Butterfly's assessment that _'Fukubashi is about as friendly as a piranha._' When she and Yuki enter the main entertainment room, she immediately feels about three years old and two inches high. Suddenly, what had seemed like a very pretty, sophisticated outfit with Maki and Akane appears plain and countrified.

Yuki and Tohru stand in the entranceway, watching the expertly made-up and dressed guests show off jewelry that is probably worth more than Tohru's restaurant. Yuki gently squeezes her waist and Tohru takes a deep breath. She is about to move forward when she catches a languid wave from Fukubashi. He hails them over to where he is talking to a particularly well-dressed man with a very unpleasant expression.

Fukubashi slings an arm over the man's shoulders. "I would like you to meet my dear friend, Kuronabe Jun. These beautiful people are that brilliant landscaper Himura Yuki and his wife Tohru-san." Duty done, Fukubashi retreats to the wall to watch their interactions with hooded, mocking eyes.

Kuronabe's gaze travels Tohru from her toes all the way up. "Ah yes, the man with the large stick in his ass. But you- your name sounds very familiar. Have we met?"

Yuki interjects through gritted teeth. "Perhaps you are familiar with my wife's restaurant? It is very popular for its traditional menu."

Kuronabe's eyes linger on Tohru's chest. She suddenly feels very, very exposed. "Perhaps that's it. I'm sure I'll remember eventually."

_Can I please strike him blind?_

'Maybe later. After Yuki gets his contract.'

_You know, I think that that's the first time you've agreed with me about something like that._

'I don't like this party. And Fukubashi-san- there's something very strange about his aura.'

_You're right, sweetie. I'd watch your back here._

Yuki seems to be having similar ideas to Butterfly. He steers Tohru away from Kuronabe and towards the wall. "Since my wife is a chef she very much wishes to see your kitchen, Fukubashi-san."

The man smoothly rises from his position against the wall and gestures towards a descending staircase near the far side of the room. "Please Himura-san, there is no need for such formality, but your wife is very welcome to speak to my chef."

Tohru chances a glance up at Yuki. His eyes are hard and wary. "Thank you for your kindness, Fukubashi-san." Yuki's knuckles are white as he steers Tohru towards the back of the room.

Tohru almost immediately breathes easier when they reach the large, modern kitchen in Fukubashi's basement. A man maybe five years older than Tohru is busily directing a herd of helpers putting together various artfully designed appetizers.

He looks over at the two of them and grins. "Get lost on your way to the dungeon? Damn- Fukubashi doesn't normally start the kinky stuff until after midnight."

Yuki cocks an eyebrow. "How do you know that we won't get you in trouble with your boss for being so rude to the guests?"

"You must be new here- I can't get in trouble for telling the truth. Besides it was an honest mistake. With her boobs and your ass you're obviously entertainment. And if you want to report me for that- well Fukubashi's heard a lot worse."

_I **like **him!_

Tohru glances up- Yuki looks like he can't tell whether to be offended or amused. Obviously deciding that silence is the best policy, he reaches for one of the cocktail glasses on the counter.

"I wouldn't touch any of the drinks if I were you. Fukubashi's friends often add strange things to them for fun."

Yuki withdraws his hand, and Tohru is almost immediately thirsty.

"Umm… sir… could I get a glass of water?"

The chef puts down the appetizer that he is working on and pulls an unopened bottle of water from the fridge before pouring a glass. His smile is almost kind as he hands her the cup.

"You're far too cute for a place like this- your boyfriend should have known better than to bring you here."

Obviously Yuki has had enough because he possessively wraps his arm around Tohru's waist and steers her towards the door. "Don't worry- I'm planning on solving that mistake as soon as possible."

Tohru is slightly grateful to get away from the strange chef but she feels unaccountably nervous when they reach the staircase.

"Do we have to go back up?"

"I'm afraid so, darling. But it's only for another hour or so- then they'll all be too drunk to notice that we've left."

Tohru stands at the top of the stairs, trying to work her courage to enter this… pit.

_What are you so scared of, sweetie? Who says you need to interact with these assholes? Yuki's looking at you like you're dessert, so why don't you stand in a corner and flirt er... 'talk' with your husband?_

'You know, that's not a bad idea.'

Tohru gently pulls Yuki over to an empty corner and starts to tell him about her week. Within minutes, the tension lines in his face are gone and he's smiling again. It is like they are the only people in the room. Yuki is laughing and playing with her hair, while Tohru gestures wildly with her glass of water. "...and then Akane-chan said, 'You fool- you're supposed to kill the fish _before_ you cook it. Fresh fish is one thing but having it flopping on our kitchen floor is not good for business!'"

Yuki suddenly pulls her into his chest and presses a heated kiss to her forehead. "Gods, I love you Tohru. Ten more minutes and I swear we're leaving before I do something that will **really** scandalize these snobs." The look he gives her is a perfect combination of lust, love and mischief. Tohru feels her own body heating up in response. She attempts to move back a little, but Yuki tightens his grip. "Don't move just yet, please." Tohru isn't quite sure what he is talking about. She presses against him to see if she's somehow hurt him. This doesn't have quite the reaction she expected- his hips jerk forward and a small moan escapes his mouth.

_Well that's a fairly big reason to stay still._

Suddenly feeling mischievous herself, Tohru traces a finger down his cheek. "If I move, can we leave faster?" Yuki groans above her. "You are really not helping, darling." Then they hear a voice that works like a bucket of cold water. "Himura-san, why don't you bring your lovely wife and come meet some more of my friends?"

Yuki's arm is like a steel band around her waist as they go over to the circle of rich young things and their dates. Kuronabe turns when they arrive, looking very much like a predator scenting blood. "You know, Himura-san, we've been hearing the most _interesting_ rumors since we got to this town. For such a sleepy little place, it seems that some very _shocking_ things go on here."

Tohru is confused. She isn't sure where Kuronabe is going with this, but she suspects that it isn't going to be good. "Imagine my surprise to find that my dear friend's uptight landscaper is a participant in a _ménage-à-trois_ with a little country girl and some kind of relative." Yuki is holding Tohru so tightly that she is afraid that she won't be able to breathe. "Oh, there's no need to look at me like that. I'm sure you country types have nothing better to do. She is a pretty little thing- why don't we swap off for the night?" He gestures to the tall, busty woman leaning on his arm.

Fukubashi looks amused. "I'd be happy to borrow you outright, Tohru-san, if Kuronabe isn't your type."

Tohru's glass falls to the floor.

Yuki's voice is as cold as his name. "I appreciate your invitation to this party, Fukubashi-san, but I don't think that we will be doing business together. _My wife_ and I are going home now. We need some fresh air."

With that he sweeps Tohru to the front entrance, not pausing until he grabs both their jackets. He pulls his on and buttons it in quick, angry motions. "Yuki?" Tohru puts a hand on his arm and he pulls her against him so tightly that Tohru can feel his heart beating. Tohru and Yuki stand there, holding each other in the front entrance. Tohru's words are muffled by Yuki's jacket. "I'm so sorry, Yuki. I never meant to make you lose accounts because of our relationship."

_While I may have enjoyed the show, what exactly is it that you're sorry for, sweetie? That you **didn't **go home with one of the guys with the open-dick policy?_

Yuki tilts her chin up. "I would rather never work again than listen to those bastards insult you. I am truly sorry for bringing you here tonight. I love you more than anything and those assholes can go to hell."

They both freeze when they hear the faint sound of clapping behind them. Fukubashi is standing in the doorway, a slight smile on his face. "I'm a little jealous. That's the best performance I've ever seen at any of my parties and there is absolutely no chance that it will be repeated. I am sorry about those assholes, but I hope that you will give this bastard another shot at employing you. The contract is yours if you want it, Himura-san."

Yuki tenses, and Tohru can tell that he is about to tell the other man exactly where he can put his contract. "Please don't Yuki. It's a good contract and it will give you a chance to try all of those techniques and plants that you wanted to use."

Then she turns to Fukubashi. For one perfect moment, Butterfly and Tohru blend as one person. "I may not be smart or strong, but if you ever insult my husband again I will find a way to make you pay. And that is a promise."

As she turns and drags Yuki out the front door, she is followed by the faint sound of laughter. "Little spitfire- I really wish that you _had_ taken me up on my offer."

-###-

Fukubashi did give Yuki the contract and he also recommended Yuki to several of his wealthy friends. Yuki's business, never slow to start with, was almost overloaded. However Tohru can't forget the malicious look on Tokunabe's face as he offered to trade. No matter how much she wants it, is it really fair to try to bring a child into their unusual situation? A situation that only exists because of her selfishness. Tohru has no illusions- the boys are good catches by anyone's standards. If they were free they could have their choice of anyone they wanted. If she'd chosen between them-

_You'd all be miserable. Never forget it. However you've screwed up in your life, staying with both of the boys wasn't a mistake. No matter how you feel, they need you and even if you had rejected them they would have still needed you._

Whatever the boys' feelings, they certainly went all out in the effort to make sure that she got pregnant. Tohru hadn't thought that it had been possible to have more sex than they were already having and she was a little disturbed to be proven wrong. Now as she sits in the bathroom, staring at the test in front of her, she can only be impressed by their thoroughness.

"Tohru- are you all right in there?"

"Do you need any help…? You aren't sick are you!?!"

Tohru gets up and opens the door, almost glowing with the force of her happiness as she holds the test up to the boys. "I'm not sick at all."

-###-

**Reviewer Responses**

**Quick Author's Note**: I know that it's probably a little late in the game for this, but if you **don't **want to be spoiled at all for later chapters it isn't a good idea to read the reviewer responses. Most spoilers are kind of vague (I mark the ones that are slightly less vague) but they **are **there. –Written in horror by Anaphalis after re-reading several chapters of reviewer responses-

**bookworm0492**: Oh my goodness- I go from threats of puppy dog eyes to cannibalism to chain saws! –Whimpers- A second extension? I feel special :) I hope that this chapter resolved everything to your satisfaction- I really don't want to be cut into little pieces- it would be so much harder to write that way :0 Good to hear from you again! 

**manga girl**: Well, hopefully this chapter answered your questions about the marriage proposal :) Those boys aren't exactly the world's best communicators :) I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story and I appreciate you taking the time to review again!

**inuyasha-girly-2007**: I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you enjoy the next chapter as well. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**fruitbasketrocks**: I think it was a bit of a shock for poor Tohru as well- I can imagine Butterfly sitting there and going cough_Dumbasses_cough. Thanks for the New Years wishes and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**A Panda from CTY**: There were definitely parts of Team America that I enjoyed although I could have done without being forced to watch the projectile vomiting scene four times in a row :) I'm glad that you're happy with the plotty goodness 'cause it only gets more complicated from here on in, baby ;) I love Momiji too, but I'm not going to say what's happening with the other Sohmas. You're just going to have to wait I'm afraid. Because I'm evil. Always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**whatthehell**: Strangely enough, it was actually only two weeks between updates last time, although I know that the holidays can often seem a lot longer :) I hope this was fast enough, because I don't think that your cats would appreciate you throwing them at me :) Thanks for taking the time to review!

**Kupo**: Yeah- As much as I love Kyoko, I think that she does get a bit repetitive after awhile :) I hope that you've forgiven Yuki, although I agree that they still have a lot that they need to sort out in terms of their own fears and insecurities. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and I appreciate you taking the time to review again!

**gadez**: Ahhh… Angsty drama goodness! Don't worry- I'm completely incapable of writing strict angst- I think it's a genetic disorder that induces giggling if I try to write Very Seriously for too long :) Thanks for reviewing again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**AmuberuMukku**: I've always felt an affinity for certain animals (whether that's kooky or not I'm not sure) so I completely sympathize with the draw of butterflies. Personally I've always felt that butterflies are very interesting both symbolically and biologically. If you are serious about letting me see your butterfly design (and I hope that you are- it sounds beautiful), my e-mail address is available on my FFNet profile and I'd love to hear from you. I'm sure that you're underestimating your ability as a writer- I have a problem in that I have a bit of a split writing personality that bounces between humor/perviness and angst/drama. Sometimes this works and sometimes this really doesn't work (I have some early writing that makes me cringe by the end of the first paragraph). I'm very glad that you are enjoying the story- I have learned a lot by writing this and I am grateful that other people are enjoying something that I've had so much fun writing. As always, a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter! 

**big book worm**: I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter and I really appreciate you taking on the job of beta. I swear I don't understand what I'm writing half the time and I have nothing but admiration for you for wading through the unbeta'd mess :) Yamashita? –makes innocent eyes- Why on earth would she seem suspicious? –walks off whistling- Great to hear from you again and I hope that you can still stand to look at the chapter!

**Taran-Wanderer**: I actually found this a terribly tricky chapter to write because I had to flash through the three years from Butterfly's New Year without jarring everyone too badly. I think I may have succeeded, in that respect at least, a little **too** well because I'm not sure that I made it obvious enough that three years had gone by by the time Tohru was having her conversation with her Mom. I'm really happy that you enjoyed the chapter though and it's always a pleasure to hear from you!

**NekoInuyasha13**: Don't worry about the reviewing! I certainly don't expect everyone to **want **to review every single chapter! Of course I'm always happy to hear from people and hold fun review conversations but I'm honestly just happy when people enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it. That being said, I really appreciate you taking the time to review and I'm delighted that you enjoyed my very long last chapter. I really hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**wolfchild**: Ah yes, the evil cliffie. BWAA HA HA! Er… anyways I hope that your sanity held out long enough for this chapter and that the new chapter didn't succeed in driving you insane (I know that there were a few moments where I thought that it was going to drive **me **insane :) Thanks for reviewing again!

**MaNgA-bOy-LoVeR**: I definitely think that Butterfly has had an effect on Tohru. Whether it is a good effect or not, well…. :) Don't worry- Tohru isn't entirely sure what the boys are talking about either, but I promise that it will all become clear in time :) The part that Tohru did understand was that Yuki overheard Shigure talking about some kind of cure for the curse (and the possible origin of the curse) and it might involve Tohru…. I hope that helps! Thank you for taking the time to review- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter! 

**Clover**: You know, I think that you were the closest to guessing the solution to the problem out of anyone who reviewed :) –Hands out special puzzle-solver award- That was especially good because I think that I managed to confuse nearly everyone really, really badly :) Keep up the good thinking and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**makala seri**: Just to let you know- you're all scary :) The image of perverted Shigure getting together with perverted Butterfly nearly blew **my** perverted brain :) –Whimper- Make the pictures stop, Mommy! Thanks a lot. Always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Lady Mokodane**: I'm really happy that you got a good laugh out of the story- I spend a lot of my time sniggering while I'm remembering Butterfly's real life counterpart for inspiration…. There is still a ways to go before the ending (twelve chapters I think?), so there are still a few more twists to come :0 Thanks for reviewing and I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story!

**Kae Noel**: I am very glad that you are enjoying the story and I wouldn't worry- Butterfly has me chained to my laptop until I completely finish this thing! Thanks for taking the time to review!

**Akai**: It makes my split writing personality happy to bounce between action and romance, so I'm glad that you're enjoying it :) I don't suppose that there's any way I could see the background that you made? It sounds fantastic and if you are at all willing to let me see it, could you e-mail me at the address in my profile? I so want that as my new background- I can just see the reaction of my poor supervisor :) Thanks for reviewing- I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**Kyolover91**: Actually I don't like cliffies that much either- I kind of think that they're a bit of a cop out :) And I'm really hypocritical for ending my last chapter on one, so I hope that this chapter will make you forgive me :) Thanks for taking the time to review again!

**Panthera**: I'm really honored that this is your first Fruits Basket story and that you're enjoying it- there are a lot of good writers in Fruits Basket fanfiction, including some of the people who've kindly taken the time to review "The Butterfly Effect". If you have the time I strongly suggest checking out some of the other stories :) I'm really pleased that you guessed that one of them was going to propose- I had hoped that it wasn't going to be coming totally out of left field. Thanks for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**anah midale**: I'm very happy that you're enjoying the story and I appreciated you taking the time to review :) I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story as well!

**dark angel kyo**: I'm very glad that you decided to give the story a chance in spite of the three-way relationship. Although I have my own perspective on the relationship that I think fits Tohru, I know that lot of people disagree and I am always honored when they decide to give my story a chance anyways. I really appreciate your thoughtful comment on including more of the boys' perspectives in the story. Strangely enough, the entire story is strictly from Tohru's point of view. Any view of the boys or any of the other characters is only as Tohru sees them or interprets their actions. I **do **have reasons for doing it this way, but I don't think that they're going to be obvious until near the end of the story. Thank you for reviewing!

**Deathdreamerofneverlove**: Glad you're enjoying the story and I hope that this was a fast enough update! Thanks for reviewing!

**Kitsuyei**: Well, Yuki isn't quite as much of an ass as it might have seemed, but he's also very insecure. You'd think with the amount of sex he's getting that his brain would be too overloaded with pleasure chemicals to _care_. Ah well, it just wouldn't be Fruits Basket without a little angst. Always good to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Fire Phoenix**: I'm glad that you thought that Tohru's introspection was realistic- I wasn't sure if I had crossed the line into melodrama (actually I was pretty sure that I had crossed the line, burned the bridge and jumped up and down on its grave). I think that this three-way relationship really lends itself to exposing insecurities and I think that they all still have a long ways to go…. Good call on the breakdown! It was a baby breakdown, but I think that it still qualifies :) I think Butterfly's going to have to come up with a new strategy to get what it wants- wonder how that's going to work ;) ? Great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**for sale**: I'm glad that you think that the story's in-character- a lot of my paranoid author angst centers around how far I can push the situation before everyone starts seeming wildly out-of-character :) I agree that the Butterfly has had a long-term not-so-subtle effect on Tohru, but a big part of the reason I was writing the story was because I thought that there was a lot more to her underneath than what actually showed up in the manga/anime. One of the things I was hoping would come across in the story is that Butterfly isn't actually **changing **Tohru- just getting her to express parts of herself that she'd blocked off/ never used. –rubs neck sheepishly- Sorry- you just made such a good point that it made me go all introspective and stuff :) I really enjoyed reading your review and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**Lalala**: Well, it looks like Kyou did know about the proposal, but it did sound a little like Yuki wanted Tohru to himself :) Thanks for taking the time to review! 

**MelissaMarie**: You know, one of the things that surprised me the most about this story was the number of people who agree with Butterfly. I had expected that Butterfly's er… 'interesting' mind was going to scare people, not start a cult of Pervy Butterfly Minions. I'm so proud ;) I've really enjoyed writing this and it has been a major learning experience for me. I'm very happy that you're enjoying the story although sometimes I think that the plot is going to eat me alive before I ever make it to Ch.27 :) Thank you for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**baka-onna2003**: Ah the curse. I think everyone had thought that I'd forgotten about it :) Don't worry- there will be lots of plotty, curse-related goodness, but there are a couple of other things to get through first ;) I hope that the new chapter amuses you- I appreciated you taking the time to review!

_Updated 01-12-05_


	17. Chapter 16: Opening the Wound

**Quick Author's Note**: For those of you who aren't familiar with the manga, Rin is the horse zodiac and Haru's star-crossed sort-of girlfriend (i.e. Akito keeps messing with their relationship).

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**Wasabi**: Japanese horseradish, quite hot, generally added in very small amounts for flavor 

**Miso**: fermented bean paste  
This chapter is referring to the soup made using miso, which is found all over Japan- different regions have different recipes.

**Tatami**: Japanese straw floor mat

**Chapter Summary**: Remember those other Sohmas?…Yeah, _those _Sohmas.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations.

**Chapter 16: Opening the Wound**

_Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again_

-Linkin Park, "Breaking the Habit"

Ultimately, the review was responsible for all of the problems.

Tohru's restaurant had started to make a name for itself through word of mouth and Akane's savvy publicity. By some odd luck, one of the summer tourists had known a restaurant reviewer for a large national paper.

_The guy was a complete asshole._

'That's a little mean, although he certainly didn't try to be very nice to people.'

_That's an understatement._

'I don't think I've ever heard Maki-chan that mad.'

_Well, he **had** been grabbing her ass and patronizing her cooking just before she called you. It was probably the cooking that did it._

'He _was _a little strange when I showed up with Yuki.'

_A **little** strange? The guy was throwing a temper tantrum when we walked in!_

'But he did stop when we got there.'

_Because he had a fetish for pregnant women._

'Poor Yuki.'

_He did try to be good. Up until the third time the asshole tried to grope you._

'Yuki still shouldn't have growled at him.'

_Oh come on. I even saw **Akane** smirking at that one._

'I guess he was just trying to protect me. Too bad he couldn't think of a better reason for the photographer not to take a photo of me than that I was pregnant.'

_Oh, you mean the part where the reviewer asked, "Well whose fault is that?"_

'Actually the problem was that he did take a picture that we didn't know about.'

_Of your face, therefore technically avoiding the whole pregnancy issue.  
_

'We didn't even know about it until nearly a month after it came out and only then because Maki-chan brought the paper to show me. Was it really too much to hope that nobody would notice it?'

_YES!_

'Okay, but I don't think that there was any way to predict our current situation.'

_Hey, you **did** want a home birth, sweetheart._

-###-

That evening started out beautifully. Tohru was spread out on the porch swing with her head in Yuki's lap and her legs draped over Kyou.

"Please don't stop- that feels great."

Her ankles and feet had become so sore in the last month that it hurt to move around. Kyou's gentle foot massage was exactly what they seemed to need. She was just starting to doze off when she heard someone clearing their throat over by the porch steps. She knew, the instant that the boys froze underneath her, what sort of visitor they had. Sure enough, when she painfully lifted her head to look, Hatori was leaning against the post above the steps, a lit cigarette in his hand and a bag by his feet.

_'Oh shit.'_

'That sums it up pretty nicely.'

"Please, don't let me interrupt."

Kyou was almost immediately up and off the swing. "You asshole. If you even think about erasing Tohru's memories-"

"I'm not here for Tohru."

Kyou stopped in mid-stride, still standing protectively in front of the swing.

Yuki spoke next, his voice cold and clear. "I swear if you're lying, Hatori, if you do anything to hurt her, I will make Akito seem like a pleasant dream."

Hatori hadn't moved from the post. He took a long draw on the cigarette while watching the three of them. "So you really are all together. I thought that Honda-kun might have picked one of you, but I never expected that all three of you would be involved."

Tohru decided that it was time for her to speak up in this increasingly bizarre nightmare. "Hatori-san, please call me Tohru. Honda-kun hasn't applied to me for years. As for our relationship- we aren't all involved. I'm involved, separately, with both of them."

Kyou's blush reached the neckline of his shirt. "Um...Tohru, I really don't think that that's helping the situation."

Hatori sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. As his bangs lifted, Tohru could see the stress lines and circles under his eyes. Obviously the last five years had not treated Hatori well. Strangely though, Tohru didn't think that he looked any older than when she had last seen him- just more tired.

"Would you please stop worrying? Even if I had been ordered to erase Tohru's memories, I would hardly leave a highly pregnant woman alone and memory-less. I am not a complete monster. In fact, why don't we leave how and why I'm here until a little bit later? I would like to see more of what you have been doing for the last five years than Tohru's restaurant."

_You mean other than Tohru?_

'Butterfly!'

Kyou and Yuki spoke at the same time. "That damn review!"

Yuki groaned. "I knew I should have punched that reviewer when I had the chance."

Suddenly his expression turned serious. "Just one question Hatori- does Akito know?"

"Not where you are, no. But please, let's leave this until later. I'm exhausted and I was hoping that I could stay the night."

Tohru struggled to right herself, feeling more than a little like an overturned blimp. "If Hatori-san will wait a little bit, I will prepare one of the guest rooms for him."

Kyou was almost immediately by her side, supporting her arm. "Easy does it. You don't need to do any work- Yuki and I will look after the guest room."

Tohru shifted on his arm so she could stick out her tongue at him. "I'm pregnant- not an invalid."

Kyou laughed and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. "I know, love, but I don't want you to get hurt." He placed his hand on her stomach. "You're both too important to damage over something silly."

Tohru smiled and snuggled into his embrace. When she looked over Kyou's shoulder she was surprised to see that Hatori's aura was a whirling mass of colors- blue, black and…green? Why would Hatori be jealous?

_'Maybe **he's **a potential for a threesome!'_

'Is that all you think about?'

_'Nope. But I am hoping to wear you down eventually!'_

"Tohru?" Hatori was standing in front of her, a slightly confused expression on his face.

Tohru blushed. "Pardon me- I occasionally space out."

Kyou coughed behind her. "Occasionally?"

"Oh stop it, you mean, mean man."

That time there was no mistaking the expression of naked envy that swept over Hatori's face.

"If you could just show me the guest room, I would be happy to make it up myself. I think that I am even more tired than I originally thought."

Tohru reached out and placed a hand on Hatori's arm. It was like she had suddenly frozen every muscle of his body in place. "Hatori... I am very happy to see you again, no matter the reason. I hope that you will at least take some tea or a light dinner with us after we have put your things in your room."

Hatori's aura swirled violently, before settling on a deep navy blue with hints of gold. "Thank you- that would be... very nice."

It didn't take long to get Hatori set up in his new room, even though Yuki and Kyou refused to let Tohru do any work. When she finally asked in exasperation if she could make supper, the boys came with her and insisted on doing all the work under her supervision.

'Actually, this is a lot more stressful than just letting me make the food-'

"NO YUKI! Don't put that handful of wasabi into the miso! In fact, why are you even adding wasabi to the miso?"

Yuki shrugged sheepishly. "I like wasabi?"

Tohru groaned. It was going to be a long evening.

By the time supper was finally prepared, Hatori had come back down and was watching the circus with a trace of amusement on his face. The amusement had faded by the time supper was served. When he was actually kneeling on the tatami mats he got right to the point.

"How far along are you?"

Tohru blinked as she set her teacup down. "Kyou figures that I am about eight and a half months along."

"Eight and a half months pregnant? Have you had any kind of pre-natal checkup?"

"Well Kyou has picked up some training-"

"So that would be 'No.'"

Surprisingly, Yuki spoke up. "That's not fair, Hatori. Neko is fully qualified to look after a pregnant woman and he has been more than capable in looking after our minor injuries. And what were we supposed to do? We could hardly take Tohru in for a checkup and specify that all the technicians needed to be women."

Hatori drained his miso before he spoke again. "I will give Tohru a thorough checkup while I am here. You are very, very lucky that there don't seem to have been any complications."

Kyou bristled beside Tohru, and she laid a restraining hand on his arm. It seemed a good time to change the subject. "How did you get here, Hatori? Did you really walk the ten miles from town?"

Hatori shrugged. "I rented a car in town- it's currently parked at the end of your lane. It's pretty hard to drive through a locked gate."

There was a long silence while everyone picked away at their food. Tohru shuddered slightly. It looked like it would be up to her to ask the question that no one wanted to raise. "How is everyone doing?"

Hatori's face became carefully blank.

"Hiro is graduating this year and is trying to go to a local college so that he won't be far from Kisa. Rin and Haru are both working for one of the Sohma corporations. Ritsu has finished his medical training and is helping me in the clinic. Ayame's store is doing well and Kagura just got back from a trip to Europe with her family."

Tohru got a sick feeling in her stomach. The names that she most wanted to know about weren't being mentioned.

Yuki had a hard glint in his eyes when he turned to Hatori. "That all sounds lovely, Hatori... and very much like you aren't telling us anything. So how _is_ our Head of family?"

"Akito? She's dying. She wants you and Kyou to come back to the compound so that she can see you before she goes."

The teacup spilled over the table as it fell from Tohru's nerveless grasp.

'NONONONONO!'

_'NONONONONO!'_

Tohru was breathing hard, black spots forming in front of her eyes. Yuki was trying to hold her up, but she was swaying drunkenly and she could feel the dizziness taking over.

Then her water broke.

-###-

Now, Tohru is preparing for a premature birth in Kyou's old bedroom, Hatori bent over her, calmly issuing instructions.

The entire process is slightly surreal and Tohru can't really remember much of what is happening other than the excruciating pain. She vaguely recalls some graphic threats about preventing Yuki and Kyou from ever getting her pregnant again, but decides that that she was hallucinating.

_No hallucination. Let's castrate the bastards._

She can dimly hear Hatori telling her to 'Push!' and there is a searing pain and pressure that is suddenly relieved. She would really like to figure out what is going on, but she is so very, very tired....

When Tohru blinks her eyes again, she is in the master bedroom, dressed in a nightgown and wrapped in blankets. Yuki and Kyou are sitting beside her on the bed, each holding a hand.

"Hey." Yuki gently brushes her matted hair back from her face. "You know, you've got a grip like a vice, darling."

Tohru's voice is more than slightly raspy. "Baby?"

Hatori appears in her line of sight, a small bundle in his arms. "A healthy boy, probably about six pounds." The bundle moves and as Hatori angles him towards her, Tohru sees the red fuzz on his scalp and the sleepy violet eyes as he blinks at her.

_Well you sure know how to confuse a paternity suit, sweetheart._

'He's beautiful.'

_If you're into tomatoes. _

Tohru smiles at the boys, remembering the name they had agreed on. "Shinta."

"Pure heart?"

Tohru nods weakly.

"I suppose that's fitting." Hatori glances down at the baby in his arms, who yawns back up at him. Tohru reaches her arms out towards him.

Hatori looks uncomfortable, "Tohru... You're cursed and your son can't possibly be one of the Jyuunishi. Not only that, but you're still weak from the birth. If you transform when you hold him, you could be seriously hurt."

Tohru gives Hatori the blackest look she's ever given another human being. "I don't think that my curse works like yours. He might have been able to inherit part of it. Now give me my son."

Obviously Hatori is not strong enough to fight a new mother. He carefully passes Shinta into Tohru's arms and… nothing happens.

Tohru lets out the breath she didn't even know she was holding.

Yuki's eyes are suspiciously shiny. "I don't know whether to thank or curse the gods."

Tohru holds Shinta up to her breast as he greedily starts suckling. Without whatever Shinta inherited she might not have been able to touch him. "Thank them."

As she looks up, she sees Hatori watching her and the baby. Tohru mentally revises her statement. 'Thank them for as long as we are able to enjoy this.'

-###-

**Quick Author's Note**: It was brought to my attention by my wonderful betas that just because I dream about all those colors that Tohru sees, not everyone else has the damn chart memorized. Er…sorry. Here's the chart as a peace offering :) Remember though- the base 'color' of a person doesn't follow the chart and most of the chart colors have more than one meaning….;)

**Anaphalis' Guide to the Colors that Tohru Sees**

**Red**- passion (either anger or lust), consuming need or desire (not necessarily lust)

**Black**- hatred, blind rage, suspicion, extreme fear, extreme jealousy, extreme shame/self-loathing/guilt, extreme sorrow, extreme lust (basically any dark emotional extreme)

**White**- calmness, reflection, emotional null

**Gold**- love, hope, some types of happiness

**Green**- jealousy, cynicism

**Purple**- shame, guilt, self-doubt, embarrassment, discomfort

**Blue**- sorrow, regret

**Grey**- exhaustion, hopelessness

**Canary Yellow**- joy, innocent happiness

**Pink**- nervousness

I'll add more as I think of them. If I've forgotten any please let me know!

**Reviewer Responses**

**GirlWaterShaman**: As far as I know, it's not possible to have two fathers for a single fetus unless you're doing some fairly whacked out genetic engineering :) That being said, one of my other reviewers was kind enough to tell me about a situation where a woman bore two children from two different fathers…. Boggles the mind, it does…. Great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**A Panda from CTY**: I love covering all the emotional bases- one of the major advantages of having a split writing personality ('Angst!' 'Humor!' 'Angst!' 'Humor!' 'BOTH!' 'At the same time!') And that sounded a lot more dirty written down than it did in my head…. Always lovely to hear from you- I hope you like the plot kick this chapter :)

**fruitbasketrocks**: Never fear- there **will **be more sex. I'm just trying to keep the sex down to what's necessary to the plot or at least that's what I keep telling myself ;) In all seriousness though, I'm a little concerned that the story's going to get pulled if I'm not careful. Thanks for reviewing again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**for sale**: Yay for RepressedSarcasm!Tohru! I'm glad that you think the gradual changes work well- I had a bit of a shock when I re-read the prologue and Chapter 1 and then skipped to Chapter 18. I don't think I realized how much things had changed until then :) As for "tying things up", well –kicks stupid plot bunnies- I've had to break two of the later chapters in half, the climax chapter is currently 10 000 words and there are at **least **thirteen chapters left (the story will never end BWA HA HA!). Um…Yeah…. Good to hear from you again!

**DarkLuna**: I'm glad that you think that the story is improving- I think it's thanks to my fantastic editors :) Thank you for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**AmuberuMukku**: Okay please let me see the pretty Butterfly? Plee-eeze? I'm glad that you enjoyed the scene with Yuki and Tohru- I had this very clear image of a breast-obsessed Yuki struck dumb by Tohru's revealing dress. And I love having Tohru tease the boys :) Always good to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Ember Silverly**: Thank your sister for me! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it as well- it has a bit of a split personality and changes quite a lot from the beginning through the plot development :) Thank you for taking the time to review! 

**bookworm0492**: Actually the cannibalism was another reviewer- they threatened to eat me if I didn't post faster :) Don't worry though- I'm still very fond of your chainsaw :) Ah the Butterfly love- it's getting a bit of a swollen head. Good to hear from you again and this story **will **get finished, so put down the power tools….

**Kyolover91**: Well I'm glad I'm forgiven. As I wrote to **for sale**, this story is nowhere near done (at least another 13 chapters), so you don't have to worry about it ending anytime soon :) Thanks for reviewing again- I hope that you enjoy the chapter without any nasty cliffies :)

**shadowcat15**: I love the threesome myself, but I must admit I'm curious. You sound like you know more about this than me- how many stories are there out there where all three of them are involved or the two boys are both involved with Tohru? I can only think of one or two others off the top of my head where she didn't eventually choose one or the other and one of those two was suggested rather than realized. Sorry- I'd just love to read more of them ;) Thanks for reviewing and glad you're enjoying the story!

**Kupo**: I guess I don't get my cookie (puts on pouty face). But think of it this way- if it had been a girl neither Kyou nor Yuki could have held her. Do I get my cookie now :)? Great to hear from you again (and I really want that cookie)!

**MaNgA-bOy-LoVeR**: I agree that Butterfly and Tohru seem to be reaching a lot more agreements now than they did before :) Poor Tohru has definitely been "toughened up".

**prettyStupidGirl**: I'm glad that you enjoyed the story- it seems a **lot **of people have friends like Butterfly ;) I guess I can't find it that shocking since Butterfly is partially based on someone I know, although certain aspects of the personality are er… highly exaggerated :) The opening to your story does sound very intriguing- I always like stories that deal with Cat. Thanks for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**deathdreamerofneverlove**: Well, cliffie's all gone now. But as an evil cliffie child there's always the chance for more. BWA HA HA! Er… I'm very happy that you like Butterfly. Thank-you for reviewing!

**Evil Bunny 1**: Mmmm…. Irish Breakfast Tea…. As someone who absolutely can't drink coffee (makes my hands shake), I'm all about the Breakfast Tea :) I was surprised by how many people agreed with me when I made the pairing obvious- although I've always thought of it as the best solution, I know that a lot of people prefer one of the boys over the other. I'm glad that you don't think that it's that strange of an idea- you should have seen my original beta's face when I told him I was going to write a threesome fic involving a voyeuristic butterfly stuck in the main character's head. Yeah- that's the reaction. I very much enjoyed your review and I hope that the story continues to hold you!

**kitsunechan-90**: Oh dear. I really have to apologize- your review was absolutely lovely and I wasn't offended at all. I was actually making a really bad joke at my expense but my bad sense of humor sometimes doesn't translate well to writing :) Please don't worry about offending me- I grew up with a fairly large immediate family and have become the insult equivalent of Teflon ("You think **that's** insulting? I've been called twice as bad! And it involved a goat!"). I'm very happy to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story anyways despite my poor joke :)

**Panthera**: Wow. The threats are getting more creative:) I don't know that anyone's threatened me with _socks_ before…. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so much- I know that I'm having a great time writing it and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**MissTeya**: Thank you for reviewing again- I'm very glad that you are continuing to enjoy the story :) 

**Kae Noel**: Yes- Butterfly's infamous mind control techniques work better under repeated exposure :) Glad you're enjoying the story you poor brain-washed minion er… "avid reader" and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**saiyuki-cat**: I'm really happy that you decided to give the story a chance despite it's mystery/drama overtones. If I'm going to be perfectly honest, I don't normally read that many mystery/dramas myself so I'm not entirely sure why I decided to write one :) You will get to find out what happened to Akito and as for chapters, I've had to split two of the later chapters up so I think there are thirteen more chapters altogether.

**truffletruffle01**: Okay. Out of all of my reviewers, you are the only one who has found something that truly scares me :) –Whimpers and hides from evil MacDonald's theme song- Glad that you're enjoying the story though and I hope that you continue to enjoy it :)

**anah midale**: Turning inside out? That sounds painful :). Your poor manager… I can just see the explanation, "Well you see there's this sex-crazed butterfly, only it's not really a butterfly because it's inside her head and it wants her to sleep with these two guys and she's already sleeping with them only not at the same time." Yeah. That would be fun :) Thanks for making me laugh- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**NekoInuyasha13**: I think you're the first person to comment on the alternating focus thing- cookies for you ;) I try not to put too much angst in a row- and you're right, I do consider this chapter one of the funnier chapters. I think both Kyou and Yuki are growing up and therefore are both learning to express themselves more than they have in the past. At least that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ;) Thank you for taking the time again to write a thoughtful and detailed review. I hope you like the new plot points!

**ChibiMomo**: I am really happy that you think that the characters seem real. They certainly seem very real in my head when I'm writing them and that was probably the best thing you could have said to make me smile :) I'm very glad that you are enjoying this and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**makalaseri**: Strangely enough, I think that a lot of the recent manga chapters **do** boil down to "Akito's just pissy because the boys like Tohru/Rin etc. better". Which I find disturbing on many levels….As for Ayame X Akito –snorts, starts giggling uncontrollably- I wonder which of them would survive that relationship…. And yes, Fukubashi is very creepy. Fun to write, but very creepy. Always a delight to hear from you, even if you stuff my head full of scary pairings :)

**Trai Maxwell**: I'm glad that you've enjoyed the last two chapters- the hard core plottiness is coming back full force :) Yes- I'm happy that Tohru's having a baby too, although I suspect my reasons are far more sinister than yours…. Um… pretend I didn't say that :) Great to hear from you again- I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**Kitsuyei**: Yes- Yuki's employer Fukubashi is all kinds of strange. I'm not entirely sure that I'd want to go to one of his parties, but I'm sure that it would definitely be interesting :) Baby? Who's your daddy? (Sorry- couldn't resist :) Always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope you enjoy the new chapters.

**Niesia**: I'm actually a big fan of both the boys (in case it isn't blindingly obvious :) and I think this is one of the only "rare pairings" in fanfiction that has a lot of manga support- or maybe that's just my wishful thinking :) I think that Butterfly is a big influence on Tohru yes, and I really do love it, but… I think that Tohru is also a fairly strong person in her own right and a lot of what Butterfly is doing is just bringing that out. Frankly though as much as I love confronting Tohru with her evil, inner, "sweetie"-calling Butterfly, I think I'd be terrified if my "animal instincts" sounded like Butterfly :) I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story and I really appreciated the thoughtful review :)

**gadez**: Hey! You're not supposed to guess plot points like that :)! Good job on predicting the Sohma reunion- I did stretch it out quite a bit didn't I? And yes, at the end of Chapter 15, they had been living together for four years and at the end of Chapter 16, roughly five years… I'm glad that you think that the characters are maturing well- I've been trying to show them growing up although I don't think they'll ever get over some of their childhood traits :) And I agree, Kyou has done a **lot **of maturing…. Thank you for yet another involved and thoughtful review- I hope you enjoy your chosen plot point this chapter :)

**Luffy V'shile**: There are an awful lot of sex jokes in this story, but yes, I think both Kyou and Yuki have made their opinions very, very clear :) –Blinks innocently- Do you have something in your eye :)? There are surprising number of people who think like Butterfly- for that reason the Cult of Pervy Butterfly Minions was created. We're still working out the complementary t-shirt ;) Thank-you for your very enjoyable reviews- I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**inuyasha-girly-2007**: I agree- poor Tohru really has a lot of stuff to work through. But I think that she's pretty tough :) As for the threesome- there sure a lot of people who agree with Butterfly :) Thank you for taking the time to review again- I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**ohimesama**: Wow…. That's an absolutely bizarre story. The poor woman…. I'm afraid that Tohru isn't kitten-like this time around, although now I have this strange image of her nursing a litter…. Good to hear from you again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**xoxKiSS**: I'm very glad that you are enjoying the story and I hope that you're not dead yet :) Thank you for taking the time to review!

**baka-onna2003**: Well, I guess this chapter answers the Sohma question ;) Not answering about the threesome, but I'm also very fond of Butterfly :) Thank you for reviewing again- I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

**Inulover**: Not the Kagura-threat! Actually I really like Kagura- I just think that Kyou brings out a really er… strange side of her. But I guess you'll have to see if Tohru is the curse solution or not ;) Thank you for reviewing and I hope you like the new story twist!

_Updated 01-22-05_


	18. Chapter 17: What I Did for Love

**Author's Note**: For those who are curious, "puff-puff" is a perverted Japanese term for the act of placing someone's head in between two breasts. Yeah. That's what I thought too.

**Chapter Summary**: Tohru needs a bigger bed. Or maybe not.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter: non-graphic descriptions of torture.

**Chapter 17: What I Did For Love**

_Kiss today good-bye,  
the sweetness and the sorrow.  
We did what we had to do,  
and I can't regret what I did for love._

-Edward Kleban, "What I Did for Love" from 'A Chorus Line'

There is screaming. Then Tohru wakes up. There is still screaming.

Tohru turns to Kyou- the dark circles under his eyes are getting larger.

"Again?"

"I'm sorry love, but you seem to be the only one who can do anything. We were hoping not to wake you up but..." He trails off.

Tohru wonders how they were planning on not waking her up when Hatori's screams could probably wake a dead man. Fortunately for everyone involved, Shinta seems to be capable of sleeping through nearly anything until it is time for his feeding.

Five days since Hatori arrived and five days since anyone except Shinta has gotten more than two hours of sleep together. Yuki is already in the guest bedroom, staring helplessly at the frantically rolling and moaning Hatori. He has tossed most of his covers off and is tangled in what remains of his blankets.

Tohru places a light kiss on Yuki's lips before walking over to the bed. She puts a hand on Hatori's forehead and he almost instantly stills. "Yuki, Kyou can you untangle these sheets and put his covers back on?" With the practiced efficiency of five nights of multiple interventions, the boys get the sheets together in record time. Keeping her hand on Hatori's forehead, Tohru lies down on top of the covers, peeling them back enough that she can reach Hatori's bare, sweat-covered back. She moves one hand down to his back, while stroking his head with the other.

Tohru gently rubs back and forth over the tense muscles while humming nonsense words. "Easy does it. Nothing can hurt you. Sleep. Everything's all right." Even asleep, Hatori responds to her voice, his breathing evening out and calming while the tension in his face slowly disappears. He whimpers softly before curling up against her.

Tohru is amazed that someone so much taller than her can form such a small ball against her stomach and chest. She rests her head on top of his and continues rubbing circles over his lower back. "Shhhh... Shhh... Just sleep. No more dreams. Shhh...."

Is he making...** snuffling** noises? Oh dear. Hatori seems to be nuzzling her collarbone in his sleep.

"Well that's a new development." Yuki's voice is heavily tinged with exhaustion.

Tohru turns slightly to look up at the boys and Kyou weakly grins. "I was starting to wonder if he ever had any _normal_ dreams."

Tohru manages a half-hearted pout. "You're not the one that he's nuzzling."

Kyou groaned. "Normally love, I'd be the first one to defend your honor, but if it keeps him quiet I'm afraid that I can live with a little nuzzling. I thought that I was ready for parenthood, but I didn't realize that my child was going to start out at thirty-five years old."

Tohru can't keep up the joking. The boys are starting to look like raccoons- no wonder Hatori had looked so tired when he had first arrived. "Look- I'm really the only one who needs to be here. Why don't you two go to bed and get some real sleep?"

Yuki turns to her, his eyes blurred with exhaustion but his aura vibrant with gold and red. "Because I can't sleep without you either."

Tohru is far too tired to fight. "Oh, come here."

Yuki and Kyou both kneel beside the bed, their heads resting against Tohru's back. Tohru wants to tell them that that position will be very uncomfortable but she is falling into a nice, warm dark place and is far too comfortable to speak.

-###-

Tohru blinks her eyes. She is fairly sure that it is time to feed Shinta but one of the boys is wrapped so tightly around her that she doesn't think that she can move. She raises her head to his face and freezes. Hatori sleepily blinks back at her before tensing and scuttling backwards across the bed. Tohru instinctively moves backwards herself, but almost instantly bumps into two large lumps.

"Ow."

"Was that really necessary, darling?"

"Would somebody please tell me what on earth is going on?"

This is enough to snap Kyou. "You aren't sleeping Hatori. Not only are you not sleeping, but you scream all night unless Tohru calms you down. Since you weren't mentioning it during the day, we assumed that you might not know about it and have tried to leave before you wake up, even if we have to come back five or six times a night. But we've had five days without any real sleep and it finally caught up to us."

Hatori's aura has gone from blue to a deep purple. "I'm very sorry but... that's the best sleep I've had in years. Please forgive me for causing so much trouble to you, Tohru. Maybe I should start taking sleeping pills again- they've just never worked very well for me."

"It's alright, Hatori, but I think- Oh Yuki, I almost forgot. Do you think that you could bring Shinta here? It's time to feed him. Then maybe you should tell Hatori that idea you brought up to Kyou and me yesterday."

Yuki brings Shinta back from his crib in the master bedroom and Tohru leans back against the wall to nurse. Yuki gets right to the point.

"Hatori- this can't go on. I don't think pumping you full of drugs is a solution either. I never thought that I would have to say this, but we've decided that you need to sleep with us, at least until you can get these nightmares under control."

_That's a priceless expression._

Yuki massages the knot forming between his temples. "Not like that, Hatori. The reality is that you are not sleeping unless you are in physical contact with Tohru. None of us like it, but we can't keep going on like this either. Maybe we can figure out another solution, but in the meantime we can all get some much needed sleep."

"Even if I were to agree to this- how were you planning on fitting four adults into one bed?"

The boys look at each other and Tohru can see the defeat in their eyes.

"Maybe Yuki could transform? He could sleep in between my... um.... breasts."

Yuki's head snaps up.

"I know it's a stupid idea-"

"Are you kidding? I get nightly puff-puffs and everyone gets to sleep. It's perfect!"

Hatori looks like he very much wants to disagree, but Tohru catches something in his face that might be longing before he returns to his stony expression.

"What choice do I have?"

Kyou and Yuki speak together. "Absolutely none."

-###-

Hatori's aura vibrates with pink and purple as he stands in the master bedroom in his boxer shorts. "I suppose I knew that you all slept together but it's another thing to actually see it."

Yuki stops in the middle of stripping down and sighs. "It's just sleeping Hatori. We all sleep better next to Tohru. We're not going to force you into some kind of orgy."

_Damn._

"Are you ready Yuki?"

"Think so, darling."

"Are you sure I'm not going to squash you?"

"I think I'll be okay."

_If that lecherous grin is any indication, he'll be way better than okay._

Tohru picks up the transformed Yuki and puts him down her pajama top. It feels a little strange to have something moving in between her breasts, but it's not necessarily a bad feeling.

Kyou comes up in front of her and plants a rather hard, open mouth kiss. "That's for the disruption to our morning routine."

'I didn't even think of that.'

_When it comes to sex, we always figure something out anyways. I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, you needed some post-birth recovery time anyways._

Tohru lies down on the bed and Kyou faces her, draping a loose arm over her waist. "Come on Hatori, you're holding up bedtime."

Hatori moves stiffly to the bed and places a very rigid arm just under Tohru's breasts. Tohru puts her hand over top of his, and the arm almost immediately goes slack while Hatori moves in closer to her back. Tohru drifts to sleep with a final warning from Butterfly in her head.

_He calls us "Kana" and we 'accidentally' knee him._

Fortunately for everyone, it seems that even in his sleep Hatori is a perfect gentleman. Aside from occasionally nuzzling the back of her neck and clutching her like a stuffed toy, Hatori does nothing inappropriate. Best of all, there are absolutely no nightmares. Kyou and Yuki exchange glances with Tohru in the morning. That evening, Hatori's things are moved into the master bedroom.

-###-

After two weeks of real sleep, Hatori is starting to look much better. After returning the rental car, he has not left the house and has become Tohru's silent shadow. Whenever she needs an extra hand to change Shinta or help with the meals, he appears by her shoulder and quietly starts to work. Tohru always makes a point of thanking him for his help. He never responds directly, but his shoulders lose some of their tension when she pats his hand or smiles at him. He's even started to tell her little stories about some of the adventures of the Blossom Trio in high school. He's never brought up Akito or going back to the compound and Tohru has begun to hope that maybe he will just stay quiet. Unfortunately, it seems that their silent truce has to come to an end.

Tohru is coming down the stairs after putting Shinta down for a nap, when she hears the voices in the living room.

"...and no one's seen either of you for five years! The family may not have done much for you, but Akito is our head. You owe it to her and the rest of your cousins to pay the proper final respects. I've already delayed here too long- there is probably very little time left before she passes. If not for Akito, think of what you owe the rest of us. We need your support."

Tohru can see the boys wavering; see them weighing the iron bonds of family that they can never entirely forget. She knows that she will have to use her last option to protect them. The knowledge leaves her strangely calm. Maybe she has always known that it would come down to this, that in the end she would be forced to make this choice.

She walks into the living room, back straight, head held high.

"Before you two make a decision, I need to tell you what happened that night with Akito."

In five years they have never once pressured her to tell what happened. Now is the time to put all of her pieces together. She faces away from the boys and takes a deep breath.

_Tohru! Think about what you are doing!_

'I owe this much to Yuki and Kyou. I can't let this happen, Butterfly.'.

_Aw hell. I hate that you're such a fucking white knight. I really, really hate that you've corrupted me so badly that I agree with you. _

Silence.

_Oh, screw it all! It's been fun, sweetheart. _

"Kureno took me to the compound. He had been watching the house and when Shigure left to see Mit-chan, he decided that it would be the best time to bring me to the Honke without interference. I didn't want to make Akito suspicious and I still hoped then that she would change your mind and let you two live your own lives. I thought that maybe she was planning to erase my memories, but when I met her in the house there was no one there except her and Kureno."

"I thought that this was a good thing. Then she pulled out a knife."

Tohru hears a low growl behind her and decides to cut the description short. After all, this information isn't what is really important.

"It doesn't really matter what happened then- parts of it are very blurry because I kept fainting and being forced back to consciousness over and over. Akito kept telling me I was worthless and stupid and that the Jyuunishi were fools to value someone like me, to love someone like me over their god. She nearly killed me- I think that she completely lost control. Kureno tried to stop her and she ordered him to rape me."

There is a moan from one of the boys. Tohru doesn't dare turn around.

"He tried to avoid it, but Akito threatened to control him if he didn't do it voluntarily. I understood afterwards that Akito had mental bonds with you Jyuunishi that were affected by distance. From across the room she could make Kureno uncurl himself. When she touched him she could make him speak and move any way she wanted. She told me that it was her gift. She could call and control people- get inside their minds. The cursed had permanent bonds to her, but she could create temporary bonds with others. That was what she did to me to show me the responsibility that the Sohma god had to bear. She knew about my mother's name and thought that it would be funny if we both got to be butterflies. Even though her god power didn't have an animal, she was able to make it into a butterfly shape that she pushed in and out of my body. It was only supposed to be a temporary thing to hurt me and after all the injuries I had, she didn't expect me to survive it."

"I fell apart faster than she thought that I would- maybe because my lung was punctured. Before I passed out, Akito made me swear not to tell anyone what had happened or she would immediately collect you two. She backed up the promise with a mental bond between us that would let her know if I broke my promise and allow her to mentally find me and crush my mind. I guess I blacked out then, because I only remember hearing Akito as she was about to leave the room. She thought that I was still unconscious and she told one of the servants that I was to be collected in the morning and dropped off in a bad part of town. She thought that it would be amusing, if I was found, that I wouldn't be able to explain what happened before I died."

"I thought I was going to die. I was lying in the corner of the room, bleeding to death, when suddenly I could breathe again. There was a voice in my head that made me leave the room and told me that I was cursed, that I was a butterfly. Somehow, even though Akito didn't have an animal, something she did created an animal spirit in me. Akito has healing abilities that help her body tolerate the god and Butterfly got enough of those abilities to save my life and get me back to Shigure's house before I passed out. Because Akito didn't know about the butterfly, I could tell you about it without breaking my promise."

"But none of that really matters. What is important is the last thing that Akito said to me before I blacked out in her house. She told me that if either of you did anything to help me she would destroy your minds and bodies in the same way. She would take your help as a sign that you had chosen me over her. I didn't remember this until after we got here and then it was too late to do anything about it. You're out of her range here, but if you go back she will destroy you. I can feel her in my mind, Yuki, Kyou- she won't show any mercy. Please, please don't go back."

Tohru can feel the bond flooding open. She knows that she has a few minutes at most.

" Please take care of Shinta. I love you all more than anything but I couldn't let you be hurt."

Then the pain starts.

-###-

**Reviewer Responses **

** A Panda from CTY**: "Large eyes, crazy temper and insane charm." Sounds like he'd be quite the bishi when he grew up ;) And Momiji would be pretty yummy as an adult- I can definitely see him with fine features and high cheekbones…. Unfortunately he doesn't show up this chapter but I hope that you enjoyed the chapter anyways. Thank-you for giving me the pleasant mental images!

**Pretty Stupid Girl**: Yes, I think everyone has perverted friends. This makes Butterfly a bond that the whole world can have in common :P Seriously though, I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and I appreciate you taking the time to review again :)

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: I'm glad that you expected the twist because I've been trying to drop clues that it was coming and I'm really, really bad at dropping clues :) I'm afraid that your guess that something bad would happen was right, but I promise you that it is necessary and I wouldn't hurt any of them without a good reason. Good catch on Shinta's coloring! You're right- there _is_ a good reason that he looks that way, but that isn't going to come up until later…. Great to hear from you again and don't worry about the reviewing- I'm just glad that you're enjoying the story :)

**Kae Noel**: You mean your muse doesn't want you to be a brainwashed Pervy Butterfly Minion? –blinks innocently- Who said anything about _that_?

**Kupo**: Thank-you for the cookies! Strangely this chapter is actually a bit longer than most of the early chapters- you guys just got spoiled from the last few chapters ;) Don't worry though- we're back into the long chapters again. As for Akito… well, I guess you'll see…. Great to hear from you again!

**bookworm0492**: I'm sorry to hear about your books- I hope that you can get replacements. Yes, Shinta's pretty cute :) As for Akito- well we'll see ;) Have you created an account at FFNet already to upload your story? If you have it should be relatively easy- just open the file in the Document Manager under "Browse". Good to hear from you again- good luck with your story!

**GirlWaterShaman**: Slight spoiler, but I promise that you will find out what happened to Momiji ;) And yes, Shinta is very cute :) As always, good to hear from you and I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**hannah5o**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story :) As for Butterfly- I actually never say whether it is a boy or a girl and there _is_ a reason for that (Da dum, da dum). It was actually revealed in the manga in Chapter 97/98 that Akito was a woman. And I agree that it doesn't excuse her behavior any more than if she was a man. Thank-you for taking the time to review- I hope that the story continues to hold your interest!

**manga girl**: Well, we will get to find out more about Shinta and I'm really glad that you like him :) Good to hear from you again- I hope that you like the new chapter!

**inuyasha-girly-2007**: I'm glad that you're continuing to enjoy the story and that you like Shinta. I agree that grey hair and red eyes would be kind of cool too though :) I guess you're going to have to wait and see what happened to Shigure though…. Great to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to have fun reading the story!

**for sale**: Yes- everything I write is strictly for your entertainment. The other readers are just a side bonus in my quest for your approval :) Just don't tell anyone else, please…. As for the intrigue- we're only just starting, baby :) Always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story :0

**Fire Phoenix**: Good call on the confrontation, although I'm not sure if this is what everyone expected! As for Uo and Hana, they're not quite out of the picture yet…. It is kind of strange that Shinta looks like both of the boys, isn't it? And I'll stop posting vague spoilers and just say how happy I am to hear from you again :)

**Panthera**: Aaah… Stinky socks… Although I suspect that my socks could probably give yours a run for their money :) I agree that Shinta is really cute but I think that it might be a bit tricky to get Kyou and Yuki as your husbands :) Good to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**Dark Luna**: I was fond of the "castrate the bastards" line myself- it's a pretty common one from what I understand ;) I'm glad that you're enjoying the suspense 'cause that means that you're **really **going to like this chapter ;) Yes, I am evil, thanks for asking. Great to hear from you again!

**hatori still isn't mine**: Good luck on making Hatori yours- I've been trying for awhile but he's just too tricky for me :) And lucky Tohru for getting exactly what she wanted, except not so lucky by the end of this chapter…. Thank you for reviewing again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**xoxKiSS**: Good job picking up on Hatori's emotional switch! Cookies for you. I guess we're just going to have to wait and see what he's thinking…. Great to hear from you again- I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

**Niesia**: Barring some whacked out genetics experiment it isn't possible for both boys to be the dad but it is biologically possible for **either** of the boys to be Shinta's father (Hint: remember Tohru's Mom's coloring) and that's all I'm going to say ;) Well, I'm not quite at the end yet, but I admit that it's not looking that good for Tohru. I guess we'll see… I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story and I always enjoy reading your thoughtful reviews :)

**Kyolover91**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. Thank-you for taking the time to review again!

**Cody Thomas**: You know, that's probably the nicest thing that you could have said- the stories that I've loved the most have always been the ones that prevented me from sleeping ;) I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you continue to be gripped by the new chapter!

**Luffy V'shile**: Well, the unofficial tag-line for Butterfly is "Give me my three-way action, damn it!" and I think someone is seriously making a t-shirt/ has already made a background for it :) I'm glad that you've decided to join the Pervy Butterfly Minions- we're a friendly bunch and we don't bite. Hard. Unless you ask. Great to hear from you again!

**AmuberuMukku**: I had this really clear image of Hatori leaning against the post too- I'm glad that you saw it as well. The t-shirt that I had envisioned had Butterfly on the front with the line "Give me my three-way action, damn it!" underneath and "Pervy Butterfly Minion" on the back. Good call on the climax and I'm looking forward to seeing your picture- from your site you seem very talented :) As always, lovely to hear from you :)

**Porcalin**: Please don't worry about the reviewing! It honestly just makes me happy that other people are enjoying the story as much as I am enjoying writing it :) I'm very glad that you think that the characters are acting true to type- this is one of the issues that I agonize over, because I strongly suspect the manga won't be heading in this particular direction :) Thank you for the thoughtful review and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**Reena**: I'm sorry that it's not really clear, but Tohru sees both the colors and solid people- the colors are just superimposed over top of them. As for _why_ she sees colors, well I'm afraid that you're going to have to wait to find out :) Good job picking up on Hatori's jealousy, but I'm afraid that I can't say what's going to happen yet. Butterfly actually has a club of Pervy Butterfly Minions who, like you, are very fond of evil butterflies. I'm not entirely sure _why_ people are fond of evil butterflies, but to each his/her own. Thank you for taking the time to review- I hope that the new chapter continues to hold your interest :)

**gadez**: Good call on the bad-things-about-to-happen-to-Tohru :) As for the time jump… -sigh- I actually wrote a fluffy piece from Tohru's pregnancy but it really didn't fit with the rest of the chapter, so I ended up cutting it. I'm sorry that there wasn't any Shigure, but I happen to like Hatori too, so I hope that you weren't too disappointed. Great to hear from you, as always and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**luvHaru7**: Well, I'm afraid that you're going to have to wait a bit to find out what's up with Shinta, but I appreciate you taking the time to review again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Ruriko**: I'm glad that you find the story suspenseful and I appreciate you taking the time comment. I guess you're **really** going to like the new chapter then ;)

**kishe**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story- thank-you for reviewing!

**Fuuga Kumi**: Rin is the horse zodiac and Haru's star-crossed sort-of girlfriend (i.e. Akito keeps messing with their relationship). And yes, she only appears in the manga. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story- thank-you for taking the time to review!

**baka-onna2003**: Well, I guess you're going to have to wait to find out who the father is and whether or not there is going to be a threesome ;) I think you might not be able to rule out Akito quite yet either…. Good to hear from you again and I'm glad that you are enjoying the story :)

**saiyuki-cat**: You will get to find out what's up with Shinta, but I think that it might be hard for him to be the cursed head of family if Akito is still alive :0 Good pick up on the Hatori jealousy- I guess we'll have to see what happens ;) Great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

_Updated 01-30-05_


	19. Chapter 18: I Will Remember

**Author's Notes**: "Butterfly Effect" now has pretty pictures courtesy of **Onigiri Kitty**! I'm a little disturbed that someone figured out my major weakness :) Anyways, the pictures are up on my LiveJournal:

www. livejournal. com / users/ anaphalis/ 917 .html

and

www. livejournal. com / users/ anaphalis/ 452 .html

**Chapter Summary**: Dragons and kitties and rats. Oh my!

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter: **graphic torture**.

**Chapter 18: I Will Remember**

_Sometimes I catch and hold  
love and pain, tightly in my arms.  
It will fade away, but  
I will remember it... Always..._

-Noriko Mitose, trans. "Radical Dreamers nusumenai houseki" from 'Chrono Cross'

Oh gods, it's worse this time, worse than anything that she has ever imagined. Somehow these mental bonds are allowing Akito to physically break her. Tohru can feel Butterfly trying to heal her, but the damage is far too great. Akito is shattering Tohru's bones and grinding them to powder in her body.

Akito doesn't seem to care that her life is linked to Tohru's and she has obviously discovered Tohru's curse. She partially transforms Tohru again and again, pulling the butterfly in and out of her breaking body until Tohru is no longer sure if she is human or animal.

There is blood everywhere. Tohru can feel liquid in her ears, her eyes, can taste copper in her mouth. She is writhing on the floor, whimpering and sobbing blood.

'Oh gods. Make it stop! Please, make it stop!'

Butterfly doesn't respond.

Tohru thinks that it can't possibly get worse when Akito suddenly pushes her to a new level of pain. Tohru can faintly see pieces of bone and gut breaking through her skin as Akito systematically works her way up Tohru's body.

Some distant part of Tohru notices that she can't taste any more blood coming from the back of her mouth and she numbly realizes that her throat has been crushed. There is the cold recognition in what is left of her mind that this is the end. She can't take much more of this.

Suddenly there is another presence in her head.

Something dark and violent brushes past Butterfly as it moves towards Tohru's links to Akito. At the same time, Tohru becomes aware of strong arms surrounding her body and the presence becomes clear- Cat is in her mind.

Tohru is too weak to force him out and soon enough Akito senses Cat through her links to Tohru. "Foolish, worthless monster! How do you think you can stop me? None of the Jyuunishi can harm me."

Tohru can feel Cat grin.

"I am not Jyuunishi."

Then Cat is moving again, biting and clawing in her mind, while Akito shrieks in rage. Tohru is strangely numb and she wonders if she is so far gone that she can no longer feel pain.

Cat abruptly stops.

_Um... I think that we owe the big guy an 'early morning special'. With extra tongue._

Cat has severed all of Tohru's ties to Akito except the lifeline.

-

Within a few minutes of nearly dying, Butterfly is chatty and obnoxious again.

_That'll show the bitch! I knew this would all work out!_

'How could you _possibly_ have known this would work out?'

_Well it all makes perfect sense. _

'HOW?'

_Neither you nor Kyou are Jyuunishi. Kyou has to have some ties to Akito because of the original curse, but you are neither Jyuunishi nor part of that curse. The only tie you need is the lifeline. And Cat's the only one who could destroy your other bonds because he's the only cursed one who can hurt Akito without being hurt himself._

'Okay, why couldn't you have realized this **five years ago**?'

_Hey, just be thankful that the bitch probably has the headache from hell and you don't need to suffer. Hell, without her interference I can get you healed in no time._

'That's nice, but what am I going to say to Yuki and Kyou? I hadn't expected to survive this.'

_Actually, the big question is how Kyou knew what to do._

As it turns out, Tohru doesn't have to say anything to the boys. When the spots in her eyes clear enough for her to see, Yuki is bent over her, stroking her forehead and pressing light kisses to her hand, his face ash-white. Kyou is cradling her in his lap, eyes closed, as he gently rocks her back and forth. He seems to be pulling himself together. When he finally opens his eyes he gives Hatori the blackest glare Tohru has ever seen.

"Cat touched Akito's mind in there, Hatori. That was not the mind of a dying woman. What the fuck are you playing at?"

Yuki immediately rises from his place beside Tohru and walks towards Hatori. "I told you that if you were coming to hurt her, I would make Akito seem like a pleasant dream. It will be a challenge after that little demonstration, but I think that I am up for it."

Hatori is standing a few feet from the three of them, his head bowed. He doesn't move as Yuki approaches him. Tohru tries to make a noise but her throat is far too raw and it feels like her vocal chords are crushed.

'Please Butterfly, make it so I can talk. I can't let Yuki hurt Hatori.'

_It's gonna hurt like hell, sweetie._

'I don't care.'

_It's your funeral. But we really need some better ways for you to get off on pain._

Butterfly wasn't kidding. Tohru feels like knives are being jabbed into her throat when she speaks. "No... Yuki... Stop..."

Yuki stops moving but he seems to be shaking from the effort. He spins around and Tohru realizes that the shaking is actually sobbing. He takes a few steps back to her, and collapses, burying his face in her newly-healed stomach. "You were being torn apart... and you were screaming and screaming... and I couldn't do anything. You didn't even recognize us... You were going to die Tohru and there was nothing I could do to help you... If Kyou's cat hadn't told him what to do..."

Yuki is overcome by sobs. Tohru realizes that she is shaking as well and that Kyou is convulsing above her. Kyou makes a high-pitched keening noise before pressing his face into the hollow of her neck. His tears wash over her neck and chest, while Yuki's pool on her stomach, mixing with the drying blood. Tohru isn't sure when she started sobbing, but it hurts her throat even worse than speaking. "I'm so sorry... I couldn't let you be hurt... I'm so sorry..."

There is a strangled sob from somewhere in front of them and Tohru realizes that Hatori is still standing there, watching them. Apparently the boys realize it too.

"Why did you lie to us, Hatori?" Kyou's quiet coldness is far more frightening than his normal yelling.

Hatori is shaking, as if he's just realizing what has happened.

"The price for leaving Tohru alone was to get you two to come back. I swear I had no idea about Tohru's promise!"

Silence.

"She **knew**! The fucking bitch **knew** Tohru would tell us!"

Something doesn't make sense to Tohru. Since Butterfly has basically healed her throat she makes the mistake of saying it out loud. "I don't understand why she would do this- I mean she is lifebound to me now…. Although maybe she didn't know…."

There is a brief silence.

"Lifebound!"

"What the **fuck**, Tohru!"

'Oops. I guess I didn't tell them, did I?'

_Nope. Time for some major kiss ass damage control._

Again, Tohru is spared from commenting because Hatori speaks. He is obviously trying to get himself under control, but the fine tremor in his hands betrays his outward calm.

"Actually that makes sense. Speaking as her physician, Akito should have been dead by now. Ever since you left she's been in even worse pain than she was before, but she doesn't seem to be getting physically worse. If her life is connected to yours she would remain stable physically even if the pain of the curse is getting worse."

"Is there anything else that you need to tell us, Tohru?"

"I… I don't think so."

_Why didn't you tell them about the Jade God, about what the butterfly really means? _

'I-I don't know. Somehow they seem like things that I shouldn't say. I'm not going to confuse everyone with distractions.'

"If Tohru doesn't have anything else to tell us, then I think it is time for Hatori's little talk. And it better be fucking good, dragon."

Hatori still looks dazed. He sounds almost as if he is talking to himself when he finally speaks.

"She was spoilt and selfish, but never like this. She really did love us I think." Yuki shifts slightly beside Tohru, but doesn't interrupt.

"But now- it's like she's gone completely insane. Shigure wouldn't tell her where you'd gone. And-" Here Hatori takes a deep breath. "Akito was always kindest to Shigure out of all of us. They enjoyed their games together I think. But when he said he didn't know where you were- well, she found the only punishment that could break Shigure. It didn't even matter that he was telling the truth."

"What did she do, Hatori?"

Hatori shakes his head. "He was being monitored but he slipped his watchers nearly half a year ago. I hope… I hope that distance took away the control."

"What did she do, Hatori?"

But now that Hatori has started speaking, he seems determined to continue. "Momiji really took the brunt of this… insanity. Akito made him move into the main house after graduation. When she was in her worst moments, she thought that he was Yuki. I gave him some… information and he ran two months ago."

Tohru feels sick to her stomach, but Hatori keeps going.

"When I saw the review I destroyed that part of the newspaper before Akito saw it. I was honestly just happy that you were alive and doing well. But Ritsu... he's always been a little thoughtless. He gets nervous around Akito and well... he started babbling when he was helping me check her. He brought up how much the woman in the paper looked like 'our Tohru' even though her name was different."

Hatori lets out a long shuddering sigh.

"You can imagine her reaction. I thought as quickly as I could- I said that I would find out what Ritsu was talking about. I told her that Ritsu would be more than capable of taking care of her needs while I was gone. The whole reason he became a doctor was to replace me when my lack of sleep started making me unreliable. You have no idea how determined she was to bring you back. I thought that I convinced her that I could use you to find the boys and that if I brought the boys back she'd have no need for you. Obviously I was wrong."

"The address of the restaurant was in the review. After making sure that there were no other copies of the paper at the compound, I came here. I thought that I'd find one of the boys if I found you, and maybe an idea of where the other one was. I had no idea that I'd find a complete package. Your employees are very loyal. I had to say that I was an old friend of yours from a long way back and bring up all sorts of personal details before they'd give me the address."

'Personal details?'

_Maybe it's best we don't know. Never figured Hatori for a perv... Guess it's always the quiet ones._

"The story was the only way I could think of to get the boys to come. She said that she would hire a private investigator if I wasn't successful. She promised that no harm would come to you if the boys came back!"

Hatori stops and meets Tohru's eyes.

"I want out. If what you've said is true, then you have some of the same abilities as Akito. We, the older Jyuunishi- there are things we know about the curse that the younger ones don't. If you have some of the god powers, as a Jyuunishi, I should be able to form a partial bond with you that might at least reduce the effect of Akito's bond. Now that she's lifebound to you, there's no telling how long she'll live. I have served her loyally since we were both children, but I'm through. If I have to choose my god, I'll choose you."

As Tohru stares in shock, Hatori drops to his knees in front of her, pressing his face to her feet.

"I have betrayed you and yours, but I humble myself before you in repentance. Will the Jade God accept his dragon child at the banquet"

"Hatori... what are you doing? Please, please stop. You're scaring me."

He looks up, and the ice mask has dropped. He is openly vulnerable, fear lurking in the depths of his eyes. "Do you reject me?"

"No! Of course not! Do what you need to do."

He presses his lips to her feet. Tohru can vaguely hear Kyou and Yuki shouting behind her but she is swallowed in a brilliant flash of light.

-

Tohru is floating in the air, images flashing past her at an alarming rate. Somehow either she has shrunk or her animal has grown because she is riding on Butterfly's back.

_Hold on tight, sweetie. It's going to be a bumpy ride. _

Butterfly is dodging the images as best it can, but there are too many of them and inevitably they are hit by one.

**Tohru is standing in the snow, Butterfly perched on her wrist. A couple is watching the snow fall, the man's arm around the woman's waist. They turn and Tohru gasps. The woman looks a bit like Tohru and the man is a younger, happier Hatori. **

**The woman laughs."Don't be so sad about the snow. Remember- snow melts into spring." **

**Hatori looks down at her, his love clearly visible. "You are my spring."**

Then Tohru is back on Butterfly's back, flying past more images.

_Well at least we know where we are now._

'We do?'

_Hatori's mind, sweetheart. Although I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what he had in mind when he opened his soul to you._

'He did WHAT?'

_Um... don't worry about it for right now. We have to get that bond established before we do permanent damage in here or one of his memories damage us._

Almost as if the memories understand Butterfly, they are sideswiped by another image.

**It is so dark that it takes almost a full minute to adjust her eyes. She can hear a soft whimpering noise and she gasps in horror when she sees the much younger Yuki curled in a little ball in the corner. **

**_Don't._**

**'What do you mean?' **

**_Don't try to touch him. This is the past, sweetheart. It's only a memory. _**

**Suddenly light spills into the room. Hatori enters with a medical kit and a washbasin. Yuki looks up."Please, Hatori. You can't let me stay here. Please let me go." **

**Hatori drops to his knees and wipes the cloth over Yuki's torn and bleeding sides. "I can't, Yuki. Akito is my god." **

**Yuki turns to him, eyes fever bright. "So when your god tells you to erase my friends' memories, to clean me up because he's raped me, you agree with him?" **

**Hatori bows his head. "I do as I am told."**

Tohru holds back a choked sob. 'Why do I have to see this, Butterfly? If I can't help, what reason is there to see this pain?'

_I don't think that there has to be a reason, sweetie. I think that we are just running into the things that Hatori thinks the most about._

Apparently by answering her, Butterfly was distracted from watching the images. There is no time to swerve before they collide.

**A young girl is chasing birds while an older teenage boy watches her. The girl laughs and turns and Tohru gasps. **

**The girl is Akito. **

**"Watch me Hatori! Watch me!" She spins around in circles before falling on the grass. **

**"Careful, you don't want to hurt yourself." **

**She sticks out her tongue, violet eyes shining. "You're no fun. And I'm a god- I can do whatever I want and you have to obey me." **

**Hatori executes a mock bow. "I do as I am told." **

**Suddenly a slight frown passes over Akito's face. "But do you love me?" **

**Hatori smiles- a slow, beautiful grin. "Of course, little bird." **

'I don't understand this- any of this.'

_What? That Akito wasn't a complete monster or that Hatori was really hot as a teenager? Yum!_

'I never thought that Akito was a monster until-'

_Until you went through what Yuki had already gone through for years. You know, sometimes you're a little hypocritical, sweetheart._

Tohru is so busy thinking this over that she doesn't notice until they are already in the middle of the next memory.

**Saki and Arisa are standing in front of Shigure's, tapping their feet. "Where is she? She was supposed to meet us half an hour ago- it's not like her to be late. And no one's answering the door." **

**"If she said that she'd meet us, she'll be here." **

**They are so intent on staring at Shigure's door that they don't see Hatori come up behind them and press his hands to their foreheads. They both sway and Hatori tries to stabilize them as they go limp. Shigure appears beside him and grabs Saki while Hatori grabs Arisa.**

**"I gave them the message as you asked. Tell me though, was it really necessary to erase their memories of Tohru's mother as well?" **

**Hatori's face is expressionless as he gently sets Arisa down. "I do as I am told."**

'Hana-chan…. Uo-chan….'

There is no time for that now, sweetie. Mourn them later- right now we have to survive this.

Tohru fights back the tears and gets her breathing under control. When she lifts her head, her eyes widen in horror. There is a large image coming rapidly towards them. Tohru feels Butterfly freeze underneath her.

_No matter what we see next, swear that you won't try to interfere. You do anything here and you could destroy all three of us.  
_

'What do you know, Butterfly? Why would I try to interfere?'

_Promise me!_

'I promise.'

And they are swept in.

**"You betrayed me, Hatori." Hatori is kneeling, head bowed in front of an eerily calm Akito. **

**Akito runs her fingers along the side of his cheek. "Why do you pretend you don't know what happened to Honda-san? I can get in your mind more easily than any of the other Jyuunishi- our abilities bind us together. Do you really want me to demonstrate to you again why your loyalty and love should only be for me?" **

**Hatori's voice is a bare rasp. "I am loyal to you." **

**Akito hisses and a fine line of blood appears on Hatori's cheek. "What makes you happy, Hatori?" **

**Hatori answers numbly, as if from long practice. "My love for you, my obedience to you makes me happy." **

**Hatori doubles over as if he has been punched in the stomach. Blood appears at the corner of his mouth. **

**"What makes you happy, Hatori?" **

**Hatori sways from side to side; dark bruises on his face and visible skin. "My god makes me happy." **

**Hatori is choking now as if his lungs are no longer working properly. **

**"What makes you happy, Hatori?" **

**Hatori's eyes glaze. "Spring." **

**And the world goes black.**

Tohru understands now.

'I did this. Akito hurt Hatori because of me.'

_So?_

'What do you mean, 'So?'!'

_So what? Are you going to be like Kana? Will you let the guilt eat you for something that you didn't do until you can no longer stand the sight of Hatori?_

'No! I would never do that to Hatori!'

_Then let the blame rest with the one who deserves it._

There are tears on Tohru's cheeks. 'What happened to her? Why did she become like this?'

_Save your sympathy for those who need it._

The images are slowing down- Butterfly isn't having any troubles avoiding them now.

_I'm the best! It isn't easy to steer when all you can do is flutter, but I rock!_

That is when they crash into the dragon.

Tohru has fallen off Butterfly, and she instinctively floats backwards when she sees the animal in front of her. He is beautiful- shiny and slender, but his eyes are ancient and Tohru is afraid of their too-knowing gaze.

_Don't be scared. There's something familiar about him…. Let me think for a minute or two._

"Can you talk?"

The dragon mournfully shakes his head. Tohru feels a sudden surge of pity.

"Are you trapped here somehow? Can I help you?"

The dragon nods twice.

'Who is he?'

Tohru feels a surge of excitement from Butterfly.

_He's the real deal._

'What do you mean?'

_This is what Hatori's animal form is supposed to look like._

"You are Hatori's true form?"

The dragon nods his head slowly.

'How am I supposed to help him, Butterfly? I don't even know why I'm here. I certainly don't know why Hatori turns into a baby dragon when he's supposed to turn into an adult dragon.'

_I don't think that you need to know, sweetie. Remember what you did for Cat?_

'I didn't do anything for Cat- I just accepted Kyou in Cat's form... Oh... How would that work for this?'

_Just trust me._

'If this goes wrong... get yourself out of here.'

_As flattering as it is that you are concerned about my safety, if you die in here I go with you. So don't fuck up._

Tohru floats over to the dragon and gently places her hand on his head. He butts up against it and…purrs? She keeps stroking over the ridge on his forehead and starts talking.

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I didn't expect to meet you. Actually I didn't expect to be here at all. Hatori said that he wanted to form a bond with me, but so far I haven't seen anything of him except his memories. Butterfly says that somehow I have to accept you to make this work. But last time, I didn't really do anything except accept all of the person I love..."

Tohru stops and looks into those ancient, pain-filled eyes. "That's it, isn't it? You're a part of Hatori that's somehow been hidden away and I have to love you both enough to bring you out."

The dragon gives her a sloppy lick with his tongue. Encouraged, Tohru wraps her arms around his neck and keeps talking. "I've always loved Hatori, I think. He was so kind to me, even when he was suspicious of me. I know that he didn't defend me in front of Akito, that he didn't help Yuki, that he erased my friends' memories, but it must be so hard for him to have to be loyal to the family and still be fair to everyone else. Not getting involved must have seemed like the fairest choice. But he did get involved- he helped us leave and he has suffered for it ever since. He is so much more than his power- he is a good man, a compassionate man. I am proud to be his friend."

Suddenly Hatori is there beside her, staring at the dragon. "I have failed all of you so many times- I let Yuki be hurt, Kyou be abandoned, I failed to prevent Akito from hurting you. My ability has only caused pain and suffering. I am not worthy of this form or of your love."

And Tohru understands. She speaks and it is as if someone else is speaking through her. "You are worthy of growing up, of the power that has been given to you, of the love I feel for you. No more guilt, no more fear. You have done well, my child. I am proud to welcome the dragon child to my banquet." She hugs Hatori and the dragon close to her and they are all swallowed by light.

-

**Reviewer Responses**

Happy (belated) birthday to **anah midale**! Sorry that I couldn't get it up on the 9th but hope that you enjoy it anyways :)

**inuyasha-girly-2007**: It would have been kind of tricky if Tohru had died wouldn't it :)? And I agree that Hatori was being pretty cute up until the conversation…. Great to hear from you again- I hope you like the new chapter with Not-Dead-Tohru:)

**Pretty Stupid Girl**: Well, you get to find out a lot more of what happened to Hatori this chapter- but don't worry, there's still lots more to come (Hatori's one of my favorite characters as well). Glad you decided to review again and I hope that the chapter helped answer some of your questions :)

**Panthera**: Yes, Akito wasn't acting very well in Tohru's story- there'll probably be more on that later :) Thank you for taking the time to review again- I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story.

**AmuberuMukku**: Yeah- I think it was good that Tohru finally told them, but what a tradeoff! Oh don't worry, I'm saving Butterfly's best line about the whole sleeping situation for Chapter 20- I've been sitting on it for a month and it almost _hurts_ to not be able to post it :) You know, I was sort of thinking of that whole New Year's thing when I wrote this- they have a long history of feeling better around Tohru :) I'm really looking forward to seeing your design- always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**truffletruffle01**: No worries about the reviewing- I'm just glad that you're enjoying the story :) And this was definitely a chapter chockfull of plotty goodness. Great to hear from you again!

**MaNgA-bOy-LoVeR**: Yes. I'm very bad. But see? it's all working out okay :) Good to hear from you again and I hope that you forgive me the cliffie.

**Trai Maxwell**: That would have been absolutely horrible for Shinta to be orphaned at such a young age. So hopefully this chapter makes you feel better and it's good to hear from you again :)

**deathdreamerofneverlove**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and I agree that sometimes Akito seems a bit twisted. As for Butterfly- don't encourage it. It doesn't need to get any more vain :) Thanks for reviewing again!

**Fire Phoenix**: I hope that at least some of your questions were answered this chapter, particularly in regards to Hatori. Good call on the getting away from Akito thing! And that's a very interesting (and important) question about what would happen to Butterfly, but fortunately you won't get to find out this time ;) Always great to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Lady Mokodane**: I'm glad that you think the cliffhanger isn't intolerable- unfortunately, it was the most logical place to end the chapter and I wasn't just trying to annoy everyone. Really. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story- thank-you for taking the time to review.

**kupo**: You know, I think you caught pretty much every important point for the chapter. And I loved the summary- Akito: not so much of an ass, Hatori: pity me for the nightmares, Yuki: lucky, lucky rat and Tohru: ass meet head. I'm glad that you noticed that the story was from Tohru's perspective- which would have made it very, very tricky to write the story without her :) I had a lot of fun reading this review- I always enjoy hearing from you :)

**PoliticallyIncorrectTeen**: Yes- it was quite the cliffhanger, wasn't it ;)? I'm very glad that you are enjoying the story- thank-you for taking the time to review :)

**Inulover**: Well hopefully this wasn't too long of a wait- I would hate to be responsible for someone _else_'s insanity :) Glad that you're enjoying the story and I appreciate you reviewing.

**A Panda from CTY**: I really shouldn't read your reviews when I'm drinking something- spit takes just aren't attractive :) Would that most problems in real life could be solved by sleeping in the same bed. Though I agree that I really, really like Tohru's point of view ;) Thanks. That made my day!

**Kyolover91**: Don't worry. Tohru didn't die. This time. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself :) Hopefully this chapter answered your question. Thanks for reviewing again!

**geminillama**: Poor Butterfly. Dreams of a threesome literally squashed. Fortunately it would be rather tricky for me to pull off since Tohru is the viewpoint character and without the viewpoint character there tends not to be much of a story :) Great to hear from you again! I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**anah midale**: Don't worry about the reviewing- I'm just glad that you're still enjoying the story :) I'm glad that you liked the name "Shinta"- it's actually a very vague Rurouni Kenshin reference, but I've always liked the name myself and it definitely seemed like something that Tohru would choose. Hope you enjoy your (belated) birthday update- it was really good to hear from you again :)

**xoxKiSS**: Well, you get to find out some of what Hatori was screaming about this chapter, but there's still a lot of stuff to come….Poor, poor Tohru. It really hasn't been her day, has it? Great to hear from you again and I'm really glad that you enjoyed the cookie :)

**for sale**: Well, if I didn't start revealing things I think that everyone would have started on the lynch mob :) I did the strip tease of anticipation for sixteen chapters or so and now it's time to start showing some skin ;) And that was an absolutely horrible metaphor. I really shouldn't write these responses at 5 in the morning. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story though- I always enjoy your reviews :)

**bookworm0492**: A rocket launcher? –Blinks- Well, I guess I've been upgraded. I think. Good to hear from you again!

**Mewling**: Good call on Tohru not dieing! As the viewpoint character, it **would** be kind of tricky if she dropped off the map, eh? I'm glad that you think Hatori fits well into this role- there was a lot of mental debate before I decided how I was going to do this and there **is **a reason that it wasn't Shigure who showed up. Thank-you for the very thoughtful review- I always appreciate good analysis :)

**tootifruity**: Wow. I'm really happy that you were drawn in by the story- I've really, really enjoyed writing it and it always makes **me** happy when other people are able to get something from it as well :) I think that I have a long way to go in my skills as a writer before I'm ready to publish a book, but your vote of faith meant a lot :) And see! Tohru's alive! Thank you for taking the time to review- I really appreciated it :)

**baka-onigiri**: I actually agree with you that it's quite confusing- there are a lot of things happening, people are keeping secrets and sometimes I get a bit confused when I read back over things :) The colors-as-emotions thing is actually related to how butterflies visualize the world combined with another reason that will show up in later chapters. But I'm really happy that it inspired you :) Thanks for taking the time to review- I really appreciated the constructive criticism!

**Luffy V'shile**: Well, I guess this chapter answers your question :) Great to hear from you again!

**gadez**: Well, it looks like Tohru's off the hook for now. I'm glad that you're still enjoying the story- thanks for reviewing again :)

**kishe**: Lots more stuff to come- don't worry. I think that my betas would both kill me if I didn't get it finished :) Thanks for taking the time to review :)

**osaka**: I'm glad that you decided to give the story a chance in spite of the love triangle. I am actually one of those strange people who likes both of the boys about equally and it always makes me happy when people who wouldn't normally like reading a pairing involving one of them are able to give the story a shot :) Thank-you for reviewing- I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapter!

**blondie101**: Don't worry- the story will get finished. Thanks for reviewing!

**Cody Thomas**: Yes- I've always suspected that Yuki wasn't nearly as innocent as he seemed :) And snuggles are good. Especially with Hatori. I hope you got the Momiji hat, although I am now insanely jealous :) Good (belated) luck against that cosplayer from Cali! Great to hear from you again :)

**wolfchild**: Yes, it was kind of mean to end it there, but it was honestly the best place to break up the chapters. Or at least that's what I tell people :) And I updated Mobius. Just for you :) Always fantastic to hear from you!

**baka-onna2003**: Well, I still need Akito for my story. Could you maybe wait to kill her until after I'm finished :)? And who knows- those homicidal urges may be gone by then, anyways :) Great to hear from you again!

**devilsnare**: I'm glad that the story intrigued you- it is a little strange isn't it :)? Thank you for taking the time to review!

**hannah5o**: I'm really glad that it seems real- I really wanted the characters to seem human despite the fact that they're in a very fantastical situation. I'm sure that Shinta is pretty cute and Hatori is definitely acting a little bit like a baby himself :) I definitely agree with being too sarcastic for my own good, although I'm pretty sure that Butterfly has me topped. Possibly because I at least try to keep my mouth shut. It's always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story :)

**Fallen Angel1**: Don't worry about the reviewing- I'm just happy that you're enjoying the story :) I completely agree about hating lack of internet access…. Good to hear from you again :)

_Updated 02-12-05_


	20. Chapter 19: Close Your Eyes

**Author's Note**: For those of you who are fans of other anime/manga series cough_Inuyasha_cough, the biting in this chapter does **not **represent claim marks/ soul mate bonds/ obscure youkai mating ceremonies. The behavior of both boys actually reflects the mating behavior of both of their respective spirit forms. I highly recommend reading the mating habits of wild rats if you get a chance- it's a great bedtime read :)

Oh and… More 'Butterfly' pictures! Again by the lovely **Onigiri Kitty**.

http:www. livejournal. com/ users/ anaphalis/ 2194. html

There is also a sex scene cut this chapter, with links included in the cut-scene to the full version and a summary for those who don't want to read it.

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**Gaijin**: "outside person", foreigner, generally used in reference to Caucasian foreigners

**Chapter Summary**: And you thought that having an evil Butterfly in your head was invasive….

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine. "Blood in the Saddle" is a traditional American folk song.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- sexual situations. Sexual situations are suggestive rather than graphic, but if for some reason you feel that they **are **too graphic for FFNet- please e-mail me and let me know and I will edit the scene.

**Chapter 19: Close Your Eyes**

_Into this night I wander,  
It's morning that I dread,  
Another day of no way but  
The path I fear to tread,  
Oh into the sea of waking dreams  
I follow without pride,  
Nothing stands between us here  
And I won't be denied,_

_And I would be the one  
To hold you down,  
Kiss you so hard,  
I'll take your breath away  
And after I'd wipe away the tears,__  
Just close your eyes dear_

-Sarah McLachlan, "Possession"

As Tohru opens her eyes she can feel Hatori in the back of her mind, his emotions making a not-unpleasant background hum. It is a little like swimming up and breaking the surface of the water after a dive- suddenly colors are brighter and sharper and the worried voices of the boys are almost unbearably loud.

The other thing that Tohru immediately notices is that her body feels almost completely healed.

'How do you do so much at the same time?'

_What can I say? I'm great at multi-tasking!_

"Tohru… Tohru! Are you all right?"

"Damn it Hatori, if you've hurt her…."

Tohru groggily raises her head- Hatori's cheek is still pressed against her feet although his eyes are starting to flutter open.

"I'm fine. Hatori didn't hurt me."

Kyou pulls her closer to his chest. Tohru idly notes that his shirt is completely soaked in her blood. "You didn't seem to be breathing or responding for nearly two minutes- we were getting worried!"

'Two **_minutes_**!'

_I'm also time efficient. Basically, I'm perfect in every way and you don't need to worry your pretty little head about it._

Tohru would have argued further, but Hatori is starting to stir and lift himself up. He almost immediately looks over to Tohru, placing a light hand on her feet.

"Thank-you, for… Just thank-you."

The boys start the questions almost immediately.

"What do you think you were _doing_?"

Hatori stretches and Tohru catches a strange sense of peace visible in the white in his aura, in the calm buzz in the back of her mind.

"Safeguarding my loyalties. It is now that much harder for Akito to try and track me or call me back again."

There is a brief silence while the boys seem to think over the implications of his words. Kyou is the first to realize the problem.

"It's all very well for you to want to stay here or just permanently leave the compound, but won't they have people looking for you? Aren't they keeping track of you somehow?"

"My next check-in was scheduled for later this week. Obviously I won't be keeping it, but that shouldn't be a problem."

"If you don't contact her or come back, Akito's going to be here within a few days, dragon! So how the **hell** is that not going to be a problem?"

"I erased Ritsu's memories of the article before I left. None of the other Jyuunishi in the compound saw the article and none of the household servants knew Tohru well enough to identify her if they did. I am also fairly sure that I destroyed all of Tohru's photos that remained in the Honke, which should make it that much harder for Akito to track."

Tohru stares at Hatori in complete shock. From the long silence, she suspects that the boys are doing the same.

"You really didn't intend to go back, did you?"

Hatori's aura is carefully white. "I would have to have been a much bigger fool than I am to believe that Akito wouldn't have tried to track down Tohru anyways."

Kyou stares at Hatori with a combination of shock and… something else. "When you rebel, you really go all out eh, dragon? Erasing a family member's memories without orders, lying to family, making plans to run away, bonding a new god…. Since you seem to be trying to protect Tohru I guess we should forgive you…. But damn! Remind me to never get on your bad side!"

"Tohru should never have been involved. This should have stayed within the family." Tohru would have been offended but the deep purples and blues swirling around Hatori and the buzzing pain in her mind seem to imply that it's not just her that he's thinking about.

"Tohru has been involved from the moment she moved in with us, Hatori. To pretend otherwise is foolish. She is far stronger and braver than most of us- I think that she is capable of making that choice."

Yuki could hardly have said anything that would have made Tohru happier or more likely to agree to his next question without really listening.

"Tohru- Rat says that he knows how to make another type of bond, a full bond. Would you be willing to bond with me?"

Tohru nods, still basking in the warmth of his compliment.

_Hold up there, sweetheart! I think you better ask what this bond involves before you do anything!_

"What does the bond involve? I mean why would you want another type of god bond with me?"

Obviously Butterfly has the right idea. Yuki refuses to meet her eyes when he answers.

"It's… not exactly a god bond. More of a joining of minds using your god stuff, really. And a joining of lives."

For once, Tohru instantly understands.

"So we'd be able to feel each other almost completely? Oh gods… if I died, you'd die too, wouldn't you?"

Yuki finally meets her eyes and Tohru is shocked by the determination in them, the red and gold vibrating around him.

"Tohru, there's no point in lying. If you die, I die. I had suspected this before, but after what happened… I _know _now. Whether or not we bond isn't going to change that. All I want is the chance to be able to help you if something does happen, no matter what that is. And… I want to show all of me, to _give _all of me."

Kyou presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Cat says he doesn't know how to do this, but if he watches you bond with Yuki he'll be able to tell. I want this as well."

Tohru feels like she is being overwhelmed again.

"What about Shinta? What if you suddenly decide that you don't want this? This sounds very not-breakable."

Neither of the boys speak, but their auras are answer enough. Tohru feels slightly sick as she turns her head towards the silent Hatori.

"Hatori- if something does happen to us… will you be guardian to Shinta?"

Hatori twitches and blinks, obviously a little shocked by the proposal, but he recovers quickly.

"I will."

The boys both smile and start helping Tohru up. Tohru suspects that they aren't taking this seriously enough, but she doesn't know what to do to stop them. All she can do is try to create the best situation for all of them.

"Before we do anything- Please understand that I heard you that day when you talked about the common bond."

Both boys freeze in place.

"You heard what Shigure said?"

"No. But I don't need to know. I don't want to know. We can't go back now, not if you and Shinta will possibly be hurt."

It hurts to say this, to deny the other Sohmas a chance without even knowing what the chance is, but Tohru chose her loyalties a long time ago.

"I don't care about the solution, but if we're going to be bonded, please don't treat me like I'm going to break. Can we be partners? I know I'm not as smart as you or as talented-"

"Darling- you're obviously brighter than both of us. It- it hurts to see you hurt. I can't promise that I won't try to protect you, but I will try to treat you fairly."

Kyou nods in agreement.

_I think that's the best compromise that you're going to get out of the he-men._

"I will do this then. Let's do this in the bedroom. please. The living room is very messy right now."

_There was blood on the table and blo-od on the ground…Great big puddles of bloooood all around!_

'You know what?… I just don't want to know.'

_Damn… Are you sure? I've got more verses._

'I've had enough torture for one day, thanks.'

As they walk, Hatori suddenly jerks to a stop.

"Did one of you two listen to me talking to Shigure?"

_Busted._

Yuki turns and evenly meets his gaze.

"I did."

Hatori frowns then shrugs. "I guess it doesn't matter now. I doubt that the solution would have been that simple anyways."

Fortunately for Tohru's peace of mind, the topic is dropped but there is no other conversation to make her forget her rising nervousness.

Once in the bedroom, Tohru tries to ignore her increasing fear as she moves towards the bed. After all, she barely survived her first bonding experience.

Yuki seems to see something in her eyes because he clasps her hand in his and leans in to whisper in her ear.

"I love you, Tohru. No Akito here. Only us."

The memory grounds Tohru, not removing her fear, but making it much less important.

"Only us."

She follows him to the bed, watching him settle down, his head propped on his hand.

Tohru lies down facing Yuki, his arms reaching out to wrap loosely around her waist. It is a little awkward staring into his eyes and Tohru feels a little like they have suddenly returned to the time of their first kiss. Then Yuki leans forward to gently kiss her lips and the world fades away.

This is nothing like the experience with Hatori.

No individual images. Tohru is washed over with Yuki's emotions: his fears, his loves, his passions. She can _feel_ the bonds being made between them, can feel his hopes become hers, taste his fears in the back of her throat. Part of her is terrified of being this immersed in another person, of this overwhelming connection and she can feel herself trying to shield her own mind from a similar raw exposure.

So she lets go.

For one brief moment, Tohru _is _Yuki, if she just reaches a little further, pushes a little harder she will be able to _understand_-

There is a wrenching pain and Tohru is no longer in her mind, but being pinned on the bed, watching Hatori hold down a struggling Yuki.

At least, Tohru thinks that it is Yuki.

His eyes are completely black and his hair is… brown? And are those… **fangs** sticking out when he snarls at Hatori?

The snarl makes something pull in Tohru and she lurches forward, her body screaming for her to get back to her mating partner.

"Not until you get yourselves under control."

Kyou's words tickle the fine hairs on her neck, sending a white flash of heat through her body and pain through her neck and shoulders. Tohru lifts a shaking hand to her collarbone.

Her fingers come back dripping blood.

Almost at once, Tohru can feel the series of bites that ring her neck and upper back- some shallow and some deep enough to leave scars.

_Well that's one way to say, "I love you". Personally I think he should have stuck with flowers._

The sight of blood on Tohru's hand stills the struggling Yuki. He starts shaking in Hatori's hold, letting out a low moan as he closes his eyes and his hair reverts to gray. When he opens his eyes again the irises are violet.

"Tohru…."

And she can feel him in her head, like a second heart beat. Hatori's connection is _nothing_ to this almost overwhelming pull in the back of her mind. Tohru folds in on herself, collapsing backwards into Kyou's embrace.

Hatori looks up at her and Tohru realizes that he must be feeling at least a little of her mental distress.

"Don't worry- the intensity will fade in a few hours once your mind adjusts. The initial joining is the hardest part."

Some part of Tohru dimly wonders how he would know something like that, but the larger part of her is too overwhelmed to care.

Yuki looks almost as dazed as she feels as Hatori helps him to his feet and practically carries him out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

As soon as the door clicks, Tohru half-turns in Kyou's embrace.

"Kyou- what _happened_?"

Kyou tightens his hold around her and, to Tohru's surprise, a faint pink blush is rising up his cheeks.

"At first, it just looked like what happened when Hatori bonded to you. Then nezumi was on your back… grinding against you. We probably still would have left it, but then he started biting and Cat said that the bond was complete and it wouldn't hurt either of you to be pulled apart and, well…."

Tohru feels inexplicably disappointed.

"I guess this means that you don't want the bond anymore, do you?"

Kyou's blush deepens.

"Actually I was hoping if you didn't hurt too much that we could make the bond right now. Cat says that he knows what to do now."

_Nice to know that he's concerned about your pain._

Something of Butterfly's judgment must have shown in Tohru's eyes, because Kyou gently kisses the top of her head, raising one hand to stroke her cheek.

"I-I don't want to hurt you anymore, but Cat says that it will actually be easier this way, that in the long run it will hurt less than if we wait."

Tohru is sore and really wants nothing more than a long, hot bath, but she'd rather not have to make the bond later on.

"Let's do this then."

Kyou mirrors Yuki's initial position, reaching out to brush Tohru's bangs out of her eyes. His kiss lingers on her lips as she falls into the connection.

This time she doesn't bother to hold back.

This time she is hit with a single image.

It isn't like one of Hatori's memories or the blurry fog in Yuki's mind- this image is clear, well-defined and not moving, providing background while Kyou's emotions make their way into her mind.

The image is a bloodied woman in a bathtub. The face is Tohru's.

'Oh Kyou….'

Rather than just letting the emotions overtake her as happened with Yuki, Tohru pushes out, pushing her love, her concern out towards him while accepting his in return. This time the bond forms cleanly- there is no dizzy high of supreme understanding, but Tohru also comes out of her mind feeling almost normal.

That is she feels normal until she sees Kyou.

He is lying on the bed facing her, his eyes unusually dark.

"Go stand away from the bed."

Puzzled, Tohru gets off the bed and faces Kyou as he rises and walks behind her.

His breath is hot on the shell of her ear.

"On your knees."

Tohru feels like someone has sent a jolt of fire through her veins. She quickly gets on all fours, ignoring the fine tremors in her arms and legs. She arches backwards and bites back a moan when Kyou strokes over her breasts and stomach.

"Good girl."

There is no more talking.

-Scene Cut-

This scene contained plot-important smut. It wasn't particularly graphic, but I'm not taking any chances. For those who would still like to see the scene- the uncut version is available at Mediaminer. Just a warning though- Mediaminer hates my formatting so don't mind the random italics- I can't figure out how to fix them. Here's the link:

www. mediaminer. org/ fanfic/ viewch. php/ 78079/ 297225/

Or

Look up "Anaphalis" under "Fruits Basket" on Mediaminer and go to the story that way.

For those who don't want to read the scene, here's a brief summary:

Tohru and Kyou are having sex. Yuki is drawn into the room by the arousal he feels through his connection with Tohru. All three of them are overwhelmed by the positive feedback of arousal through the new connections.

-End Scene Cut-

_I want a threesome Tohru, but not like this. _

And suddenly her head is clear. Butterfly has somehow muted the boys' emotions in her mind.

Looking into Yuki's eyes, Tohru understands. Somehow over the years hatred has evolved to dislike has evolved to grudging respect, mutual admiration and maybe even a tentative friendship. Tohru can now see the boys' emotions with a strange detachment that prevents them from affecting her. Although some deep part of the boys may be curious about a threesome, the larger part of them doesn't want it and sex with one another would destroy whatever tentative bonds they have formed.

Gently, slowly Tohru pulls away from Kyou and Yuki, watching their faces as their own minds struggle to reassert control.

They both move towards her almost simultaneously, Kyou laying his head on her lap while Yuki leans into her shoulder.

"Thank you."

Tohru is not sure who said it, but it doesn't really matter. Although all three of them are still a little shaken she can feel the relief that they all _know _now. But there is something that she still has to do while they all calm themselves down.

'Butterfly- I don't want to let things get this out of control. How can I prevent this?'

_I will modulate the bond, Tohru. You'll be able to feel their emotions, but it will only be really strong if they're hurt or in distress._

'Thank-you.'

_With any luck those idiots inhabiting their bodies will do the same and stop trying to piss in each other's sandbox._

'Was that really all Cat and Rat?'

_Well sweetie, when was the last time either of the boys laid on the BSDM?_

'Well… there was that White Day…'

_Yeah… that **was **fun-_

"Oh shit."

Tohru jerks out of her conversation bringing her gaze to the door.

_Well, I guess that proves that Ha-san **does** know the bad words. I think I won the betting pool._

Tohru is momentarily puzzled before she realizes what the scene must look like. She and Kyou are both naked, Yuki's topless, Kyou has her blood on his lips and, if the stains on the floor are any indication, she's still bleeding.

While Hatori's expression is getting darker and darker, Butterfly pipes up again.

_Dragon must be less involved in the dick comparison than the other two._

'What do you mean?'

_He obviously reduced the effect of the bond or dragon-boy would have been part of this dog-pile. He's shocked enough that he couldn't have really felt it._

"You assholes."

In one dizzy motion Hatori has pulled Tohru away from the boys and is blotting at her neck with something that Tohru suspects might be a piece of his shirt.

"Thank gods that none of them are deep or bleeding heavily. These need to be washed and sterilized before they become infected."

The boys seem to have finally broken out of their stupor. Neither of them seems happy with Hatori.

"Let go of her, Hatori."

"I don't know what you were doing, but Tohru's exhausted and injured and I'm not letting her near either of you two until you prove that you can control the bonds and those monsters in your heads."

"We certainly didn't mean to hurt Tohru, but you will **not **touch her anymore-"

"ENOUGH!"

Tohru is a little surprised to discover that the loud yell came from her.

"I am going to clean up. I am tired. I hurt. I have had the day from hell. I am not mad at any of you- what happened wasn't any of your faults- but all I want to do right now is take a bath and go to bed. If you can stop comparing dicks long enough to act your age, I would be happy to have you join me. Otherwise go away and let me sleep."

_Sweetie, if I had a body I'd totally do you._

'Could you use some of that energy to get me to the bathroom without falling over?'

_As you wish._

And Tohru exits the room, legs a little shaky, but head high and back straight. The bath is difficult because she is even more tired than she thought- she barely makes it back to her room without collapsing. The men are still sitting there looking shell-shocked when she returns.

_If I'd known that all it took to stop the fighting was to have you be crude…._

Tohru is too tired to appreciate Butterfly's snark as she crawls under the covers- her only thought is that she is thankful that she had just fed Shinta before the whole mess started. Then the world fades as her head hits the pillow.

-

Tohru is fairly sure that she is seeing double- no triple, when she opens her eyes. She can think of no other explanation why there would be not one, but three apologetic faces staring at her first thing in the morning. She reflexively moves back towards the wall and one of the slightly blurry faces 'Yuki' holds Shinta out like a sacrificial offering.

Tohru doesn't say anything when she takes Shinta from him- some newly discovered vindictive part of herself is enjoying the uncomfortable silence as she starts to nurse.

After all, they really were behaving like asses yesterday.

_As much as I hate to defend idiots, you have to realize that a) they all thought that you were going to die and b) they were pretty overwhelmed by the guys in their heads. I mean, just think of how wonderfully powerful I am!_

Tohru is obviously not very good at this vindictive thing because she almost immediately starts to feel guilty.

"I hate it when you fight."

Kyou sits down beside her on the bed and runs his fingers through her hair.

"Yesterday was a bad day for all of us. We talked it over and we'll try to be mature about this while we get used to… everything. This is all a lot to understand."

Tohru can't help smiling.

"It's okay- I think that everything will work out. Just… please talk if you're upset or unhappy."

Hatori moves to sit at the foot of the bed.

"My behavior was… completely inappropriate. I appreciate your forgiveness, but I forced you into several situations that you should never have been in-"

Yuki cuts in with an unusually evil grin. "-And to beat himself up as punishment, dragon cleaned up all of the mess and made breakfast. If you keep him feeling guilty we might be able to keep him as a maid."

Tohru tries very, very hard to block the image of Hatori in a short skirt and an apron that Butterfly is flashing. She somehow keeps a straight face as she replies.

"That's okay. I like doing housework. And Hatori- there really isn't anything to forgive. We all made mistakes yesterday I think."

Hatori is obviously uncomfortable with the conversation as he quickly changes the topic. "Maybe after we've had breakfast, I could try transforming. I suspect that my form may be a little different now."

Although Tohru can feel the boys' confusion, she doesn't choose to explain. What happened in Hatori's mind is private.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Breakfast is a relatively quiet affair- everyone seems to be thinking over what has happened. Tohru is almost relieved when Yuki and Kyou volunteer to play with Shinta and put him to bed while she and Hatori clean up.

They clear the table in silence. They wash the dishes in silence. They put the dishes away in silence. By the time they move out onto the porch to wait for the boys, Tohru is ready to scream in frustration. Instead, she sits down on the steps beside Hatori and asks the first question that pops into her head.

"How do you know so much about bonds, Hatori?"

Hatori stares out into the yard for so long that Tohru wonders if he actually heard her.

"My father was the Sohma god before Akito. He died when I was very young, but before he died he forged a partial bond with me, beyond the Jyuunishi bond, to help me control my abilities."

Tohru swallows and gently lays a hand on Hatori's arm. "I'm sorry…. I-I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."

Hatori flashes a rare gentle smile.

"It's not painful. My father was a harsh man, but he was always very fair. I have good memories of him."

The sound of the front door closing makes Tohru jump slightly. She jumps again when Kyou puts his hand on her shoulder and sits down beside her.

"Well let's see this transformation. I even brought a glass of water to keep you until you change back."

_So much for the tender bonding moment._

Hatori gets up and walks around the corner of the house, re-emerging a few minutes later.

Apparently the dragon was telling the truth.

Tohru can dimly hear the boys' exclamations of surprise and shock, but Hatori is the only thing that she can concentrate on.

The dragon form's not huge- only slightly larger than Hatori's human form, but he radiates power and… shininess.

The shiny is almost hypnotizing. Somehow Tohru finds herself drawn over to the dragon.

And running her hands up and down his back and over the ridge on his forehead.

"Oooh… He's so _pretty_!"

Hatori gives a rather loud snort of indignation.

Yuki's eyes twinkle as he speaks through his ill-concealed laughter.

"Should we be jealous?"

"He's just so smooth and _shiny_!"

Apparently this is not a good attempt at self-defense. Kyou falls over laughing, while Yuki walks over to Tohru and pats her on the head.

"Okay, Tohru, let's leave the nice dragon alone now."

Tohru pouts as Yuki easily picks her up, twirling her away from Hatori, She meets his eyes as her lip starts to twitch and they both burst out laughing, spinning round and round in circles.

Kyou snags her after about the fifth circle and starts spinning her in the opposite direction. When he finally stops, he has to hold Tohru up to keep her from falling. When she sticks out her tongue at him, he swings her into a bridal hold and lets Yuki tickle her unmercifully.

The past two days have been utter hell. Tohru's now permanently bonded to three complicated and confusing men and she has a newborn son and a restaurant to run.

She is dizzy, tired and utterly confused and overwhelmed.

Tohru couldn't be happier.

-

Hatori's efforts to conceal their location seem to be effective, because there is no contact from the other Sohmas in the months that follow.

Tohru is extremely grateful for that first tiny sign of luck, because adjusting to her new family is taking all of her efforts. The four men in her life all seem to need her in ways that often exhaust her, although the strength of her love for each of them never ceases to amaze and frighten her.

Tohru is lucky though. Although the boys still have to work, they both are throwing themselves wholeheartedly into becoming parents, in their slightly different ways.

Yuki likes to hold her when she breast-feeds Shinta, cradling them both against his chest. Sometimes, despite Shinta's tendency to greedily bite, Tohru will even fall asleep and wake up in bed with Yuki staring at her, a sort of awe and throbbing passion, devotion visible in his eyes, in the tug in her mind.

Kyou likes to play. He spends hours waving toys and making faces at Shinta, tickling Tohru and chasing her and Shinta, flying Shinta through the air while making strange noises in the back of his throat. Tohru would be concerned, but he is always so careful and even when Shinta is cranky and crying, Kyou never fails to make him laugh. And after they are all sweaty and laughing and exhausted he'll help her put Shinta to bed and just lie there and –hold- her, his love so fierce in her mind that it almost hurts.

There are some differences in the way the boys treat her though. Although 'the idiots' in the boys' heads have obviously decided to modulate the bonds' effect, the boys' behavior is a little… different since the joinings.

Kyou rubs his cheek against her regularly, purring when she ruffles his hair or strokes his face. He often comes up behind her when she is cooking, pressing his chin over the top of her head while lightly but insistently pressing against her. Yuki gives light nips and kisses to the back of her neck, runs his hands through her hair and generally seems to take any excuse to touch her.

In fact, touch has become far more frequent for both Kyou and Yuki since the bonds were established. Kyou works strictly from wherever Tohru is working and Yuki has even started cutting his days at the office short because he starts getting shaky if he is away from Tohru too long. This was discovered the hard way when they had to drive Yuki back one evening because he stayed late at work and discovered that he was shaking too badly to drive. The shaking only stopped when Tohru touched him.

This scares Tohru.

But the bonds are truly permanent, and she tries to push the vague fears of 'What would happen if we were separated?' and 'What happens if I accidentally hurt them with this control?' to the back of her mind.

The sex is also frightening, in a slightly different way.

Even though the boys can no longer feel when Tohru is having sex with the other one, the sex still has more of an… edge. Knowing how the other person feels is overwhelming and intense, even though Tohru enjoys the passion. Maybe because of this intensity the boys have insisted on returning to having one night a week alone with her, despite still getting together at other times. Hatori doesn't scream anymore, but neither he nor the boy who isn't with her are able to sleep on those nights.

Hatori….

Maybe the bonds have somehow connected the boys. Maybe living together away from the family for nearly six years has made them learn how to interact with one another without killing each other. Maybe the tentative friendship between them has always been there and it just took Tohru's accident to really open their eyes to it. Whatever the case, Tohru can taste their joint hostility every time Hatori is in the room.

Oh the men seem to have taken her words to heart and are working to get along with each other. That doesn't mean that Yuki and Kyou don't hold Tohru tighter, kiss her harder and more often, cradle Shinta possessively, when Hatori is there to see it. She wants to ask them about it, but she's not entirely sure that they know that they're doing it, that they have joined forces against the intruder into **their** family.

In spite of the boys' problems, Tohru doesn't know what she would have done without Hatori in the time since Shinta's birth. The boys are both working fairly hard, even though Kyou works wherever she is staying. Hatori has mentioned opening a small clinic, but says that he needs to make sure that he won't be discovered first. In the meantime, he has stepped in to help her with the household and Shinta, even to the extent of babysitting when she needs to go into the restaurant for a few hours.

Hatori even dug into his own account to help purchase a second vehicle so Tohru could work the short, odd hours that allow her to spend time with Shinta. What makes it even better is that Shinta seems to be fascinated with his 'uncle'- especially in his dragon form. His new clumsy crawling is often in the direction of the shiny dragon.

It is now Shinta that is causing most of Tohru's worries.

Although Tohru has gone back to the restaurant many times since Shinta's birth, neither Shinta nor Hatori have really gone out in public. It is one thing to know that she herself will change forms when in contact with the opposite sex. It is another thing to suspect that it might happen to her eight and a half month old son.

Maybe she is too obvious about the looks she gives Shinta, because Hatori finally confronts her.

"You need to see if Shinta has a cursed form."

Tohru nearly drops Shinta in the sudden throb of pain that goes through her heart.

"You talk a lot about those two women at your restaurant. Your chef sounds trustworthy enough to hold him for a few seconds. Why don't you bring Shinta by late in the evening, when there are very few staff and fewer customers? I'll come with you and take care of any… problems."

Tohru is forced to agree, because, really, he is right and it is better to know now.

That doesn't stop the feeling of dread as she gets into the car with Hatori and Shinta.

Tohru needs to think of something, anything other than the upcoming visit. It suddenly occurs to her that there is at least one Jyuunishi she hasn't heard about.

"How is Kureno doing?"

_Well that's a great conversation opener._

Tohru can feel the pity and sorrow like a stab in the back of her head. "After hearing your story that day, how he is now makes sense."

"And how **is** he?"

"He's alive."

When he doesn't say anything else, Tohru doesn't press and they pass the rest of the drive in silence.

Tohru suspects that the silence, other than the noise from an unusually fidgety Shinta, will last until they meet Maki. When they get out of the car though, Hatori places his hand on her arm.

"Breathe, Tohru. No matter what happens, I'll be there with you and I'll take care of any problems. Your nervousness is making Shinta unhappy and it won't solve anything."

The words are harsh, but Tohru can feel the honesty and the concern. She forces herself to take deeper breaths and focus on calming herself down.

Unfortunately taking calming breaths interferes with Tohru's ability to walk properly. As they turn round the side of the building, Tohru nearly trips over her general manager taking a long drag on her smoke. Hatori steadies Tohru and the slightly whiny Shinta as Akane blows out a long stream of smoke.

Tohru finds herself babbling without a lot of thought to what she is saying.

"I'm sorry Akane-chan, I really didn't see you! Would you like to come in and meet Shinta and my old friend, Hatori-san?"

Akane's eyes narrow for a moment before she reluctantly puts out her cigarette and walks them inside. Once they reach the back rooms, she turns to Hatori.

"So you _were _legit."

Maki walks out of the kitchen towards them, her face set in a smug smile.

"Pay up. I won fair and square. Oh- and you can't collect his balls as paperweights now either."

'Um…. I guess I should be flattered that they're so loyal, shouldn't I?"

_Sweetie, I think you should hope that most people don't use their definition of "justifiable homicide"._

Tohru shakes her head and decides to get on with things before any of her companions try to kill each other. Unfortunately, nothing goes quite the way Tohru had planned.

Maki absolutely refuses to hold Shinta.

"Babies cry. And smell. I refuse to have anything to do with them until they're housebroken. And able to talk."

Before Tohru can respond, Akane bursts into cooing noises and snatches up Shinta while directing a black glare at Maki.

Nothing happens.

Maki raises an eyebrow, as Tohru stares, shell-shocked. She barely hears the developing argument between Maki and Akane as she collapses back against Hatori's chest.

_Well fuck me. What the **hell** just happened here?_

"You do know that he's a boy, right?"

Akane increases her glare. "It's not his fault that he's going to grow up to be a man. Right now he's adorable."

Maki mutters, not quite under her breath, "You just like them when they aren't able to run away."

"At least I like _something. _What do you do for fun- sit in your room and try to curse everything you don't like?"

"Yes. So do my cousin and her little brother."

"Your relatives must love you."

"Yeah. We're a real hoot at family reunions."

Hatori's voice breaks through Tohru's haze.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but Shinta has had a very long day already and I think that it is time for him and Tohru-san to return home."

_Sweetie- I think that's your cue to step **away** from Hatori before we start any more exciting rumors._

Brief silence.

_Unless you **really** want to give them something to talk about…. I've got **lots** of suggestions!_

Tohru doesn't even bother responding as she moves out of the back hallway in a daze. She can hear Hatori, who has obviously sensed her distraction, picking up Shinta and saying good-bye to the women.

Tohru has nearly reached the entrance when she feels a… tug from the back of the restaurant. She turns towards the sushi bar, but the only person there is some gaijin with long blonde hair who is turning towards her and getting off the stool and running towards her and-

Hugging her.

_Ummm... Why don't we have pretty wings now?_

As Tohru slowly processes what is happening, the gaijin rests his head on her shoulder.

"Tohru… Oh gods… Tohru… I thought I'd never find you."

**R****eviewer Responses**

**Quick Note**: This will probably be the last chapter that I post review responses in the chapter, because they're starting to get kind of long. I'll still answer reviews, but I'll probably post the responses on my LiveJournal and include a link so that I'm not throwing off my word count here. Does anyone have any problems with this? Would you prefer me to keep posting them within the chapter? I'm just not sure how irritated everyone is getting with the lengthy responses….

**Lizzy44**: I'm afraid that I'm a bit of a suspense junkie :) And honestly, these _are_ the best places to end the chapters. Why does nobody believe that I'm not deliberately evil? Silence. Er… On second thought, don't answer that :) It was great to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapter!

**Luffy V'shile**: Flashy light is fun. I like flashy light. And shiny. I am obviously secretly a crow. Great to hear from you again and I hope that you like the shiny too :)

**PrEtTyStUpIdGiRl**: Don't worry- we'll get to find out lots more about how Hatori's doing :) I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and I just want to let you know that I find your Kyoru one very interesting…. Thanks for taking the time to comment again! 

**inuyasha-girly-2007**-Grins- You were one chapter ahead of the plot. Major cookies for guessing plot points! Although I'm afraid that the way the life bonds work, you can't just cut one off when you form another one. Unfortunately, if you cut a life bond, both people die. You also anticipated the pretty-shiny with Hatori so I'm going to assume that you're psychic or really, really smart. Either way, it was great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Kae Noel**-Huggles back- I'm very glad that you enjoyed the chapter- it was good to hear from you again :) And here's the new chapter. Dõ itashimashite!

**A Panda from CTY**-Snort- The Dragon of the night. Love it. I was really glad that Kyou got to do something important as well- I think that it was an ironic karmic balance that his very disconnection from the Zodiac would be what would allow him to save Tohru when Yuki's privileged position could not. And I love Hatori as a true dragon- it's been one of the things that I was itching to write out, because there has to be _some _reason he turns into a baby dragon rather than an adult :) As always, a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**GirlWaterShaman**: Well, I'm afraid that it might be a little tricky to bring Uo and Hana back now that their memories are erased, but we'll see what happens :) I'm glad that you're enjoying the story anyways and I appreciate you taking the time to comment again.

**Yume**: The really ironic thing with Butterfly was that I didn't even consciously recognize that it was an original character until someone else commented on it in about Chapter 8 or Chapter 9. Yeah. I'm a little slow sometimes :) That being said, I'm really glad that you like Butterfly's development and the style of the story- I was afraid that both Butterfly and the style would be more likely to turn people off than interest them and I'm glad that they appeal to you. Thank you for taking the time to review and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**Cody Thomas**: Cat was pretty cool last chapter- I really like the Cat spirit character and I was happy to give him something important to do :) And poor Hatori really needed some love after those memories- I think the transition to Big Dragon was good for him :) I'm sorry that you didn't win the bid but I'm still insanely jealous that you get to buy the hat anyways… Great to hear from you again!

**Trai Maxwell**: Aww… I'm very touched and grateful that the chapter moved you- it was a difficult chapter for me, because I really like Hatori and Tohru and the boys and it was a pretty emotionally intense thing to write. Well- looks like you made a pretty good guess as to what the other Jyuunishi were going to have to go through. We'll have to see about the rest of them though :) Always lovely to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)

**bookworm0492**: Lucky Shinta got to sleep through the whole thing :) Tohru fed him and put him to bed just before it started and he missed out on all the excitement. As for Tohru being a god… well, you'll see :) Good to hear from you again and best of luck with the rocket launcher!

**truffletruffle01**: Hopefully this chapter answers part of your question. As to whether or not they will ultimately go back… we'll see :) Great to hear from you again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**hannah5o**: I'm very honored that you think that the story is heartfelt- that is probably the nicest thing that anyone could say about it and I hope that I continue to live up to your standards :) And it _is_ really hard to keep those sarcastic comments to yourself. Sometimes I end up biting into my lip to try and keep myself from saying things :0 I'm glad that you decided to comment again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**fruitbasketrocks**: I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter- it was good to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well- it even has some smut ;)

**Panthera**: Yeah- a lot of people were afraid that she was going to die and I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter. Great to hear from you again!

**geminillama**: Yes. I deliberately flash Shigure for a few seconds so that people will forgive me for ending the chapter :) Always a pleasure to hear from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well.

**for sale**: I kind of like the sound of "rocking the Fruits Basket world". –Pictures Jyuunishi dirty dancing. Shakes head to scrub brain of disturbing images.- On second thought… Seriously though, I'm really happy that you caught the reference back to old Tohru- I was really trying to show how she's evolved, but at the same time is still fundamentally Tohru. You have no idea how relieved I am that it came across that way rather than "Oh my god! Tohru's horribly out of character!" And Hatori is probably my favorite FB character, if that wasn't already painfully obvious :) As for Momiji and Shigure… we'll see :) Thanks, for once again leaving such a detailed, thoughtful review. I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**DarkLuna**: Sorry. Unfortunately I can't make the story one big chapter because it would be too large to upload to FFNet :) I wanted to hug Hatori too- all of them seem to have had a bit of a rough go… I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story- it was great to hear from you again and I hope that you continue to enjoy the plot.

**kupo**: Mixed emotions, eh? –Rolls up sleeves and digs in.- There's definitely something up with Akito- kudos to you for catching that. Cat rocks the Casbah. Tohru _is _special but you don't get to find out how. Yet. And I love the pretty, shiny dragon. Always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Diane Long**: Before I actually respond to anything I just wanted to let you know that "Not I" is one of my all-time favorite moving-forward-from-unrequitedness stories. I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story and my take on the characters' personalities. As for Butterfly, that's a very interesting guess, but I'm afraid that you're going to have to wait to find out :) Thanks you for taking the time to review- I hope that you enjoy the new chapters!

**Anonymous**: It always makes me happy when people stay up really late to try and read "Butterfly"- it makes them so much easier to brainwa- Um… never mind. Seriously though, I'm really glad that you're finding the story interesting and, if it makes you feel better, I nearly cried when I was writing some of Hatori's scenes :)

**Taran-Wanderer**: I'm very glad that you're enjoying the direction the story's going. Great to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**gadez**: I'm sorry that you felt that the chapter was rushed- hopefully the new chapter will make up for it :) Great to hear from you again!

**anah midale**: No problem. Birthdays are important :) And very good call on the plot development- major cookies for you! Good to hear from you again and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**GhostHelwig**: Wow. Your review was so well thought out that I'm going to try and answer your points in the detail that they deserve. "Butterfly" is my take on many of the unanswered/not explained yet/driving me nuts aspects of the Fruits Basket manga. As such, I think I've gone quite a bit darker than the manga itself has or will and I'm very glad that you like that aspect of the story. Strangely, I really am trying to observe canon as best as I can- just putting a different spin on it, so to speak :) That being said, one of my biggest issues with the story is trying to keep everyone in character while putting them in situations that I _know_ that they wouldn't get into in the manga. I am very glad that you think that the characters are still recognizable and that their growth is logical because this is something I agonize over every single chapter, as my poor betas can confirm. So when I write them I really try to show the shades of grey in all of the characters, Hatori being one of my particular favorites for this because he **is** such a complex and often misrepresented character. I think the part of your review that made me happiest was the fact that you were willing to give this story a chance despite normally sticking to slash and that the relationship between Tohru and the boys intrigued you anyways :) I really want to write something that will appeal to people who wouldn't normally touch this rather odd pairing, just because it works for this particular story and the way these particular characters develop. I thoroughly enjoyed your review and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story- even after this chapter.

**AmuberuMukku**: The first part of the chapter _was_ kind of scary. I don't blame you :) And I often read out loud to myself- one of the major advantages of living alone :) Yeah- I did a slightly different take on Hatori's memory of Kana- I do like canon, that I do :) Well, we'll see where the plot direction is going but that's a ve-errry interesting guess :) And this chapter was a combination of hopefulness and sadness so it's perfectly okay to say 'Yay!' :) I really want to see your sketch- is it possible for you to make a Yahoo mail account? They don't have any problems with attachments. –Anaphalis says selfishly- As always, lovely to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**MaNgA-bOy-LoVeR**: That was my thought too- I would be beyond pain to be in a situation where I had to watch my loved one die and be unable to do anything to stop it. I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story- it was great to hear from you again!

**Akai**: I'm very fond of Hatori too and I enjoyed having a chance to explore his mind a little bit. It **would** have been really bad if Kyou hadn't been able to save Tohru and Butterfly, wouldn't it? I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story and that you took the time to review again!

**Lady Mokodane**: Never fear! This story **will** get finished! My betas will eat my alive if I don't churn out chapters on a regular basis :) I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story and it's always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**cher-amore**: The "spring" line was actually my favorite line of the whole chapter, because I think that that one word sums up Hatori's hopes and dreams so completely. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapter.

**Cor-chan**: Great to hear from you again, dear! Don't worry about the reviewing- I'm just delighted that you're still enjoying the story and I hope that the new chapter is equally er.. "joygasmic" :)

**LivingInAHellOfMyOwnCreation**: Oh don't worry. Akito hasn't disappeared into a void :) There's plenty more still to come and I'm very happy that you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reviewing! 

**kishe**: I'm afraid that you're going to have to wait to see what happens with Akito. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and it was great to hear from you again!

**sexylucifer**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and find it touching- I've very much enjoyed writing this storyline. Thank-you for taking the time to review!

**KhaosFire-Katana**: Oh dear. I hope that that's a good dazed :) Would you like a glass of water, some chocolate, a Butterfly in your head? Great to hear from you :)

**xoxKiSS**: I'm glad that you like the story and the Hatori plot line :) It was great to hear form you again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well!

**Fire Phoenix**: It was hard to write about Hatori erasing the girls' memories, but really, I couldn't see it going any other way. Tohru knew when she left some of what was probably going to happen and this sort of made her start to face up to it unfortunately. I love the part where Tohru freed Hatori as well. As for Tohru and the Jade God and the others who ran away…well, you'll see :) It's always wonderful to hear from you- I really enjoy your reviews and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well :)

**Mewling**: Thanks so much for the constructive criticism! It was greatly appreciated :) Let's see… You're absolutely right- she would taste iron. I guess I'm kind of weird because I associate the taste of blood with the taste of copper pennies… As for the pain- I think I've screwed up somewhere, because I've been trying to imply with the torture that she's been getting over the years, her pain resistance has been built up. I'm going to have to try to do that better somehow…. Thanks so much for the review and I hope that the "overcritical old man" likes the new chapter :)

**Nekomon**: Well I won't tell anyone you were here if you don't ;) I'm so glad that you're succumbing to Butterfly's evil plot to deprive people of sleep by reading this instead of sleeping or doing homework. Er… maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story- thank-you for taking the time to review.

**mica maxwell**: I'm glad that you think that the story is clever and that the characters are retaining their personalities. These are the things I agonize over :) Thank-you for reviewing and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)

**baka-onna2003**: Hatori's now **something,** but it's not quite clear what yet :) Don't worry- things will resolve at some point. It's great to hear from you again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well.

**MissTeya**: Thanks so much- I'm very happy that you're continuing to enjoy the story and I really appreciate you taking the time to review again:)

**Silverpuppy99**: Thank-you! I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Little Auras**: It's nice to hear from an old-timer ('Why I remember "Butterfly Effect" from _before _she started sleeping with the boys.' 'Ha! I remember 'Butterfly Effect' from when Butterfly didn't have a _name_.') Sadly, Butterfly actually didn't have a name for a surprising number of chapters come to think of it :) Anyways, no worries about the reviewing- I'm honestly just happy that you're enjoying the story. As for the t-shirts- my artistic talents are far too er.. limited for me to design something, but I have heard a few people say that they were going to try something. Do let me know if you come up with something! It was fantastic to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**ErieDragon**: I'm very glad that the story warmed your heart- that makes me smile. I hope that you continue to enjoy the story and I very much appreciate you taking the time to review :)

**Alowl**: Oo! I like that! "Blighted hopes and tentative dreams"! That sounds far cooler than most of what I write :) I agree that Hatori is definitely in line for some happiness as for the next steps in Butterfly's quest for world _domination… well, you'll see :) Thanks so much for reviewing- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)_

_Updated 02-26-05_


	21. Chapter 20: No Escape

**Author's Note**: Sorry this has taken so long- real life and this chapter were a bit tricky. On the plus side, it's twice the length of a normal chapter so I hope that you'll forgive me. I'm just making a mental note to myself to carefully look over my outline in future so that I don't have to re-write eight thousand words again. From scratch.

Although I've never actually given Butterfly a sex, this is a gorgeous picture by the very talented **KhaosFire-Katana. **Remember to take out the spaces before you try the link!

www. mediaminer. org/ fanart/ view. php/ 175646

**Chapter Summary**: Old MacDonald had a farm. With electric fences. And spot lights. And guard towers.

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- sexual situations. Sexual situations are suggestive rather than graphic, but if for some reason you feel that they **are **too graphic for FFNet- please e-mail me and let me know and I will edit the scene.

**Chapter 20: No Escape**

_For the sake of those whom I should trust  
I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now  
there's  
no escape._

-Hitomi Mieno, trans. "Shell-Opening Theme" from Witch Hunter Robin

Hatori's dry voice comes from somewhere behind Tohru. "Momiji. I was wondering when you would show up. How hard can it be to read a map?"

Momiji raises his head to give a weak chuckle, his arms still wrapped around Tohru. "Pretty hard if you lose the map. And the name of the town. Do you know how many Himuras there are in this prefecture?"

"I'm guessing close to a year's worth."

"Actually it's probably more than that, but I lucked out and heard about this restaurant when I was passing through."

_Looks like Hatori's been holding out on us. Damn he's sexy when he's being devious!_

Tohru has passed beyond shock into a calm acceptance of everything that is happening. She really shouldn't eat leftovers before going to bed. Kyou's going to shake her awake any minute now-

"A baby?"

Momiji bends over Tohru's shoulder and blinks again.

"What? Did Kyou get Yuki pregnant?"

Okay, Tohru really doubts that she would come up with that on her own. Which means-

_You've got a freak for a son. And Momiji has appeared out of nowhere and become a Tohru-barnacle._

As Tohru is suddenly jolted back to reality, the nausea overcomes her. She tears herself away from this Momij-who-can't-be-Momiji and runs out the front door, ignoring the shocked expressions of the few remaining customers. She barely makes it around the side of the building before she collapses to her knees and starts to vomit.

_That's it- you need to let it out, Tohru. You can't keep holding onto this fear and guilt._

She can't seem to stop throwing up- even when her throat is wracked dry from the abuse and her arms start shaking with the effort of holding her up. Just before she collapses in the mess, a cool hand brushes over her forehead and pulls the hair back from her head while a second arm wraps around her waist, supporting her as she finishes. Her eyes are tearing with the relief of release and she feels almost boneless as she falls back against her helper.

"Everything will be fine, I promise. Shinta's fine. Momji's on his own- nobody's coming after you or the boys. It's okay, Tohru. Shhh…."

Tohru realizes that she is curled up against Hatori's chest making small whimpering noises into his tear-soaked shirt. She can feel his concern and caring wrap around her like a warm blanket in her mind and she nuzzles in against his collarbone.

'Oh. Maybe that's why Hatori does it.'

_Well that and it's the closest thing he's getting to nooky._

"Are you mad that I came here?"

Tohru looks up- Momiji is standing in front of her holding Shinta. He looks utterly devastated.

Tohru manages a shaky but sincere smile.

"It was a wonderful surprise. I've just missed you so much Momiji-kun- it was hard to believe that it was really you."

Hatori scoops her up.

"Tohru's exhausted and Shinta's getting cranky. I think that we should finish this conversation at home."

Tohru would protest, but she's not entirely sure that she could walk that well anyways and she docilely lets Hatori place her in the back seat and hand her Shinta.

Tohru hugs him tightly against her.

'I'm so sorry you're involved in this mess. I will do everything I can to protect you.'

_Hey- what are you so upset about? Think about it- you get to hug Shinta and he gets to have sex with hot non-Zodiac girls without any problems! He's still strange, but everyone wins!_

'But what does this mean? Why didn't he change? And gods, what does Momiji think of me for leaving them like that?'

_There's an old saying that you shouldn't fuck the horse until the ass is in front of you._

'I don't know that saying.'

_Well the original version was boring._

"Tohru?"

Tohru jerks back a little when her eyes refocus. Momiji is nearly on top of her, still looking unusually vulnerable.

"Do you mind if I transform on your lap?"

Tohru is about to turn him down when she remembers some of what Hatori had said. And… she's missed Momiji so much- to be able to hold his rabbit form would be a comfort she'd almost forgotten.

Adjusting Shinta to a comfortable hold, she reaches out to Momiji and gently touches his head. It is a strange feeling to actually touch him while he is transforming- the boys move away from her while they are shifting. She's never felt the quick shift of bone and muscle before.

Momiji curls up beside Shinta and Tohru holds both of them, feeling their slowly-calming heart beats against her hands.

'Why do I want to cry now?'

_Oh sweetie… It's going to be okay. I promise that I'll…_

'Butterfly?'

_Don't worry. Why don't you take a rest too? There are going to be fireworks when we get back._

Tohru has questions, strange suspicions that are starting in the back of her mind, but they are all washed away in the beat of soft wings inside her head.

-

Tohru almost collapses from the emotional overload when she steps out of the car, nearly dropping Shinta in the rush. Hatori is instantly beside her. He steadies her as she tries to regulate and soothe the over-whelming fear she can feel through her links to the men on the porch.

"Tohru!"

"Where were you?"

"Are you and Shinta all right?"

Hatori walks her past the boys towards the front door.

"We were just testing Shinta's curse effects. He doesn't have any. And we have a guest."

_Lighting the fuse..._

"Shinta's curse effects?"

_Tick…_

"A **guest**?"

_Tick…_

"What the FUCK is going on?"

_BOOM!_

Momiji chooses this moment to step out of the car.

Naked.

"Kyou-kun! Did you miss me?"

Tohru misses the following exchange because Yuki pulls her and Shinta against his chest in a tight hug. When she turns in his arms she can only see Kyou tackling Momiji and winding up in a position that… Well, she doesn't need Butterfly to get bad images.

_I'm not even going to comment… Aw fuck it. Can you see where the balls and chain are?_

There is a surprising lack of violence involved in untangling the two of them. Hatori has walked over and seems to be telling Kyou what happened, judging from the way he keeps pointing towards Tohru and Shinta. This seems to be enough to distract Kyou from Momiji removing his 'balls and chain' from Kyou's chin.

Apparently the talk has kept Kyou from killing Hatori and Momiji. Yuki only seems to be interested in exploring the back of Tohru's neck with his mouth.

_Yeah. Where's my drama? I wanted at least a hair-pulling match!_

Hatori stops in front of Tohru. "I'm going to go get Momiji some clean clothes and then we'll all talk. You deserve to know what's going on."

Tohru gets the uneasy feeling that the 'you' he's referring to doesn't include the boys.

_They've all got big dicks. I'm not sure why they don't all just play together rather than competing… Mmmm…_

As Tohru tries to ignore Butterfly's fantasies, she makes a move to follow Hatori and Momiji, only to be stopped by Kyou's hand on her arm.

"Tohru- you can't go off like that without telling us. I know that you must have wanted to find out about Shinta and god knows the dragon's being an asshole but… Nezumi got shaky again and we had no idea where you were. Tohru…"

Yuki doesn't raise his head from her neck- just tightens his arms around her waist.

Tohru feels sick. Again.

"I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry. I won't ever leave again without letting you know, but… Yuki- we need to fix this. This is dangerous. There has to be some way to reduce this effect- I mean the bond with Hatori doesn't work like that."

Kyou rubs his thumb over the inside of her wrist.

"Actually, we don't know that. Dragon and I spend enough time with you during the day that it's not an issue. We have no idea what would happen if we were separated. And Yuki's bond and my bond aren't the same as Hatori's anyways-"

"But it doesn't work like this with my full bond with Akito!"

"You're not fucking Akito!"

Tohru shrinks back, pulling her wrist away from Kyou, rocking Shinta as he starts to cry. Yuki still hasn't said anything but he moves with Tohru, his arms still around her waist.

Kyou gives a strange half-choke. Before Tohru can react, he is hugging her and Shinta, creating a strange Tohru sandwich.

"Tohru- I have no idea why the bonds are different. The physical connection is the only thing that I can think of… Or maybe it's because we entered them voluntarily. I don't care. I want this- any price at all to be able to feel you in my mind and know that you're okay-"

"And I feel the same way."

Yuki's voice is strained but firm.

"This isn't something I want to escape, Tohru. The shaking hurt, but it hurt more to feel you upset and not know what was going on or being able to help you. I don't want out of this."

And then, in the arms of the men she loves, holding her child and completely safe and protected, something deep inside Tohru snaps.

'But what if I do?'

_And here comes the horse's ass._

_- _

Tohru has again pushed the darker thoughts out of her head to focus on the important things at hand.

Right now, that means sitting across from a Hatori who is about to tell her what the hell is going on while pointedly ignoring the boys beside him.

Hatori sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

"The day after you left was … a mess."

"I came back to see if you were alright and see about temporarily transferring you to a Sohma safe house while you and Kyou and Yuki figured out what to do. I was… very unhappy that you were gone- you were in no condition to be moved and the fact that you left meant that there was an increased chance that someone had seen you and reported that you were still alive back to Akito."

Tohru blinks. "But you said that we should do what we needed to do. I thought… I mean you helped me find the information… I thought you knew that we were leaving."

"Of course I knew!" Hatori closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I had meant that I wouldn't report you back to Akito until you had healed enough to leave. When I found that you had left… I wasn't very happy. Shigure and I got into a bit of a disagreement. A loud disagreement."

Hatori opens his eyes and stares, unseeing, at the wall.

"Apparently you had been supposed to have lunch with one of your friends Hanajim-"

"Hana-chan…."

"Yes. She came by the house and she must have heard the subject of the argument because she let herself in and went up to your room. You didn't take the papers with you."

Tohru can feel her face turning as white as the boys in front of her. They may have already had their identification and ownership papers when they left but all of their research information, name change information….

"The first time that Shigure and I noticed her was when I was asking Shigure where you were and she walked into the room with a box of papers. She didn't even look at me- just handed the papers to Shigure and told him that he needed to be more careful if he was trying to protect your location and identity. She took a single piece of paper with her and left before we could think to say anything."

"We both saw your new names and the town and prefecture that you'd chosen, but we burned the papers before we could find your address."

Hatori forestalls Tohru's opened mouth with a wave of his hand.

"Akito can tell when we lie. It was better if we could honestly say that we didn't know your current address."

"But, while we didn't know your address, your friends did. And two of them came to talk to Shigure to tell him that they were the only ones that knew, but they wanted to know where you were right then. Shigure said that you were still in town- hiding while you got better, but that he'd take messages from them as long as they didn't tell anyone else. He told me, and we knew that we had to do something, even if Akito hadn't already ordered me to erase your friends' and family's memories. Please understand Tohru- if I hadn't erased more than what Akito asked, there was a chance that someone else would ask questions, find out things that could get you hurt."

Tohru is torn. Hatori looks grey, tired and defeated. But… He was ruthless, both in the memory and the words he is telling her.

_And he did such a fine fucking job of keeping you from getting hurt when he showed up here._

'Butterfly… That was hardly his fault. And the rest of this… is because of me, not him. He's not the one who is responsible.'

Tohru gently places her hand over Hatori's, feeling the tension ease in the back of her head. She has no plans to tell him that he is not the one she needs to forgive.

"We decided that the easiest way to get them to come was to be partially truthful- send them a note that you were in trouble and needed to meet them at Shigure's house before you left town, since your friends obviously assumed that you trusted Shigure."

"Shigure was always good at faking handwriting. He sent the note. And they came."

Hatori stops for a moment.

"I didn't think about it after that, not with everything else that was going on. I…I just hoped that all of you were all right. It wasn't until Momiji… I gave him what information I could and the whole review situation wasn't too long after that. To be honest, I was surprised that he wasn't already here when I showed up."

"I'm not very good with directions."

Momiji is standing in the entrance to the living room, dressed in some of Hatori's clothing. Really looking at him, Tohru can see how much he's grown-up, how pale, how thin he is- she can hardly find a trace of the boy she knew.

"But that's not important. What I really want to know is… how did Kyou-kun manage to get Yuki pregnant when he only uses the 'fuck-me' eyes on Tohru?"

Okay. So maybe there was still the Momiji she remembered there.

_Well, he does have a point. Cat-boy hasn't gotten some since this morning and I think that's why he's being so grumpy._

Kyou shows what Tohru believes is admirable self-control.

"It's late. I'm tired. Shinta's asleep and beating the crap out of you might wake him up-"

_Not likely. He even slept through that time Hatori came into the bedroom because he thought you were screaming in pain- _

'Let's not, please.'

"-and I think we should all just go to bed. Tohru- why don't you show Momiji the guest room?"

_Now **that** was a strategic maneuver._

Tohru leaving with Momiji seems to diffuse the tension, although she has no idea what the boys talk with Hatori will be like. When she arrives in the bedroom for the night, they all seem to be undamaged and there is _none_ of the tension that has been bothering her for the past months. Somehow, a half hour of conversation seems to have done what none of her pleas were able to. So Tohru decides to wonder about it later and focus on her one big concern from helping Momiji set up his room.

"I think that he knows that I'm sleeping with both of you, but what will he think if he knows Hatori shares the bed as well?"

Yuki and Hatori both frown, but Kyou just shrugs.

"It's Momiji, Tohru. I _know _what that idiot's reaction is going to be."

Unfortunately, Kyou refuses to add anything to that and Tohru is unusually nervous when she gets into bed. The nerves only increase when the bedroom door suddenly opens.

Momiji looks at Tohru and the three men in various stages of undress. He blinks.

And transforms.

"I call stomach!"

Hatori massages the tension between his temples.

"You do realize that there isn't going to be any sex, right?"

Momiji actually manages a rabbit-pout.

"Damn. I still call stomach."

Hatori tries again.

"You do realize that the only reason that we all sleep with Tohru is because we're bonded to her and can't sleep without her?"

_Well that's a little piece of retroactive history, but hey, the truth sounds even stranger._

Rabbit-Momiji blinks.

"Well I'll get a bond tomorrow then. Tonight's my freebie."

And then he bounces onto the bed… and snuggles against Tohru.

"Stomach!"

And starts snoring.

Kyou glares. "Fuck that little bastard- this means I have to transform too."

Yuki looks over at him. "You knew that this was going to happen, didn't you?"

"I told you nezumi, I know that bastard- if it's going to make my life miserable, he'll find some way to do it."

"Well you could just curl up against her chest. I'm on the inside anyways."

Kyou blinks. "That's not a bad idea and it means that dragon can stay untransformed."

'Am I still here?'

_No. You're part of the bed furnishings. Like a pillow. Except bonier._

All objections Tohru has to them talking around her vanish when the three of them get into bed. It feels so… safe to have Momiji by her stomach, Yuki next to her heart, Kyou against her chest, Hatori warming her back. Well, safe and a little… enclosed.

_Your bed is starting to bear a startling resemblance to Old MacDonald's Farm._

'I don't know what that means, but I **know **that it's not helpful.'

_The only problem with that song is that his farm kept getting bigger…. Not at all like your collection._

'I still don't understand, but there's no way I can fit anything else in this bed.'

_You know, I'm **so **going to remind you of this conversation._

'What do you mean!'

_Ummm… Nothing… Night-night!_

'Butterfly!'

'Sleepy…'

-

In the morning, Tohru knows that there is something that she should remember, but she is far too distracted by managing cranky, whiny Shinta and cranky, whiny Sohmas to think of it.

"da da pa pa da da pa pa"

"Shhh… Your daddy and papa will be done soon. There's just getting ready right now. Shh…"

"ha-ree"

"Is that you, Hatori?"

Hatori comes around the corner and fully into the kitchen. "Do you want me to take him? It can't be easy making breakfast while you're juggling Shinta and pots."

Tohru gives him a look of sheer relief. "Oh thank-you. He's really excited this morning and it's impossible to get anything done."

Hatori takes Shinta over to the countertop where he starts making faces that are definitely not what Tohru would have expected from the serious man she first met. While she is enjoying the show, she misses Momiji coming up behind her.

"Tohru- Hatori told me a little bit about the bonds last night and this morning. I want one as well- there's no way that I want to be called back to the Honke again."

Again, Tohru finds herself caving under the obvious fear in Momiji's eyes, even against the warning murmurs in the back of her head.

_It's just Sohma men, sweetie. They are far too pretty for their own good._

Breakfast goes by all too fast and Tohru finds herself in a familiar position in the living room with Momiji kneeling at her feet. Only this time she has a slightly larger and slightly more hostile audience.

"You try _anything_, rabbit and I'll have your ba-…back."

_Well that was unexpectedly polite of Cat-boy._

'Shinta's imitating sounds right now. After last night he's been saying 'fu fu' a lot.'

_So you mean Kitty's got to clean his mouth?… Oh this I've **got** to see._

Unfortunately, while Tohru was thinking Momiji had already performed the preparations and she is completely unprepared when her world goes black.

-

Tohru is in a classroom, sitting on top of a desk in front of the blackboard. Butterfly is perched on her shoulder, wings brushing against her neck.

'This is- Mayu-sensei's class!'

_Okay. Bunny-boy is officially warped. Although he does have good taste in fantasy material…_

'Where **is** Momiji?'

"Tohru-mutti?"

Tohru turns. Sitting on the desk beside her is the Momiji she remembers best- short, curly blonde hair, round baby-face and the female school uniform rustling as he swings his legs back and forth.

He looks up at her and Tohru nearly cringes away. Momiji's face may be child-like, but his eyes are full of more pain and anger than Tohru has ever seen.

"You left."

There is really no explanation Tohru can give. No matter what she might say, in the end she cared more about her own safety and the safety of the boys than she did about the other Sohmas. Momiji, Kisa, Haru, Shigure, Hatori, Kagura, Rin- she cared about all of them, but in the end she left them to face the consequences of her actions without even a good-bye.

But apparently Momiji isn't looking for answers.

"**He** may have forgiven you-" Here child-Momiji gestures and Tohru gets a brief glimpse of adult Momiji before he disappears. "But I haven't. And I plan on showing you why."

Suddenly, the lights in the room go out and a projector screen flares into life in front of them. Tohru watches, horrified, fascinated as the images play across the screen.

**A very young Momiji is curled in a little ball on the floor sobbing. A young Hatori walks past, jerks to a stop and kneels down beside him. **

"**What is it?"**

**Momiji suddenly uncurls and starts wildly hitting at Hatori.**

"**You! You took away Mom's memories. You made her forget me!"**

**Hatori sits there, expressionless, while Momiji hits him, until the hits become weaker and weaker and finally stop all together. Momiji falls into Hatori's lap, his voice so quiet that Tohru has to strain to hear it.**

"**She only regretted giving birth to me."**

**He looks up, face shining with tears.**

"**Make me forget, Harii. If she can forget- I want to forget too."**

**Hatori reaches over and pulls Momiji up against his chest.**

"**Momiji… There are no memories that should be forgotten. All memories are important and if you want to be strong, you need to be able to face all of them."**

"**But it hurts, Harii."**

"**I know."**

Tohru swallows the lump in her throat.

'Momiji…'

_He's stronger than the rest of us put together, sweetie. Just think- **he** still remembers._

Tohru wants to say something but the next scene is starting.

**Momiji is dancing- dressed in the traditional New Years costume that Tohru briefly saw on him. There is no one else in the room and he is laughing as he spins around, concentrating hard but obviously still enjoying himself. **

**A small blonde girl peeks around the partially open door and quietly enters the room. **

**Momiji spins a few more times before stopping dead.**

"**Momo-chan!"**

"**I-I'm sorry. It was so pretty."**

**Momiji's expression softens. "It's okay. But… you really shouldn't be here. Your parents will be worried."**

**A disturbingly stern expression passes over Momo's face and she folds her arms across her chest. "Daddy's hiding something from me. I've seen him with you, you know. You look just like Mommy and me. I'm not _stupid_." And then her expression falters and becomes almost devastatingly vulnerable. "They won't tell me, you know. But I _know_ that you'll tell me the truth. Are you… are you my brother?"**

**Momiji takes a deep, shuddering breath and looks Momo straight in the eye.**

"**No."**

'Momiji had to lie to Momo? To her face? How hurt he must be… But why couldn't he have just hinted something since she seemed to know?'

_Well we all lie for different reasons, don't we sweetheart?_

Tohru doesn't have a good response by the time the next scene starts.

**An adult Momiji is perched on the edge of an observation bed his head bent forward and his hair blocking his face from view. Hatori is systematically cleaning a series of cuts and deeper wounds on his back.**

"**You can't go on like this- this is the fifth concussion this month, Momiji. You couldn't even remember what you ate for supper when you came in here!"**

**Momiji doesn't lift his head.**

"**He's different, Harii. It's like when they left, he completely snapped. He thinks that I'm Yuki most of the time. When I went in today he told me to dye my hair back to grey!"**

**Momiji raises his head suddenly and the bruises and cuts on his face are now visible.**

"**Is this what he did to Yuki all those years?"**

**Hatori stops.**

"**Yes."**

"**I can't remember anymore, Harii. I don't know how Yuki survived it, but I need to write things down now if I want to remember them for longer than fifteen minutes. It's not just the concussions. I think… I think that I'm trying not to remember what happens and it makes me forget other things too…. If this keeps up… I'll forget everything."**

**A visible flash of pain passes over Hatori's face. He seems to be struggling for a moment, but his expression hardens and his eyes are calm when he speaks.**

"**There's something I need to tell you. About Tohru."**

'Oh god… because of me…'

_You can't change it sweetie. But you know now._

**Momiji is in a non-descript hotel room sitting on the bed, rocking back and forth while he holds his head in his hands. **

"**I need to remember. Why can't I remember?"**

**His personal belongings are spread all over the room- it is obvious that he has torn everything apart to find something.**

"**Where are you, Tohru?"**

**And then, so quietly she almost doesn't hear.**

"**Why did you leave me?"**

"I'm sorry… I'm _so_ sorry."

Child-Momiji is in her arms, sobbing against her chest and she sobs with him, rocking him back and forth.

He looks up, those ancient eyes in a child's face. "It's not healed but… there's nothing left to forgive. Not anymore. Memories are important… but you can't live in them. We _all_ want the bond now."

Tohru kisses the top of his head and feels the warmth of her affection for Momiji meet his concern for her.

And the world fades out.

-

Despite Tohru's vague nervousness, having four men in her head isn't much different than having three. The only injury has been the hard hit that Momiji got for fondling her chest while they were forming the bond. Otherwise, the house has settled back into the normal routine with the addition of another housebound member. Momiji is still a little crowd-shy although he wants to start Journalism classes in a couple of semesters to finish his interrupted degree. He also seems to need a lot of physical contact- spending most of his day in his rabbit form and joining Shinta on Tohru's lap. Despite Kyou's grumbles, no one objects to this, because the brief flashes of panic in Momiji's eyes remind Tohru all too clearly of her own nightmares. Today, although Tohru can see Yuki typing reports in the living room, Momiji is nowhere to be found.

Kyou and Hatori have gone into town to see about arranging financing for Hatori's clinic in a way that wouldn't be traceable by the Sohma accountants. Tohru had offered to fund him out of her account but the boys and Hatori had firmly vetoed it. Tohru is mildly annoyed by this, but she is more annoyed that no one seems to be in the room with her and Shinta.

'I've gotten used to having them around!'

_Yeah. It's hard when you aren't as skilled as I am at becoming the center of attention._

Tohru really wants to tone down the smug tone in her head, but she can hear music coming from up the stairs interspersed by bumping noises.

'What's Momiji doing?'

_Why don't you go check?_

'Why are you so eager to find out?'

_Well, he's making even more noise than Yuki was!_

'I'm not going to go interrupt THAT!'

Which is why it is rather funny that she is currently opening the bedroom door, Shinta balanced on one arm. And even more funny that she is briefly disappointed that Momiji is fully clothed.

'Hey Tohru! Want to come dance with me?'

And then Tohru really hears what Momiji is listening to. It's a fairly graphic song- Tohru remembers Akane complaining about the 'patriarchal oppressors' who made the music video. In spite of everything she's seen and done, Tohru can still feel the blush rising on her cheeks as Momiji moves his hips and makes a very interesting gesture with his hand.

_Well if it's actually that big and he can actually move it like that, I'd say that you're fucking the wrong Sohmas._

He passes his hairbrush-mike to Tohru, a hint of challenge in his eyes.

_Okay there's no way you're going to let the rabbit show you up._

Tohru grabs the hairbrush out of his hands and bats her eyes at him. He gulps when she runs her hand down his chest.

_Guess he thought you were too uptight to go for it. Poor, stupid bunny-boy._

Tohru is a little disturbed by Butterfly's evil sounding laughter and moves away from Momiji. She spins around, rocking a giggling Shinta as she sings. For the first time in ages, Tohru feels giddy. With a final spin she passes the hairbrush over to Momiji and he stands up on the bed, his eyes closed and his hands wrapped around the brush handle.

Oh _this _is why she missed Momiji. Watching him play around, winking at her, sing his heart out, Tohru feels an innocent joy that she hasn't felt since high school. Overcome by happiness, Tohru gently places Shinta on the covers and drags Momiji off the bed.

Momiji spins her around, his eyes shining. He's singing something about a 'deep, hard fuck', but she doesn't know, doesn't care as long as he keeps spinning her. He stops and Tohru bows while he hands her the dropped hairbrush and picks up Shinta from the bed.

Momiji rocks Shinta back and forth in time while Tohru stands on the bed and sings her heart out. She feels strangely powerful as Momiji stands there watching her and soon is shaking her body and rolling her hips the way she's seen the girls in the music videos do, Just as she hits the loudest note, she hears a noise from the doorway.

Yuki's eyes and aura are completely black and he's almost falling out of his tight-stretched pants. Tohru drops to the bed, unable to stand under the pressure of the desire flooding her mind through their connection.

Blue and green flash briefly in the colors around Momiji, but he cradles Shinta and heads for the door while Yuki stalks towards the bed. He only pauses to growl when Momiji blows Tohru a kiss while closing the door. As soon as the latch clicks Yuki practically tears her shorts off, pressing hard bites to her neck and shoulders in between words. "You… shouldn't…sing …songs...like…that." Tohru isn't sure that her mind is completely human anymore- Yuki's Rat is overwhelming her and his possessive biting isn't helping. She growls at him. If possible the arousal in her mind spikes even higher. His answering growl vibrates into her bones and they are both gone.

There is nothing gentle or loving in the way they move together- it is a battle fought with grasping fingers and punishing mouths. There are none of their normal words, just growls and groans. By the time they finish, Tohru has the imprint of Yuki's hands permanently etched on her hips and Yuki has lines of blood on his back from her frantic clawing. When she can finally speak again, she turns to face him, more than a little fear in her heart and mind.

"What was that Yuki?"

"I don't know. I heard you down the stairs and by the time I got to the room, all I could think about was throwing you down and making sure that you knew to never sing like that for anyone but me."

Tohru would be upset by his possessiveness, but it is obvious that it is bothering Yuki even more than it is bothering her. "I guess we still have a lot to figure out about the bonds."

Yuki smiles weakly. "Well at least Kyou didn't have to experience that in full graphic detail."

"Did I ever mention that I'm really, really sorry about that?" Tohru is sure that her blush goes all the way to her stomach.

"Well if I never have to see his naked back again it'll be too soon, but mmm… I love feeling you in my head when I touch you."

Yuki's eyes are starting to darken again, but Tohru nimbly moves out of his reach. "Why don't we… Why don't we have a lunch together and work in the garden? Alone?"

Yuki stops. "I'd really like that- just let me get dressed."

Tohru quickly throws on some clothes and goes to look in the doorway to Shinta's room, watching Momiji busily making faces at Shinta. "Would you mind watching Shinta for a few hours? I want to make a special lunch for Yuki-"

"And we'll stay out of your way. Don't worry- I'll feed us both later. I'm just impressed that you want to get lucky again so soon. Though if he always makes you scream like that-"

Tohru closes the door, red-faced.

_Hey- you **know** that Hatori thought the same thing. You've got quite the voice, sweetie._

Tohru had been saving the crab and peaches for supper, but it seems appropriate to serve Yuki's favorite meal when it is only the two of them eating. It doesn't take long to put things together and soon she is busily humming and sorting ingredients.

Yuki sticks his head in the kitchen and stares at the meal she's preparing.

"I never did ask you- but how did you ever find out about crabs and peaches?"

Tohru shrugs.

"Ayame-san mentioned something once."

Yuki freezes in the doorway, his voice not completely steady. "You remembered my favorite meal from one conversation with my brother…. Why?"

Tohru puts down the crab she's preparing.

"Because I love you."

And it's that simple.

Yuki doesn't say anything then or at any point during the lunch but Tohru can feel his eyes following her the entire time.

Once outside, the heavy silence is quickly broken and they are soon laughing and dividing up the work that needs to be done to maintain the garden.

They settle into routine- passing equipment without needing to ask and holding conversations where neither ever finish a sentence. It is the easy familiarity of two people who know every inch of each other's bodies and nearly every inch of each other's minds. It is a connection where they can anticipate every movement, finish every sentence, laugh at the things that are said and not said. Tohru is filled with a bone-deep contentment at the way their relationship has matured and grown.

This, of course, is why Tohru dumps the handful of dirt down the back of Yuki's neck.

Kyou's resumed martial arts lessons have made her a bit better at dodging but she only manages three circuits of the garden before Yuki corners her.

Yuki grabs her around the waist and wrestles her to the ground. He's panting, eyes shining, as he straddles her hips and bends in close to her ear. "You darling, are _far_ more trouble than you're worth,"

Tohru can feel their combined happiness warming her mind and she playfully lifts her head to plant a kiss on his nose. "But you love me anyways."

It is as if she has flipped a switch. Yuki's expression is almost painfully raw as he looks down at her. "Yes."

Before Tohru can respond or even try to understand, he sits up and pulls her into a bone-cracking hug. He releases her just as abruptly- moving to the lawn at the edge of the garden and stretching out on the grass. He seems to have recovered from whatever prompted the strangeness and just smiles and lazily beckons her to come to him.

Tohru stretches out beside Yuki, staring out over the half-weeded garden. He casually spoons himself behind her, his fingers lightly tracing over her stomach and hips. Between the muggy summer heat and the steady heartbeat against her back, Tohru finds herself drifting into sleep.

" Tohru?"

"Mmmm?"

"Can we… find more time like this? Just talking and spending time together? Maybe even with the neko and Shinta?"

"You want to spend more time with Kyou?"

_Yes! Finally! Ask him who'll top!_

"As much as I hate to admit it, he's not dumb and he can be… interesting. He's the second person I'd choose to talk to if my best friend wasn't available."

Yuki gently turns her over to face him, his hands cupping the back of her head.

"Yeah. It's pretty pathetic how low I have to go when you're not around."

He presses his forehead to hers.

"I know that we're both busy, but you and Shinta are most important to me. I want to spend as much time as possible together, to enjoy things together."

As Yuki leans in to kiss her, he isn't able to hide his emotions from their bond. Even as she loses herself in the kiss, Tohru is sickened to realize that Yuki feels that same low dread that she feels, that he also knows that this _can't_ last.

-

Tohru is still thinking over her time with Yuki when she meets Kyou for an early-morning lesson. She has just realized that although Yuki occasionally meets with his co-workers for drinks and Kyou occasionally spends time with his friends at the dojo, none of them, herself included, spend more than a few hours a month of their spare time with people other than themselves. Hatori and Momiji hardly leave the house at all, but all of them seem most happy when they are with the family. Tohru has never been that bright and she's not sure she understands what is happening, but she is pretty sure that this isn't a _good _thing.

_But you're going to try to push for even more time just spent with each other?_

'Yes.'

_Well nobody said that love was logical._

Kyou suddenly appears behind her and Tohru instinctively blocks his arm.

"You're alert this morning."

"You're just predictable."

"Oh, love, you are going to regret saying that."

And off they go.

Tohru loves this time with Kyou- he won't hurt her, but he doesn't take it easy on her either and somehow they have great conversations while fighting. Tohru figures that there is no point in waiting to ask.

"Yuki wants us to spend more time together – you, me, him and Shinta."

Kyou stops dead. And sits down.

Slightly concerned, Tohru sits down behind him, her legs over top of his and her arms around his chest. She can feel the long exhale as he leans back into her embrace.

"He wants to spend more time together? As a… family?"

"Yes."

Tohru can't tell anything from Kyou's aura and his emotional screen is annoyingly neutral.

"I'd like that."

Tohru absently ruffles his hair as he leans into her touch. "I'm just not sure what we could all do together."

"We get those random hikers from the forest every once in awhile. And we all like the outdoors. Why don't we use some of the trails ourselves?"

And, in the end, it is that simple.

The four of them take end up taking many walks in the forest reserve, Tohru packing huge picnic lunches that the boys grumble about carrying. They find the clearings on the little-used trails and sprawl out on the grass eating and laughing, watching Shinta crawl after the shiny insects buzzing over the flowers. Unfortunately, Shinta tries to eat everything he can get his hands on and cries loudly if they take away his rotting stick/ rock/ unidentifiable smelly thing

Somehow, Tohru still finds time to spend with Hatori and Momiji and even work part-time in the restaurant. But in all the intense scheduling, she finds herself missing a few moments just to feel her own mind, her own thoughts and emotions.

Therefore on the night she gets to put Shinta to sleep by herself, Tohru savors the precious alone time as she sits in the bedroom-turned-nursery with Shinta. She is not sure why, but she prefers to sit here without the lamp on, so that the only light is coming from the night sky through the window.

Shinta makes little sleepy noises as she rocks back and forth, quietly singing an old song she dimly remembers from when she was a child. She slowly fades out as it becomes obvious that Shinta is no longer awake and lays him down, carefully pulling the covers over him.

Tohru looks down at Shinta sleeping peacefully in his bed and gently brushes the soft orange bangs away from his eyes.

"You're beautiful, you know. You look so much like Mom. She would have loved you, I think. I wish I were half as good of a mother to you as she was to me."

"I love you, you know. So much that it almost hurts sometimes. I'm not a very good mother, but never doubt that I love you."

Tohru leans over to press a soft kiss to Shinta's forehead.

"Sleep well."

"You are a good mother."

Hatori is standing in the doorway, backlit by the light from the hallway.

Tohru joins him in the entrance.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to correct him when he does something wrong or to teach him to do things right. I don't know how to make him stop crying when he's upset and I can't give him as much time and attention as he deserves. Sometimes you spend more time with him than I do."

"And yet he learns the right things to do, eventually stops crying and loves spending time with you."

And then, it is there, a feather-light brush of lips against the top of her head.

"Don't worry so much, Tohru. Come to bed."

And Tohru is left standing in the doorway, unsure why the comfort felt… off.

_Sweetie, if it has eyes like a wolf, ears like a wolf and teeth like a wolf, it doesn't matter how many nightgowns it wears- it ain't ever going to be a grandmother._

'I don't understand.'

_Unfortunately sweetie- you will._

_- _

Tohru realizes that she has a list of things that she is carefully avoiding thinking about.

But she doesn't care.

Because right now she is sitting on the porch steps bouncing Shi on her lap as they watch Yuki and Kyou practice. Hot, sweaty, shirtless Kyou and Yuki practice.

"See honey- that's Daddy and Papa. They're-"

_Beating the crap out of each other._

"-having fun. They're practicing because-"

_They both get off on pain and they haven't decided yet on who's going to be bottom._

"-they're both very, very talented and they want to improve."

Tohru stops talking as the fight speeds up in front of her- Yuki hasn't had the regular dojo visits that Kyou has, but he's still more than holding his own. They're both obviously enjoying themselves- grinning and laughing every time one of them lands a particularly good hit.

Then Yuki says something and they both look over at Tohru and Shinta. Suddenly they're both moving so quickly that Tohru can hardly follow them.

And for the first time ever, it is Yuki who goes down.

Strangely Kyou doesn't seem to pause to gloat- merely helps Yuki up and turns towards the house. Bruised and sweaty, they both lurch their way to the porch- Yuki swinging Shinta into his arms and Kyou scooping up Tohru and placing her on his lap.

Tohru cocks her head in confusion.

Kyou leans in so that his breath sends goosebumps down Tohru's neck as he blows over the shell of her ear.

"I won. I get to hold you."

Tohru half-turns, _her_ breath making Kyou shudder and give a small moan.

"I'm a prize?"

Kyou grins, completely unashamed. "The best kind."

Yuki shakes his head. "You're an idiot. But you're a strong idiot. Do you want to help us in the garden tomorrow?"

Kyou blinks, an expression of shock passing over his face before he answers. "Only if you give us a hand in training- you obviously need some more practice, nezumi."

Tohru is so happy, so excited for both of them, that she leans over to kiss Yuki. It was only supposed to be a light peck, but somehow it becomes more involved and heated, even though they are only touching at the lips.

_Sweetie- he's pretty much tongue-fucking your mouth right now._

When Tohru is pulled away, they both groan at the loss of contact.

Kyou gives a mock-pout, his eyes dark. "My prize. You go win your own."

He leans in to whisper into Tohru's ear, his fingers trailing over her hips and in between her legs. "I want to play with my prize. I don't think Shinta needs to see Papa celebrating."

_Fuck. If 'Papa' pops out of his pants any farther, they're going to be able to 'see' him in the next prefecture._

Yuki gives Tohru a wry grin as he picks up Shinta and heads up the steps. Kyou is far too busy running his teeth over her earlobe to acknowledge him and really, Tohru isn't in much better shape.

Kyou's mouth is moving down Tohru's neck- he has turned her so that she is straddling his lap, both of them rubbing against each other with single-minded concentration. His eyes close and his head falls backwards, gasps for breath coming faster and louder.

"Mmmm… Just a… little more, love… Fuck…"

It is probably just extraordinarily bad timing that the loud crash in the front yard makes Tohru jump off his lap.

"FUCK!"

_Definitely can see him in the next prefecture._

Tohru, shaking with the rush of panic and unreleased tension, automatically settles into one of the stances that Kyou practices with her. Ready to take on… the unconscious man in the front yard.

_Go Tohru! Beat up the evil passed-out hiker!_

Tohru walks towards him until his upturned face becomes clearly visible.

'Oh gods.'

Tohru knows that face.

'Oh GODS!'

And she is beside him, staring down in horror. Face gaunt. Eyes sunken. Tohru is holding him, rocking him back and forth, her face buried in his lanky, unkempt hair. She can feel the moment that his muscles stiffen, that he realizes she is holding him. He turns in her arms, his eyes wild, unseeing. She barely hears his whisper before he passes out again.

"No escape."

-

**Review Responses**

**Quick Author's Note**: Well, the overwhelming consensus was that people want review responses to stay in chapter, which means less work for me anyways so life is fluffy bunnies now :) During my month out, I got a number of common questions that I'll try to answer here. As a quick note, I often make comments on story progress on my livejournal (there's a link on my profile), so that's a good place to look if you're curious about updates. As for the questions a) there are eight chapters left of Butterfly and the climax is already written and b) I will not be abandoning the story although real life is a little hectic right now- updates may sometimes be slow but they _will _come and things will get better once the semester is over. Oh and to make links work- you need to take out the spaces between the words. For some reason FFNet eats direct links. And happy (very belated) birthday to **Destiny Kalince!**

**Cody Thomas**: You're one of the major reasons that I'm keeping review responses in chapter so congratulations on your evil persuasive skills ;) Did you guess the foreigner right? I had hoped that it would be pretty obvious what with the a) blond hair and b) fact that he could hug Tohru without her transforming, but there were definitely some interesting guesses…. I'm delighted that you're continuing to enjoy the story- it's always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**MaNgA-bOy-LoVeR**: I should have said it last chapter, but to make the links work you have to take out the spaces- FFNet won't let me paste direct links. And you were obviously right about Momiji- cookies for you! Thank you for continuing to review :)

**bookworm0492**: Well it's nice to know that Hatori has a shiny rocket-launcher counterpart. Maybe they can play together- especially if I don't get the fic done by July 4. –Gulps- Good to hear from you again!

**for sale**: Eep! I didn't mean to put pressure on your obviously superior brain :) –Makes note to **not** intimidate reviewers by gushing over their comments- Since I'm personally only capable of comments like 'Pretty!' pretty much anything you say is going to make me happy :) And Hatori does rock like a rocking thing. I had actually had some indirect complaints that the chapters were deceptively long with the inclusion of responses, but since most people seem to want them here I'm not going to bother moving them :) Glad that you're continuing to enjoy- always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**Little Auras**: Sorry- no Uotani, but Momiji's… Momiji. And hold onto that Maki thought for a few more chapters –stealthily hands you bonus cookies for picking that up- The little brother's name is Megumi and he is indeed very, very cool. Great to hear from you again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**truffletruffle01**: Yup. Momiji is back. And we'll see what's going to happen ;) Thank you for reviewing again- I hope that the new chapter lives up to your expectations!

**PrEtTyStUpIdgiRl**: -Sighs and gives you a hug- The problem with writing fanfiction is that a lot of the basic ideas are used in a lot of stories _because they follow canon and make sense_. For instance, a lot of stories deal with Tohru not picking up on one or the other of the boys liking her, which follows her canon character- same with your problem of Kyou's internal conflict. It's what you **do** with these base ideas that determines whether or not you have a cliché. I wouldn't worry too much about it- just write the best story you can and take the crit that will actually help you out :) And yes. Ha-san pwns all ;) Always great to hear from you :)

**VioletAngel**: Yes Momiji is here :) I wouldn't worry- you don't sound bad at all and I generally sound like a blabbering idiot in reviews. Or maybe that's real life :) Very glad that you're enjoying the story- it was great to hear from you!

**KhaosFire-Katana**: Hey sweetie! And because I can't say it often enough- your picture r0xx0rs my s0xx0rs :) I think the one thing that I've discovered writing this story is that _everyone_ seems to know someone like Butterfly. Which is disturbing in many, many ways… I'm so glad that you're enjoying this- I love hearing from you!

**A Panda from CTY**: Actually I have a wheel of random and disturbing events to include each chapter. Last chapter the combination I came up with was… "smut, animalistic mating rituals and an almost-threesome". Have I mentioned lately that I love you? And the Hatori not being a real dragon thing, well I can see if they wanted to avoid mythological creatures, but this _is _a world where people turn into animals based on the myth of the Japanese Zodiac. Somehow I think reality isn't biting all that hard :) And I am currently eight chapters from the end, god and little fishes be willing. Although the climactic chapter is currently sitting at a terrifying ten thousand words and I can't think of any good way to split it up…. And we'll see what happens with the other Sohmas ;) I love hearing from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Mewling**: Thank you very much. Now I have this horrific vision of Shigure as a bottle-blond stuck in my head ;) The reasoning I'd heard for Shigure turning in to a seahorse, (aside from your very reasonable explanation) was that the word for dragon is a synonym for 'erection' in Japanese. Hence the big deal they keep making about how Hatori is 'only eight cm long'. The large 'smooth and shiny' dragon form er… rectifies that problem. And I probably shouldn't have told you that ;) There have been a lot of ends opened up, but according to my outline they _will_ all be resolved in eight chapters. Although my outline is a lying, cheating bastard so that may be less than accurate ;) Always a pleasure to hear from you!

**hannah5o**: Yeah- Akane's a bundle of contradictions, but I agree that she seems to have a soft spot for kids :) And I think that Kyou and Yuki _are _getting along a lot better, but they do seem to need someone to be upset with :) I guess you got to find out who the mysterious stranger was and I hope that it wasn't too much of a surprise ;) I really enjoy hearing from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Fire Pheonix**: You are a psychic genius. Either that or I'm becoming way too predictable ;) I'm going with 'psychic genius' myself because my ego couldn't stand the other. And wow. I think you're the only person to catch the nature of the bond- hold that thought for a few more chapters when I will shower you with cookies. I am far too fond of the word 'shiny'. There is something about it that attracts my attention- I was probably a crow in a past life ;) I'm so very happy that you're continuing to enjoy this- I always enjoy hearing from you ;)

**Kae Noel**: You have to remove the spaces to get the link to work, which I unfortunately forgot to mention last chapter. And the plot- it is cement ;) Great to hear from you again!

**Cor-chan**: Well Momiji's definitely here. As for the others… You'll have to wait and see ;) I am very fond of new vocabulary. And 'shiny'. Shiny is my one true love. Which probably means that I have a long, lonely future ahead of me ;) Always a delight to hear from you- your fangirling is greatly appreciated ;) 

**geminillama**: Tohru's bed is magical and seems to have an infinite capacity for stray Sohmas. And the image of stackable!Sohmas made me spew my drink. I so want a picture of that now… Shigure's one of my two favorite characters and well, we'll see ;) It was really good to hear from you again!

**Lady Mokodane**: Wow. I'm really honored that you feel that way. I sure have learned a lot and had a lot of fun writing this. My biggest hope is that other people can get a bit of enjoyment out of something that I've had so much fun writing. Great to hear from you again :)

**Kohaku-chan**: Well, we'll see about the rest of the Sohmas showing up, although I agree that the house is getting pretty crowded ;) Poor Akito- I don't think that she'd appreciate Tohru building an alternate family compound :) And why, it **is **a strange coincidence. –Blinks innocently- I wonder how that happened ;) I very much enjoyed hearing from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**Lizzy44**: Spot on about Momiji! Very glad that you enjoyed the chapter and hope that you enjoy the new one as well.

**luvHaru7**: Poor boys. They need to have _someone_ to fight ;) Right on about Momiji- now hold that thought about Maki…. And dragonistic shininess makes Naphy's world happy. Scary happy, but still happy. Always great to hear from you.

**baka-onna2003**: Yup. Momiji. Tohru's house is full of Sohmas. Great to hear from you again!

**RhysDarkness**: I seriously hope that you didn't keep hitting 'refresh' during my month of madness. If so, I would hate to fight you in a thumb or index finger war ;) Your review made me smile in an evil, sadistic way. Thank-you for furthering Butterfly's plans for world control… BWA HA HA... er… Great to hear from you!

**Fluffylemon**: I have a very strange mind that is full of strange ideas and I'm always happy when I meet someone else who enjoys them :) Good call on Momiji (and excellent reasoning ;) And Tohru is a very, very lucky girl. And Butterfly will never let her forget it :) I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story- it was a real pleasure to hear from you :)

**Not A Monkey**: Yes. I am the evil goddess of cliffies. Fortunately I also update, but it's all part of my evil plan to take over the world. Glad that you're enjoying ;)

**Nekomon**: Er… I threw the Inuyasha thing in there for precisely the reason you mention- as soon as I finished the chapter I had this horrific vision of Yuki, Kyou and Tohru somehow being construed as being part of this youkai mating orgy. Although the mating habits of rats _are _a real eye-opener ;) I'll try to help you with disguise design, but it would probably help if you stopped flipping your tail out from under the coat. Now just hold still there while I grab this big pin- Hey where are you going?

**Niesia**: Oh I **definitely** picture Momiji as being very, very hot grown-up ;) Yeah Tohru seems to be collecting bishies- I wonder if there's some kind of coupon for that ;) I can just imagine Akito's reaction… "Hey mind if we swap houses? Isn't the compound too big for you by yourself?" And the overwhelming consensus has been to keep reviews in chapter- so no worries. It's always a delight to hear from you!

**Fayth**: Yes the bunny's back. With nasty, pointy teeth ;) Thank you for taking the time to comment!

**Akai**: Actually there wasn't a threesome, which was why Butterfly was annoyed at itself for stopping the action… So Butterfly's not quite that ungrateful ;) And I hope that your hunch was right. Great to hear from you again!

**DFO7**: Delighted that you're enjoying the story! It's all part of my evil plan to make everyone Pervy Butterfly Minions. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**Mizztrapped**: Hold that thought on Maki, but excellent deduction for Momiji! I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story- I have such a good time writing it. It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

**Destiny Kalince**: Sorry the chap's a bit late for your birthday, but I hope that you had a happy birthday anyways! Good call on Momiji's and the life bonds are going to be pretty important :) To get to the web site you need to take the spaces out of the links- hope that it works for you! Great to hear from you :) s

**gadez**: You know, I'm delighted that the chapter worked for you. It's always great to hear from you!

**anahmidale**: Yes. That is Momiji…. Please breathe! There's lots more Momiji to read! –snorkle- Seriously, I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter- it's always great to hear from you!

**kishe**: Well, I guess you got to find out if you were right or not ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Dolfinz**: Wow. I'm very happy that you are enjoying the story. It's all part of Butterfly's plan for world domination, but it's an added bonus if someone's actually _enjoying _it ;) Delighted to hear from you!

**Princess Starfire of Tamaran**: Rabbit? Yes, rabbit. You win a cookie! Very happy to hear from you!

**Luffy V'shile**: Shiny. Shiny is my happy place. Join me in the shiny ;) We shall be happy in the shiny together! It's always awesome to hear from you ;)

**Kupo**: Yes within a breath of a threesome. I'm evil. And Shinta's very, very special and I'm glad that you were holding your breath for him. Excellent deduction for Momiji (Three blonds? Naphy tries to remember all the blonds). And I love hearing from you :)

**hatori still isn't mine**: I'm sorry that you were disappointed by the shortness of the cut scene- I did try to warn that it wasn't that graphic, but I completely understand the disappointment ;) The shiny is my very happy thought. I'm unfortunately not familiar with Gravitation but shiny unites us all in shiny love :) It's always great to hear from you!

**shy x sakura**: Edible sex goddess Naphy? Hmmm… -Checks- Nope. No seasoning. Guess I'll just have to stick with 'sex goddess' ;) Glad to hear from you again!

**Placid Snowflake**: Hatori is love. And having Butterfly stuck in your head would definitely be… something ;) Straight from 1 to 20? –Blinks- I knew that Butterfly's mind control was strong, but that's ridiculous… My applause to you! It was a real pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)

**Inulover**: I agree that the boys should be fully aware of what they're doing if they all get involved, but we'll have to see about that three-way ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Goddess Kes**: Momiji sighting noted and confirmed! And don't worry I have no intent of wandering away and never finishing this. For one thing, I've already written the ending. For another, my betas would kill me. Slowly and painfully. And while I like punishment I don't like it _that _much ;) Delighted that you're enjoying the story- thank you for taking the time to comment!

**Noraneko**: There are eight chapters left on the story according to my outline. Of course my outline has previously proven to be a big, fat liar, so there may be a little give and take there ;) Glad that you're enjoying the story- it was great to hear from you :)

**HatoriDragon**: I think that we should form a club for equal love for Kyou and Yuki. For some reason, we're in the minority and I could never understand why… I'm completely honored that you think that the characters are learning from one another and frowing and maturing- it's what I try to get across, but I'm never sure if I succeed or not. I have no intention of giving up on the story, so please don't worry :) It was a true pleasure to hear from you- I really hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**Lady of Ithilien**: Wow. First off, I have to say that I love your drabbles on the comm. and I'm even inspired to venture into the world of hobbit!fic reading now :) I was truly happy to receive such a lovely, thoughtful review so I'll try to answer it with the attention it deserves. As a full confession, non-consensual sex is one of my huge squicks- I am almost incapable of reading about it unless it is handled extremely well by the author. This was therefore a huge challenge for me to try to write a story where non-consensual sex was a necessary part of the storyline. It makes me very happy that the approach has worked for someone who also tends to avoid rape!fic. In-characterness is also something that I agonize over (and my betas slap me for) so I'm very glad that you were able to follow the thread of their development both as characters and as characters in dynamic relationships. I'm trying very hard to make them human and 'real' (whatever that means ;) while still keeping them true to their canon characters. And, to make me even more hypocritical, I generally avoid O.C.s, though, in my defense, it didn't even occur to me that Butterfly was an O.C. until Chapter 8 or 9 (about the time that Butterfly got named… 'Butterfly'). But I'm delighted that you like Butterfly and wait- you mean everyone **doesn't **have a perverted, sarcastic voice in their head…. Oh…. Er… Just ignore me here ;) It was a true pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Bluespark 'In Hiding'**: Momiji and Hatori both rock. As does the shiny. My secret bird life is being exposed here ;) And I'm really happy that you think that everyone's in character- it's something that I spend far too much time worrying over :) Welcome to the fandom! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and I really appreciate you taking the time to review.

**SpiritSealedSlumber**: It truly doesn't matter how often you're able to review. Although I selfishly love hearing from you because you're such a fantastic, thoughtful reviewer I'm truly just happy that you're continuing to enjoy the story. I am trying very hard to follow canon- so far I've twisted parts of it, but as far as I know I haven't broken anything yet ;) And yes, pretty much everything that's written in a continuing series is Alternate Reality- the key being how close you can manage to make things stick up to the point that you diverge. My goal is to be pretty close, but we'll see how it goes :) I'm glad that you think Tohru is strong in BE- I really see her as a strong character in the series and I sometimes think that her strength gets underplayed because she has a lot of guilt and self-esteem issues. Butterfly's kind of a wacky conscience, but it seems to work for Tohru ;) It's always awesome to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story. And you can never overdo the length of a review ;)

**Veronique the Freak**: Butterfly is a constant source of crack- er… 'twisted amusement'. I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story- thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Drumming-Femme**: Actually the "naked grandfather" line was one of my favorites too. I'm slightly scared that I might be as disturbed as Butterfly. One of the most interesting things about writing this is finding the number of people who see themselves in Butterfly. We really _are _a bunch of Pervy Butterfly Minions ;) I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story- thanks for reviewing!

**Jojo**: Oh there will definitely be more chapters ;) Very happy that you're enjoying the story!

_Updated 03-29-05_


	22. Chapter 21: Let's Talk

**Author's Notes**: I'm very sorry for the delay in posting- real life has been a mess. That being said, 'Butterfly' **will **be finished (I've written the end and most of the last few chapters), even if there is a bit of a delay between posted chapters. If you've sent me an e-mail/posted something to my LJ sometime in the last three months and haven't received a response, please feel free to re-email me. I'm afraid that a lot of things got lost in the outside mess that was real life and I certainly didn't intend to ignore people. I'm always more than happy to answer questions and would be happy to make it up to those of you I missed.

For those of you who are happy to see this chapter- send all praise and thanks to the utterly amazing **big book worm**. Without her help, this would have been much worse and taken even longer ;)

**Chapter Summary**: So what do men talk about when women aren't around? Run Tohru, run!

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- frank sexual discussion.

**Chapter 21: Let's Talk**

_Let's talk about sex, baby  
Let's talk about you and me  
Let's talk about all the good things  
And the bad things that may be_

- Salt-N-Pepa- "Let's Talk About Sex"

This isn't Shigure. This _can't _be Shigure because Tohru doesn't even want to think about what must have happened for Shigure to look this hollow.

The panic and pain in her mind seem to have worked as well as a scream because she can hear the rest of the house running down the steps, coming over to where she is still holding Shigure. She frantically checks if he's still breathing as the men pace around her. Their collective anxiety overwhelms her mind, making it difficult to decide what she should do next. There is a flash of orange '_Kyou_' kneeling beside her as he reaches towards Shigure-

"Don't touch him!"

Kyou jerks his hand back and Tohru tries to understand why Hatori would interfere.

"His punishment- touch… Skin to skin contact causes excruciating pain for him and clothed contact isn't much better. He should be far enough away now that the control's gone, but after this much time under the control, it's probably so deep in his mind that he still feels the pain. Akito was the only one who…."

Tohru can't think about this, about the pain that Shigure who loved to touch must have felt, instead-

'He thought that I was Akito!'

_Somehow, I doubt that that should be your major concern right now._

Tohru is instantly ashamed of herself, trying to focus on the man in her lap, on what she needs to do to help him. She can hear shifting in front of her and looks up to see Hatori kneeling a short distance away, placing himself at an angle that he can meet her eyes. "Tohru- I need you to check his pulse for me and, if it's relatively strong, I need you to gently shake him to wake him up."

"But what if he's seriously hurt, if shaking him might make him worse?"

"He's just exhausted- if he were seriously injured he would have transformed. That's just as well- I haven't practiced my veterinary skills in a while."

Tohru chokes as she realizes that Hatori isn't joking. Hatori obviously interprets her horror as confusion.

"It takes a severe shock or near-fatal injuries for an adult to unexpectedly transform. Long-term mental and physical exhaustion won't prompt a change unless he's on his deathbed. If he's not seriously hurt, I'll need you to help him into the house. I'd make a stretcher but… I don't think that you're strong enough to roll him onto it by yourself and I don't want either of you to be injured. Our best bet is to have him walk up to the bedroom using you as support. Can you do this, Tohru?"

Tohru nods, pulling herself together. She can't afford to be upset for Shigure right now- despite his calm tone, Hatori's hands are shaking and his aura is a mass of blues and blacks. She needs to be strong, to be brave, not just for Shigure, but for the rest of them as well until they can figure out what Shigure's arrival actually means…

With a surge of determination to make things work, Tohru figures out that Shigure's pulse is fairly strong and steady. She looks at Hatori once more to confirm that she should continue; Hatori nods once. As she gently shakes Shigure and whispers in his ear, he moves much like a puppet at her command. His submissive response unnerves her, so she focuses entirely on helping him to stand and finds that as thin as he looks, Shigure is very, very heavy when most of his weight is resting on her shoulders.

"I left Shinta in his room, but he's going to wonder what's happening. I'll go keep him distracted until we can determine what _is_ happening."

Yuki places a brief squeeze to her unoccupied shoulder, careful not to touch Shigure, before he vanishes back into the house. Kyou comes over to walk beside her, his half-undone pants the only reminder of what had been happening before Shigure arrived.

"I know that we're not supposed to touch him, but if he gets too heavy or if you start getting hurt… I'll be here to make sure that you have help."

Tohru can practically feel the frustration and concern vibrating off of Kyou as he paces alongside her towards the steps of the house. His hands are balled so tightly that his knuckles are white and she tentatively reaches her free hand towards him, not sure if it will help. The look of shock and love on his face as he folds his fingers around hers gives her the strength to keep upright and moving.

Kyou doesn't let go of her hand when they reach the house, instead using his free hand to open the door. As Tohru shifts to make it through the doorway, she can see Hatori and Momiji talking quietly to one another before Momiji nods and starts walking away from the house. Then Shigure starts to sway and she is forced to focus all of her attention on keeping him upright while they slowly navigate the hallway and the stairs.

Eventually they make it to the guest room and Tohru is able to ease Shigure onto the bed. Unfortunately, as soon as Tohru pulls back so that Hatori can take a closer look, Shigure moans and makes a weak grab for her hand leaving her stretched between Kyou and Shigure.

Hatori's smile is almost wry. "Well, this seems familiar. If you could just stay beside him, Tohru, there isn't much to be done for exhaustion and stress other than to let him rest and make sure that he is hydrated. Kyou- could you go get some water from the kitchen?"

Kyou is obviously reluctant to leave, rubbing slow circles over her hand before letting go and exiting the room.

Tohru stands there, not quite sure what to do, still holding Shigure's clammy fingers in her own.

Hatori seems about to say something but instead glances out the window over the front lawn, a brief frown passing over his face. "It seems that I was right that Shigure didn't walk all the way from town in his condition. Shigure's dislike for contact with others must have been stronger than his dislike for driving. I'm going to help Momiji move Shigure's belongings into the house- I don't want to check him until he's had a little rest anyways. Could you wait here with him until I come back up? "

Tohru is confused and concerned and not quite sure what to think, but she manages a quick nod before Hatori walks off, still frowning.

'What am I supposed to do now?'

_Well you could jump his unconscious bones. Or you could just sit on the bed and hold his hand- go the naughty nurse route first._

Tohru sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at Shigure, gently rubbing circles on his hand. She doesn't understand what exactly is going on, but she's not about to let someone who was so kind to her, who helped her and the boys so much, suffer like this without doing something to help. She just wishes that she could do more than hold his hand while he lies there, unmoving.

She nearly falls off the bed when his other hand suddenly digs into her wrist and he sits up, glaring at her with glassy, unfocused eyes.

"I'm going to break you, make you dirty. Because only when you are broken, will you be able to be mine."

'No!'

She tries to pull her wrist free but, even weakened, Shigure's too strong for her and she can feel the build of panic, of memories she's tried to forget.

'He sounds like-'

_I know but I don't think it's meant for you, sweetie. _

'I don't want to remember, I don't!'

_So are you going to run?_

Tohru looks at Shigure, his hand falling from her arm as he closes his eyes and starts to tremble.

'No. No more running.'

_Oh sweetheart… You won't let me take this away anymore, will you?_

'I can't hide anymore. Mom wouldn't want me to do that. _I _don't want me to do that.'

Hand shaking slightly, Tohru reaches back towards Shigure. She is lying beside him, holding him cradled against her chest when the boys come through the doorway.

"Tohru!"

"Are you hurt?"

Tohru shakes her head, letting her hand continue to gently massage Shigure's back.

"I'm fine. I was just startled."

Yuki's eyes narrow, "You don't need to protect him, Tohru. I don't know what the damn dog is doing here, but I doubt that it's anything good. If he's hurt you…"

"He looks so sick, Yuki. If Akito and I are the only people he can touch… He must have been in so much pain- I can't even imagine. He was so kind to me before- I'd like to help him any way I can."

The tension and fear in Kyou's mind alarms Tohru, making her feel unsteady. "He isn't under Akito's control anymore. After the amount of time he spent away from the compound he shouldn't feel whatever the hell it was that Hatori was talking about. Fucking Shigure's always served himself first and I think we need to see if he's faking it before he betrays us back to the compound. "

Before Tohru can move or say anything, Kyou reaches over and touches Shigure's shoulder.

Everything moves so slowly in Tohru's head- Shigure's scream of utter agony, his sudden spasm that knocks Tohru backwards, the rush of Tohru's head towards the floor, barely halted by a now-shaking Kyou.

"Oh fuck… Should I get him something for the pain?"

"I think you've done quite enough."

Tohru doesn't think she's ever heard Hatori's voice quite that icy.

"Get out of here. Both of you. Go look after Shinta and stay away from here until you can behave like adults and not panicking teenagers."

Hatori sets down the bags that he had been carrying and looks over at Tohru. "Can you stay with him a little bit longer while I go get a medical kit? I'm going to need you to perform the actual exam for me- I don't think I can wait until he's alert at this point."

"I'll be happy to do whatever I can to help. Shigure-san… was very good to me."

The blues in Hatori's aura, the sadness in their connection intensifies as he looks over at her. "I'll go get the kit."

Tohru watches Hatori leave, thinking about highschool memories she has avoided for years. She is completely unprepared for the raspy voice behind her.

"Little flower… I guess my driving didn't get me killed after all."

"Shigure-san! You're not unconscious! Oh I'm so thankful… We were so worried."

Shigure looks up with a strangely neutral smile and a strangely neutral grey/white aura. "I'm sure you were. I'm glad to see that your plan worked."

Tohru tries to somehow make Shigure understand the gratitude that she wasn't able to show so many years before. "Without you we couldn't have gotten out. Shigure-san, we are all grateful for your help. How did you- how did you leave?"

For some reason, Shigure doesn't look all that happy at the gratitude, but he smirks slightly before answering her. "I had a house under another name. You weren't the only ones who had backup plans. It just took awhile for the surveillance to be light enough- But little flower, we don't really want to hear about my boring life, do we?"

He coughs lightly and when Tohru reaches out to touch his wrist he looks almost… angry?

'What's happening here? I know that I'm not good at understanding but-'

"Shigure's awake then?"

"Ha-san! My body aches for your embrace!"

"Not until you stop collapsing."

"You're no fun. If Aya were here-"

"My headache would be even worse than it is now."

Tohru slowly stands up, looking over to Hatori for instructions.

"Since Shigure appears to be capable of making an idiot of himself without help, I'll-"

A sudden knock on the door causes him to break off as Yuki peers into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Shinta wanted a story from Mommy before he went to sleep and apparently I won't work as a substitute."

Hatori smiles at Tohru. "Go on- if you tell him your story over on the chair, I can call you over if I need any help. I can just ask Shigure a few questions while you're busy."

Tohru sits down on the chair. The warm feeling from Hatori's smile spreads as Shinta crawls into her lap and cuddles up against her. She kisses the top of his head and softly tells Shinta one of the stories Mom used to tell her when she was little. Apparently she is not nearly as good a storyteller as Mom, because Shinta is asleep within a few minutes, leaving Tohru trying very hard to not overhear Shigure and Hatori's conversation.

She's not entirely sure that they remember that she's here. She tries hard to be good, to not overhear the low muttering of their voices while she rocks Shinta back and forth as he sleeps. She succeeds for what feels like hours until Shigure becomes too loud to ignore.

"_Both_ of them? And a child?"

_I'm not sure if he's jealous or… jealous._

'I don't think they know I'm still here. Maybe I should say something?'

_They're being quiet again and you need to be here if the dragon needs help. Mmmm…_

'You know, I'm not sure, but I don't think people have sex with one another nearly as often as you think they do.'

_You think your way and I'll think mine._

"So he was _still_ not speaking? And she was still in a body cast? And you _left_ them?"

'What is Shigure talking about?'

Butterfly doesn't answer and the gnawing suspicions in the back of Tohru's mind, those things that she's never been quite smart enough to figure out, suddenly grow much, much larger.

"I was no good to any of them there, Shigure. Ritsu was a better doctor than I had become. If I'd stayed they would have just had to replace another Zodiac within the year."

Tohru feels sick- she had no idea Hatori had been _that_ far gone when he came to them. From the silence, Shigure probably had no idea either. She almost jumps when Shigure suddenly glances towards her.

"Are you sure that you want to have this discussion while the little flower's in the room?"

"There's nothing I would say that I would want to keep from Tohru."

The look of devotion and… something Hatori briefly turns towards her both pleases and disturbs her.

'Why hasn't he told us these things? Why wouldn't he say this in front of the boys?'

_Oh that won't take too long to come out. Just listen now, sweetie._

Apparently Shigure is talking now, explaining things to Hatori.

"I had hoped… Well, after the first few months- I didn't understand why I still couldn't touch."

"Did you try?"

"Oh yes. Nearly blacked out the first few times before I finally gave up. And those were through clothes. I ended up ordering things to come to the house, didn't really come out in public. Played the eccentric writer card…. This is the farthest I've come since I left and the most fucking trouble I've gone to for years."

Hatori's voice is so soft, so gentle that Tohru can barely hear it.

"Why did you come here, Shigure?"

The utter desolation on Shigure's face…

"I was tired of being alone."

Tohru quietly picks up Shinta and leaves the room. Whatever the boys might think, for once Tohru thinks that she understands all too well Shigure's motivations.

Shigure recovers fairly quickly, Tohru never again seeing that vulnerable glimpse she got when he first arrived, never again hearing the words he said then either. He is the only one of her housemates who actually sleeps in the room he was given and Tohru feels guilty for the selfish relief of not adding another body to the overcrowded bed. Even in two weeks, Shigure is looking and sounding more and more like the man Tohru remembers. Unfortunately, Tohru still seems to be the only person who can touch him. Hatori tried a brief experiment and Tohru still has nightmares about the sound of Shigure's screams.

Tohru loves her men, all of her men, but even she is finding it difficult to stay involved with the restaurant, look after an increasingly precocious Shinta, and take care of four somewhat housebound men. She reminds herself again that Hatori and Kyou have been very helpful with Shinta although that doesn't ensure that she will have even a few minutes to herself. However Momiji will be attending classes in the winter semester and Hatori will be opening a small clinic, and Shigure's health is be improving day by day so Tohru knows that things will be better again soon. Unfortunately, standing in the bedroom after putting Shinta down for a nap, she can't seem to convince the boys of that.

"Try to get some sleep, darling- you've been looking so tired lately. Shinta should sleep for awhile, so you should have lots of time to rest."

"Maybe I could just go for a hike or practice transforming, I mean I haven't really transformed since I had Shinta-"

"Not by yourself, darling."

Tohru isn't sure what prompts her next statement- she'd like to blame Butterfly, but the truth is, the unusual suspicions that have been building in her mind since the bonds were formed almost demand to be tested.

"I know! I haven't spent any time with Akane-chan or Maki-chan outside of work for such a long time, maybe I could call them up and-"

The sudden tensing of both boys, the surge of possessiveness in her head almost makes Tohru afraid.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, love. You really need some sleep and maybe you could see those idiots another weekend."

With that, Kyou grins and picks her up to throw her down on the bed. Straddling her legs he leans in to stage whisper in her ear. "Now get some rest so that we can play later."

Yuki rolls his eyes, but the grin on his face implies that his thoughts are pretty similar to Kyou's. Both of the boys are laughing by the time they walk out of the room and close the door. Tohru's smile fades as soon as the latch clicks.

'I want to make them happy but-'

_They're suffocating you._

Tohru wants to disagree, but there is something inside her that doesn't let her argue. She sits on the bed, trying to think what this might mean, what's happening to her and the boys that would make this happen….

_Alright, the jailers are gone- let's sprout some wings and split!_

'But they said that I needed to take a nap. And I'm not supposed to transform by myself-'

_You mean the same way that they never transform by themselves? You'll be fine, sweetie. You need some time to think, away from your balls and chain._

'I do need some time to think…'

Tohru is already transforming and flying out the window, feeling strangely guiltless for not listening to the boys. It's all worth it in the moment that she feels the wind lift her up and out into the air. For a few minutes she forgets everything as she lets herself be carried out over the yard.

'Oh… I missed this…'

_That's great. Now pay attention to where you're-_

'Sorry!'

_Ouch. Well that's one way to go from the top floor to the porch._

'Why is everyone in the living room?'

_Oh- you **have **to get closer. This may be your only chance to see an all-Sohma orgy!  
_

'We shouldn't listen to them.'

_In that case you better watch out for the-_

'Ow.'

_Window…._

Tohru shakes herself, trying to re-orient her mind, and suddenly realizes that she is staring in the living room window and has a front row seat for whatever the Sohma men are discussing.

'I think that we should go.'

_Oh no- the dog's talking. We're not going **anywhere.**_

Suddenly Tohru sees Shigure make a particularly graphic gesture, his words starting to become clear and she realizes exactly why the men weren't having this conversation in front of her.

"-And then we both took her at the same time. She couldn't walk properly for a week!"

_Obviously I've been pushing for the wrong threesome._

Kyou rolls his eyes. "Alright Shigure. We get that you and that damn snake had a lot of fun in college. What I don't get is how you managed to keep from hugging any of them and still get them all to go to bed with you. How the hell do you get a girl naked without ever embracing her?"

"Looking for advice?"

_You know, I think that I'm just going to shut up and listen to the master at work._

'That's all it takes for you to be quiet? Why couldn't Shigure have shown up sooner?'

_Not funny._

Hatori interrupts here. "They didn't get away without any accidents. I spent half my life at one point erasing the memories of those two's catches of the day-"

Shigure merrily continues. "Which is why Ha-san has such a large icicle up his ass. I swear that the only time he ever thawed out enough to get it up was for Kana." Taking a look at Hatori's expression, he crows in laughter. "It was, wasn't it? Damn- no wonder you're so grumpy."

"Better than fucking everything with two legs and a skirt."

"Ha-san is mee-ean."

When Hatori doesn't respond to the pout, Shigure leans back in the chair with a strange glint in his eyes.

"But I already knew Ha-san was boring. I figure the least you two owe me for letting you destroy my house so often is a few inspirational ideas for my books."

_Hmmm… The one involving the ice, the double boiler and the public restroom would be plenty inspirational.  
_  
While Tohru tries to block the graphic images, it's obvious that the boys are having similar memories of some kind. Kyou has discretely turned on his chair and is almost fondling himself as he adjusts his position, while the sudden wave of lust through Yuki's connection nearly knocks Tohru off the windowsill.

Kyou seems to recover first- Yuki's eyes are still closed and fluttering when Kyou finally speaks in an unusually rough tone. "I'm not telling you any stories involving Tohru, you damn pervert."

Shigure leans forward. "Oh I wasn't interested in _Tohru_ stories."

Kyou looks almost blank for a moment, before his expression hardens in understanding. "There aren't any other stories."

Shigure looks towards Yuki, who glares at Shigure, all traces of lust gone.

"I don't have any either. And I don't like what you're implying, Shigure."

"I'm not implying anything- but truly, the Sohma Prince has no other stories?"

The tension seems to seep out of Yuki and he looks almost rueful when he replies. "The Sohma Prince has no other stories."

Momiji scratches his head and leans back against the couch.

"I'm a bit confused, Yuki. You had so many girls chasing you in high school and I could have sworn I saw you getting close to some of them. I mean, weren't you involved with what's-her-name… Maki?"

"Machi," Yuki corrects absentmindedly. "No. I admit that I tried to start something with her though. I thought that Kyou had won Tohru over and I was panicking. Obviously, it didn't work. It's pretty hard to find an interest in someone when you're waking up every night moaning someone else's name."

Shigure raises an eyebrow. "When did the stick in your ass get removed Yuki-kun?"

Yuki actually grins. "About the same time that I started getting laid on a regular basis."

Hatori starts massaging the bridge of his nose. "Can we please talk about something else? I really don't need to think about you getting off."

_Oh please **do**._

Yuki turns a threatening look towards Shigure. "Don't even think about it."

Shigure raises his hands in a defensive gesture and blinks innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about Yuki-kun. But I'm not interested in you anymore- how did our beloved Kyonkichi fall in love with the little flower?"

Kyou stretches lazily and is opening his mouth to speak when Shigure interrupts him. "What! No death threats for calling you Lucky Kyou?"

Kyou's voice is quiet and sincere. "I am lucky."

This seems to be enough to get Shigure to shut up.

Kyou stretches again, cat evident in his every lazy, graceful movement. "But you were asking about when I fell in love with Tohru. Let's see- would that be before or after I started jerking off to the picture of her in a bikini?"

_So why the hell didn't you figure this out earlier? You could have been playing with Lucky Kitty since **high school**!_

Hatori groans and buries his face in his hands. Momiji seems to be choking as he turns a brilliant shade of pink.

Shigure stares at the boys in evident fascination. "What the hell happened to you two? If I'd known that getting you laid would have gotten you guys this relaxed I would have hired you a hooker years ago."

Kyou shakes his head. "Wouldn't have worked. Tohru's the only one who's ever got me excited."

Yuki nods in agreement. "I've never wanted anyone else. And believe me- there was definitely a time when I tried."

Shigure raises an eyebrow again. "No need to spin pretty stories- it's not like she's in the room. Why don't you tell us the truth?"

Kyou looks over to him, his face open and intense. "Why is that so hard to believe, Shigure? You know the special side effect of our curse."

"Special…side…effect?"

Yuki interrupts. "Oh come on, Shigure. You probably know more about the curse than any of us- how couldn't you know about the bonding effect?"

Shigure's face and colors become carefully neutral. "Why don't you refresh my memory?"

Kyou and Yuki exchange looks. It is Yuki who speaks, running his fingers through his hair as he talks. "I guess it's just as well that we get this out in the open. Kyou and I have been talking this over and this is probably as good a time as any to bring it up. Hatori let us know about it and we'd been meaning to talk about it but-"

"Tohru was always around."

_So this is one of **those **conversations. Damn. I had been so sure that they would be still attracted to women, even after they admitted their love._

Tohru's still trying to guess what the boys wouldn't want to talk about in front of her and what Hatori would have to do with it when Momiji speaks up.

"Is this something to do with the bonds we made? Some kind of side effect?"

Kyou makes a noise somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "Told you nezumi- they kept all the younger Zodiac in the dark, not just us."

Yuki sighs, rubbing his forehead before continuing.

"It has nothing to do with the mental bonds we've got now. It's something inherent to being Zodiac - something that apparently no one wanted to tell us younger Zodiac about. Hatori finally told us…we can only be truly emotionally attached to one other person and once we've made that attachment we can't feel the same way about anyone else, even if that relationship ends. Kyou and I… I guess we realize how lucky we are that Tohru wanted both of us because when she made her decision we were both too attached to ever want anyone else. But Hatori …

Kyou cuts in when Yuki trails off into silence.

"What it comes down to is Jyuunishi only love one person and Hatori's already used his chance. So we don't have to worry about him falling for Tohru and causing problems. But what we wanted to talk about, without getting Tohru worried, was you, Momiji. Be careful- you may be a pain-in-the-ass but I don't want you getting hurt. I'm assuming you haven't become attached to anyone and if you form an attachment like that to Tohru- it wouldn't be fair to either of you. You do have some feelings for her, don't you?"

The pink that creeps over Momiji's face is answer enough.

_Wow. You have a harem._

'Sending me images of the boys dressed in veils is not helping!'

While Tohru's mind tries to follow what just happened, it is Shigure, surprisingly, who breaks the awkward silence in the living room.

"Well ignoring that extremely enlightening little rant, I know that _I'm_ wondering why you aren't a threesome instead of some kind of lopsided triangle. The little flower's cute, but she's not _that _cute. You two seem to have resolved that sexy smoldering tension between you and I assumed it was because you were fucking each other's brains out."

Old Kyou would have probably ripped out Shigure's throat. And that is when Tohru really realizes how far they have come over the last six years because Kyou simply shrugs and answers Shigure. "Guys don't do anything for me. It's nothing personal against nezumi but dicks don't get me excited."

Yuki actually laughs. "It was bad enough when we occasionally walked in on each other jerking off. Accidentally seeing Kyou with Tohru was enough to convince me that I really didn't have any secret desire to fuck the neko."

Kyou grins. "Hey! You should know that your naked ass is enough to turn anyone off guys." Suddenly he becomes completely serious. "I don't love Yuki. Most of the time I don't even like him that much. But if anything happened to me that disabled me he is the only person in the world that I could imagine caring for Tohru and Shinta as much as I do. And for that, if nothing else, I'm grateful that Tohru chose both of us."

_Wow._

'I didn't know…'

_Didn't know or didn't **want** to know?_

Tohru doesn't have an answer. All she knows is that the fierce surge of love in her mind has washed away her doubts, her unhappiness.

Suddenly, both Yuki and Kyou stiffen and look at one another.

"Well as much fun as it has been learning about the dog's sex life, I need to go practice with the rat before Tohru wakes up so we can see who gets the prize this time."

The boys both exit quickly while the remaining three men look at one another, shrugging almost simultaneously.

Shigure grins, his eyes hooded as he looks at the other two. "So are you two up for a smoke break?"

Momiji blushes. "No thanks- I don't… Well not since I came here… Tohru doesn't…"

'Momiji **smokes**?'

_Apparently not here. _

"You're so whipped, Momiji-kun." Tohru notices that Shigure's smile doesn't reach his eyes. "I guess it's just you and me Ha-san- we can spend some time getting 're-acquainted'."

Tohru would like to think that Shigure is completely back to his normal, joking self but she notices that at no time does he allow himself to come into contact with Momiji or Hatori. Her heart pities him as he flinches when Momiji exits the room within a foot of Shigure's arm. Shigure and Hatori leave shortly afterwards and Tohru feels a new respect for the dragon when she notices him leaving plenty of space between himself and Shigure. Tohru is about to fly back up to the bedroom when the front door opens. She plasters herself against the windowpane, desperately hoping that she won't be seen. Fortunately, neither of the men seem to notice her.

"They don't really need to worry about Momiji, do they?"

Hatori shrugs. "Probably not. Momiji will likely meet someone when he goes to school again. Unlike the boys, he's always considered Tohru a bit of a big sister. There's a good chance that his crush will fade out once he starts to recover from what happened to him."

Shigure pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He lights one and holds out the pack. Hatori ignores the offered cigarette and turns to lean on the porch railing, staring out over the yard.

"You're in love with her."

Hatori spins around, fixing Shigure with a glare, as the writer hotboxes his cigarette. He takes a long draw before speaking again in an almost malicious drawl. "All that bullshit, Ha-san. 'Jyuunishi only love one person and Hatori's already used his chance.' Why'd you tell them that crap? Is that what you used to explain it to them when they caught you wanking in the mornings, so that they'd think that you were imagining Kana? Very tricky, Ha-san- I wouldn't have expected it of you. I suppose you even get a few freebies 'accidentally' watching them go at it with our little flower because they think that you can't get turned on."

Hatori is turning pink and -to Tohru's horror- panic and shame are shining in his eyes, in his colors.

"Good lord, you _have_, haven't you? What the hell were you thinking?"

Hatori's voice is full of self-loathing. "It's not quite as bad as that, Shigure. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm not spying on her sex life."

Shigure stubs out his cigarette and turns his full attention to Hatori. "But you're not denying the other."

Hatori averts his face for a moment. When he finally turns to look at Shigure, Tohru is almost suffocated by the intensity of his gaze. "You have no idea! None! I hadn't slept properly in years before I came here – not until she took me into her bed. So how do I thank her? I betray her and her lovers. She nearly died, Shigure, and the first thing that she did when she could speak was to prevent Yuki from killing me. She forgave me even though I deserved to die. She then went on to free my dragon and make me guardian of her son."

There is a long silence then, Hatori staring, fists clenched at his sides, shaking with emotion.

"So you're in love with her because you think you owe her something."

"If I owed her something, I would do anything but fall in love with her. She trusts me, Shigure. In spite of everything that I've done, she trusts me and every time I look at her I betray that trust."

"She's already fucking the boys, why would she object to a third?"

Tohru didn't even see Hatori move. One second he was against the porch, the next he is holding Shigure by the throat against the wall of the house. "Don't ever speak of her like that again."

Shigure coolly peels Hatori's hands away from his throat. "You're her lap dog, Ha-san. Our little flower says 'come' and you practically wet your pants. No smoking? Nursery maid? She doesn't even have to spread her legs- all you needed was a little tease. Akito should have taken lessons from her."

Tohru is terrified that one of the two men is going to be killed and she debates changing back and taking whatever consequences that would bring. But Hatori surprises her. He pulls back from Shigure and looks at him with something that is almost… pity.

"You want to know why I love her, Shigure? When she told the boys the truth about what happened to her, she knew what was going to happen. She loved the two of them so much that she was willing to be tortured to death, to leave her newborn son to prevent a _potential_ threat of Akito hurting them."

Tohru is grateful that, as a butterfly, she can't gasp or cry, but Hatori isn't finished yet.

"When either of them are in her line of sight, she doesn't see anything or anyone else. She's not the most beautiful woman in the world, but she _glows_, Shigure, And all of that glow, that energy is just a little piece of how much she loves them. She has a tiny fraction of that love for me, but it is more than anyone else has ever loved me. She was in my mind, saw that I had been hurt because of her, and rather than pulling away, all she could think of doing was showing me more love to take away the pain. But I don't love her because she loves me. I love her because… Tohru- Tohru is spring."

"But you're right, Shigure. Akito should have taken lessons from her. Maybe then you at least wouldn't be here." And with that, Hatori walks past Shigure and into the house.

Tohru feels sick. She shouldn't have been here. She shouldn't have heard that conversation, any of those conversations. She looks down at the sill, trying to get herself under control before she flies back to the bedroom. When she looks up again, Shigure is staring down at her. "You heard what you wanted to hear, little flower. Now get the fuck out of here."

And Tohru flees.

**Reviewer Responses**

The last few months have been a bit hellish and I'm very sorry that it took so long to get this chapter updated. Unfortunately, the delay in posting the chapter also caused a bit of a review buildup- I am truly grateful to all of you for continuing to let me know your thoughts and providing crit and comments. Because of this, I had to make a really hard decision. If I were to answer the 130 reviews that built up over the time between chapters, the chapter would probably have been delayed by another week or two because of my work schedule. I thought that the best way I could thank all of you was to try and get the chapter out as soon as possible- I will resume answering all reviews next chapter. For those of you who were interested in drawing fanart, if you are still interested I am pretty much jumping up and down in excitement. If you do finish any of it or wish to talk about it with me, please feel free to e-mail me and let me see the pretty pictures :) If anyone has questions that weren't resolved from their last review or just want to get a quick response, please do feel free to e-mail me. Despite the e-mails I lost during my months of hell, I will do my very best to keep on top of all new e-mails. Thanks once again for your patience and support- I hope that you all continue to enjoy the story!

_Updated 07-24-05_


	23. Chapter 22: Between a Man and a Dog

**Author's Notes**: Longest. Chapter. Yet. -Whimpers- There are six chapters left in 'Butterfly Effect' for those of you keeping track of these things :) **Morganna3** has been kind enough to start a webpage where the uncensored version of Butterfly will be stored, with banners illustrating the chapters. If anyone's interested in seeing the rough version of the site, please just drop me an e-mail and I'll send you the link :) Happy reading!

**Quick Vocabulary**:

**Jiji**- Slightly rude term for 'old man' or 'grandpa'

**Orenji atama-** Orange head

**Chapter Summary**: Denial may not be a river, but it can certainly build up quite a dam….

**Disclaimer**: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

**Warning**: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter: frank sexual discussion, adult situations.

**Chapter 22: Between a Man and a Dog**

_If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog._

- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Tohru falls through the bedroom window, transforming as she tumbles. By the time her knees hit the ground, she is completely transformed. She kneels there numbly, her hair covering her face as she stares at the floor.

'I shouldn't have listened. I don't want to know this!'

_Well, on the plus side, you now know that you wouldn't have to work hard to seduce Hatori to erase the memory of this._

Even though it's just a joke, Tohru can't help but let out a small sob as a few tears fall. Just as she is trying to get herself under control, there is a small shifting noise and her head snaps up.

The boys are sitting on the bed watching her.

Their expressions are completely blank.

_Oh fuck._

For once, Tohru completely agrees with Butterfly.

"Come here, Tohru."

Feeling like a naughty child about to be disciplined, Tohru approaches the bed with her head bowed.

"Sit down."

Tohru sits on the bed between them, trying to discretely blink back her remaining tears. Yuki's face softens a little as he looks at her and he suddenly wraps his arms around her. "That was a terrible idea, Tohru and very, very wrong of you but please- there's no reason to cry, darling…"

"Hey nezumi- I thought we were supposed to be mad at her!"

Yuki sounds almost petulant. "Can't help it. Can you honestly say that you don't want to make her feel better?"

Kyou gives a crooked, half-smile. "Move your arm rat-boy so that I can hug her too."

_Great way for them to show you that you've been a Bad Girl! Although a little spanking might be fun too…._

Tohru leans into both of them, trying to think of some way to let them know just how very sorry she is, how very much she loves them. Yuki turns her chin towards him and she is surprised by his gentle, almost teasing smile.

"You do know that the only reason we're being even a little lenient? That you let us know you were there by showing us how much you love us?"

Tohru blinks in surprise.

'Oh…. I forgot about that!'

_Just as well you weren't hit with a sudden attack of indigestion instead then._

"Did the others also feel me?"

Yuki pauses for a moment and then shakes his head.

"No- I think that we're bound more tightly to you than the others- they might have felt a slight surge but it's unlikely that they'd be able to feel your physical location as well-"

Kyou interrupts with a slight frown on his face.

"I bet Shigure knew that you were there- he could always smell us, even when we were in animal form. It explains why he was being such an asshole- he seems to blame us and you for whatever happened to him after we left. But that's not important. Tohru- what the fuck were you thinking?"

Tohru feels drained. "I honestly didn't mean to eavesdrop and I'm very, very sorry that I stayed to listen- I know I should have left as soon as the wind died down-"

"But you did mean to transform by yourself and go outside by yourself in a strong wind where nobody would be around to help you!"

That cornered, trapped feeling is starting again, but Tohru closes her eyes and tries to keep calm. "I'm sorry for worrying you- it was a very bad idea and I'll be more careful in the future."

Somehow Yuki's gentle words hit even harder than Kyou's gruff frustration.

"Darling- it's not just worrying us, it's- It's that you don't trust us. You didn't trust us to tell us what you were actually doing, and, to a smaller extent, you didn't trust us to tell you what you overheard in our conversation in our own time, in our own way. But what's more important is… Tohru- if something happened to you… Not only that but if you die, we die. Hell, even _Akito_ dies if you die! What would happen to Shinta if we all died at the same time?"

Tohru feels instantly ashamed of her desire for some alone time.

_Rat-boy's gotten much better at manipulation. Good thing he only seems inclined to use it to guilt you into staying in the bedroom so he can get under your skirt._

Despite her guilt, Tohru knows that she has to make at least one thing clear to them. "I made a very bad mistake and I am so sorry for hurting you in anyway. I love you both so much… And I do trust you, both of you. With everything."

Kyou just presses his face into her collarbone, while Yuki nods. "I love you, darling, no matter what, and I trust you more than anyone-"

Yuki trails off- his eyes don't seem to be focused on her face. Tohru follows his gaze-

'I'm naked!'

_Oh. You mean this **wasn't** a deliberate strategy?_

'Why do I have so many of these conversations naked while the boys get to stay dressed?'

_You've got better breasts._

Yuki gets a wicked gleam in his eyes as he moves to straddle her legs. "I think I know what you need to do to be forgiven. Have I mentioned lately how much I _love_ your breasts?"

_See!_

As Yuki starts to move his hands and mouth to show his appreciation, Kyou makes a noise of disgust and gets off the bed. "And this would be when I fuck off." He pauses in the doorway, expression serious. "No matter what- I love you. It's not always easy for me to say and sometimes I get a little strange because I'm scared. Just know that… I trust you. With everything."

And that is what Tohru remembers before she is lost in the touch of Yuki's talented tongue.

--

There are consequences to the overheard talk other than dealing with the boys' knowledge of her eavesdropping and Shigure's now-constant avoidance of her. A few days afterwards, Momiji approaches her while she is playing with Shinta in the garden.

"Jiji!"

"Okay. How long did it take Kyou to teach him to shorten my name like that?"

Tohru giggles and Momiji smiles at her as Shinta reaches towards him. "But since you're my favorite nephew, I'll forgive you this time. I don't suppose Mommy would be happy if I taught you that Papa was supposed to be called Orenji atama?"

This time, Tohru bursts into laughter, "He still sometimes complains about Uo-chan calling him that…" Tohru trails off, as she is unexpectedly hit with memories she hasn't thought about for years.

Momiji places Shinta onto the ground, allowing him to resume burrowing into the mud. He sits down beside Tohru, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay to be sad, Tohru. You spend so much time trying to make us feel better… but we were all basically unattached when we came, even if we cared about the rest of the family. I think maybe that we all forget you lost a lot too- maybe even more than the rest of us here."

Tohru feels silly for the slight prickling in her eyes from his unexpected kindness. "Thank you… I needed to hear that. I'm silly, aren't I?"

Momiji grins and playfully rubs the top of her head. "My favorite kind of silly."

In retaliation, Tohru pushes him over and soon Momiji, Shinta and Tohru are rolling in the mud, completely destroying that corner of the poor garden. Sitting up, panting and laughing, Tohru pulls Shinta onto her lap. She looks over to Momiji to see him staring at his lap, fiddling with the edges of his shirt. "Tohru- I'm starting classes again next semester. I'm finally going to get my Journalism training, thanks to your help. I've felt so much better since I've come here… I think maybe though, to get me ready for when I need to go to classes, I should move into Kyou's old room. I'm- I'm sorry for being such a burden to you for so long."

"Jiji?"

Tohru brings Shinta over and pulls Momiji into a three-way hug. "You've never been a burden, Momiji- I've loved having you here. You always make me so happy. I hope that you can be happy as well."

Momiji smiles, but Tohru notices that he puts a little distance between them when he stands up again. Some part of her mourns something that she doesn't quite understand as he turns away and returns to the house.

Tohru is saddened by Momiji's awkwardness, but her biggest concern isn't given a chance to be silenced for nearly a week until she and Hatori are left by themselves to wash the dishes after supper.

Hatori is holding a dirty plate from the table and Tohru realizes that she will have to take advantage of this alone time.

"Hatori… Do you- do you have feelings for me?"

The plate drops to the ground and shatters.

Hatori bends over the broken pieces, his hair hiding his eyes. His voice cracks when he finally breaks the long silence. "I'm so sorry, Tohru. Do you… do you want me to leave?"

In that moment, the pain at the thought of him leaving makes Tohru realize just how much she cares for Hatori. "I don't- I don't love you like that, Hatori. But I do love you so very much. I am so selfish to not want you to leave…. Can we work out something that won't hurt you or the boys?"

He looks up then, a surge of shock through their connection. To Tohru's horror, his eyes are clouded and his hands are shaking lightly. She doesn't think about the situation anymore- just reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck. After a brief moment of resistance, he awkwardly lowers his head to her shoulder, pressing his face against her neck. Tohru tries to reassure him, tries to let him know how much she cares about him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It wasn't fair not to say anything though- not to you or the boys. I don't want you to hurt, but I don't know what to do. Please Hatori, you have to be able to feel how much I love you…."

Hatori doesn't say anything- just silently rests against her shoulder. Tohru holds him, stroking his hair, until he finally moves his arms to return her embrace, lifting her so that she is level with his face. He props her against his hip and looks directly at her, eyes slightly red-rimmed.

"I love you."

"I know."

"That's not going to change."

"If I could take away your pain, I would, but I don't expect you to change."

"I will do whatever it takes to stay here- I will never be as happy anywhere else. But I can't… Tohru, I can't sleep without you."

"You've never tried to do anything to me, Hatori. For right now, I don't think that you need to sleep somewhere else."

The look of relief in Hatori's eyes is quickly overshadowed by some other, darker thought.

"Are you going to tell the boys?"

Tohru has been debating this ever since she first heard and, as much as she has asked the boys to tell her everything, after her overheard conversations, she's decided that some things are better left unknown.

"You would never hurt me or them. I don't think they understand that. It's not fair to any of you to keep you in my bed, but I can't see another solution right now. I won't say anything, but Hatori- we need to work to make you better. But I hope… I hope that you will continue to stay with us for as long as you want. I love having you here if it doesn't make you feel too badly."

"Feel badly?" Hatori's smile is shaky but genuine.

"I can't sleep without you, and, even if I could, even though we're in an impossible situation, I've never been happier than I am here."

He brushes a hand over her cheek. "You can't take away my pain… but you make it unimportant. I love you. I will never hurt you, never push this again… Please pretend that this didn't happen."

And then Hatori leans over, pressing a hot, almost worshipful kiss to her lips before setting her down and walking swiftly out of the room. And Tohru stares after him, her mouth burning.

--

Strangely, despite the awkwardness that followed the conversation with Momiji, there is no awkwardness dealing with Hatori- something that seems to surprise both of them. Tohru realizes that she trusts him, and he seems to be getting better, being happy just continuing to build their already strong friendship. The memory of the kiss is pushed so deep that she sometimes wonders if it was just a dream.

Actually nearly everything seems to be going positively, with the exception of Shigure's continued avoidance. The boys have even relaxed enough to let Tohru spend a little time showing Shinta off to Akane and Maki. That is they relaxed enough to let her go after a Butterfly-assisted Tohru pointed out that _they _still got to spend time with their friends at work and the dojo and if she didn't have someone to talk to about womanly things _soon _she would probably turn into a man herself.

_I think even they agree that there are more than enough cocks in your relationship._

The women had been getting a little annoyed that Tohru hadn't been able to see them outside of work- at least, Akane had been getting annoyed and Maki had just looked knowing. One way or the other, Tohru is happy to have a chance to briefly get out of the house and separate herself from the situation a little. Shinta has been worrying her a bit- he has gotten quieter as he goes through teething and has an odd habit of staring off into space as if he's listening to something that only he can hear. Tohru hopes that some time away from the house will make them both feel better.

Akane grabs Shinta almost as soon as Hatori stops the car and lets them out. "I'll come back to get you in three hours?"

Tohru nods as Akane snags her with her free hand, Maki trailing behind them with an amused expression.

Akane lets go of her hand once they are in the apartment, making a wide, sweeping gesture. "I thought the cavemen were going to keep you locked up forever! Maki and I were planning a dramatic rescue when you finally agreed to meet us."

When Tohru turns, Maki just raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

Akane pouts. "Kid- I hope that they're fantastic in bed, because they sure don't seem to plan on letting you out anytime soon."

Tohru tries not to be offended but she can hardly manage a stiff smile in return, as Akane returns to telling Shinta how 'Auntie Akane' will get him some 'special piercings' as soon as he is old enough.

Maki sits down beside her as Akane swings Shinta around and he busily tries to eat her spikes.

"Don't let her offend you- she means well. She really cares about you and maybe- Have you thought that maybe she might have a point?"

Tohru almost jumps in shock and quickly looks over at Maki.

"Those two- there's no question that they love you. In fact there's no question that you're their world, even more than Shinta. But for what they expect in return…"

Maki looks over at Tohru with an unusually emotional plea in her eyes.

"There's a difference between looking at you like you're the only person in their world and looking at you like you _should_ only be in their world."

Tohru isn't sure if this is true or not, but she knows that it is part of those things that she isn't ready to think about right now. Even though she smiles and nods at Maki, she is already trying to focus on something else, trying to see if she can see the base aura color of the other people in the room.

Tohru has not really paid much attention to the effects of her unusual sight since the first few months after the change. She has gotten so used to just automatically incorporating the swirling colors into her interpretations and ignoring the underlying base aura, that she no longer really _sees_ them anymore. As she realizes this she takes a moment to adjust her mind so that she really sees the bases- Maki is a strange shade of cream, Akane's, not surprisingly, is a vibrant red, and Shinta's-

Shinta's aura base is black.

Her laughing little boy glows black as Akane swings him around and around in the air. Tohru tries to concentrate on the conversation, on the usual sniping between the two women, but all she can think about through the rest of the visit, as she says her goodbyes, as she carries Shinta back to the car, is the underlying color pulsing around him.

'Why is his base color black?'

For once, it seems that Butterfly does not feel like talking.

Tohru passes the rest of the drive in silence, although she knows that soon- soon… She cannot hide from these suspicions, _any _of these suspicions forever. But today- today there is practice with Kyou and work to be done and these things can be left until tomorrow-

_When will you ever reach tomorrow, sweetheart?_

And Tohru has no answer.

--

The practice session goes well and makes it that much easier for Tohru to put her thoughts off to another day. Although Kyou occasionally rubs his temples and blinks his eyes, they are both laughing and happy by the time they are finished. Happy enough that when Tohru sits down against the tree, Kyou instantly flops down with his head on her lap.

"My head hurts."

Kyou looks almost like a little boy when he pouts- even younger than the often unnaturally old Shinta. Tohru smiles down at him as he turns his face against her stomach, eyes fluttering as she runs her fingers through his hair. She loves these moments against the tree where Kyou lets down all his guards and allows himself to relax.

"Is there something I can do to help?"

Tohru feels a flash of strong uncertainty as Kyou looks up at her.

"Actually… I know you don't like controlling but… Cat says that you can help take some of the pain through our link. It wouldn't actually be controlling me, and Tohru… I- I really like feeling you in my mind anyways."

The last is said in such a hopeful rush, that it takes Tohru a few seconds to figure out what he is asking. When he looks up at her with those hopeful, pleading eyes she finds her resolve melt.

_Go on. He wants you to be in control. Let him be sub for once. We'll work our way towards his very own schoolgirl outfit._

'Butterfly? How can I do this?'

_Remember the attachments to Akito? Look inside your mind for the threads that bind you to Kyou. And pull._

Tohru can suddenly see both inside and out of her mind. The perspective is dizzying- those long strings she remembers from some distant nightmare attach her mind to Kyou's. Only this time, this time she is in control, deliberately pulling the pain, the sorrow, the anger towards herself. At the same time, she can see Kyou's head on her lap, his face contorting as he scrunches his eyes, twisting and… moaning?

'Oh gods! Is he hurt?'

The pain is making her weaker, but she has enough strength to end this-

Kyou's hips start thrusting uncontrollably and suddenly the pain rushes at an almost dizzying pace towards Tohru- **angerfearregretlossgriefguiltguilt**

**Explosion.**

When the stars behind Tohru's eyes clear, she is suddenly in the real world again, staring down at a trembling Kyou. A trembling Kyou with a large stain spreading over the front of his pants.

"Fuck… Tohru…. That was… Fuck…."

Now Tohru can feel the vestiges of his overwhelming arousal through their link, as he rubs his cheek against her hand in lazy satiation.

"Let's do that again soon."

Kyou obviously has no problems with what has just happened, the strangeness and power of their interactions-

'So why do I feel like I'll never be clean again?'

Looking down at Kyou's almost drugged expression of bliss, Tohru tries to push away the crushing headache long enough to think.

'Oh gods… What's happening to us?'

_Oh **FUCK**. You weren't ready…._

'Ready for wha-'

Tohru knows she is dreaming. She knows that she is not really sitting in a field, making daisy chains but… She doesn't understand why she would be dreaming about a lot of very, very beautiful men and women standing in a half-circle _watching_ her make daisy chains. She's fairly sure that her imagination isn't good enough to come up with people this beautiful. Some of whom have tails. And fangs. And claws. What's even more strange is that some of the people are practically transparent, while others… others are very, very solid.

A broad-shouldered, dark-haired man squints his already tiny eyes and flashes his tusks as he takes a step towards her. "_This_ is the vessel?"

Behind him, a tall woman with long, black-streaked orange hair, stretches lazily, daintily flashing fangs as she yawns. "As much as I hate to agree with Boar, this is hardly impressive." She turns, tail lazily twitching. "Someone call me if she does something _interesting._"

"I'm afraid Tiger, that you will have to stay for now, bored or not- Oh do try to control yourself!"

Tohru blinks as the short, brown-haired woman who'd spoken busily wraps her thin tail around Tiger's wrist, preventing her from shredding the daisies behind her.

One of the few solid looking people, a tall man with dark blue hair and strangely familiar eyes, walks over to the women. "Monkey is correct. We have finally been given an opportunity to assess the situation and meet as we have not met for nearly ten generations-"

"Which was nearly long enough to forget that you never met a fact you didn't want to bed. Good gods, Dragon! The world won't end if you say something that isn't completely logical and emotionless!"

This man… This man sends chills down Tohru's spine. He's one of those few solid people in the circle and his aura is nearly as overwhelming as his physical presence. Slender, beautiful even in a group of beautiful people, all the others stop murmuring the moment he opens his mouth. His dark brown hair is tied back in a rat-tail, highlighting the flash of the silver ring in his ear and when he turns towards her she can see that his eyes are… black-

'Oh gods!'

"I see our savior remembers me."

Tohru drops the daisy chains, involuntarily leaning backwards when he takes a step towards her. She can see Yuki disappearing in her mind, replaced by this face, this smirk, and she is suddenly, utterly terrified.

"Oh fuck off, Rat. You've humiliated Dragon and terrified Tohru- I'd say you've succeeded in making your point."

Something flashes in Rat's eyes, maybe… sadness, but his eyes are cold again and his smirk firmly in place. Rather than face the smirk, she looks behind her to her defender-

"Kyou!"

"Not quite."

Tohru realizes that this man, although orange-haired and red eyed, has broader shoulders, a broader face, longer hair. And a tail.

The familiar touch of his aura makes her eyes widen in surprise. He smiles at her and it is surprisingly gentle.

"Remember me then?"

Tohru isn't sure whether he moved or she moved, but her arms are wrapped around Cat's neck and he is holding her against his chest soothingly whispering into her ear. "I promise I'll keep you safe for as long as this takes. And it's not as bad as it seems- no one's going to hurt you or even touch you without your permission."

He sits her down on his lap, his arms still around her waist, and turns her to face the circle again. If Tohru weren't already so confused, she might have been even more confused by the expressions of complete and utter shock on the others' faces.

"Cat cares about something other than trying to sink claws into Rat?"

"Cat cares about a _mortal_ more than sinking claws into Rat?"

"I didn't come here to speculate on the outcast's… tastes. Ox and I don't have much time before our absence will be noted. Stop the childish gossip and let Monkey or Rat organize some kind of discussion. Quickly. "

The tall, stern-faced man shakes his head so that his long, black hair billows behind him as he continues. "I did not assess the risks versus the tactical and strategic benefits of this situation to have it wasted on our normal childish fighting. Ox and I-"

"Can our dear brother even speak for himself, Horse? Or will he fall over if you remove your hand from up his ass?"

The stocky, square-jawed man beside Horse makes a low, growling noise. Even his black and white hair seems to vibrate in his fury. "If you weren't a woman, Dog-"

The speaker laughs and turns her head so that Tohru gets her first glimpse of her profile. She is… stunning. Voluptuous, full red lips, long, shining dark brown hair-

"Oh don't worry, Ox. I know that I couldn't fill your ass as well as Horse. And although I appreciate you expressing the interest, you just aren't equipped the way I prefer in a lover."

And with that she turns to press a very adult kiss to the person beside her. Who looks disturbingly like Ayame. With green hair. And breasts.

Tohru lets out something that, if she were actually sane or awake, might have been a whimper. "Oh please, Mom- where _am _I? Who… If I'd known that curing Kyou's headache was going to do _this_…"

Suddenly Cat's arms tighten around her, as the people in front of her stop dead and turn towards her.

A man with spiky wine-red hair and a gaunt face takes a step towards her. "Do you really not know? Haven't you been prepared already? I thought that by the time we got here-"

"We would know better than to ask questions that could compromise the situation. You're losing your grip, Rooster. If you can't keep a better hold of your vessels and yourself, we'll have to get replacement vessels and lose our chance for another five hundred years."

Rat turns back towards Tohru, as Rooster almost cowers away from him.

"To answer your question darling, we are temporarily visiting a… neutral ground created by your mind. I don't think any of us would have come up with er… daisies. The graceless screwup who's fondling you is our less-than-brilliant Cat and the rest of us… Well, I'm sure you've figured it out by now. And since we've been so very rude as to assume you knew what was going on… Well, it would only be polite to say hello."

He walks towards her, his eyes focused on her and Tohru is surprised to see that when he is not facing the group, his expression is almost gentle, almost longing. Suddenly though, Tohru is unceremoniously dumped to the ground and staring at Cat's back.

"Don't even fucking think of stepping closer."

Rat's expression instantly hardens, and his smile shows more fang than humor.

"Your vessel must be thinking _very_ strongly with his second head if you are being this protective. Or are you that desperate for a piece of ass after all those years locked up as that nasty, vicious monster?"

Cat bares his fangs and lunges towards Rat who neatly sidesteps him. Almost immediately, Dragon and a second solid figure step forward- Dragon grabbing Cat while the short, tan-haired man grabs Rat.

"Oh come on- you two can have sex _later_. You're not quite as attractive as Snake and Dog, so you're going to have to wait to make out."

The tan-haired man twitches his whiskers and winks at Tohru as he leads a furious-looking Rat back to the rest of the Zodiac. Dragon leans around Cat under the pretext of restraining him and his soft smile makes something twist inside Tohru as he whispers in her ear. "We have to be careful. Cat will explain. But please don't forget that it's- it's not just our vessels' feelings."

He pulls back then, his face settling into a blank mask that makes Tohru strangely sad.

Cat settles Tohru back down on his lap as the rest of the spirits seem to huddle together to hold a hushed discussion. "Those idiots are going to be awhile, which should give _us_ lots of time to talk."

Tohru turns to face him. "What did Dragon mean? Why do they have to be careful?… Why does Rat seem like he hates me?"

Cat's smile is very fond as he pulls her head to rest against his shoulder. "You don't wait to skip to the hardest ones, do you?

"Rat and Dragon- they can't afford to show any affection towards you. I can't believe I'm defending the fucking mouse but… he's trying to protect you. He really does care about you and I don't think I've ever seen him care about _anything_. If he acts out of character or if the others even suspect how they feel…"

He suddenly pulls her against him in a fierce embrace.

"You're not ready yet. And I'm starting to think that you shouldn't have to do this at all. But if the others suspect- you won't survive if they push this now before Rat and Dragon have a chance to rebel."

Tohru half-turns in his arms so that she can see his face.

"What about you then?"

There is a brief flash of pain in his eyes before he gives a short, bitter laugh.

"Me? You know your legend, love- I'll have no say in anything that happens. My opinion means nothing."

Suddenly a wicked smile spreads across his face. "Of course, that does mean that I get to touch you and hold you while Plague Mouse fumes. I think I'm starting to see some of the advantages to this situation."

His smile suddenly reminds Tohru of a question she's had for awhile. "Kyou always said… he always said that it was your… drives that pushed him so much sometimes. Why- why would someone like you want me?'

Cat freezes. And starts laughing. "Oh my vessel. That boy's the most arrogant, driven, stubborn carrier I've ever had. Definitely my favorite. My vessel blames _me _for his drive? Do you have any idea how much he desires you on his own? He even gets _me_ worked up and I've never had a vessel affect me like that before. Do you know how much time he spent touching him-"

"Stop! Please…"

Tohru is ashamed of her strange desire to hear more, but she refuses to give in to it- she's more than learned her lesson.

"It's not fair to tell me this without him knowing. If he wants me to know this… I'll wait for him to tell me."

Cat pulls back from her, and Tohru is horribly afraid that she's offended the only person who seems to be helping her here. When he turns to look at her, she is shocked by the genuinely warm expression in his eyes.

"You are remarkable, you know that? I think I understand now… why you affect _me_ the way you do."

He leans in and presses a soft kiss against her forehead. As he pulls back, his breath sends goosebumps down her neck when he whispers against her ear.

"Don't worry- I won't push things any farther. I had had a different idea of what we would do when I could finally touch you, but I think now-"

"Even a mess like you should know that you're not supposed to touch the vessels. Did you influence your poor idiot so strongly so that you could live out your own fantasies?"

Tohru is startled by how close Rat's gotten, the rest of the spirits watching him and Cat like it is some kind of match.

"You're one to fucking talk."

Rat laughs and it is not a pleasant sound. "I admit to having my… drives but… You think that it was _me_ influencing the Ice Prince? Does our vessel here want to know what drives the Sohma Prince?"

"He suppressed my… appetite for years but when he met you…"

Rat leans over her, his eyes even darker. "Do you know how many times he'd think about you during those council meetings that last year? How he was so hard after those meetings he could hardly stand? How he'd have his hands down his pants before he even got in his room when he got home?"

"Please stop…."

Rat smiles and it sends shivers down Tohru's spine. "The reserved Ice Prince could hardly get in the door of his room before he'd have to release. He was so ashamed-"

"Please… This isn't fair…."

"Stop it, you fucking rodent."

Cat has moved in front of her, his body shielding her from Rat's view. "You want to get in a pissing contest with me and use our vessels? Fine. She's got nothing to do with it though and unless you want that fucking bug to kick us out- shut up and leave her alone."

Surprisingly, Rat stops and, as he faces away from the group, Tohru can see a bone deep exhaustion in his eyes before he reverts to a smirk. He leans over her one last time before he returns to the others. Tohru isn't sure if she imagined the soft, "I'm sorry."

One way or the other, his return breaks the silence and starts a loud surge of muttering before Boar overwhelms them all with a bellow.

"Stop!"

Boar waves his hand furiously in a sweeping gesture. "This is a waste of time! Sheep hasn't even said anything yet-"

A placid looking woman with long white hair blinks and calmly looks towards him.

"Dog and Snake are too busy exploring each others' tonsils to contribute anything _useful_-"

Dog momentarily detaches to give a wicked grin. "_You _go for five hundred years without physical contact and see what _your _priorities are. Oh wait!"

But Boar refuses to be sidetracked in his rant. "Rooster can hardly hold onto his sanity much less a contribution-"

The gaunt-looking redhead closes his eyes as if in pain, but offers no comment.

"And best of all… Cat is trying to get into the vessel's cunt while the rat half of our Fearless Leaders is too busy trying to get in _Cat's_ ass to actually use the fucking few minutes we have left before the controller cuts us off!"

Just as Tohru is afraid that Cat is going to drop her on the ground and disembowel Boar, a calm voice cuts through the uproar.

"She's not ready."

Sheep's expression doesn't change and her voice doesn't falter as everyone becomes quiet. "This wasn't meant to be the final meeting anyways- merely an assessment. She doesn't know what's going on and she doesn't need to, but she's not ready."

Sheep looks over at Dragon who continues in the same tone of voice. "We would be better served to stop scaring her and let her _get _ready than to continue this… travesty."

Despite the fact that this kind of decision-making seems to be what Boar was asking for, he doesn't seem all that happy.

"Oh no- I'm not waiting a day longer than I have to to finish this. How do we even know we'll be allowed back again after this? If she's willing to take _Cat-"_

"And to nearly die in the process!"

Cat is holding her tightly against his chest, his voice rough. "In spite of everything, I was willing to play my part and she nearly fucking died. If I hadn't pulled most of it back at the last minute… She's sure as fucking hell not taking on anymore right now."

Boar steps towards them, his expression determined. "I don't think you get to make that decision."

"Enough! I allowed you to have your uninterrupted, unmonitored time. It ends now."

Tohru blinks, trying to figure out why the new voice sounds so familiar. And why it would make Boar freeze where he is.

Boar sneers, looking at something beyond Cat's shoulder. "You won't be in control forever. When she's ready-"

"But she's _not _ready. Go!"

Suddenly, Boar just… fades away. As Tohru watches, all the other spirits dissolve in front of her, Dragon and Rabbit next-to-last. Finally, only Rat is standing in front of her, but just as it looks like he is going to say something, he too disappears.

Tohru blinks, trying to shake her head free from the sudden vertigo. When she feels the hand on her shoulder, she sinks back a little into Cat's embrace.

"Why-why are you still here?"

"Because he behaved, he gets a few extra seconds."

Tohru tries to turn towards the voice, but Cat holds her in place, bending his head over hers. He turns her so that she meets his eyes, meets his solemn expression. "I never meant to hurt you and I will do… whatever it takes to keep you safe. It may not be enough. But I need _you_ to be careful. Don't always trust the fucking b-"

And Cat's gone. Without even a fade.

The world around Tohru is changing- the daisies stirred as if by a strong wind, the sky becoming overcast, a low, dark fog settling over the field. Tohru turns, trying to figure out what's going on, what's happening to her. And there- there in the distance is a figure turned away from her. A figure with wild, blood-red curls. And antennae-

"I can't hold this much longer. It's time to go, Tohru."

Tohru tries to walk towards it, but finds herself frozen in place.

"Not yet, sweetheart. I can't- You're better not knowing."

"Please-"

But the world falls away in a whirl of daisy petals.

--

Hatori is grey. Tohru blinks, but he still looks as if he has crawled out of a grave, his aura pulsing grey and black. Then he looks at her and his aura, her connection explode with color and feeling, as he slumps against her bed, his head on her naked chest-

'Bed? Naked chest?'

"Ha…tori?"

He doesn't move his head and Tohru can feel a slight dampness on her chest. "You were so damaged… You'd already transformed by the time we got there. I-I didn't know what to do- Kyou was transformed and he wasn't breathing and I couldn't even _tell_ if you were breathing. Yuki collapsed almost as soon as we reached you and he wasn't breathing in his mouse form. We brought you all back here, got the boys breathing. It took two hours for you to transform back and I couldn't tell if you were dead in that time! It's been three days… three days of you not responding, three days of trying to keep Shinta from seeing you…. God, Tohru!"

Tohru instantly freezes.

"The… boys?… Shinta?"

"Darling?"

Tohru painfully turns her head to see Yuki obviously just waking up. "Oh god… You're awake."

Tohru feels Hatori lift his head off of her as Yuki reaches over to pull her into an almost hurtful hug. He rocks her back and forth, his head buried in her shoulder, "I love you so much, so much… Don't ever scare me like that again!"

Tohru hurts all over and it is hard to focus, but she still has something that she needs to know. "Where's…Kyou?"

Yuki doesn't even seem to hear her- just keeps rocking her, stroking her stomach as he moves. Hatori seems to recognize her concern though and looks up from where he is sitting on the floor. "Kyou is with Momiji and Shinta. He's fine Tohru, but I think he blames himself for what happened. Although we haven't been able to get a clear enough description from him to figure out what _did_ happen."

"Not… Kyou's… fault."

Tohru is very fuzzy as to what had been going on, but this she is sure of.

Hatori pulls himself to his feet and Tohru is surprised to see that his hands are shaking. "Do you want me to drag him in here then so he'll stop feeling guilty?"

Tohru manages a weak smile. "Please…."

As Hatori leaves the room, Tohru ignores Yuki's stroking and tries to recall what _had_ happened before… this.

'How did I end up like this? I remember Kyou telling me that his head hurt. Then… then…'

_You got sick._

'Sick? That doesn't seem right… There was something else that happened….'

But even trying as hard as she can, Tohru can't remember more than flashes of images after Kyou told her he had a headache.

'Butterfly? What happened to me?'

_You had wild sex involving Kyou, binding twine and a garden stake. After passing out from exhaustion, you got sick from staying out in the cold in the nude._

''No- that was last week.'

_My mistake. No idea then._

'Please see if you can find something. I really think that something important happened.'

_You nearly died, Tohru. That's fucking important. _

Tohru isn't sure why Butterfly is being so unusually dense, but she doesn't get a chance to discuss it any further before Hatori returns- literally dragging a bent-headed, defeated looking Kyou. Even his voice sounds like all the fire has been taken out. "Fucking stop it, Hatori. I know what she looks like right now- believe me I couldn't feel any worse than I already do. I don't deserve to be near her…"

"Always… want… you…"

Kyou stops so suddenly that Hatori nearly trips over him. "Tohru?"

"Not your… fault… Shinta… okay?"

Kyou takes a few moments to get his mouth to work. "Shinta's fine, just misses- Oh god. You're awake."

And he is on the bed, holding her on the opposite side of Yuki. "I can't remember what happened…. I thought you were dead…."

It takes a few seconds for Tohru to realize that the strange choking noise he's making is him crying into her shoulder. Tohru can count on one hand the number of times she's seen the boys cry. Having them on either side of her making muffled noises into her shoulders, she vows that she will never let that number increase because of her.

The rest of the day passes in a blur- Shinta jumping on her, Momiji hugging her until her ribs nearly crack, even Shigure smiling something that looks like genuine relief when he pokes his head in. Despite that, it takes a few hours before Tohru can breathe or talk properly and she can only sit up with help. Whatever has injured her doesn't seem to have anything to do with her connection to Akito or to the Jade God's power because Butterfly doesn't seem to be able to speed up the healing process.

Tohru feels badly weakened, and Hatori still has no idea what caused her illness or why Butterfly can't seem to heal her. In response. the boys take it on themselves to look after everything that she could possibly need. For the first few days, Tohru is grateful for their attentiveness, for all of the help they are showing her, although she still somewhat prefers the slightly less obvious ways that Hatori and Momiji try to help her get better. After two weeks of being restricted to the house and having either Kyou or Yuki with her every hour of the day, Tohru is feeling more trapped than grateful. Which is why she is stunned when Yuki announces that all of the men, except Shigure, are going on a hike with Shinta.

Yuki sighs. "Apparently we are taking Shinta on a hike before he destroys the house and Hatori and Momiji want us to show them the trails through the forest. We'll be back in a few hours- Shigure will be writing in the office and if there are _any _problems just get him to call my cell phone-"

Momiji grins and cuts Yuki off, "And we'll get going with Mom here before he tells you to remember to wear clean underwear."

As Yuki sputters and Kyou and Momiji laugh, Hatori winks at her as he casually hefts Shinta over his shoulder and shepherds the boys towards the door.

'Oh! _That's_ what's going on!'

Tohru realizes that Hatori and Momiji have done this as a special favor to her to try and get her some alone time, but she still wishes that she could leave as well. Without even realizing it, some of her thoughts make their way out of her mouth.

"I'm not… I'm not dying. Even if I'm not strong enough to hike with you, I'm doing a lot better now. I could go over to Akane's! It would be a lot of fun and if something went wrong, they could always call Yuki's cell."

For a few brief seconds, Tohru can see the boys wavering before their faces harden in resolve.

"We can't take the chance. They don't know what you are and it would be too far for us to get to you if something happened."

Tohru likes to think that she can see the good in things, that she can keep her determination and hope, make her Mom proud but… But as she sees the men off with Shinta in his hiking backpack on Yuki's back, she feels like all of the energy is being slowly sucked out of her. After the front door closes, she leans against it for nearly a minute before she can move again.

Tohru is tired of the house restriction, tired of being kept in a box even more than she normally is, especially when a lot of it just seems like excuses to keep her at home.

'I can't- I can't live like this.'

_Finally. I think it's time for that conversation you've been putting off. Caveman is one thing, but this is more 'Life Sentence. No Parole.'._

Tohru sighs, feeling slightly sickened at the thought of the upcoming confrontation. As she passes the office, she hears the sound of typing and remembers that she wasn't left _entirely_ alone. She pokes her head in the door and makes a split-second decision.

"Shigure-san… would you like to play cards?"

It is the only thing that she can think of as a peace offering, since she's still not entirely sure why Shigure is upset with her. Shigure hesitates for a moment and looks back at his laptop as if he is debating whether he'd rather write his special books or play with her.

_Well if he 'plays with you' then he might have something to write **about**! _

'You know, I really hope that he doesn't think the same way as you because he just nodded.'

They kneel on opposite sides of the dining room table as Tohru deals out the cards. Tohru tries to study him a little without being obvious- Shigure certainly looks better than when he first came. In fact, if she didn't know better, she would say that he didn't look any older than when she first met him…. As she tries to think of a safe topic of conversation, Shigure unexpectedly breaks the silence.

"Ha-san didn't sleep for three days. I don't think he left your room- he was starting to smell like Aya after a bender by the end of it."

After the conversation she'd overheard, Tohru thinks that she can recognize a peace offering when she hears one. She looks up and smiles. "Hatori is far too good to me."

Shigure smiles, and there isn't the bitter edge Tohru has come to expect. His voice is even teasing rather than mocking. "Nothing is too good for our little flower!"

They both start laughing and it is almost as if they have returned to the times before graduation. They continue for awhile, laughing, Shigure teasing her as she tells him a little bit about the restaurant, about Shinta, about life here since she left. Shigure doesn't mention the compound or the curse, but Tohru is much happier to hear about some of the strange people who delivered things to him in the hidden house he was living in, about the even stranger people he met before he was able to get her address from the restaurant. "And who was that woman who threatened to tear my balls off and stuff them down my throat if I hurt you? I think there was actually some kind of betting pool going on!"

Tohru laughs as she remembers poor Hatori's greeting and deals the next round of cards. She remembers something that has been bothering her for awhile when Shigure brushes up against her arm as she picks up her cards. She decides that it might be worth breaking some of their comfort to know.

"Shigure- why did it not hurt you when Hatori grabbed you that day on the porch?"

Shigure freezes, dropping his cards. And gives a low chuckle, "You were always far more observant than we gave you credit for, little flower. Truthfully? You and- Well, you are the only one that it never hurts to touch. Since I've been away from the compound, I've found that, with practice, if I know that someone's going to touch me I can prepare myself and it won't hurt for a few minutes. It's gotten longer as time goes on. I imagine at some point it won't hurt at all."

"You knew Hatori was going to grab you?"

Shigure shrugs, carefully picking up the cards he had dropped.

"I was counting on it- if he felt the way I thought he did."

This then got to the heart of what Tohru wants to know and Tohru knows that she'll probably never get another opportunity where Shigure is willing to answer her questions.

"It was wrong of me to be there and to listen, but why ask those things if you knew I was there? Why pretend that no one except me can touch you at all?"

Tohru doesn't understand Shigure's strange, wry smile.

"Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves, little flower. As for the other…" The smile fades and he just looks tired. "Haven't you ever wanted to use whatever advantage you can take, no matter how small? Just have something to protect yourself in reserve…."

It is hard for Tohru to put it into words, but she suddenly thinks that she might understand.

"I know that sometimes I wish- I get scared that the boys have so much power over me, that I don't have anything to protect myself from them. It's not even that they'd ever really hurt me…."

Shigure chuckles. "I could say the same for Akito."

And Tohru makes a connection that she realizes she should have made a long time ago.

"So Akito- she was your most important person?"

Almost as soon as she says it, Tohru knows that she has crossed some kind of line. She feels a building dread as Shigure turns from her and his voice comes out far harsher than before. "It was just good sex, little flower. We were nothing but good fucks for each other, physically and mentally."

Shigure's shoulders are shaking and Tohru is more than a little concerned. "Shigure… is something bothering you?"

Tohru is startled by the anger she sees in his eyes, in his swirling colors.

"You, my little flower. You are bothering me."

Tohru reaches a tentative hand towards Shigure. He backs away from her as if she is diseased.

"You're no better than Akito. There's no difference between you. At least she's honest about her control. You manipulate and coerce to bind us to you. You never gave Yuki or Kyou a chance to try for any other life. Do you think that this is really where they want to be, what they want to be doing? What do you think they could have done if they weren't being held back by their need to protect you? They've never been with another woman. Do you really think that someone like you would have satisfied them if they had had other experiences?"

Tohru is completely calm. It is like a curtain has been lifted in her mind. Shigure is right. She has used her own desires and vulnerability to bind these men to her just as tightly as Akito had wished to bind them.

She catalogues her traits with a certain vicious satisfaction. She is not beautiful, not smart, not talented. Yuki and Kyou are with her because she was kind to them and they were starved for kindness. Later they became her lovers because they were seduced by their ability to hold her. Then- then she coerced them into meshing their animals, binding them so tightly that they had a true physical need for her. And now she is starting to walk the same path with Hatori, with Momiji, with Shigure.

It is a good thing that Shigure is not as blinded by affection as the rest of them. Tohru does not think that any of the others have even realized the depths to which she must have unconsciously manipulated them. She would thank Shigure, but if she opens her mouth she will start keening and never stop.

So she does the next best thing.

She opens the front door and leaves.

--

**Reviewer Responses**

**Quick Author's Note**: There were enough questions about the last chapter that I decided to post an LJ entry to answer most of the more pressing ones. The address is here (just take out the spaces) http/ www. livejournal. com/ users/ anaphalis/ 16496. html Hopefully most of the questions have been answered in this chapter though :) The color chart (for the meanings of aura colors) is in Chapter 16.

**Falling Right Side-Up**: It was sad the way Shigure was acting, but I hope that he's starting to make more sense after this chapter. It was great to hear from you- I'm glad that you enjoyed that you enjoyed the chapter :)

**tnumfive**: The shininess will never end! Embrace the shininess ;) I hope that Shigure's behavior is starting to become clearer- you weren't the only one who was confused. You were also not the only one who was sad that there wouldn't be more men in the bed. I'm beginning to wonder just how widespread Butterfly's brainwashing _is_….

**Shoomy2003**: Book Worm gratefully appreciates all thanks and cookies. And very much deserves them :) I'm delighted that you've been enjoying the story and the turn it's taken. I was kind of afraid that I was going to get dropped in boiling oil after the last chapter ;) The story will definitely be finished- a friend is actually putting together a web page to archive it with banners illustrating the chapters, so I have really no choice but to get it done ;) It was a pleasure to hear from you- I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**ximmortalrain**: Just remember that no one's exactly what they seem in the story and hang on for a few more chapters ;) I really do love Shigure and this plotline isn't over quite yet… Thanks for taking the time to comment- I hope that you enjoy the new update!

**Crisi**: Heee… I just had this vision of Shigure twirling a mustache and going 'Mwa haa haa!' Thanks for making my day!

**for sale**: Don't worry- you're not alone in your dislike of the current Shigure incarnation. But I'm afraid that it's going to get even more twisty before it gets better. Because I'm evil like that ;) It's always a delight to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Bluespark**: Yes- eavesdropping bad. I think poor Tohru figured that out fairly quickly ;) And I think that chapter was a bit of a gut kick, especially after such a long wait. Please don't apologize about your commenting! I love hearing from you and you were one of the only people who actually commented that what Tohru did wasn't right either- which was a very good point :)

**Cinderelly**: Wow. I'm delighted that you think the characterizations were three-dimensional- that's been one of my major goals for the story. I'm very happy if it's worked in any sense :) Heee… I love Tohru with pretty much any of the Sohmas and I admit that the thought of cloning her holds a certain appeal. Obviously I think that the Tohru/Yuki/Kyou triangle should be resolved this way, but I doubt that Takaya-sensei's read my mind yet ;) It was a real pleasure to hear from you- I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**Clandestiner**: You know, I'm often totally paranoid about the sexual tension in this story (as one of my betas put it, 'Not turning her into whore!Tohru'), so hearing you say that it wasn't a completespatter of hentai made me feel 100 better. Because sometimes it's tempting ;) I'm also evilly happy that Butterfly ideas keep popping into your head when looking at your own story- it means that the brainwashing is successful ;) Thanks for the chuckle- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)

**DBZ luver2**: Thanks for asking such interesting questions! I actually answered a number of yours specifically on the LJ link I posted at the top of the responses. I'm pleased that you thought that the chapter was worth waiting for and that you were shocked by the Hatori twist ;) As for Shigure knowing that she was a butterfly- he actually found that out in Chapter 1 and this chapter also offers another possible explanation. Thanks you for taking the time to comment and ask questions!

**hannah5o**: Yes- Shigure is seeming very different from his normal, laidback joking manner. I hope that this chapter will start to explain some of those changes, although the next chapter will focus on it even more ;) As for Shigure's contact with Tohru… part of it is talked about this chapter, but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait for a more definite answer ;) I'm glad that you've continued to enjoy the story- I've always enjoyed hearing from you and I hope that the new chapter continues to hold you :)

**bob**: Wow. I'm glad that you've been enjoying the story so much! However, you might have difficulty getting involved in a relationship with it- it's very fickle and not known to return affection easily ;) Seriously though- thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Acey Dearest**: I love Hatori's last, melodramatic line too. I'm afraid that I'm not-so-secretly a mushy romantic. It escapes me sometimes :) I'm delighted that you enjoyed the suspense and dialogue- those are two of my favorite aspects of this story to write and I always hope that they'll work as well as the fun I have writing them :) And poor Shigure indeed… As for Tohru- Hatori, Kyou and Yuki- Momiji's got a crush… Well, I guess that is a lot of bishonen from the tribe ;) Tohru's having much less fun with it than I would though ;) Lovely to hear from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well!

**Sakky-chan**: It is hard to see Shigure being upset with Tohru, but Tohru is a strong person ;) And Hatori does seem to be trustworthy- I guess we'll have to wait and see :) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Not a Monkey**: Not God, but I hope that you enjoy the new chapter once you recover from your shock ;)

**CocoLoco**: Six chapters left now:) I can't believe it's that close to the end… I love the last few lines as well and there will be an explanation for Shigure's behavior. Promise. I'm delighted that you're hooked. Butterfly will be pleased to learn of the success of its brainwashing initiative ;) Great to hear from you!

**bookworm0492**: Hee. I appreciate you not using your flamethrower on me. Of course, it would be very hard for me to write if I were a pile of ash, so it all works out in the end anyways ;) Good to hear from you!

**Placid Snowflake**: You asked such good questions that I put answers on my LJ, although I think that this chapter answered most of them as well :) I'm very glad that you enjoyed the story and the thanks for bbw was much appreciated- she deserves it :) I'm afraid that the way I keep revising the ending, I'm probably still going to worry about it, but at least this way I know that it will get finished ;) It was a pleasure to hear from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**baka-onna2003**: Shigure is being a bit harsh, but there's still more story to go ;) Thank you for commenting- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**hatori still isn't mine**: I really enjoyed writing the sex conversation, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it :) I love the excuses you came up with for Shigure's behavior- now I really want to write a one shot where Shigure is a puppet or a shapeshifter or tied up in a closet somewhere. And those all sound like the start of bad romance novels o.0 Thanks for making me laugh- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**AzianCutieMiyan**: We'll see what we can do about the sandwich ;) And I can safely promise that there will be more surprises. Because I'm evil :) Very good to hear from you again!

**Calyco**: I've long held the opinion that if Tohru became aware of the boys' feelings that she wouldn't be able to choose between them. Both because she cares deeply about both of them and because she wouldn't want to destroy the building friendship between them. So basically I agree completely with you :) As for tense… Actually, the entire story, with the exception of some flashbacks and memory scenes is in present tense. I do have some major plot and characterization reasons for doing this, but I'm delighted that it wasn't obvious up until this point. I hate it when the present tense voice becomes intrusive and I was a bit sad that it was absolutely necessary for the plot of the story :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the story- thank you for your articulate, thoughtful comment :)

**Liviana**: Yay! -Showers you confetti and confection of your choice- You were the only person to notice Hatori grabbing Shigure without consequences and I'd huggle you electronically except that I'm trying to maintain some dignity ;) I was delighted to hear from you and I hope that you continue to notice these kinds of things in the chapters to come ;)

**Sesshomaru'sbabygrl**: Heeee! I loved your question and actually answered it on my LJ questions :) I agree that the men are really, really horny. Is that all they think about? Unfortunately, since the entire story is from Tohru's perspective, we may never know…. Thanks for making me laugh!

**kayla**: Butterfly is pleased that you like it. It is even more pleased that it's brainwashing efforts are obviously so successful ;) I agree that I love it when Tohru chooses both guys. But I'm obviously a bit strange ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Knux girl**: Thanks you so much for both your kind comments and your concern. I am doing a bit better now, although things are still a bit stressful. Your thoughtful comments always mean a lot to me and it was great to hear from you :)

**Lizzy44**: Thanks for the sympathy :) And poor Tohru- she can't ever seem to catch a break when she does something bad ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**AmayaSaria**: I'm very glad that you enjoyed the chapter and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story :)

**Illusen52**: A lot of people were disturbed by Shigure's behavior- I hope that this chapter makes it start to make more sense :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and I hope that you enjoy the new one as well :)

**anahmidale**: Awww… Thank you for the concern, sweetie :) I am doing a lot better now. Tell me how it goes with shaking the monitor until new chapters pop out- I'm afraid that I haven't been having much luck with it ;) Your support means a tremendous amount to me and I hope that the story will wind up being worthy of your interest and kindness :)

**MistlicAngel**: I love Hatori too and I'm glad that you still loved him after that chapter. I promise that Shigure will make more sense in the upcoming chapters. Either that or I'm just evil. One of the two ;) I'm hoping that there will be lots more Butterfly goodness as well soon, but this chapter was so huge I may need to recover from the shock ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**A Panda From CTY**: Have I told you lately how much I look forward to your reviews? I miss band camp- I'm sorry that yours was the ninth circle of hell. Of course playing a bassoon always made for a good conversation opener, but it was still a lot of fun ;) I love your comment on manga Shigure showing snips of ruthlessness and me flipping it so we see snips of perversion and lots of ruthlessness. That was an amazingly astute comment- hold that thought! I hope that you enjoy the new chapter as well- it's always a pleasure to hear from you :)

**PrEtTyStUpIdGiRl**: I wouldn't write Shigure off just yet… But yeah- he wasn't too nice last chapter. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter- it was great to hear from you!

**Mewling**: Actually that was one of the nicest comments I've ever gotten- I've been trying to write this as a more mature, darker version of Takaya's universe and I was really delighted that that was how it was coming across to you. Shigure's certainly er… something, but I wouldn't write him off just yet. Because I'm evil like that ;) While fanfiction isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. It's been a really amazing break for me and I love writing this story. No matter how long it takes, I'm determined to see it through to completion :) I always love hearing from you- positive or negative comments, you always manage to make me think :)

**MiniDebz**: I agree that what has happened to Shigure has probably shaped him and the way he's reacting- it was very good of you to be able to figure that out from the chapter :) I hope that you continue to enjoy the new chapter- thank you for commenting :)

**Cody Thomas**: Thank you for the concern- it really does mean a lot. I'm glad the last few lines hit hard- I'd sort of meant them to be a bit of a gut punch and apparently succeeded beyond my wildest dreams ;) I appreciate you not demanding that I update every fifteen minutes- as fun as that is, I think that I've already got a large enough collection of death threats for my wall ;) The real world can be a bit crazy, but this story will be finished. It's always great to hear from you and I hope that you also enjoy the new chapter!

**Jade Cerise**: Updated faster! And I love poor Ha-chan too :) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**luvHaru7**: Although I am not a Holy Fish, I greatly enjoyed hearing from you again ;) My helper deserves all praise and chocolate- thanks for thanking her :) Since nearly half of the people reviewing didn't realize that it was Shigure, you're in good company ;) I'm glad that you're enjoying the story still- I hope that you have fun on your summer vacation!

**Ella**: Heeee… You and my beta would get along great, She keeps wanting me to turn this into Hatori/Tohru too ;) As for killing to have Yuki, Kyou and Hatori in love with you? You and me both ;) I loved hearing from you- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**bb chan**: I laughed so hard at the mental image of Shigure squishing Tohru. Which is bad and wrong, but it's still such a funny image. Thanks for commenting- I hope that you continue to enjoy the story!

**ryan**: Heee… Sometimes _I _feel like I've been writing this fic for years, so you and I both match. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story- thanks for commenting!

**Kaoru4**: Wow. I read your review and I just had to sit back and think for a few minutes. I am truly honored that the story made you that happy and affected you that strongly- my biggest goal as a writer is to make someone else feel what I see in my head when I write the story and immerse myself in the characters and plot. Shigure does seem bitter, but there's definitely more to go on that storyline. Although this story covers many areas, at its heart it _is_ a love story, and I'm glad that that part of it worked for you. And poor Hatori… I like to think that his love has its own beauty though, in spite of what Shigure said. It was a real pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Helga**: Yay! You ask such good questions! Hold that thought about the source of Shigure's bitterness- although there may have been a little bit more explanation this chapter. I hope that this chapter answered the rest of your questions. Thank you for taking the time to comment- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

**truffletruffle01**: Hold the decisions on Shigure a little while yet! Because while he may or may not be evil, I most certainly am ;) That's an excellent question about the 'one-time-love' thing. You're the only person to comment on it and I really, really want you to remember that thought for a few more chapters ;) It's always awesome to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter.

**AkaiKurai**: Butterfly definitely has er… interesting timing with its comments. That whole discussion was a bit exciting for poor Tohru :) You know, you're the only person to comment on Tohru being suffocated, and, as that is about to be very, very important, I think that you deserve Special Internet Cookies! As for Shigure- things will start to become more clear. Unless I'm actually truly evil and just stringing everyone along to confuse the hell out of them ;) I love hearing from you- thanks for making me laugh!

**Redmoonfae**: Hee…. I hope that you actually finished the chapter **after** the drugs wore off, although that would have made for an interesting reading experience. I'm delighted that you enjoyed the story in spite of your pain and I hope that the operation went well! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment :)

**Inuyasha-Hottie-101**: Moo to you too :) And Yuki drooling on the pillow is very, very cute. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**Phoenixfire1389**: -Eats virtual chocolate and becomes Pheonixfire's devoted slave- Thanks for the concern- things are going better and I appreciate you taking the time to comment :)

**Conejita de la Luna**: Heee… I'm sorry that the last chapter confused you- I hope that this chapter cleared some of that up! Although, knowing me, it probably made things worse ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

**xoxKiSS**: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story- hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

_Updated 08-21-05_


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